I should be punished for how I feel

[Food Lady]

You might be right, Jester and Ted. I'll take your points of view into consideration and examine my attitudes about that.

I talked to the security team yesterday. I said, "So two days ago this guy was harassing me..." and Security Guy said, "Ohhhh, yeah!" He recognized the situation immediately, so I assume he saw on camera or was told. He and Security Girl have my back 100%. I asked them if I could just call them directly if he did something like this again and they said absolutely I could. I feel so supported, especially since they wanted a specific description of him so they could look for him. Security Girl said I should call the manager I did before so "he has to deal with her!" Yeah, she handles sucktomers very well. But if I want, I can call SGuy or SGirl to back me up. I felt 100% better after that conversation. I complain about my job a lot, but my management team is awesome. Just about every manager I've talked to about these things has really been there for me, even if it took some effort to make them understand.

I have this fantasy. I'm in a lot of pain today and I have to work cafe tonight. I'd love for him to come in and challenge me on why I'm only fine and not fantastic, or something to that effect. After his challenge, this is how it would go down:
Me: "I don't feel comfortable sharing that with someone I don't know well."
He gets all pissy and argumentative and wants a manager. Oh, I'll GET him a manager!
Me, over handy-dandy walkie: "[Manager]..."
Manager: "Go ahead."
Me: "Could you assist me with this customer? I don't feel comfortable sharing my medical information and he is unhappy with that."
Manager comes over and tells him I don't have to tell him my med information and maybe he gets asked to leave.

[RootedPhoenix]

Sometimes it's the tone in their voice that does it.

[EricKei]

Let's leave the "sexist or not?" debate for elsewhere, please, everyone. The issue at hand is this guy being an asshole, not WHY he's being an asshole.

Thank you.

[Food Lady]

As he also presumably works as a retail peon, maybe it's worth contacting HIS manager?

Or mall security. I'm going to start documenting everything he says. I can also stand and stare like no one's business. I've been bullied. Staring and not. saying. a. word. unnerves them.

[EricKei]

Consider asking your manager to talk to his manager and speak in generic terms about "a guy from your place" who has been giving "workers at your place" trouble, perhaps? Also, please consider asking your manager to speak with the security guards in question, even if only to get their impression of him -- having neutral opinions may help. If she feels that it's time to cut losses and ban him, they can keep an eye out for the guy and actually enforce the banning.

Since ye asked -- I'm thinking that the best thing to do is to avoid this asshole as much as possible, and request assistance from your Manager(s) in doing so when he is in the store. If you're in a situation where you can physically get away from him, just walk away when you see him coming. Don't react to his presence or behavior in any way. Ideally, make a beeline for the manager when you do this. As for times (e.g., the deli counter, etc) where you're basically trapped: Ask the manager as soon as you get a chance what she would recommend you do in that situation. Express that you do not feel comfortable around this guy, and literally ask for the specific steps she wants you to take or not take. Either way, try to minimize your contact with him, simply as a proactive step. Bringing the manager into it ASAP will also make it clear that you want to do things by the book, and not give him any "reason" (imagined or otherwise) to do anything stupid. I realize it's a bit of a cop out, but it may serve as a method of pre-emptive self-defense, should he try anything or make a complaint about you. I'm not saying he'll try anything (and I hope he doesn't), but making sure you're never alone with him will likely help.

Remember, also, that he's the one who has a problem here. AND that he lied to your manager when he made his complaint.

re: documentation: YES. On paper. Times, dates, locations. Written down as close to verbatim as possible, as soon as possible after any encounters once you're sure he's gone. Consider getting a little 50 cent spiral notebook you can keep in a pocket with a stubby little pencil or something.

I hope this helps. Be careful.

[Food Lady]

Thanks, Eric. It has been decided that I should call a supervisor over the second there is trouble. I keep a radio on me for that reason now, even in cafe. I'll be documenting anything that happens in or out of work.
Unfortunately if I have to go in the mall, I may have to walk by his kiosk, as it's smack-dab in the middle (my store being on one end and the food court on the other.) If he recognizes me in or out of uniform, I may have to endure taunting. I will document and go to my security team first, who may suggest talking to mall security.
I am tempted to silently antagonize him by hanging around, but I don't think I should and I don't really have time for that. If he does manage to engage me, silence, eye contact, and the resulting discomfort of the surrounding witnesses are my weapons.

[XCashier]

UPDATE: It's 4 days later and this 45+ guy is STILL on this. Now, I had no idea where he worked, just that it was in the mall. I was coming back from lunch tonight, in a hurry to get back, so I didn't see him at his phone kiosk. I did, however, hear "THERE GOES THE 'SASSY MOUTH'!"

Is "sassy mouth" honestly the best insult he can come up with? Pathetic. Would serve him right to knock him down with, "Yep, 'sassy mouth' is my default mode for dealing with worthless, game-playing, passive-aggressive man-children." Then again, you really don't want to give him ammo, and you've got more than enough crap to deal with. I hope security gave him hell for you.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Oh man, if he thinks you have a sassy mouth....

[Agent Paperclip]

Sounds like the jerk was just looking to pick a fight with anyone and you happen to be the unlucky winner. I do feel for you though. I work mainly as a cashier and I lost count how many freaking times customers tell me I should smile or "cheer up!" FU! If I'm not in the mood to smile and act all happy happy joy freaking joy then I'm not going to smile!

My best 'put them in their place' response is, "My grandmother just died." That usually shuts them up. I believe both my nanas have died around a dozens times for me since

PS both are alive and well and get a kick whenever I tell them this

[An Haddock]

Sounds like the jerk was just looking to pick a fight with anyone and you happen to be the unlucky winner. I do feel for you though. I work mainly as a cashier and I lost count how many freaking times customers tell me I should smile or "cheer up!" FU! If I'm not in the mood to smile and act all happy happy joy freaking joy then I'm not going to smile!

My best 'put them in their place' response is, "My grandmother just died." That usually shuts them up. I believe both my nanas have died around a dozens times for me since

PS both are alive and well and get a kick whenever I tell them this

"I just found out I have brain cancer."

"I just found out you have brain cancer."

"My dog exploded."

"I just found out God is dead."

"I found out the Easter Bunny isn't real."

"My parents killed each other in a chainsaw murder-suicide."

"My little brother got his arm caught in the microwave and my grandmother dropped acid and freaked out and hijacked a schoolbus full of penguins so it's kind of a family emergency."



Feel free to use any of those.

[XCashier]

"I just found out you have brain cancer."

Wouldn't that be a reason for the cashier to be smiling and happy?

[Agent Paperclip]

Wouldn't that be a reason for the cashier to be smiling and happy?

^^This!!

"I just found out I have brain cancer."

"I just found out you have brain cancer."

...

Feel free to use any of those.

I would love to use these but with my luck I either get a nosy SC asking for details like what hospital, what doctor and having to interact with them even longer than I would care to get paid for or I'll get the grumpy 'I'm offended and not amused so I'm gonna complain about you!' douches.

[Food Lady]

Co-worker says "When you're in customer service, no matter what you're feeling you say you're good." He also disagrees that asking a question and challenging the answer is not calling someone a liar. I said that it might not be conscious intent, but it is calling me a liar nonetheless. And we are gonna have to disagree on being fake. I'm not gonna be rude, but I speak the truth always and "fine" or "OK" is perfectly acceptable.

[computeraide]

"My little brother got his arm caught in the microwave and my grandmother dropped acid and freaked out and hijacked a schoolbus full of penguins so it's kind of a family emergency."

Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky. On Topic: I always reserve genuine answers of how I am doing today for my closest companions at work. Otherwise everyone gets the stock tight-lipped smile and a grim, "Fine, thanks. Yourself?" But then again, people tend to ask me what's wrong because I get resting bitch face when looking at the computer screen.

[An Haddock]

Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky. On Topic: I always reserve genuine answers of how I am doing today for my closest companions at work. Otherwise everyone gets the stock tight-lipped smile and a grim, "Fine, thanks. Yourself?" But then again, people tend to ask me what's wrong because I get resting bitch face when looking at the computer screen.

I guess she won't be eating any spicy foods for a while.