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Nice try, "Sam"
This was a guy who identified himself as "Sam Roberts" from Montana. He was able to verify the account of Sam Roberts from Montana but he certainly didn't sound like a Sam Roberts from Montana.
You see, I'm pretty sure Sam Roberts from Montana doesn't talk with a thick Indian accent. Also, I hear all kinds of call center noise in the background. On top of that, when I asked what kind of phone he had he named the wrong device and it took him an awful long time to validate the billing address.
He wants me to send some phones out for him. I say no deal, he gets angry and belligerent, threatening to report me to <Red Checkmark> security for "ethical violations" and asks if I am ready to lose my job over this. It took every ounce of strength I had not to laugh.
Look dude. I know what you're doing, YOU know what you're doing, just...stop.
Usually they realize I'm not going to budge and they'll give up. Sometimes they persist to the point where I get "Manager approval" to complete the order and - Oh, would you look at that? The system just went down. Too bad...
Pushing the envelope
I seem to be a fraud magnet lately.
I got a call from this syrupy sweet sounding lady who gave me a complicated, long winded story about an ongoing saga between her and <Red Checkmark>. I didn't get all the details but the crux of it seems to be we sent her a phone and she never got it so can we please double check the shippin address and send another one if necessary?
Not in intself a crazy request but, and maybe I've just been doing this for too long, but my SC-sense was tingling on this call.
So I pull the order from the system and tell her what address it was sent to. Sounding somewhat huffy now, she states that no, that's the wrong address and proceeds to give me a different one.
What I do NOT tell her is that I see FIVE other orders on this account in the past two weeks, ALL being sent to different addresses (within the same geographical area - shocking!). There are also notes on the account that our Fraud department is watching this one and do not, repeat not, send out any more phones.
So I tell her nonchalantly I see where she's apparently been having issues getting phones delivered and I will be happy to send another one...but ONLY to her local <red checkmark> store, where she will be required to show ID to pick it up.
Ms. Syrupy sweet then becomes distinctly not so sweet and does the following in short order: 1) Accuses me of looking at the wrong account (Nope - I triple checked), 2) States that I MUST send another phone out because a manager already approved it (wrong!), 3) Says if I don't send a phone out she'll report us to the BBB (Good luck with that...)
I reiterate the only way she is getting a phone is to pick it up at a store with ID and she promptly disconnects the call.
As I said earlier, Fraud is all over this account now so she won't be getting any more phones (They will auto cancel any order placed or at the very least require additional verification before shipping) but, thanks to my coworkers who apparently don't bother to do much account research, she got us for Two Galaxy S7s, an LG V20 and an Iphone 6S plus. (The fifth order that was placed before she got to me was cancelled by Fraud)
Not the SC we're looking for
I felt a little bad for this guy...to a point.
He comes on my line and immediately launches into a tirade about how much our products suck, our customer service sucks, our network sucks, our prices suck. Then he starts dropping F bombs, calling us this name and that name and on and on. Like, at least 7 solid minutes of this.
As he is ranting I noticed no account has popped up on my screen. When he finally takes a breath I ask him what his number is. He gives it to me but it doesn't come up in my system.
I have a handy tool at work I can use to search numbers and it will tell me what provider (wireless or landline) a number is associated to. Lo and behold the number he gave me belongs to Death Star Wireless.
So, I confirm it one more time to be sure I had it right and then...
"Sir, which carrier are you with?"
"What kind of stupid question is that??? I'm with DEATH STAR!"
"Okay, well this is <Red Checkmark>, I don't think we'll be able to do much for you."
"Ah, dammit!" *CLICK*
And another one bites the dust.
Robbing people with a six gun..
Customer is very, VERY upset with us (his words!) beacuse he's switched phones and now can't figure out how to get his Torrents on to his new device. He openly admits the torrents are downloads of movies, tv shows etc that he did NOT pay for.
But here's the kicker: He's not so much upset that he can't get his Torrents back but about the fact that we refuse to HELP him to do so.
"Oh absolutely sir, no problem, I'll get you all that illegal stuff back in no time!" -
Google is your friend, you moron.
Customer standard time II: The Revenge!
It amazes me how few people actually want to take responsibility for their own mistakes:
Exhibit A:
Okay, maybe we did forget to add insurance to your account when you got the phone but apparently you didn't pay attention to your bills for SEVEN MONTHS, only realizing you didn't have insurance when it got stolen and you tried to make a claim.
Despite your assurances to the contrary sir, this very much IS your problem.
Exhibit B:
You called to cancel a line. It wasn't cancelled. Now you're calling us EIGHTEEN MONTHS later wanting credit for every single month it was supposed to have been cancelled. There are no notes saying you wanted to cancel and no notes where you called back in to see why it WASN'T cancelled. DENIED!
Exhibit C:
No, you can't return a phone to the store after having had it for SIX MONTHS. No that's not an unfair return policy. No you can't get a credit because your phone sucks.
Do you believe in Magic?
Apparently the answer is yes because here you are on my line expecting me to fix a phone that you DON'T EVEN HAVE WITH YOU! Yes, technology is great these days and we can do some things remotely, but in order to diagnose your problem I'd need you to do something on your phone that you are obviously unable to.
Let me guess: You're the same kind of guy who calls his mechanic to find out what's wrong with his car?
Mission Impossible VI: Uber Suck
Guy calls up because has a problem with his <Red Checkmark> internet service. It seems he's been calling month after month because his bill is always wrong.
No problem sir, but at this department we only handle cell phones. The internet billing department is closed for the night but here's there number and you give them a call...
SC: WHAT?? WHY the HELL are you giving me their number? I don't need their number, I need my bill fixed!
Me: Yes and you'll have to call them to address that.
SC: Bullshit. I don't believe you, you're just trying to get out of helping me.
Me: I'd love to help you if I could sir, but--
SC: Okay wiseguy, let me ask you a question: What company do you work for?
(In my head I hear Admiral Ackbar screaming: It's a trap!)
Me: I work for <Red Checkmark>
SC: Bingo. Now, at the top of my bill it says, <Red Checkmark>. See how that works? I pay the company for service, you work for the company, I'm not satified with the service, therefore it's YOUR job to help me!
Me: As I said earlier, I would love to help sir but I do not have access to the systems required nor the training to use them. We do not handle internet service at this department.
SC: But you're <red checkmark>!
Me: Yes but we have different departments with different capabilities in this company and this particular department can't do anything to help you.
SC: Bullshit, let me talk to a manager!
Me: I can put you on with a manager, but I want to make it clear: That person will not be able to help you either.
SC: I don't care! I want a manager!
Me: Please a hold a moment.
Take one guess how this ended. ONE.
Wifi whackjob
<Red Checkmark> has started rolling out wifi calling. It's pretty neat. If you're in area where the cell service sucks but you can connect to wifi, you can make calls and send text messages using that connection. I've used it myself before with good results.
So I get a call from this guy demanding a signal booster. I explain all the phones he has can do wifi calling. I can set you up in a few minutes, no extra equipment needed and you'll be good to go.
Dude, flies off the handle and starts complaining about how stupid it is that he has to use his wifi connection, that he pays for separately from his cell phone bill, to make calls.
"Sir, do you use Netflix at all?"
"Yeah, all the time. Why?"
"And you pay for it right?"
"Yeah...."
"And it uses the internet connection you also pay for, right?"
"...."
HA! Got you, didn't I?!
Of course he continues ranting on how that's different, so then I reply: "Well okay, how about this, have you bought a game off the App store?"
This pisses him off even more. I am trying so hard not to laugh because I know I've blown a Texas sized hole in his master plan.
After realizing he's not going to get anywhere with me he demands a manager. Shockingly, he didn't get far with her either.
Thanks for playing though!
This was a guy who identified himself as "Sam Roberts" from Montana. He was able to verify the account of Sam Roberts from Montana but he certainly didn't sound like a Sam Roberts from Montana.
You see, I'm pretty sure Sam Roberts from Montana doesn't talk with a thick Indian accent. Also, I hear all kinds of call center noise in the background. On top of that, when I asked what kind of phone he had he named the wrong device and it took him an awful long time to validate the billing address.
He wants me to send some phones out for him. I say no deal, he gets angry and belligerent, threatening to report me to <Red Checkmark> security for "ethical violations" and asks if I am ready to lose my job over this. It took every ounce of strength I had not to laugh.
Look dude. I know what you're doing, YOU know what you're doing, just...stop.
Usually they realize I'm not going to budge and they'll give up. Sometimes they persist to the point where I get "Manager approval" to complete the order and - Oh, would you look at that? The system just went down. Too bad...
Pushing the envelope
I seem to be a fraud magnet lately.
I got a call from this syrupy sweet sounding lady who gave me a complicated, long winded story about an ongoing saga between her and <Red Checkmark>. I didn't get all the details but the crux of it seems to be we sent her a phone and she never got it so can we please double check the shippin address and send another one if necessary?
Not in intself a crazy request but, and maybe I've just been doing this for too long, but my SC-sense was tingling on this call.
So I pull the order from the system and tell her what address it was sent to. Sounding somewhat huffy now, she states that no, that's the wrong address and proceeds to give me a different one.
What I do NOT tell her is that I see FIVE other orders on this account in the past two weeks, ALL being sent to different addresses (within the same geographical area - shocking!). There are also notes on the account that our Fraud department is watching this one and do not, repeat not, send out any more phones.
So I tell her nonchalantly I see where she's apparently been having issues getting phones delivered and I will be happy to send another one...but ONLY to her local <red checkmark> store, where she will be required to show ID to pick it up.
Ms. Syrupy sweet then becomes distinctly not so sweet and does the following in short order: 1) Accuses me of looking at the wrong account (Nope - I triple checked), 2) States that I MUST send another phone out because a manager already approved it (wrong!), 3) Says if I don't send a phone out she'll report us to the BBB (Good luck with that...)
I reiterate the only way she is getting a phone is to pick it up at a store with ID and she promptly disconnects the call.
As I said earlier, Fraud is all over this account now so she won't be getting any more phones (They will auto cancel any order placed or at the very least require additional verification before shipping) but, thanks to my coworkers who apparently don't bother to do much account research, she got us for Two Galaxy S7s, an LG V20 and an Iphone 6S plus. (The fifth order that was placed before she got to me was cancelled by Fraud)
Not the SC we're looking for
I felt a little bad for this guy...to a point.
He comes on my line and immediately launches into a tirade about how much our products suck, our customer service sucks, our network sucks, our prices suck. Then he starts dropping F bombs, calling us this name and that name and on and on. Like, at least 7 solid minutes of this.
As he is ranting I noticed no account has popped up on my screen. When he finally takes a breath I ask him what his number is. He gives it to me but it doesn't come up in my system.
I have a handy tool at work I can use to search numbers and it will tell me what provider (wireless or landline) a number is associated to. Lo and behold the number he gave me belongs to Death Star Wireless.
So, I confirm it one more time to be sure I had it right and then...
"Sir, which carrier are you with?"
"What kind of stupid question is that??? I'm with DEATH STAR!"
"Okay, well this is <Red Checkmark>, I don't think we'll be able to do much for you."
"Ah, dammit!" *CLICK*
And another one bites the dust.
Robbing people with a six gun..
Customer is very, VERY upset with us (his words!) beacuse he's switched phones and now can't figure out how to get his Torrents on to his new device. He openly admits the torrents are downloads of movies, tv shows etc that he did NOT pay for.
But here's the kicker: He's not so much upset that he can't get his Torrents back but about the fact that we refuse to HELP him to do so.
"Oh absolutely sir, no problem, I'll get you all that illegal stuff back in no time!" -
Google is your friend, you moron.
Customer standard time II: The Revenge!
It amazes me how few people actually want to take responsibility for their own mistakes:
Exhibit A:
Okay, maybe we did forget to add insurance to your account when you got the phone but apparently you didn't pay attention to your bills for SEVEN MONTHS, only realizing you didn't have insurance when it got stolen and you tried to make a claim.
Despite your assurances to the contrary sir, this very much IS your problem.
Exhibit B:
You called to cancel a line. It wasn't cancelled. Now you're calling us EIGHTEEN MONTHS later wanting credit for every single month it was supposed to have been cancelled. There are no notes saying you wanted to cancel and no notes where you called back in to see why it WASN'T cancelled. DENIED!
Exhibit C:
No, you can't return a phone to the store after having had it for SIX MONTHS. No that's not an unfair return policy. No you can't get a credit because your phone sucks.
Do you believe in Magic?
Apparently the answer is yes because here you are on my line expecting me to fix a phone that you DON'T EVEN HAVE WITH YOU! Yes, technology is great these days and we can do some things remotely, but in order to diagnose your problem I'd need you to do something on your phone that you are obviously unable to.
Let me guess: You're the same kind of guy who calls his mechanic to find out what's wrong with his car?
Mission Impossible VI: Uber Suck
Guy calls up because has a problem with his <Red Checkmark> internet service. It seems he's been calling month after month because his bill is always wrong.
No problem sir, but at this department we only handle cell phones. The internet billing department is closed for the night but here's there number and you give them a call...
SC: WHAT?? WHY the HELL are you giving me their number? I don't need their number, I need my bill fixed!
Me: Yes and you'll have to call them to address that.
SC: Bullshit. I don't believe you, you're just trying to get out of helping me.
Me: I'd love to help you if I could sir, but--
SC: Okay wiseguy, let me ask you a question: What company do you work for?
(In my head I hear Admiral Ackbar screaming: It's a trap!)
Me: I work for <Red Checkmark>
SC: Bingo. Now, at the top of my bill it says, <Red Checkmark>. See how that works? I pay the company for service, you work for the company, I'm not satified with the service, therefore it's YOUR job to help me!
Me: As I said earlier, I would love to help sir but I do not have access to the systems required nor the training to use them. We do not handle internet service at this department.
SC: But you're <red checkmark>!
Me: Yes but we have different departments with different capabilities in this company and this particular department can't do anything to help you.
SC: Bullshit, let me talk to a manager!
Me: I can put you on with a manager, but I want to make it clear: That person will not be able to help you either.
SC: I don't care! I want a manager!
Me: Please a hold a moment.
Take one guess how this ended. ONE.
Wifi whackjob
<Red Checkmark> has started rolling out wifi calling. It's pretty neat. If you're in area where the cell service sucks but you can connect to wifi, you can make calls and send text messages using that connection. I've used it myself before with good results.
So I get a call from this guy demanding a signal booster. I explain all the phones he has can do wifi calling. I can set you up in a few minutes, no extra equipment needed and you'll be good to go.
Dude, flies off the handle and starts complaining about how stupid it is that he has to use his wifi connection, that he pays for separately from his cell phone bill, to make calls.
"Sir, do you use Netflix at all?"
"Yeah, all the time. Why?"
"And you pay for it right?"
"Yeah...."
"And it uses the internet connection you also pay for, right?"
"...."
HA! Got you, didn't I?!
Of course he continues ranting on how that's different, so then I reply: "Well okay, how about this, have you bought a game off the App store?"
This pisses him off even more. I am trying so hard not to laugh because I know I've blown a Texas sized hole in his master plan.
After realizing he's not going to get anywhere with me he demands a manager. Shockingly, he didn't get far with her either.
Thanks for playing though!
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