Call my next appointment..

[Crazeyal]

And tell them I STINK!!


...allow me to explain (sorry.. Had [long] in the title but the website was vexxing me...)

I did service for residential Alarm systems on Long Island NY. Now NYC has a pretty nasty rap as far as cleanliness goes (and quite a lot else for that matter!) But a good deal of the stories are exaggerations or isolated incidents. If you go to the projects in Bedford Styvesant or Spanish Harlem... It can get pretty rough. But this was LONG ISLAND. It cost a good deal to live there, even if you were working class. People (Landlords and homeowners alike) protected their investment.

I get an emergency service call. The company I'm working for is actually a heating oil entity. The Alarms came as a side-business and became profitable. The amount of "Emergency" calls were few and far between, simply because it cost more to get same day service. Most of the people who'd call a HEATING company for an alarm were a bit on the cheap side, so I rarely had to drop everything and rush to some site.

This person set off alarm bells and red flags in my head the SECOND I laid eyes on her. I usually introduce myself by knocking on the door, bleating the company line, and asking the problem. The customer surprised me by flinging the door open upon my approach. An overloud TV blasted through the doorway as steam wafted from the cool inside to the August heat. The customer was dressed in an ornate beaded top and SWEAT PANTS. Once upon a time she might have been a blond beauty, but now she was a 60+ scraggly headed, thin lipped NIGHTMARE of varicose veins and misapplied lipstick. The woman had either starved herself for YEARS or had liposuction of the FACE. A good breeze would have dried her up (and saved Oz!)

"OHMUYGODWHEREWEREYOU????" were the first bleated words she launched at me... in about .3 nanoseconds. While my brain tried fervantly to process the whining (not unlike picking up the phone and hearing a fax) she continued to whine, bitch and accuse me of not being here YESTERDAY when she called.

Me= Suave Devil (literally if you come to DragonCon)
PS= Psycho bitch from HELL (no relation)

Me: Ma'am.. if you'd..
PS: (cutting me off again) I called YESterday and NO-one CAAAAAAME
Me: Ma'am the standard service call is dependant on our schedule and there were..
PS: (you guessed it)BUTICALLEDYESTERDAYANDNOONECAMEAND *gasp* THEY WANTMOOOOONEYITSNOTFAAAAIR
Me: *sigh* Ma'am.. I'm sorry.. I don't make the schedule and I DON'T get any extra money for this. What needs to be fixed?

(I'll save a LOT of typing and your time if I just say it took TEN MINUTES to just get into the damn house!!)

When I came into the home, I found out some key facts:

She was RENTING
The Landlords were KICKING HER OUT
She had ONE FRIKKEN DAY to get the house back in order (which also meant a working Alarm system)
It was NOT the TV that was making the noise
That was NOT steam that ws escaping


The woman had about FIFTEEN Dogs and Cats just running MAD about the place. The cats were eitehr Feral or fiercely territorial, and the dogs (mostly toy breeds) were either VERY upset about being in (exTREEEEEMLY dirty) cages or just wanted to kill me... perhaps both.

The STENCH was nearly unbearable.

Normally I would have walked out the door. But I was on my second month of probation to a Union job. If I was fired for walking off a job, I could expect no help from the Union because I was not part of it yet. Worse, they WOULD hound me with bad review and responses for screwing up their contract. Even in the reduced state of affairs (Unions have a SLIVER of power that they once held in NYC) it was a BAD idea to piss them off.

I held my breath...


A LOT!

The woman followed me around, LOUDLY complaining about "Bad DOG" this and "NAUGHTY KITTY" when an uncleaned turd blocked my passage to the Alarm. This happened at EVERY WINDOW! She kept explaining to me (I could give a $#%#$! dammit!) about a "cleaning girl" who was late... (what'd she have?? a stick of dynamite??!!)
The main problem was that this woman had NEVER cleaned ths place! Let me explain something. I'm second generation in Alarms. I was around when the devices were two lantern batteries and copper wire! This place had foiled windows. Foil is GONE. Obsolete. It used to be standard in all Alarms. All it consisted of was a lead/tin tape that was streched over glass. If you broke the glass, you broke the tape, BAM... ALARM! All foil will tarnish if you don't cover it. It's LEAD AND TIN. Most people used simple clear varnish.

This woman had SO many animals urinating SO often that all of the varnish had disintegrated YEARS ago. The foil was DISINTEGRATED! The only thing left was akin to the railings you'd see in a SHIPWRECK GRAVEYARD! The windows actually had what amounted to a metallic STAIN left over.

Did I mention Foil was obsolete?

Meaning you can't GET anymore.

I tried. I patched each and every mulion(the wood parts in a multipane glass) on the first window. It took me forty minutes. I got ONE ZONE PATCHED. To which she uttered the immortal words "WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?!?!?"

I went outside and called my dispatcher.

HE SAID THE SAME %#$#$ THING!!!

I quickly explained the situation and he THEN advised me that the woman had only paid for an EVALUATION, and she badgered the front office until they agreed to send someone. I was to finish WITHIN the hour and make the woman happy.

What I told HIM to do was not anatomically possible...

But I would have appreciated the effort.

After letting my dispatcher know my displeasure at him NOT telling me this fact earlier, I went back into HELL and simply cut a loop of wire, removed the ruined foil from the alarm system, and stapled it (sideways.. ON PURPOSE) to the window frame.

I left without saying goodbye.

As soon as the afternoon breeze hit me, I realized just how BAD it had smelled in there. Then the breeze let off. When the smell came back... I knew I was in trouble...



It was ME...

I called my dispatcher and told them I wouldn't make it to my next appointment. When my DIPSHIT dispatcher started bleating about "WHYYYY?" I stopped him short and told him that if I showed up at ANYONE'S house smelling like this... they'd sue the company!

I drove home, got out of my uniform and started to hit the shower. My nose wouldn't let me. The clothes had gotten the worst of it (my poor hair though...) and they were trying to reattach themselves to me, VENOM STYLE!!! I grabbed the stinking mass of cloth and fully intended to head downstairs to the washing machine. The garbage can ATE them.. I SWEAR!!!

After a quick shower I was ready to get on the road..

Twenty minutes later I get an angry call from my dispatcher, wondering where the $@##@$% I was?!?!?

WASHING THE INSIDE OF MY $@#@#ING TRUCK!!! I bellowed... and hung up.



I had a talk with the Union rep over THAT one...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

At least you have the courage to admit it

Seriously--what a pig. No wonder she was being given the boot.

[Erin]

I'll bet the people she was renting from probably had to burn the house down and rebuild.

I've lived close to several animal hoarders. The worst one was the woman who had close to 200 cats in a 2400sq foot house.

When animal control went in to collect all the cats (the woman had been collected earlier that day by an ambulance and some nice men in white coats) They had to have biohazard suits....the kind that were worn in the movie Outbreak.

They got the cats out, a lot of them had to be put down. The house was a total loss. It was torn down, and the foundation was ripped out by big machines and then they filled in the hole with dirt. One of the neighbors that lived next to the house bought the land and planted a nice garden. It's been about 10yrs and that plot of land still has a nice garden in it, and I think the guy who owns the land put a couple of swingsets on the land for his grandchildren to play on. It looks really nice.


I really hate cats, but when I see people hoarding them to the point where it's impossible to care for them, I feel bad for the cats.

[Sliceanddice]

ewwwwwwwww ewwwwwwwwwww ewwwwwwwwwwww
Ok thats like a health disaster. Call the aspca call the cops call a fumagator.
must forget

[Crazeyal]

The amount of Ammonia was simply DAUNTING. I had a headache after 5 minutes. these days I'd refuse to work in such conditions and calmly let my superiors know there was a health risk and LIABILITY issue. Managers usually listen when you scream lawyer.

[myswtghst]

At one point, due to me being overnice and taking in two fosters with respiratory infections after Hurricane Katrina in addition to my two cats, I had four cats in a 1-bedroom apartment for a while. Even with them separated for "quarantine" my whole apartment still ended up overmessy/hairy/stinky. After that, I do not want any more pets until I get a bigger place.

I cannot even begin to imagine how/why anyone would have that many animals in such a small place.

[Crazeyal]

You can get used to ANYTHING. After the 1st half hour I stopped gagging. It was only after I'd actually gotten fresh air into my terrorized nostrils did I realize they were burning.

[Kiwi]

Lord I refuse to sit down in someones house/car if they have animal/cat hair on the seats or floor. (I dont care if its rude either) I dont know how you could stand going into that mess!

[XCashier]

And she's probably wondering why she's getting evicted...

I hope Animal Welfare was called on her? Making animals live in filth is nothing short of cruelty. She deserves some serious jail time.

How can anyone let themselves sink that low? Even if the olfactory shuts down due to fatigue, you can still see the droppings everywhere.

[bigjimaz]

Back when I was a paramedic I responded to a call of an unresponsive man. When we arrived at the residence I was greeted by the smell first, then the family. (wife and 2 grown children) I walked into the rowhouse (there were ten homes, all connected) to find garbage, dog and cat cages all piled 5 feet high for as far as you can see. There were cats foraging in the garbage, apparently looking for food. The dogs in the cages were emaciated. All of the members of the family were overweight so they fed themselves. There was literally a path about a foot wide from each chair in the living room to the steps and to the kitchen. What wasn't in the path was old fast food containers, plastic 2 liter pop bottles. It was as if they didn't own a garbage can or throw anything out.

The EMT determined very quickly that the man was in cardiac arrest. We had absolutely no room in the house to do anything but pick him up and take him to the ambulance and work on him there. (he, unfortunately, didn't make it) When I was done, but still at the hospital, I called dispatch and told them of what I had seen. The next time I got to the street again, there was a conspicuously empty slot in the center of the 10 rowhouses. Apparently the condition of the house was so bad that the city condemned it and tore it down.

[TeslaRecoil]

Well, much like the rest of the free world, Long Island is not without it's fair share of unwashed miscreants, cat-ladies, and general wastes of life. And believe me, it's got it's fair share of "less than desirable" neighborhoods as well.

Having lived here my whole life (or most of it), what you described doesn't surprise me one bit. Check out this article from a few weeks back in Newsday ... focus on the pictures of the inside of the house ...

http://www.newsday.com/search/ny-lih...,7170786.story

[Kilamon]

Back in the day, I was a field tech for computers. I represented some big names which are no longer so big now. In any case, one of those companies was often used in large business environments. My call, that day, was to go to one of these companies and see why a monitor had stopped working.

Stupidly, I called and arranged a time for the morning. More stupidly, I didn't consider that the business site would be off of the factory floor. As the grand finale, it was for a large-scale dog food manufacturer.

I got to the site and it was my first of the day, in my fresh slacks, tie and shirt (dress code!). The monitor and other computer equipment was in a seperate room and that room was just about 4 feet away from where all the dry dog food was being bagged.

The dog food dust was everywhere.

SOP at the time was to remove the old CRT and replace it, usually tube only. In this instance, I couldn't since the monitor was practically arcing from all the dust in the circuitry. That meant a second trip. Oh, and of course now that I'm there, the employees had a couple other items that needed to be replaced because they mysteriously stopped working. Le sigh.

We had a long discussion about how the computers they were using were for an office environment, not a dust-filled factory, and they needed to cover them and provide proper care.

When I left, I had to reschedule all my appointments, go home, shower and get fresh clothes. Oddly, the neighbour's dog greeted me when I arrived home. :P I had to make TWO more trips out there, though I made sure to take a dust mask (now part of my standard field kit) and schedule them for my last call of the day.

I'm so glad I don't do that any more. Dealing with petty sorority girls, stupid home users and pensioners that shouldn't be allowed to use a VCR, much less a computer, was challenging for the first couple of months and became tiresome after that. A good summer job, though.

[Noelegy]

Oh, that makes me so sad for the animals. I've heard that animal hoarders start out with good intentions, but I still can't believe anyone who honestly loves animals would make them live under those conditions.

[Crazyredhead]

Although I love cats, the more the merrier is what I say. I can't say no to a kitten mewing pitifully. Unfortunatley, hubby doens't feel the same way. I would take in every stray cat that comes to the door, and so will my girls. but I would never keep put there, and mine, health in danger.

There is a cat rescue house in town and I went there to ask them some questions. I nearly passed out when I opened the door. It smelled like pure amonia in there. They had so many cats in there. They were using Special Kitty litter and were trying to change the pans. I suggested that they use the clumping litter and can scoop it every day and it shouldn't smell so bad.

I have gotten rid of kittens that wouldn't learn the litter box. I refuse to have a cat or dog that urinates or poops on the carpet. I will sweep the couch for hair at least every other day. My cats learn quick not to sharpen there claws on the furniture, or they will find a shoe or what ever is at hand, flung at them.

Unfortunatly hubby hates cats and will find any excuse to put them down or to blame something on them.

[Andara Bledin]

A great way to train cats is to use a squirt bottle. They hate the idea that you can punish them from across the room, and water is harmless for most applications.

After a couple hits, all you have to do is shake the bottle, and they get the hint.

^-.-^