1. I honestly don't care why you need to do a withdrawal, unless it's like some extreme amount you are wiring to Nigeria. $300 for weekly groceries I could care less about. Or I don't care about your aunt twice removed's step-son who needs to borrow $10 and you swear he will pay you back so you want to get out $30. The $20 being for you, of course, so you can get gas for your clunker and maybe also a pack of smokes... How about $500, 30 for Sue, 50 for your sister you owe money to. $250 for rent (btw do you have room mates because I want to know where you rent that is CHEAP! or maybe I don't.), money for food, gas...oh wait you wrote that wrong because you needed $600 let's start over...
2. Ignorance or fear are no reasons to not attempt to try to fill out your paperwork. i.e. deposit slips/withdrawal slips. How about: "I don't want to, I feel lazy." Sad, start writing buddy.
3. Bring your account numbers. This will help us find the right person and not have to guess and hope for the best, especially when you send a buddy to do a deposit and they know jack and we can't share with them jack. I will not be responsibly for a mistake when I am trying my best. (You're lucky, most banks won't let you do squat unless you have your number(s), ours in nicer than that.)
4. Surprise, surprise: No one gets money for free and for unknown reasons. Yes, these checks are fake. Please stop crying, they often pray on the people who need the money. Please don't tell me you already sent the items or God-forbid the car title.
5. Yes, I need an I.D. No really. I need to be sure I am giving your information to you and not strangers and thieves. No, So-And-So is not here today and can't I.D. you. People are allowed time off sometimes you know. Just give me your I.D. to see for 10 seconds and I can help you. Protect yourself, don't rely on others and hopes and dreams etc
6. You want to know your current balance and you don't know your account number or anything that's been going on on the account to identify yourself over the phone? Geez, I feel a migraine coming on.
7. Yes, when I ask for an I.D. your drivers license does qualify.
8. The blank lines there on the withdrawal form are REQUIRED, not just for decoration.
9. I swear, you only need to hit the call button in the drive through once. Give us more than 2 seconds to respond.
10. If you need something, please hit the call button or send the canister in. Don't just stare at us from your car and expect us to realize you need help. And please don't claim you were ignored and no one would help you.
11. Sometimes technology doesn't work or needs to be updated. If you don't have your account information with you, don't get mad when on Saturday our tech people are running an update that took our master system down so I can't look you up the long way via name. Get your shit together and take care of yourself for once. Drive off in a huff screaming at your children because you are mad at the bank. Excellent parenting and example.
12. SC: WHERE IS MY MONEY!!!ELEVENTY!! I HAD MORE THAN THIS YESTERDAY!!! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY MONEY??(Just walked up the window and started screaming this. No name, account information, or a hint at identity)
Me: Well, if I could get your account number we could look it up and take a look at it.
SC: Well, there is NO WAY my account is this low. Someone is taking my money!!! (scrambles for account info, I.D. etc)
Me: (confirming information, printing off account transactions to look at with customer because I help a few hundred people in an average day, and I don't know what is going on with every account every second, God-forbid).
SC: (showing customer transactions) What is this?!?!?! (casino gambling) Oh wait, I know what that is. Thank you bye.
Me: (awesome)
13. Ignore the sign that reads: "Stand here for next available teller", but we all know SC's don't read. Instead, walk up to a window where no teller is and hasn't been all day and wait like an idiot (next window please sign or not) OR better yet, stand right behind a total stranger way too close for comfort. I'm sure you would be totally okay with someone doing that to you.
14. Go ahead and say all your identifying information you think I need (I don't) including your social security number, account number, home address, date of birth, etc very loudly. I am sure no one out to no good or tempted right now would ever use that information of yours for themselves. That only happens on tv.
15. Bring your hearing aide, turn it on and have a good battery in it. I am having to SCREAM at you and people are staring.
16. Banking paperwork, no matter what it is, is legally binding and has writing involved. Bring your damn glasses. Half the people I help in a day tell me they forgot their glasses and need me to fill our their paper work. Sure, I wish I were a bad apple and slipped in a few extra dollars on papers I fill out and people sign, blindly. Stupid. Bring your damn glasses. How are you driving or walking? How are you still alive?
2. Ignorance or fear are no reasons to not attempt to try to fill out your paperwork. i.e. deposit slips/withdrawal slips. How about: "I don't want to, I feel lazy." Sad, start writing buddy.
3. Bring your account numbers. This will help us find the right person and not have to guess and hope for the best, especially when you send a buddy to do a deposit and they know jack and we can't share with them jack. I will not be responsibly for a mistake when I am trying my best. (You're lucky, most banks won't let you do squat unless you have your number(s), ours in nicer than that.)
4. Surprise, surprise: No one gets money for free and for unknown reasons. Yes, these checks are fake. Please stop crying, they often pray on the people who need the money. Please don't tell me you already sent the items or God-forbid the car title.
5. Yes, I need an I.D. No really. I need to be sure I am giving your information to you and not strangers and thieves. No, So-And-So is not here today and can't I.D. you. People are allowed time off sometimes you know. Just give me your I.D. to see for 10 seconds and I can help you. Protect yourself, don't rely on others and hopes and dreams etc
6. You want to know your current balance and you don't know your account number or anything that's been going on on the account to identify yourself over the phone? Geez, I feel a migraine coming on.
7. Yes, when I ask for an I.D. your drivers license does qualify.
8. The blank lines there on the withdrawal form are REQUIRED, not just for decoration.
9. I swear, you only need to hit the call button in the drive through once. Give us more than 2 seconds to respond.
10. If you need something, please hit the call button or send the canister in. Don't just stare at us from your car and expect us to realize you need help. And please don't claim you were ignored and no one would help you.
11. Sometimes technology doesn't work or needs to be updated. If you don't have your account information with you, don't get mad when on Saturday our tech people are running an update that took our master system down so I can't look you up the long way via name. Get your shit together and take care of yourself for once. Drive off in a huff screaming at your children because you are mad at the bank. Excellent parenting and example.
12. SC: WHERE IS MY MONEY!!!ELEVENTY!! I HAD MORE THAN THIS YESTERDAY!!! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY MONEY??(Just walked up the window and started screaming this. No name, account information, or a hint at identity)
Me: Well, if I could get your account number we could look it up and take a look at it.
SC: Well, there is NO WAY my account is this low. Someone is taking my money!!! (scrambles for account info, I.D. etc)
Me: (confirming information, printing off account transactions to look at with customer because I help a few hundred people in an average day, and I don't know what is going on with every account every second, God-forbid).
SC: (showing customer transactions) What is this?!?!?! (casino gambling) Oh wait, I know what that is. Thank you bye.
Me: (awesome)
13. Ignore the sign that reads: "Stand here for next available teller", but we all know SC's don't read. Instead, walk up to a window where no teller is and hasn't been all day and wait like an idiot (next window please sign or not) OR better yet, stand right behind a total stranger way too close for comfort. I'm sure you would be totally okay with someone doing that to you.
14. Go ahead and say all your identifying information you think I need (I don't) including your social security number, account number, home address, date of birth, etc very loudly. I am sure no one out to no good or tempted right now would ever use that information of yours for themselves. That only happens on tv.
15. Bring your hearing aide, turn it on and have a good battery in it. I am having to SCREAM at you and people are staring.
16. Banking paperwork, no matter what it is, is legally binding and has writing involved. Bring your damn glasses. Half the people I help in a day tell me they forgot their glasses and need me to fill our their paper work. Sure, I wish I were a bad apple and slipped in a few extra dollars on papers I fill out and people sign, blindly. Stupid. Bring your damn glasses. How are you driving or walking? How are you still alive?
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