Things to NOT do at my store

[Dark Psion]

Let's see;

General Hardware:

Save your reciepts! This is especally important here because the part you just bought might not fit.

Write it down! No mater what it was; a color of paint, a garden chemical, a plant or a type of horse feed. If you know exactly what you want, you will get it and be on your way. If not and we have to play 20 questions, we may throw you out.

Each of us employees has an area we are trained in, let me get the person that can answer your question, because I cannot.

If you come in first thing in the morning or five minutes before closing, don't be surprised if we cannot help you then. The person you need to talk to may allready be gone (especially if it was a boss), the big warehouse is shut down and I cannot call my suppliers as they are closed.

Be patient, it is first come, first served. And if you want me to take my time and help you, then you will need to be patient while we do the same with the current customer.

Paint Department:

Choose your color and be sure! I do have better thing to do than stand here while you decide between this green and that green. Also, once you start putting it on the walls, that's not a good time to decide to pick a different color.

Don't be surpirsed if I don't remember you or your color. Yes I waited on you last week, you and a hundred other people.

Plumbing & Electrical:

If you do not know what you are doing, call a professional. You are most likely going to be out what you spent here and will now have to pay the plumber more to fix your mess.

Plumbing especially can take time to figure out exactly what pieces you need, so don't wait till 5 minutes before we close to start figuring it out. Figure out what you need before you come while your sink is in front of you and we can have you in and out in less than 5 minutes.

Lawn & Garden:

Be specific! Our lawn & garden stuff is all over the store. If you need a lawn mower spark plug say so. Don't get mad when I have to send you back in the store for seed because you just said "Where's your plants?"

If you want perfect plants, buy plastic!

Gardening is hard work! Don't expect me to make it easier with my magic wand. Yes you have to dig a hole, water the plants and take care of them. My roses look great because of the blood, sweat and tears I feed them

Feed & Seed:

Remember what you buy. Don't tell us "It was in a blue bag" If you want to get a specific feed, seed or fertilizer, remember it or write it down. If you can't remember 21-5-8, phone numbers must be hell for you.

[lastofthesummerwine]

3. DON'T get pissed off if I won't let you in the store before or after business hours to take care of your "urgent" problem (most aren't). Bad planning on your part is not an impetus for me to risk a potential security problem on my part.

Oh, God-- what a shame that won't fit into a legible tattoo. I bow in recognition of your eloquence!

[Mike Taylor]

Oh, God-- what a shame that won't fit into a legible tattoo. I bow in recognition of your eloquence!

Well, if I'd posted what I really want to say to them, I'd be in violation of the rules and Raps would have to ban me.

While I'm here, here's some more DON'Ts for the customers out there.

DON'T leave your food and drinks scattered around the store for me to pick up.

DON'T SIT ON THE DAMNED STORE FIXTURES! They aren't chairs or benches. If you're pregnant, elderly, injured or crippled, we can happily accommodate you. The rest of you-- STAND UP!

DON'T LET YOUR KIDS CLIMB ON STORE FIXTURES! They're not jungle gyms and they have sharp edges and glass.

DON'T pull merchandise off my cart while I am stocking. Have the decency to ask or wait until it's put away.

DON'T move my cart. Ask me to move it for you if it's in the way.

DON'T climb on store ladders to get product you can't reach. Ask me to do it for you.

DON'T ask me to assist you with something when you see me walking very hurriedly to the back of the store with a very visible bag of food in my hand. I've already punched out and have a finite amount of time for lunch.

DON'T ask for "special deals" on a product. This isn't a car dealership. Retail markup isn't what it used to be and we have bills to pay.

DON'T ask us to transfer merchandise from another store to ours just because you don't want to drive the extra ten miles to get it. Merchandise transfers involve a pile of paperwork and are only done with large quantities.

[GayleShy]

02. Do not complain about the prices to me. Talk with a checker for I do not care about the prices.

But... but... the checker doesn't care either. They just scan. Caring about what they scan costs $53.78 extra a gripe.

[mrsjfreak]

Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT tell me about your sex life, or lack thereof. I don't care, it's NOT my business, I don't need, NOR want, to know that you haven't gotten any in 2 years!! Just come in, buy your male enhancement product, and leave. Don't tell me you haven't touched your wife in 2 years, because quite frankly, I don't want to laugh my rear off at you

[Luna]

*Don't sit on my fixtures. Yes, they are on wheels so we can MOVE them and sweep. Parking your huge ass on one and then glaring at me when it rolls on you and you almost fall is NOT my fault. Do you sit on the fixtures at Lord & Taylor? I think not.

*Don't let me completly pack up your purchase in boxes and hand it to you - to then tell me you'd prefer shopping bags instead of boxes.

*It's not a "quick question". It never is. Just wait on line like everyone else.

*Don't stand in the hallway of the mall - lean into my store and holler at me for directions to other stores in the mall. Especially when I'm mid-sentence with a customer.

*DON'T TAKE MY PENS!

[ruby2sday]

spit on the floor? Thats NOTHING

I wish spit on the floor was the least of my problems. In my store we have the old lady in a wheelchair who has accidents regularly. When this happens she takes a roll of bathroom tissue off the shelf, cleans herself and stuffs the dirty paper on the shelves, usually between the bottles of shampoo.

Then we have the retarted girl and her retarted mother neither of whom can control themselves. Retarted girl likes to stick anything she can get her hands on down her pissy wet pants and then stick it back on the shelves.

Finally we have the guy who took a dump on the floor right in front of the register while he was buying bathroom tissue. He then stepped in it and walked out of the store as if this was a perfectly normal and acceptable thing to do.

Why do we allow these people to continue coming into the store you ask? Because my manager is a spineless a**h*** who feels that refusing to allow them back in would be bad customer service. Of course, HE'S never had to clean up after these disgusting excuses for customers

[Mango]

1) If I say, "All right, sir/ma'am, I will pass that on to someone in that department and get them to give you a call back," THIS IS YOUR CUE TO HANG UP. Do not start explaining your problem to me all over again, because I have no idea how to help you. If I did, I would, truly, I would, but I bet someone who actually works in the department you're asking about is going to have a better idea of what it is that you want.

2) Do not get upset with me if I say, "I'm sorry, the "members' discount" is only available to members." Just what is so hard to understand about that? If we gave random discounts to anybody who asked, nobody would ever become a member. As an alternative, you could actually pay the thirty bucks it takes to join. If you're as good a customer as you say, it will pay for itself in no time.

3) Do not show up ten minutes before the start of a seminar and ask for the pre-registration price. I will tell you that "the pre-registration price is only for people who pre-register," because I have no idea how to say that any other way. We started advertising this a month and a half ago. It takes literally a minute to pick up the phone, call us, and let us know you're coming. And you save ten bucks.

4) Do not give us a bogus credit card number and then later call to complain that I deactivated your membership card. And you're sure you didn't get the five phone messages I left for you?

5) Do not claim to be a member to get a member discount, if you're not really a member. Believe it or not, I remember most of our members, and Denise was no exception. For instance, I remember that, unless that was a REALLY successful operation, DENISE IS NOT A MAN. (Yes, we actually did have a guy call in claiming to be a female member!!)

6) Always have your name, or your account number, or your phone number, or your favourite colour, or SOMETHING, on your cheque when you send it in. Because, believe it or not, if you don't, I will have no idea whose account I should credit. I'll just cash the cheque and keep the money. (Bought drinks for the office with that one.)

7) Do not just write "pay to the order of" on a receipt from a receipt book and try and pass it to us as a cheque. I write accounting software, and you think I won't notice you made your own cheque?

8) Do not claim that you need to speak to a supervisor for the reason that you need to warn her that I'm an FBI agent plotting to steal your cat. This will not get you a supervisor. Given that you called back 18 times however, I do admire your perseverance.

9) Do not get upset when I tell you that the free gift costs five dollars to ship. We can give you the gift for free, because we make it ourselves, but Canada Post still charges us for shipping, just like anybody else. You could always come pick it up.

[DrugstoreJulie]

- Do not open cosmetic product. You open it, you buy it. If I find a product with a broken seal, I have to toss it. Anyone else unsuspectingly buying and using that mascara or eyeliner you just tried on could end up with pink eye or worse. We have sample products for many things, marked with a big red sticker.

- Do not expect me to know everything. I am glad to help you find something specific or read out the fine print on boxes, but I have no practical experience whatsoever with the 60years+ anti-wrinkle treatment or adult diapers. Neither am I am child nutritionist, please talk to a doctor if you are unsure what to feed your baby.

- Do not be surprised that it looked different than the last time you bought it. Manufacturers change the packaging of pruducts on a regular basis, and many things are replaced by similar new products every few years (or even months with make-up). When you dig the lipstick/eyeshadow you had for 5 or more years out of your purse, I can go through the displays with you to find one thats close, but it won´t necessarily be the exact same thing.

- Do not leave used tissues all over the place. There are trash-cans for those. Gross thing to clean up

- Do not leave half-eaten food all over the place. Do not even bring it into the store. Even grosser to clean up

- Do not break/spill stuff. If you break/spill stuff, tell someone. You don´t have to pay for it, we promise, but let us know.
I slipped in puddles of bath oil or other basically invisible stuff more than once. I can handle that and not hit my head on the floor. The old lady with the walking frame would break her hip or worse.

- Do not expect me to help you find things while cleaning up messes. Broken glass is more important than you, deal with it. Ask someone else.

- Do not bring your dog into the store. If it is in a purse, I might pretend not to see it but other than that they are not going in here. Just imagine King knocking a bottle out of a wine or juice display and cutting up his feet. Get it?

[Andara Bledin]

8) Do not claim that you need to speak to a supervisor for the reason that you need to warn her that I'm an FBI agent plotting to steal your cat. This will not get you a supervisor. Given that you called back 18 times however, I do admire your perseverance.

No! Not the cat!

18 times? They'd be better off securing the cat... No, scratch that. Keep on the line and give Whiskers the time he needs to get out of that nuthouse.

^-.-^

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

DO NOT walk your dogs behind my store by our loading docks!

Today I was out there tooling around on the forklift, stacking pallets, taking the bales outside and bringing in pallets of repack totes to go on the trailer when this bizotch came strolling by with her three dogs like she owned the place.

Whiskey tango foxtrot? The sidewalk was just a couple steps away! If it were not for me seeing her out of the corner of my eye and hearing the jingling dog collars, Fido, Fifi, Spot and Ms. Rocket Scientist would've become forklift pizza.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Oh, God-- what a shame that won't fit into a legible tattoo. I bow in recognition of your eloquence!

Well, that really depends on where you put it, doesn't it? You could fit that on your back, or up and down your legs...

[Kitten in the box]

Don't throw a hissy fit and yell at me when a customer parks in the handicapped spot when in your opinion they do not look handicapped....they have a card to park there right? Then back off...thier handicapp is NOT my concern, business nor is it yours.

Do not say how your kid got sick in the aisle....I do not care to hear that... HOWEVER.....to show you how nice I am I will gladly give you paper towels, a plastic bag, and some disinfectant to clean it up

Do not ask for a service out for 2 bags of groceries when you have 5 people with you that are fully able to carry it out themselves

Do not ask if I am open in a register....if the light is off and I am away from it does it look like its open?

[GingerBiscuit]

1: Don't open pill bottles in store. We have to throw them away, and that can be a lot of money we lose.
2: Drinking half a bottle of juice/water and putting the rest back on the shelf is THEFT.
3: I don't know how every single thing we sell tastes. I haven't tried them all.
4: Yes, I too think it's bad that we're short-staffed today and I am am the only person serving at lunchtime. Tell this to head office, not me.
5: Double check start and end dates of offers. Don't calim we told you it finished a day later than it did. The offers ALWAYS finish on thursdaym and start on fridays. That has been the order for the two years I've worked for.
6: Yes, I'm sure I can't discount that.
7: I'm so sorry I'm so ill I just was sick on the shop floor. I am trying to clean up my own vomit right now, having you standing over me shouting over how disgusting it is is NOT HELPING (Yes, this happened)
8: I CANNOT PROCESS refunds. I just CAN'T. If you want a refund I have to get a member of management for you.
9: Please don't come in at 5 mins to closing for a refund. We only have one till left, we have a queue, we want to go home, and the refund takes ten minutes to do. And we can't bring abother till online. Don't be surprised if staff seem a little annoyed about that.

[Marxfan]

For bookstore customers:

DON'T come up to customer service and greet me with, "I don't know the name or the author, but...". This is annoying as hell, and I have better things to do than to play some perverse guessing game that neither of us will win.

DON'T assume I'm an idiot just because I don't know of the book you're talking about. I know lots about books, not everything. If I had that kind of genius, you think I'd be wasting my intellect in retail?

DO pick throw away your Starbucks cups when you're done. Our shelves are not trash cans, do not treat them as such.

DO look after your kids. Don't absently flip through a magazine while they climb on shelves or throw books around or tear up the stuffed animals. Also, if your kids get lost or hurt, we cannot be held responsible.


For fast food customers:

DON'T interrupt me when I'm with another customer! It is unbelievably rude, and I've already helped you. If you need something else, get your ass back in line. You're not that special and I'm not going to drop everything I'm doing just for you.

DON'T assume you're better than I am just because I work here. I don't want to work here; in fact, no one here does. They're here because this town has few job opportunities and we need the money. Get off your high horse and don't be such a snob.

Oh, my God, DON'T throw your French fries at me just because they're cold! I don't like cold fries either, but that doesn't mean I go around tossing them at people like a fucking chimpanzee!! For fuck's sake, just ask nicely! Not that hard to say "please", people!

DO speak clearly in the damn drive-thru! This means no whispering or bellowing! Take the gum out your mouth, please, or learn to enunciate. And if I ask you to repeat something, it is NOT because I'm stupid. It's because I didn't understand you and I just want your order to be correct so you don't come back here, make a royal stink and basically ruin everyone's day! Get over the attitude, I just work here.


DO say "thank you" when I give you extra dipping sauce, or make a new batch of hot fries, or give you extra hot fudge in your sundae. I know what I do isn't much, but a bit of gratitude really makes my day and helps me not despise my job so much.

DO set a good example for your kids and don't act annoyed when the toy you want for the kid's meal isn't here yet. You're an adult and you really should know better. Plus, your kids are just going to get sick of those crappy toys in a week or two anyway!