Halloween special: Attack of the living crazies!

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

No geographically impaired people this week (I know, shocking!), but we did get plenty of people impaired in other ways.

It stinks, It stinks, It stinks!

This wasn't a call I was on directly but I was listening to it as the customer was getting increasingly upset and I wanted to be ready to jump in if needed.

Rep: How can help you today Mr. SC?
SC: Your phones suck! Your towers suck! Your service sucks!
Rep: I'm sorry to hear you're having issues, what seems to be going on!
SC: You people suck! Your phones suck! I've never seen a company that sucks so bad!
Rep: I'd like to help you with that, but I need to know the problem.
SC: I already told you! Everything sucks! That's the damn problem.
Rep: Okay, what exactly is it you think sucks?
SC: Do you speak English? I said everything. EVERYTHING SUCKS. As in, every last damned thing!
Rep: Well what would you like us to do for you today?
SC: Nothing! You people suck, your company sucks, your phones suck and your services suck! I'm done!
*CLICK*

Rest in peace...or not

Scenario: Callers mother recently died. Okay, I empathize, that's a very, very difficult thing for someone to deal with. In this case, mom was the account the holder and her daughter (the caller) didn't have the passcode.

Now with the account holder being deceased there's a specific process that needs to be followed for anyone to gain access to the account. Bottom line: She has to go to a <red checkmark> store with her ID and a copy of moms Death Certificate to be able to do anything on this account.

Currently, she's trying to port out from <Red checkmark>, which of course you can't do without the passcode. I'm sure you see where this is going.

We'll pick things up right after I explained to her she would need to go to a store to access the accout:

SC: What? No, no! You listen to me, I don't have TIME to go to the store, my mothers funeral is today, TODAY and I need a working before then. Now just give me the damn passcode so I can go to another carrier.
Me: As I've already explained, that's not possible. You need to go to a store with ID and Death Certificate.
SC: No, no. FUCK YOU. You understand that? Fuck you, I'm authorized on the ACCOUNT and you WILL give me the passcode.
Me: Even if you are authorized on the account (spoiler alert: She isn't ) I still need the passcode to give you any information on it. We don't give out passcodes in any circumstances, even to people who can verify.
SC: MY MOTHER IS DEAD!! JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING PASSCODE SO I CAN SWITCH COMPANIES!!
Me: Security policy prohibits me from doing so. If I do anything besides refer you to a store, I am risking my job.
SC: FUCK YOU, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!!! I HOPE WHEN YOUR MOTHER DIES YOU GET PUT THROUGH AS MUCH SHIT AS I AM RIGHT NOW! GO TO HELL!! *CLICK*

Gee, she seemed nice, don't you think?

Somewhere an evil lair is missing its villain

Took a call from a guy with a thick accent (pretty sure it was Russian). He's upset because he tried to get a phone at one of our stores and - oops! - the credit check flagged him as having unpaid debt from a prior account with us.

So I look into it and sure enough, I find an account that was cancelled for non pay and written off two years ago.

SC: Now you listen to me, I never HAD an account with you. If one got set up, I never authorized it.
Me: Well it has been referred to a collection agency so what you'll have to do is call them to dispute the debt.
SC: I am not calling them, this is why I call you. You call them and fix it.
Me:
Me: I can't call them for you. Federal Law states they can only talk direct to the debtor about the debt. You will have to speak to them about this.
SC: No, you do it! Do it now!
Me: They will not talk to me sir, you have to call.
SC: Now you listen to me, I am NOT calling collection agency. I call you, I talk to you. YOU call them and you fix this. I did not cause problem, not my job to fix problem.
Me: As I said, there is nothing I can do for you, you have to call the agency.
SC: NO! Fuck you, fuck your mother and fuck your collection agency!!
Me: Okay, we're done here. *CLICK*

Fortunately upper management is cool with us hanging up on customers if they get particularly nasty. Something I try to avoid as much as possible but sometimes you just gotta pull the trigger.

EPIC FAIL

Customer has a wireless home phone that isn't working so he goes to the store to complain and store refers him to us. Of course we then realize that he doesn't have the phone with him and there's not much we can do.

So what does our mad genius do about this problem?

He calls us later the same day...from work.

Sweet, sweet victory

For a couple of months now I have been monitoring the account of a very abusive customer. Thanks to my diligence, our high level team that deals with this kind of thing has given her a promiment spot on their shit list. I estimate she'll be "fired" by the end of the year if not before.

That's not how any of this works

You'd be amazed how many people call me wanting to change the address on a package that's already been sent out. Now I understand there are variances in policies for shipping carriers and this kind of address change may be possible in some cases but not the way <red checkmark> does things. All we can do is flag the package as lost in transit and send out another one.

Oh, now you're mad you have to wait even longer for a phone? Well, whose fault was it the address got messed up in the first place? That's right, yours! And that credit you asked for due to "inconvenience". NOT gonna happen!

And don't even get me started on people who think we can change the phone after the package goes out...

Let's do the time warp again!

So let me get this straight Ms. SC: You got a phone for your daughter SEVEN months ago, now it's broken and - shocker! - you have no insurance on that line. "But wait!" you say, "that line was supposed to have insurance! The store must have forgotten to put it on there when I got the phone so you HAVE to honor a claim for me!"

I can almost hear your sly grin through phone line as you lean back in your chair, confident you've found a clever way to beat the system, unfortunately for you...you didn't.

1. EVERYONE and their Uncle tries this and it almost never works.
2. Apparently you've not been paying attention to your bill for SEVEN MONTHS but because it clearly showed there was no insurance on that line.
3. Disputes like this are absolutely not allowed more than 60 days out.

Bottom line: You lose! You get nothing!

So at this point you can either upgrade a line, add a line or buy a phone at full price from somewhere else, so which'll it be?

Hello?

Hello?

Awww, would you look at that, I must have scared her off.

[Slave to the Phone]

Considering the large amounts of stupidity we are all exposed to every day, I'm very glad its not contagious!

I know that grief does strange things to people but for the most part it doesn't change normal, nice people into raging hosebeasts.

[AllGoodNamesareTaken]

Well, <red checkmark> will, speaking from experience reroute package after ship, but, use your polite big person words. On internet orders at least

[Sparklyturtle]

Gee - when I called Verizon after my aunt's death they asked me to fax them a copy of the death certificate and a copy of the letters testamentary giving me the right, as her executor, to close the account. I went to the local bank, and did this then called them back as they'd requested. The person had requested I make the fax in care of them, and I'd typed up a cover sheet to that effect, and they already had the faxed documents I'd sent. I didn't want to put anything in my own name, just cancel her account, and there was no problem. I was also very polite, as I'm not a "raging hosebeast" even when seriously pushed, and the person I dealt with expressed their condolences and said the account would be terminated. I got a letter a week or so later stating this. No problems at all. If the person in the story above had just done as they were asked, I'm sure things could have been done to their satisfaction. Or not - I'm sure they would have wanted a refund of the days between when their mother died and the end of the billing cycle. My aunt died the day before the billing cycle ended so I didn't worry about refunds.

As an aside, one thing that really floored me were all the people who told me I should have kept my late aunt's handicap placard and used it. I did not - I called and canceled it through the state and it went through the shredder. The person I spoke to at the state office told me they didn't get a lot of calls like mine. Big surprise (no).

[bainsidhe]

When my dad passed away, sis acted as executor and contacted utilities, closed accounts, etc. A number of them required proof of his passing, which was annoying but easily managed. The customer in the OP will sadly have a rough road ahead of her, if she instantly makes everyone around her the enemy.

[EricKei]

Turtle - On the HC placard - You did the right thing. Using someone else's placard or plate is a Bad Thing TM in the eyes of the law, last I checked

That's not how any of this works

You'd be amazed how many people call me wanting to change the address on a package that's already been sent out...

And don't even get me started on people who think we can change the phone after the package goes out...

We got both of these from time to time with pizza delivery, too. It would be bad enough these days when we can just CALL the driver midstream and tell him to turn around, but I'm talking about back when cellphones were still new enough that we treated them like pay phones -- e.g. we refused to accept orders placed with them (almost invariably fake orders, either for the lulz or to set up a robbery).

"No, Ma'am, we can't add two pizzas and a drink to your order that's about to arrive at your house. We gave you a 35-45 minute estimate and it's been 32 minutes. We can start a brand new order and have that sent out to you in another 35-45--- What? No. No, the new order will NOT be there in three to ten minutes, and there will not be a discount on it for being "late." ... *sigh* Yes, I understand you don't want the original one if this means you actually have to PAY for it. Just tell the driver what happened and we'll send out the new order when it's ready..."

Cue furious driver bringing the original order back and slamming it down on the heating rack. "I guess we got ourselves a crew pie, guys..."

[eltf177]

Eric Kei - So the idiots cancel the original order and place a new one, old order goes to waste as does the drivers time and money, then new order has to be delivered?

I would definitely charge for two trips + an extra fee to make sure driver get reimbursed for both trips as you KNOW a stiff is coming...

[Slave to the Phone]

You did the right thing not only legally but socially by not keeping the HC thingy.

People are really funny about them, though. When I told my 82 year old mother about my having to use a cane (temporarily), her first comment was that now I could get a temporary HC plate. She seemed pretty excited about that idea, so of course I asked why and she told me that she sometimes wished she had one because she had problems seeing in the dark and it would be nice to be able to park right next to the store.

Further questioning revealed that she could easily get one due to her age, but she didn't want to actually ask for one because that would be admitting that she is getting old. Gawd, I so love that woman.

When Dad died, Mom went into shock and kept forgetting things that needed to be done, so I made a lot of the calls for her. At no time did I turn into a raging hosebeast, but I did turn into that person who calls for instructions and doesn't have a pen or paper when receiving the expected phone number or address. I apologize to anyone I did that to, I might have been in a little shock as well.

[Minflick]

My husband died January 2015. Mom died March this year. I have LOTS of experience with needing the death certificate! Everybody is very nice about things, I have found. Given that Mom had dementia and emphysema, we had already cut off all her 'extras', because she couldn't use them anymore, and it's dragging on forever to get her bank account closed (but not actually the banks fault). You don't GET a death certificate prior to the funeral (at least, not in California!). For late DH, AmEx forgave the bill he ran up, the bill I ran up before realizing he wasn't coming home from the hospital, and everybody was very nice to me.

[Racket_Man]

Cue furious driver bringing the original order back and slamming it down on the heating rack. "I guess we got ourselves a crew pie, guys..."

Can TOTALLY verify this one. and unfortuneately it happens frequently enough.

[workerbee222]

In dealing with deaths, I found most people had helpful attitudes. A couple were sympathetic but incompetent. Only one was a pill.

The first customer's behavior is odd, to say the least. I don't recall worrying about my cell phone the day we buried my Mom. I guess some people have different priorities.

[AccountingDrone]

I had absolutely no issue with Red Checkmark when my brother passed, I showed up at the store with the latest bill, a death certificate and my letter of administration of his estate, paid it off and cancelled it. I think i took me all of 10 minutes[it was a moderately busy saturday afternoon, I think there were about 10 or so customers in the store. ]

[EricKei]

SttP: My Dad was the same way. Insisted he didn't wanna get a HC plate/placard or use a cane or crutches, even after he had had to have a toe removed from each foot (due to a number of things, but ultimately, diabetes).

eltf - This was in the days before delivery fees were ubiquitous. Those don't go to the drivers anyway; their primary purpose is to delay the onset of global price increases (meaning, if every order has a $2 fee attached, then the store can put off a set of price increases that would have increased the average order price by $2 for a year or so. net result: They still remain competitive on actual menu pricing). With that chain, I can guarantee you that it would have resulted in a complaint to Corporate anyway, which means the custy would have gotten a full refund AND a free card or three. The only upside is that returned items are automatically considered "Crew pies," i.e., free food for the workers. And yes, both drivers would absolutely get stiffed, in my experience.

But I digress

I estimate she'll be "fired" by the end of the year if not before.

Good riddance to bad rubbish!! ^_^

[pudddykat]

Funny story about phones and losing a parent. My aunt's friend's mother passed away. They went to the funeral home and she handed a purse to her husband to hold for a bit while she took care of something. I believe the bag was going with the mother. Wife to husband "Where's the purse?" husband: "In the coffin." Wife"The cell phone is in there!" Husband: That's going to be a very long distance call." Followed by laughter from both. True story.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Funny story about phones and losing a parent. My aunt's friend's mother passed away. They went to the funeral home and she handed a purse to her husband to hold for a bit while she took care of something. I believe the bag was going with the mother. Wife to husband "Where's the purse?" husband: "In the coffin." Wife"The cell phone is in there!" Husband: That's going to be a very long distance call." Followed by laughter from both. True story.

Had cell phones been around in 1986 (at least the affordable ones and not the brick style that were Oh Holy SHIT EXPENSIVE) my brother would have insisted on putting on in Grandma's coffin with her so she could call home.

Of course it wouldn't have been necessary. We heard Grandma's walker moving across the front porch for several months afterwards. Actually I think it continued on occasion until we moved 3 years later.