All this in ONE night??? (loooooooong)

[customersruinmylife]

OK, tonight was the busiest I had seen my bar...EVER. I couldn't believe it. There were easily 500 people in the place, probably more, it got so much, we were worried that we were going to get closed down due to health and safety rules. There were six staff on, four on the bar, two doing tables.

I was doing tables, the other person was a new girl, it was her first shift, so she basically had no idea what she was doing. It was so busy, I didnt have time to train her, so I just told her to clean the tables and let me worry about the customers and food.

Now I must put this before I start telling the tales, because there are a lot of them. This is the worst behaved I have ever acted towards customers. I was getting yelled at, right left and centre all the time, and was dealing with some of the stupidest customers I had ever seen, so my patience was worn away into nothing.

For starters

I started off on the bar before I had to go help the new girl.

SC: Can I have one of them drinks?
Me: Uhhhh....
SC: You know, that bottle of beer....
Me: Bud?
SC: No, that beer, you know....
Me: Becks? Stella?
SC: NO! That beer, you put a lemon in it!
Me: Do you mean Corona mate?
SC: NO! You put a lemon in it. You know?
Me: Are you sure it's not a Corona with LIME?
SC: NO! It's different!

I take out a bottle of Corona.

Me: Is it this?
SC: Yeah thats it! I want lemon in it!
Me: Not lime?
SC: LEMON!

Yes, a brilliant start to the night.

Don't go outside then

SC: I want to sit outside but it's cold.
Me: Okaaaaay.
SC: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

Sorry, I know you think I am God, but I'm not.

I left my gun at home

SC: I'm sat outside, but the geese are quacking and disturbing me!
Me: Oh...
SC: Can you shoo them off or something?

Yeah, I'm going to go annoy some geese!

It's the neighbours fault!

We are next door to a hotel. That's all you really need to know.

SC: I was outside, and someone flicked a cigarette out the window, and it hit me!
Me: Oh no! Are you OK?
SC: I'm a police officer you know!

She gets her badge out.

Me: OK....
SC: So what are you going to do? I'm a police officer!
Me: I don't think theres anything I can do. If it came out the hotel it's nothing to do with us.
SC: I'm a police officer.

She shows her badge again.

Me: I understand that, but if it was from the hotel, you should be speaking to them.
SC: I'M SPEAKING TO YOU! I'M A POLICE OFFICER!
Me: OK then, say, you were in your back garden at home, and your neighbour flicked a cigarette at you, would you run into your own house and start shouting to the people in there?
SC: Uhhh...
Me: No, you would go have it out with the neighbour. They are our neighbour, go talk to them.

Loosing patience now

I walked away from police lady. There were two young women dressed up as super heroes as a fancy dress night. One was Spiderman. All I could hear was

SC: Go on...I dare you...you on....

I walk past. PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST!
She has sprayed me with the Spiderman web spray shit.

Me: OK, can you leave now? I can't be bothered with this
SC: *slaps Spiderwoman* Fucking hell Lauren thanks a lot! You've got us thrown out!
Me: Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you encouraging her?

I walked away.

Getting annoyed now

Customer comes up to me.

SC: Excuse me, are you actually going to do some work tonight? Our table needs cleaned.

DO SOME WORK?? DO SOME WORK??

Me: I'm doing my best mate. As you have probably not noticed, but I am practically on my OWN tonight. I PROMISE you I will come clean your table next, but unless you have some BRILLIANT suggestion on how to make my job a lot easier, or if you want to give me a hand for five minutes, I suggest you sit back down.

I went to clean his table. He had gone.

Don't call me gay

Walked past a large group of men. One of them randomly picked up a stool and slammed it into his friend. Now, I know they were only showing off and playing around, but the guy who was hit by the stool looked ready to start a fight. I went over.

Me: Hey guys can you just calm down a little?
SC: Fuck you gay boy.
Me: What did you just say?
SC: FUCK...YOU...GAY...BOY

The manager overheard.

Manager: What did you say?
SC: Hahahahahaha, I was only playing around. I was doing it in a nice way, you know, the other way of saying gay and meaning happy!
Manager: And what about the fuck you part? Did you mean that in a nice way?
SC: Uhhhhh....
Manager: I suggest you leave before I show you the "nice way" of my fist meeting your face.

They left, I waved at them as they went.

Getting angrier

SC: I was wondering where my meals were.
Me: Is it a <meal here>
SC: Yes it is!!
Me: Yeah, its been sitting there for ages, I've been looking for you.
SC: I moved tables.

I took the meal out.

SC: This isn't fresh!!
Me: Well had you informed someone that you had moved, it would have been!

I walked away, quickly.

Stupid Students

Take a load of meals to a group of students.

Me: Ok, I have this meal, this meal and this meal.

They stare at me blankly.

Me: Not yours? Ok then.

I go to walk away.

Student: Wait those are ours!!
Me: Oh they are? You see, there is this little thing called moving your lips and SPEAKING, clearly you all forgot how to do it.

OK, maybe I shouldn't have said that.

No Mayo

I was getting very upset. Every customer seemed to be yelling at me, and I felt myself starting to cry. I take out a guys meals.

Me: Ok, I have this meal and this meal.
SC: Yes. GET ME SOME MAYO!
Me: Oh I'm afraid we've run out of mayo. In fact we've run out of pretty much everything.
SC: I CAN'T EAT WITHOUT MAYO.
Me: I'm sorry, theres nothing I can do.
SC: YOU....I WANT MAYO! DO YOUR JOB RIGHT! STOP LYING TO ME, STOP BEING PATHETIC...

I lost it.

Me: PATHETIC? I'M NOT THE ONE FUCKING CRYING OVER SOME FUCKING MAYO!

The SC went very quiet.

SC: You...can't speak...to...me...like...that.
Me: Fine. Enjoy your mayo free meals!

Back on the bar

I finally got taken off meals and put on the bar, but I was in such a bad mood it was a really bad idea.

I was in the middle of pouring two glasses of wine, when another stupid student comes up to the bar.

SC: Are you open?
Me: No we're not. I just enjoy making other people's drinks for shits and giggles.
SC: Oh...Okay then.

I carry on making the drinks.

SC: Wait a minute!

Clucking Bell

A hen party came up to the bar. They had seriously been waiting to be served for about two seconds.

SC: Excuse me! Is there ANY chance of some service down here?
Me: Sure, I'm just going to serve everyone else who was waiting patiently first.
SC: Oh. Well I guess thats me told!
Me: Yes it is!

I didnt end up serving them. Someone else got to them first.

Pizza Woman

We had closed up, and we were just waiting for the last of the customers to leave.

SC: Do you have the number for a pizza place seeing as you're "closed" and refuse to serve me?
Me: Actually, I do. It's really good, the number is xxx-xxxx.

Its actually horrible pizza that makes me sick. I wanted her to suffer.

SC: Can you order me a pizza?
Me: What?
SC: Order me a pizza! Get it delievered here!
Me: I'm sorry, but NO.
SC: WHAT?
Me: For starters, we are "closed" (I used the finger signals as well). And we are a business, we are not having any rivals food in here.
SC: I want a pizza! Get it delievered here!
Me: No! We're closed, and it's Saturday night! It's going to take at least half an hour to get here, and by law, you have to be out of here within less than five minutes.
SC: I'm not going anywhere without my pizza!
Me: Yes you are. You're going to leave.
SC: What am I supposed to do? I want pizza!
Me: Do you have your own phone?
SC: Yes but I'm not wasting my minutes!
Me: And you're quite happy to use ours. Walk to the pizza joint, do something for yourself for a change.
SC: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? I'VE SPENT LOTS OF MONEY IN HERE TONIGHT! BUT NO MORE! I'M LEAVING AND NEVER COMING BACK!
Me: Good!

Now, I'm going to bed for some well earned rest. My head is killing.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

SC: So what are you going to do? I'm a police officer!
Me: I don't think theres anything I can do. If it came out the hotel it's nothing to do with us.
SC: I'm a police officer.


Hmmm....maybe you should have called the police.

[Max]

Me: OK then, say, you were in your back garden at home, and your neighbour flicked a cigarette at you, would you run into your own house and start shouting to the people in there?
SC: Uhhh...
Me: No, you would go have it out with the neighbour. They are our neighbour, go talk to them.

Congratulations on this common sense victory! I love it!

And I'm sorry you had such a hectic and aggravating night! I hope you can enjoy some well deserved rest.

[AFpheonix]

....Wow. That much stupid concentrated into one place....Are you sure there wasn't a stupid vacuum there?

And really, you kept much better decorum than I might have, really.

[scary cary]

oh my god. i hate to think somebody gave that moron a badge and possibly a gun

[JustADude]

Biggest downside to that, right there, is that by the time you get off it's too late to go somewhere hand have a stiff drink to dull the edge.

[customersruinmylife]

There must have been something in the air last night, because I have never seen so much stupidity.

And do you know, that is not even half of the tales, those are the ones I just remembered off the top of my head.

We all sat down and had a nice strong drink after work, courtsey of our manager, he felt like we deserved it. But as we sat down to have our drinks, dozens of drunkerds going into the hotel spotted us and kept trying to get into the bar!

In the end the manager lost it and kept screaming "FUCK OFF!" whenever one of them tried the door.

[Becks]

Wow, where to start commenting? I'll start...here.

SC: I was wondering where my meals were.
Me: Is it a <meal here>
SC: Yes it is!!
Me: Yeah, its been sitting there for ages, I've been looking for you.
SC: I moved tables.

I took the meal out.

SC: This isn't fresh!!
Me: Well had you informed someone that you had moved, it would have been!

I walked away, quickly.

Well, as we all know, if it makes sense, it's not allowed.™

[Boozy]

SC: What am I supposed to do? I want pizza!

Waaaahhhhh!!!!!! I want pizza! *stomps feet*

What are you supposed to do, indeed? I'd have had some suggestions for that whiny little entitlement whore that they certainly wouldn't have liked.

Kudos to you for getting through the night without snapping. Given the circumstances, you did much better than I would have.

[Bloodsoul]

SC: Are you open?
Me: No we're not. I just enjoy making other people's drinks for shits and giggles.
SC: Oh...Okay then.

I carry on making the drinks.

SC: Wait a minute!

That one made me smile the most. ^_^

[Pixagi]

Well crap, that sucks. But you made it through without the po-po having to arrest you for mass murder charges, so you did well.

People who go to restaurants are the WORSE entitlement whores and don't give a flying fuck about the people who are serving them.

[iradney]

Aaaaaaaaah, the stupidity! It Burns!

My sincerest condolences, customersruinmylife. I'm surprised you didn't go whacko...

*hands over choccie*

[customersruinmylife]

Here are a couple more stories from the SAME night that I forgot to put in. As I said, all those stories I mentioned were off the top of my head when my brain was fried. I've had a couple of days off now, and my brain has had some rest.

Don't do drugs

I went into the smoking area, and two people were actually smoking a joint! This is in the middle of a crowded public place. I walked up to them.

Me: I know EXACTLY what you are smoking, and I suggest you leave before I call the police.
SC: Oh come on, it's only a bit of weed! If you can tell by the smell then clearly you've done it before. So cut us some slack.
Me: So what if I've done it before? That is neither here nor there. YOU ARE BREAKING THE LAW. WE WILL BE CLOSED DOWN IF YOU ARE CAUGHT.

I go to the phone, but they've already run out the door.

I know you! But I'm still going to be sucky!

A girl that looked familiar came up to me.

SC: Hey! I didnt realise you worked here!
Me: Oh...hi.
SC: Remember? We used to live in student halls together!
Me: Oh yeah, I remember now, how are you doing?
SC: Why can't I get a table?
Me: What?
SC: Why can't I get a table? Everywheres full.
Me: Well, we're really busy, we're almost full to capacity. There's plenty of benches and room around the pillars.
SC: I want a table, why can't you get me a table?
Me: Look, don't blame me! Blame the 500 people stood behind you!

It says STAFF ONLY

This happened early in the night when children were still allowed in the bar.

Caught a woman and a small child trying to get into the kitchen.

Me: Woah! Sorry that says staff only.
SC: But Billy needs to go to the toilet!
Me: Those aren't the-
SC: Yes they are! Why are you lying? He really needs to go!
Me: Those aren't the-
SC: He's going to pee himself! Do you want to be responsible for a child peeing himself?
Me: Oh for the love of....
SC: What did you say?
Me: You see that sign above your head? It says KITCHEN, STAFF ONLY, PRIVATE.
SC: ......
Me: See that sign with an arrow about five feet away from you? It says TOILETS!
SC: Well it should be more clearly marked! Come on Billy!

She drags her mutant offspring away with her.

[Dragonlover]

Bravo on not flipping out majorly, I'd either have totally lost it and broken down/hit someone or just gone into 'couldn't give a crap' mode and started doing things specifically to annoy the morons.

Dragonlover

[JustADude]

Well it should be more clearly marked!

Ah! Hear that? That's the sound of a SC when they know they've been stupid but are too hellbent on being right to admit it.