Dumb Questions: List 'Em!

[infavorofnaturalselection]

I got these within my first 2 days of working.

#1: "Do you have any Havianas here?"
Me: Ummm... I don't think we do.
#1: "Do you know of any stores in the mall that sell Havianas?"
.

Where were you working? Could he have been asking for Havanas which are a brand of cigars made in the exile Cuban community in Florida?

[TeslaRecoil]

How does my tech know to do step 16 before step 17? (asked of me by a US government official)

[Blisskat]

When I worked for the Tag Agency (Department of Motor Vehicles):
Q: You have to keep my insurance card?
Smartass answer: Yes, even though it says it on the tag renewal and the insurance card itself, I am not lying when I say this every stinking time you come in here. But that's ok, I don't mind answering this question sixty times a day, every single day....
Actual answer: Yes.
Q: When did they come up with this law?
Smartass answer: This morning, 'cause I knew you'd be coming in today...
Actual answer: Um... about 20 years ago?


Q: Why do they have to sign this car title in front of a Notary? Why can't you just notarize this signature?
Smartass answer: Because I don't want to be thrown into jail for fraud, thank you very much.
Actual answer: That defeats the purpose of having to have a notary, doesn't it? I don't know this person, and I am stating under oath that I saw this person sign this document, and verified their identity.

Q: Why do I have to have all this ID to get my Driver's License/State issued ID?
Smartass answer: Because I don't want to be thrown into jail for fraud, thank you very much.
Actual answer: Because it is the law.....


Depending on the day, and the person, I could give either answer.

[Becks]

Just last night...

"Do you have any chicken wings?"

While looking at the fried wings, the plain wings, the BBQ wings AND the buffalo wings. Not to mention the roasted chicken parts in the buffet section.

[nhollywood]

Me: Customer Service Rep for a hotel chain
SC: you know

Me: Thank you for calling * Inns. This is "nhollywood". Which Inn would you like today?
SC: Buffalo, New York
(we proceed through the whole "booking" process and I go to summarize)
Me: Ok, just to verify, that is one standard room in Buffalo, New York...
SC: Wait, did you say "Buffalo, New York"
Me: Yes,
SC: Why would I want to book a room in Buffalo, New York? I live in Buffalo, New York.
Me: Because when I asked you which Inn you wanted, you said "Buffalo, New York".
SC: You mean this isn't the Inn in Columbus, OH?
Me: No ma'am, you called a toll free number that connects you to a call center. How would I know you wanted Columbus, OH when we take calls from all over the United States?
SC: Oh, I thought this was Columbus, OH.
(we proceed to the correct hotel)

[draggar]

When we sometimes have to replace a customer's phone, we'll order it and call the customer when it comes in and they can exchange their phone.

Typical voicemail is:

"Hi, this is Draggar from (company) calling to let you know your phone came in and is ready to be picked up. Please remember to bring in the old phone so we can exchange it. Thank you."

Every day we get a call asking, "I got a message saying that my phone is in, does that mean my phone is in?"

Also, so many people forget their phones so we can't do an exchange. Of course they all get mad at us because they claim they were never told to bring it in (and what part of warranty EXCHANGE do you not understand?)

[Jack T. Chance]

STORE CLOSING SALE!

Well folks, I'm on the final month of my job. I was told yesterday that my company is closing all of its stores in MD, VA, PA, and NY. This is only slightly unexpected, as last month, the company filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy Protection/Reorganization. The original plan was to sell the stores in MD and VA to one of our competitors and let them take us over, which would mean that at least some of us would still have jobs, but apparently that deal fell through.

Anyway... so, today, we got most of the signage for the STORE CLOSING SALE, and I spent the afternoon working with the gentleman from the liquidation company putting up signs around the store. We put up dozens of signs... hung from the ceiling every few feet, stapled onto the walls all around the store, taped onto the front doors. And these are large, poster-sized signs that you could only miss if you were legally BLIND! They're bright yellow, with nice, large, BOLD RED LETTERING on most of them. On some, the lettering's black instead, but same difference. High contrast, attention-grabbing signs, with the following messages:

STORE
CLOSING
SALE!

NOTHING
HELD
BACK!

SELLING OUT TO
THE BARE WALLS!

EVERYTHING
AT LEAST
25% TO 50% OFF
ORIGINAL PRICE

EVERYTHING
MUST
GO!

And so on, and so forth. The store is a SEA of giant, poster-sized signs in yellow, red and black!

So, we've nearly finished hanging all the signs we were going to be able to put in place today (some of them haven't arrived yet, and will hopefully show up tomorrow), when a customer walks in the door. I'm at the back of the store with the gentleman from the liquidators, and this guy's all the way at the front of the store. I INTENTIONALLY took my time walking up to him, to give him a moment to look around and read all the signs. He immediately noticed them, and was CLEARLY reading them. But I gave him a moment to make sure it would sink in!

Do you think it actually worked?

OF COURSE NOT, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!!!

First words out of his mouth: "So, you all closing up?"

It was all I could do to bite my tongue, to keep myself from blurting out "No! This is our April Fool's Day prank, we just thought it would be even funnier if we sprang it on you a month and half late! Here's your sign."

[Kitten in the box]

*After shaking at rattling door to one of our enterances/exits (door is kept closed until 9am to prevent theft...even though we open at 6)

SC: Is this door locked
Me:Yes

or

SC: Are you guys open? (after seeing customers come in and out of the store)
Me: (considering the stupidity of the question) yes

I have too many to list here and I KNOW for a fact I will have more stupid questions asked when I go to work today.

[Rapscallion]

How does my tech know to do step 16 before step 17? (asked of me by a US government official)

*cough*

Hehehehehe.

Rapscallion

[Andara Bledin]

*snicker*

I love the expression of the guy with the mustache in the first panel.

^-.-^

[draggar]

"No one told me it wasn't waterproof"

and

"No one told me I had to pay a monthly bill"

[Kitten in the box]

"This says sugar free....does that mean it has no sugar?"

"What color is white chocolate?"

and my favorite one of all....

"Do you guys sell tires?"

"Do you guys sell ciggarettes" (while standing and staring right at them)

[B&NGoddess]

Every day we get a call asking, "I got a message saying that my phone is in, does that mean my phone is in?"

oh jeebus, yes!

SC: hi, you people just called and said my book was in.
me: ...um yeah? what's your question?
SC: well, i just got a call, so i figured i'd come get it pick it up sometime.
me: thats great. did you have a question?
SC: no, i got a call from you people...
me: yes, your book is here.
SC: okay thanks!

do you understand spoken language?

and i was just reminded of something that happened over xmas. our local news did a story on bad gift cards, like they weren't loaded properly and you got screwed out of money. this only applied to third party gift cards, the ones you can get a grocery store or walgreens or something and the cashiers there messed up. im sure it happened occasionally, but you know how the news likes to blow things out of proportion. anyway, after that story ran, everyone was asking for gift receipts on gift cards and it was too damn busy for that shit. and our computers wont even print out a gift receipt for gift cards. so we had to explain that to every other person how it didn't apply to us.

for the record, the amount of the gift card is printed right on the actual receipt. i wanted to kill the news crew after that.

[draftermatt]

This is damn near verbatim from a conversation I had with a complete moron, er contractor.

Me: Our permit only allows us to put a crane in one place, you put a fence up so we cannot get our crane in there. You need to move the fence closer to the building. If you don't and we set the crane up in the wrong place, and an inspector shows up we will be shut down and fined.

CM: I don't understand. Why do I have to move the fence? It's required we have it up...

[Ackee]

comeback

How about:

"Hey can I just take this? I'll come back and pay for it in a few days, is that ok?"

How about: Okay, let me keep your money for you here. I will give it back when you comeback to pay.