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So named because summer semester, being only 9 weeks long, is the runt of the litter and only about 20% of a typical class hangs around campus for it. That means, acres and acres of parking being, apparently, unused.
Protip: It's still private
Yes, since the spring semester ended, I've been towing TWICE as many cars a day as I was when the lots were full, and everyone, EVERYONE, has the same darn excuse/complaint. "But the lot was empty!"
Well, here's a little hypothetical experiment I'd love to play with them, I'd like to camp out near their house/apartment/cave, and as soon as they leave their driveway, I'm going to park my truck in it and walk away, and when they complain, I'll just tell them "Hey, it was empty" and see how THEY like it.
Seriously, after getting that story 30 times a day, it gets old, FAST.
So, here's some other, more diverse nuttiness.
This Lady Needs A Mulligan
Because today, you've already:
1. Got your car towed for illegal parking
2. Had to pay $130 to get it released
3. Hit another impounded car in the impound, backing up
4. Got out to inspect the damage, and forgot to put yours in gear, causing it to roll away to the other side of the lot and strike ANOTHER impounded car.
5. Forced us to call Ossafer Friendly down here to write up a report so the owners of those other two cars don't try and claim it was all our fault.
My advice? Just walk away, slowly, no sudden moves, and we all live to see tomorrow......
This One, Does Not
Your final score on our interaction with her today, ASSHOLES: 6 THUGS: 1
That is to say in the time it took her to walk in the impound lot, from the gate to her car, she was able to call us "assholes" five times.
Then, upon being informed she couldn't drive out as she hadn't paid yet (she was being let in to get her purse that had all her money and ID in it, you know, because your car is the perfect place to keep that) and would have to walk back up front on foot, pay, and then return to drive off, she said we were "thugs".
And then, upon her return trip, we were called "assholes" again, and, as we stood a smilin' , a wavin' and a not-giving-a-damnin' about all that, we got the one-fingered salute, a laid-on horn and a gravel-sling for good measure.
I tell ya, Miss Manners was sent right into a coma upon hearing about it, and has yet to revive.
Why I Have a Job, A Play in Three Acts.
ACT I 9:50 AM - Tow Grey Toyota Prius from 466 Keystone Plaza for no permit
ACT II 11:20 AM - Owner picks up car for $130, leaves.
ACT III 1:30 PM - Tow Grey Toyota Prius from 466 Keystone Plaza for no permit
I ain't even mad, Bro, just really, really bemused.
Now That Was Just Stupid
No, it wasn't the fact you forged a Wrong Side of the Tracks Reality parking permit. No, that was not the stupid part.
It wasn't the fact you did a real craptastic job on said forgery. (Wrong color "base" paper, permits there are printed on hot-neon-pink paper, not hot-neon-green paper, and that was just the most obvious of several errors) Nope, that was, somehow, not the stupid part.
It wasn't the fact you attracted the attention of Wrong Side of the Tracks Reality's lot monitor, who has the full-time job of looking for illegally parked cars and calling us on them, because WSOTT has had it up to "here" with freeloaders, moochers, charity cases and other no-hopers abusing their parking lots without permits. So, your forgery had TWO pairs of eyes giving it the business, ours and theirs. And you failed on both counts. No, that wasn't the stupid part.
The real STUPID part, was when you,
Wait for it.
Got towed for the fake, and then went to the WSOTT reality office to pay for the tow.
Why? No idea. The signs at all WSOTT properties have our name/number on them, you'd think logically you would call the towing company if you got, well you know, Towed? Then again, if you can't read the first sign that says "permit parking only" it's no surprise you can't read the subsequent ones that say "Towing by Friendly Neighborhood Towing XXX-XXXX". But in this case, your selective illiteracy would prove very costly.
Because when you stepped in the door of WSOTT and said "I'm here for my car" and the office ladies just looked at you funny, so you decided to clarify it for them by saying "I live at your place on X street, and I'm here for my green 2010 Honda that got towed for the fake permit I had in it" the office ladies, after looking at you strange for a few more seconds, put two and two together and, well.....
See, having identified yourself as a person who just committed forgery, and where you live, and what you drive, WSOTT has put your name and vehicle on the "radioactive" list, you will NOT be getting parking from them, for that property, for that car, ever again..... EVER. And the semester JUST started......
THAT was stupid, Amigo. Muy Stupid.
But Possibly, Not THIS Stupid.
Yup, the night shift guy, tows in a car.
A car that had no permit for the apartment lot it parked in.
Ho-hum, seen it before, thousands of times.
Shortly thereafter, Yup gets a phonecall from the owner. Who wants to know why they got towed. Yup informs them they didn't have a permit.
They say they do.
Yup says he didn't see one.
Well DUH, it's not IN the car! They have it in their hand, right now!
Yup tells them that won't do them any good, it has to be IN the car to be valid, same way your W2s don't do any good unless the IRS had them by the 15th.... but I digress. They say they're coming in and they're bringing that permit.
Well, okay, it's a free country you can do that. But, like taking to the Oregon Trail with all those grandfather clocks, it ain't gonna do ya any good....
So they come in. They meet Yup at the counter. They try again with the "but we have a permit!" excuse, waving it in front of Yup.
Yup just grins and says "Can I see that permit?"
They hand it over.
Yup tears it in two and tosses it over his shoulder.
Surprisingly, they don't get mad, they kinda just stand there mouth open, in silence, for a few seconds....
"W- w- why'd you do that?" They ask
"You know why" Yup says, "$130, Cash or credit"
They pay, and leave with their car, and not with their "permit", not just because it was now torn asunder, but because it was tampered to start with.
How did Yup know?
Well, when your idea of a flawless execution of forgery looks like this:
STARTS:FRI 5 - 6 -16 5 -13-16
EXPIRES:MON 5 - 9-16 5-16 -16
Is it any wonder? Yeah, they just drew a single line through the old dates on an expired legit temp permit and wrote new ones.... just, like, daaaaaaaaaaaatttttt.
And maybe you now understand why Yup decided it's suffered bad enough and euthanized it to put it out of our misery.
Wherein I Enforce Ancient Rites of Time Passage
The way some people refuse to cooperate with the parking meters around here, you'd think that we're only a generation removed from being part of the great Parking Meter Empire and, having finally achieved our independence in that bloody revolution, we are NOT going to ever be brought to heel by the likes of those lanky steel automatons ever again!
Seriously, the number of "excuses" I've been showered with when someone returns to their car only to find me feeding it to my truck because they didn't feed the meter are not only varied, but, delivered with such righteous indignation that I have to wonder if me selling their own kids to a travelling circus would elicit even half as much rage. And keep in mind, the meter rules around here are comparatively lax, you have to get four, FOUR tickets before the meter maid goes all Hammer of Thor on you, and, there's a Borough-mandated two-hour "cool down" between tickets, meaning you get hit for an expired meter, they can't give you another unless you stay there another two hours, it would take you EIGHT HOURS of parking at a SINGLE EXPIRED METER to get towed in one-shot, most of these folk are getting the gate for multiple outstanding tickets that I've personally seen go back to at least 2013
No matter, seems as soon as you pick the car up, the owner's Spidey Sense goes off and they come running from the woodwork, sure that what I'm doing practically violates the entirety of the Geneva Convention.
I get the usual canards:
"I'm from out of town!" (apparently, every parking meter in the country EXCEPT ours are just there for decoration, you don't REALLY have to pay them (The last guy who tried this even told me "I'm from SCRANTON!" Dude, I've been there, they have meters)
"I was just leaving!" (Circumstantial evidence says otherwise, according to these tickets, you've been "Just leaving" since 3 AM, this morning, it's now 9.... PM!)
"I didn't know you had to pay them after *insert arbitrary time of day here* " (The sign you drove past to get into this lot says "24 hour meter parking", this earned a nasty retort of "I CAN READ!" , well, as above, circumstantial evidence says otherwise!
"You can't cut me a break?" ($75 for a drop plus your tickets IS the break, otherwise, it's $130, plus your tickets, plus whatever it would cost you out-of-pocket to hoof it to our place)
You get the picture, it takes a pretty inventive "excuse" to make me stop for a second and ponder. I got it the other day. This lady told me, upon finding me sizing up her car, that she hadn't paid the meters because "They're archaic"
Uh...
Yeah, how was SHE supposed to know something so "archaic" as a coin-op parking meter was still being used? That's old technology, don't I know that? Why she doesn't know of ANY place that still uses something THAT PALEOLITHIC!
Uhm- hmmm.....
Look lady, I know this may shock you, being that you appear to be 20something and all, but, there are people alive to day, aside from your parents, who PREDATE you, and let me tell you, a coin-fed digital parking meter is NOT "archaic" because me, lil ol' me, not a spring chicken by any measure, but also a long way off from being social security eligible can remember a time that parking meters would AUDIBLY TICK, because they had clockwork springs driving them, not 9v smoke alarm batteries... so you're going to have to do a LOT better than that to evade the law of this land (Which is itself over 200 years old, making it downright Precambrian by your twisted standards).
She wasn't happy, but she paid...... in low-tech 20th Century cash, how ironic.....
Paper Trail
Hello? Why yes good sir, we do seem to have your Audi here in our parking lot. Why? Well, it seems you put it on the 3rd level of the parking garage at the Nichols Street Apartments, and it didn't have a permit allowing it to be there, so we rectified that little problem by putting it over here, where no permits are needed.
What's that? Oh, well, lessee...... looks like it was towed at 11:00.
Huh? You say that's impossible? Well, empirical evidence seems to suggest that it's not only not impossible, but highly PROBABLE that we towed you.
You say we're lying? Because you weren't parked there at 11? Uh, well, that's when we got there, that's when you got towed... wait, you say you have PROOF that we're lying? You have a receipt from The Sammich Shop? That shows you bought a sandwich there at 10:45?
I really don't know what you are trying to prove here, Junior. That place is in a walk-in storefront in a building with NO parking. Unless you drove through the WALL of The Sammich Shop, there's no way your car was THERE with you when you ordered that sammich, so that receipt proves nothing, and is probably the second-strongest evidence that you were NOT with your car at 11pm because we were towing it, just like we said.
What's the STRONGEST evidence? The pictures on this here tablet, that we took, as our truck was backing under your car, at Nicholas Street Apartments, timestamped at 11:00. yeah, we take pictures now, because we got tired of people claiming those 10 year old bumper blemishes that had dirt and grass stains on them were actually caused by us.... welcome to the 21st Century, you damn dirty liar.
Aaaaand.... pizza time.
I will see you all later.
Protip: It's still private
Yes, since the spring semester ended, I've been towing TWICE as many cars a day as I was when the lots were full, and everyone, EVERYONE, has the same darn excuse/complaint. "But the lot was empty!"
Well, here's a little hypothetical experiment I'd love to play with them, I'd like to camp out near their house/apartment/cave, and as soon as they leave their driveway, I'm going to park my truck in it and walk away, and when they complain, I'll just tell them "Hey, it was empty" and see how THEY like it.
Seriously, after getting that story 30 times a day, it gets old, FAST.
So, here's some other, more diverse nuttiness.
This Lady Needs A Mulligan
Because today, you've already:
1. Got your car towed for illegal parking
2. Had to pay $130 to get it released
3. Hit another impounded car in the impound, backing up
4. Got out to inspect the damage, and forgot to put yours in gear, causing it to roll away to the other side of the lot and strike ANOTHER impounded car.
5. Forced us to call Ossafer Friendly down here to write up a report so the owners of those other two cars don't try and claim it was all our fault.
My advice? Just walk away, slowly, no sudden moves, and we all live to see tomorrow......
This One, Does Not
Your final score on our interaction with her today, ASSHOLES: 6 THUGS: 1
That is to say in the time it took her to walk in the impound lot, from the gate to her car, she was able to call us "assholes" five times.
Then, upon being informed she couldn't drive out as she hadn't paid yet (she was being let in to get her purse that had all her money and ID in it, you know, because your car is the perfect place to keep that) and would have to walk back up front on foot, pay, and then return to drive off, she said we were "thugs".
And then, upon her return trip, we were called "assholes" again, and, as we stood a smilin' , a wavin' and a not-giving-a-damnin' about all that, we got the one-fingered salute, a laid-on horn and a gravel-sling for good measure.
I tell ya, Miss Manners was sent right into a coma upon hearing about it, and has yet to revive.
Why I Have a Job, A Play in Three Acts.
ACT I 9:50 AM - Tow Grey Toyota Prius from 466 Keystone Plaza for no permit
ACT II 11:20 AM - Owner picks up car for $130, leaves.
ACT III 1:30 PM - Tow Grey Toyota Prius from 466 Keystone Plaza for no permit
I ain't even mad, Bro, just really, really bemused.
Now That Was Just Stupid
No, it wasn't the fact you forged a Wrong Side of the Tracks Reality parking permit. No, that was not the stupid part.
It wasn't the fact you did a real craptastic job on said forgery. (Wrong color "base" paper, permits there are printed on hot-neon-pink paper, not hot-neon-green paper, and that was just the most obvious of several errors) Nope, that was, somehow, not the stupid part.
It wasn't the fact you attracted the attention of Wrong Side of the Tracks Reality's lot monitor, who has the full-time job of looking for illegally parked cars and calling us on them, because WSOTT has had it up to "here" with freeloaders, moochers, charity cases and other no-hopers abusing their parking lots without permits. So, your forgery had TWO pairs of eyes giving it the business, ours and theirs. And you failed on both counts. No, that wasn't the stupid part.
The real STUPID part, was when you,
Wait for it.
Got towed for the fake, and then went to the WSOTT reality office to pay for the tow.
Why? No idea. The signs at all WSOTT properties have our name/number on them, you'd think logically you would call the towing company if you got, well you know, Towed? Then again, if you can't read the first sign that says "permit parking only" it's no surprise you can't read the subsequent ones that say "Towing by Friendly Neighborhood Towing XXX-XXXX". But in this case, your selective illiteracy would prove very costly.
Because when you stepped in the door of WSOTT and said "I'm here for my car" and the office ladies just looked at you funny, so you decided to clarify it for them by saying "I live at your place on X street, and I'm here for my green 2010 Honda that got towed for the fake permit I had in it" the office ladies, after looking at you strange for a few more seconds, put two and two together and, well.....
See, having identified yourself as a person who just committed forgery, and where you live, and what you drive, WSOTT has put your name and vehicle on the "radioactive" list, you will NOT be getting parking from them, for that property, for that car, ever again..... EVER. And the semester JUST started......
THAT was stupid, Amigo. Muy Stupid.
But Possibly, Not THIS Stupid.
Yup, the night shift guy, tows in a car.
A car that had no permit for the apartment lot it parked in.
Ho-hum, seen it before, thousands of times.
Shortly thereafter, Yup gets a phonecall from the owner. Who wants to know why they got towed. Yup informs them they didn't have a permit.
They say they do.
Yup says he didn't see one.
Well DUH, it's not IN the car! They have it in their hand, right now!
Yup tells them that won't do them any good, it has to be IN the car to be valid, same way your W2s don't do any good unless the IRS had them by the 15th.... but I digress. They say they're coming in and they're bringing that permit.
Well, okay, it's a free country you can do that. But, like taking to the Oregon Trail with all those grandfather clocks, it ain't gonna do ya any good....
So they come in. They meet Yup at the counter. They try again with the "but we have a permit!" excuse, waving it in front of Yup.
Yup just grins and says "Can I see that permit?"
They hand it over.
Yup tears it in two and tosses it over his shoulder.
Surprisingly, they don't get mad, they kinda just stand there mouth open, in silence, for a few seconds....
"W- w- why'd you do that?" They ask
"You know why" Yup says, "$130, Cash or credit"
They pay, and leave with their car, and not with their "permit", not just because it was now torn asunder, but because it was tampered to start with.
How did Yup know?
Well, when your idea of a flawless execution of forgery looks like this:
GLOBAL DOMINATION REALITY
PARKING PASS: 200 SALAMANDER CT
PARKING PASS: 200 SALAMANDER CT
STARTS:
EXPIRES:
Is it any wonder? Yeah, they just drew a single line through the old dates on an expired legit temp permit and wrote new ones.... just, like, daaaaaaaaaaaatttttt.
And maybe you now understand why Yup decided it's suffered bad enough and euthanized it to put it out of our misery.
Wherein I Enforce Ancient Rites of Time Passage
The way some people refuse to cooperate with the parking meters around here, you'd think that we're only a generation removed from being part of the great Parking Meter Empire and, having finally achieved our independence in that bloody revolution, we are NOT going to ever be brought to heel by the likes of those lanky steel automatons ever again!
Seriously, the number of "excuses" I've been showered with when someone returns to their car only to find me feeding it to my truck because they didn't feed the meter are not only varied, but, delivered with such righteous indignation that I have to wonder if me selling their own kids to a travelling circus would elicit even half as much rage. And keep in mind, the meter rules around here are comparatively lax, you have to get four, FOUR tickets before the meter maid goes all Hammer of Thor on you, and, there's a Borough-mandated two-hour "cool down" between tickets, meaning you get hit for an expired meter, they can't give you another unless you stay there another two hours, it would take you EIGHT HOURS of parking at a SINGLE EXPIRED METER to get towed in one-shot, most of these folk are getting the gate for multiple outstanding tickets that I've personally seen go back to at least 2013
No matter, seems as soon as you pick the car up, the owner's Spidey Sense goes off and they come running from the woodwork, sure that what I'm doing practically violates the entirety of the Geneva Convention.
I get the usual canards:
"I'm from out of town!" (apparently, every parking meter in the country EXCEPT ours are just there for decoration, you don't REALLY have to pay them (The last guy who tried this even told me "I'm from SCRANTON!" Dude, I've been there, they have meters)
"I was just leaving!" (Circumstantial evidence says otherwise, according to these tickets, you've been "Just leaving" since 3 AM, this morning, it's now 9.... PM!)
"I didn't know you had to pay them after *insert arbitrary time of day here* " (The sign you drove past to get into this lot says "24 hour meter parking", this earned a nasty retort of "I CAN READ!" , well, as above, circumstantial evidence says otherwise!
"You can't cut me a break?" ($75 for a drop plus your tickets IS the break, otherwise, it's $130, plus your tickets, plus whatever it would cost you out-of-pocket to hoof it to our place)
You get the picture, it takes a pretty inventive "excuse" to make me stop for a second and ponder. I got it the other day. This lady told me, upon finding me sizing up her car, that she hadn't paid the meters because "They're archaic"
Uh...
Yeah, how was SHE supposed to know something so "archaic" as a coin-op parking meter was still being used? That's old technology, don't I know that? Why she doesn't know of ANY place that still uses something THAT PALEOLITHIC!
Uhm- hmmm.....
Look lady, I know this may shock you, being that you appear to be 20something and all, but, there are people alive to day, aside from your parents, who PREDATE you, and let me tell you, a coin-fed digital parking meter is NOT "archaic" because me, lil ol' me, not a spring chicken by any measure, but also a long way off from being social security eligible can remember a time that parking meters would AUDIBLY TICK, because they had clockwork springs driving them, not 9v smoke alarm batteries... so you're going to have to do a LOT better than that to evade the law of this land (Which is itself over 200 years old, making it downright Precambrian by your twisted standards).
She wasn't happy, but she paid...... in low-tech 20th Century cash, how ironic.....
Paper Trail
Hello? Why yes good sir, we do seem to have your Audi here in our parking lot. Why? Well, it seems you put it on the 3rd level of the parking garage at the Nichols Street Apartments, and it didn't have a permit allowing it to be there, so we rectified that little problem by putting it over here, where no permits are needed.
What's that? Oh, well, lessee...... looks like it was towed at 11:00.
Huh? You say that's impossible? Well, empirical evidence seems to suggest that it's not only not impossible, but highly PROBABLE that we towed you.
You say we're lying? Because you weren't parked there at 11? Uh, well, that's when we got there, that's when you got towed... wait, you say you have PROOF that we're lying? You have a receipt from The Sammich Shop? That shows you bought a sandwich there at 10:45?
I really don't know what you are trying to prove here, Junior. That place is in a walk-in storefront in a building with NO parking. Unless you drove through the WALL of The Sammich Shop, there's no way your car was THERE with you when you ordered that sammich, so that receipt proves nothing, and is probably the second-strongest evidence that you were NOT with your car at 11pm because we were towing it, just like we said.
What's the STRONGEST evidence? The pictures on this here tablet, that we took, as our truck was backing under your car, at Nicholas Street Apartments, timestamped at 11:00. yeah, we take pictures now, because we got tired of people claiming those 10 year old bumper blemishes that had dirt and grass stains on them were actually caused by us.... welcome to the 21st Century, you damn dirty liar.
Aaaaand.... pizza time.
I will see you all later.
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