What we have here is a failure to communicate

[Buzzard]

This is 90% of some IT calls. Deciphering what the luser means when they say the garbledegunk that comes out of their mouths. Lost count of the number of times I said (more or less), "Now when you say 'it's not working,' what exactly are you seeing it do?"

I just love the calls about "It threw up some sort of error" ...Okay, so what does this error say? "I don't know, it's an error" Did you even try to rea "It's an error. Fix it."

[Gidgetdigit]

Sammies and sunnies sounds like those Britishisms that annoy me no end. Let’s have chokkie bikkies for brekkie while we open our Chrissie pressies.

Never go to Australia, then. That is Ground Zero for abbreviated wordies.

I know language use changes over time, and it's going to change whether I like it or not, but you will never hear me saying:

"a new build" - is it so hard to say building, or house, as appropriate?
"a big ask" - it's a request, and this way sounds like "big a$$" to me
"going to gym", instead of to the gym
"pant", "shoe", and all the endless variations where a plural word for a piece of clothing becomes singular - it sounds so pretentious to me

I am going OT, though. This could be another thread in itself.

[SpyOne]

Rarer that the customers who don't know the correct names for things are the service people who insist on specialized terms.

Part of the 30 minute training in how to be a cashier at a gas station is a rundown of the names of various parts of the gas equipment, so that you can be clear when you are reporting a problem.

Most of them are pretty clear or obvious, but one is ... correct, but counter to common usage.

The bit that sticks in the car is the nozzle, the bit that connects to it is a hose, the point where it attaches to the main unit, that is designed to separate if you yank real hard, it the breakaway.
And the main unit, the collective name for the display and the card reader and all the other equipment, the thing with a big number on it so you can tell which one people mean? That's a dispenser; the pump is a little electrical part inside that thing.

I mean I get it: that little electrical thing is the actual pump, pulling gas from the underground tank. But absolutely everybody calls the dispenser a "pump", and the maintenance guys should be prepared to deal with that.

[telecom_goddess]

Oohhhh abbreviated wordies, that's it! I HATE THOSE!!!
merch (merchandise!)
supe (supervisor!)
and countless others I can't remember right now cause they annoy me so bad, but it's getting BAD in the US as well.

[earl colby pottinger]

Reading vs cost

I just love the calls about "It threw up some sort of error" ...Okay, so what does this error say? "I don't know, it's an error" Did you even try to rea "It's an error. Fix it."

What gets me is the amount of money they end up spending because they will not read one line in English.

One call, one hour drive, one hour onsite charge (fix took 5 minutes), one hour drive back - Error Message: Wrong size paper in Tray 2 - Charge 3 hours at $75 plus tax.

Another call after rate have gone up, short drive. one hour onsite charge (fix took 3 minutes), short drive back - Error Message: No paper in MP Tray - Charge 2 hours at $100 plus tax.

Read the error messages people.

[Sarlon]

oooo you'd have fun with our systems at my office then...

in order to make things more streamlined, they're upgrading all our programs to work with each other seamlessly....the final product was supposed to be launched 3/2019.


a tentative date for the final release? sometime in 2020....maybe late in the year.

taking payment? sure...OOPS!!! you fail!! there are 10 different things that you could have entered incorrectly....but we're not gonna tell you.....just figure it out yourself. (error #1)

card decline? uh....sure....here's the decline code (3 letters and 4 numbers and no chart to look it up anymore) (error #2)

my PERSONAL favorite....it gave me the red box of error, with NOTHING written inside it to even say you fail (see error #1), and no one can duplicate the problem.

[CyberLurch]

Yesterday I had a guy call my store asking for a product that is apparently quite well known... by using the name it hasn't been called by for at least a decade. I've been working here for two months. I asked him to spell it for me, unable to find it in my system after my first guess. He accused me of being a smart ass.

I'm curious to know what that item was, and what it was known by a decade ago. Call it a sort of interest of mine.

[greyblade23]

"Ports" for Newports, which is at least better than the people who just say "Cigarettes" or "Shorts" and assume you know they mean Newports.

Black & Mild, a type of cigar, is often shortened to just "Black". Which is okay by itself, but "A pack of black sweets" could mean a pack of Sweet Black & Milds, or a pack of Black Sweet flavor Game cigars.

Years ago the local TV news anchor did a little editorial on the new terms he had learned over his decades of life. (He mentioned having a bit of hearing loss from standing too close to an antiaircraft gun while a young reporter in London.

"For example, 'hertigo' means 'will you be dining in out dining room, or taking your purchase to an alfresco dining location of your own selection."

Yes, he pronounced it like it rhymed with "vertigo".

[r/malicious compliance] When I worked in convenience stores in Texas (Amarillo, the armpit of the state), many MJ smokers referred to cigarillos as "skins". For the curious, they hollow out the cigarillo and pack it with ganja. We also sold a brand of condoms called Skinz. I often took pleasure in playing the 'clueless middle-aged white guy' by trying to sell them condoms instead of cigarillos. [/r/malicious compliance]

[Minflick]

Never go to Australia, then. That is Ground Zero for abbreviated wordies.

I know language use changes over time, and it's going to change whether I like it or not, but you will never hear me saying:

"a new build" - is it so hard to say building, or house, as appropriate?
"a big ask" - it's a request, and this way sounds like "big a$$" to me
"going to gym", instead of to the gym
"pant", "shoe", and all the endless variations where a plural word for a piece of clothing becomes singular - it sounds so pretentious to me

I am going OT, though. This could be another thread in itself.

I don't thing this is a contraction of a noun, I think it's being used as a verb here. (I could oh so easily be wrong). It's not a remodel, it's new, and has different permits, and job needs.

[Sparklyturtle]

Then there are the times the cashier is clueless. I was working at a small market like a 7-11 and a customer came in asking about "hams." I sent him to the deli case. Turned out he wanted Hamms the beer. At least we both got a good giggle out of it. Then there were the times people would ask for a recommendation of a good wine to take to someone's house. Now, I am a nondrinker who finds most alcohol disgusting, and what I know about wines even today would fit in a thimble. I knew that Thunderbird, Ripple, and Night Train were cheap, and we sold this one brand of port for 99 cents that could probably take the paint off cars, so I knew not to recommend any of them. So, I would recommend the wine a frequent wine-buying customer would buy, and no one came back and punched me so it must have been okay.

[MoonCat]

Never go to Australia, then. That is Ground Zero for abbreviated wordies.

I know language use changes over time, and it's going to change whether I like it or not, but you will never hear me saying:

"a new build" - is it so hard to say building, or house, as appropriate?
"a big ask" - it's a request, and this way sounds like "big a$$" to me
"going to gym", instead of to the gym
"pant", "shoe", and all the endless variations where a plural word for a piece of clothing becomes singular - it sounds so pretentious to me

I am going OT, though. This could be another thread in itself.

The one that bugs me is "a red lip" (or pink or whatever), or "your pout".

IT'S RED LIPSTICK! AND YOUR LIPS, NOT A POUT!!

[Dreamstalker]

Then there were the times people would ask for a recommendation of a good wine to take to someone's house. Now, I am a nondrinker who finds most alcohol disgusting, and what I know about wines even today would fit in a thimble.

Every few months our wine shop has some sale, and we're all supposed to wear shirts advertising it. I think the back says something like "Ask Me About Vino Day". Even the warehouse guys are supposed to wear them. Most of Grocery doesn't drink wine very often.

I don't drink at all and two of our Storytellers are actually underage...we were able to successfully argue why we can't wear the shirts. Not only would forcing a minor to advertise wine be sketchy (and possibly violate some law), we don't know near enough to actually help customers with wine and asking a nondrinker for wine recs is like asking a llama about particle physics.

[Mental_Mouse]

A guy I used to know told me about how he accidentally pissed off a customer once when he was working at a job, simply because he misheard/misunderstood her.

I lady drove up to the front of the garage and asked him if they had a vacuum. He told her, "No, I don't, but if you bring it around back, I'll blow it out with an airhose."

The lady started yelling at him, and he had no idea why. Turned out she had asked if they had a bathroom, not a vacuum. Oops.

I've had issues like that, though not quite so spectacular. (Hearing-impaired since birth.) Fortunately, I do have the common sense to go "woah, they could not actually have said that" when appropriate, but that's of limited help with, say, author's names.

[SpyOne]

This is English: word order matters

Garcia y Vega makes a brand of cigars called Game. Every last one of the more than 25 varieties says on the package "Natural Leaf Cigarillos".
Five of those varieties are a sub-brand called Game Leaf.
One flavor of those is Natural.

Thus, that one flavor should be identified as a "Game Leaf, Natural."
Calling it a "Natural Game Leaf" is marginally acceptable, as some people use that where the word "Natural" is just redundant and confusing, as in the phrase "a Natural Game Leaf, Cognac."
"Cognac Game Leaf" is clear, but "Natural Game Leaf" is not, since the word Natural is not just a flavor, but also a description of the product.
But the name of the sub-brand is "Game Leaf", so those words belong together.
And calling it a "Game Natural Leaf", well that could apply to ANY of the Game cigars, as they are all "Natural Leaf" cigars.