As I have been beseeched to post more often during the week, thus I shall.
Desensitized
Nothing says Granville like a weird old guy with no neck in a Hawaiian shirt so new the price tag is still dangling from it, with black slacks, nice shoes, a backpack and one hand down the front of his pants hunting for truffles. God bless you, Vancouver. I am so desensitized now nothing phases me.
Timeleap
Me: "Alright, that will come to $xxx and take about two weeks to arrive."
SC: "How long till it arrives?"
Me: "About two weeks."
See? SEE? I know some of you doubted my 3 second time leaping ability last week. So I offer yet more proof. Behold! Yet I still sense some doubt…..
Timeleap 2
Me: "One of our travel agents can assist you after 8am pacific. But we're only at 5am here right now."
SC: "Oh, ok, what time is it there?"
Me: "5am."
See? DOUBT NOT MY POWER. Insignificant as it is. Still, DOUBT NOT.
( The morning floor sup suggested I add timeleaping or timeshifting to my otherwise lengthy messiah title. )
Indecision
SC: "You guys have a seminar going on the 26th and the 28th in Ottawa?"
Me: "Yes we do, would you like to register?"
SC: "What about the 27th?"
Me: "There's a seminar in Kanata on the 27th."
SC: "Oh. Where's the 26th one?"
Me: "That one's at the such and such hotel in Ottawa on the 26th."
SC: "and the one on the 28th?"
Me: "That’s in Ottawa at the such and such hotel."
SC: "Where was the 26th again?"
Me: "Such and such in Ottawa."
SC: "hmm…...and the 27th?"
Me: "Such and such at Kanata"
SC: "What time is that one?"
Me: "All of the seminars run at 1pm then again at 7pm at every location."
SC: "Oh…what about the 28th? What time is that one at?"
Me: "1pm and 7pm."
SC: "Oh, ok, what about-"
MAKE. A. DECISION. Before I try to stab you in the face with my computer speaker. I know its not sharp and it won't pierce skin on the first try but I'm willing to put in the time and effort required to make it do so. So either pick a seminar or clear your schedule because you have an appointment with the Mli 699 Hi-Fi Sound Monitor with Magnetic Shielding. The two of you are going to become very intimate with each other but it may take an hour or two of work on my part before you warm up to each other. Bring roses.
Prizes
Me: "Good evening, <company name> Roofing and Drainage"
SC: "Drainage? What was this?"
Me "<company> Roofing and Drainage"
SC: "This isn't a cab?"
Ding ding ding! We have a winner! What's your prize, you ask? My scorn and ire. Both come with a lifetime guarantee. Enjoy.
Geography
SC: "Yeah I had some questions about your resort-"
Me: "Alright, well our travel agents do not arrive until 8am pacific. But they should be able to answer your questi-"
SC: "What currency do you use there?"
Me: "….our travel agents can assist you with that after 8am."
SC: "What currency do you use there in the Bahamas? Euros?"
Me: "……..this is <company name>, not the Bahamas."
….Euros? You think they use EUROS in the Bahamas? Did England annex Cuba last night? Are they using it as a staging platform to invade? No? Then no, they don't use Euros. Its not even that hard. I mean they're called EUROS. Euros. Europe. Get it? Got it? Good. Now go away. I still have one speaker left and its lonely.
( Yes I'm aware two of the islands around that area belong to Britain. But they aren't the Bahamas and they don't use Euros either so NAH. )
Industrial Power
( This company deals with industrial quantities of bulk gases such as O2 or CO2 tanks. )
Me: "Good morning, <company name thats quite obvious what they sell>."
SC: "Excuse me?"
Me: "This is <company name thats quite obvious what they sell>."
SC: "Do you deal with accessories?"
Me: "Accessories for what?"
SC: "Cell phones."
Not unless your cell phone irrationally requires industrial size air tanks to operate, no. Not even close really. That'd be a hell of a cell phone though.
Off Target
Me: "Good morning, <company name> roofing."
SC: "I'm calling about a sign I saw for government jobs?"
Me: "You have the wrong number."
SC: "Oh, ok, bye."
You're even more off then the cell phone air tank woman. But much less persistent. I like that. Have a cookie.
Day one: Complete.
Desensitized
Nothing says Granville like a weird old guy with no neck in a Hawaiian shirt so new the price tag is still dangling from it, with black slacks, nice shoes, a backpack and one hand down the front of his pants hunting for truffles. God bless you, Vancouver. I am so desensitized now nothing phases me.
Timeleap
Me: "Alright, that will come to $xxx and take about two weeks to arrive."
SC: "How long till it arrives?"
Me: "About two weeks."
See? SEE? I know some of you doubted my 3 second time leaping ability last week. So I offer yet more proof. Behold! Yet I still sense some doubt…..
Timeleap 2
Me: "One of our travel agents can assist you after 8am pacific. But we're only at 5am here right now."
SC: "Oh, ok, what time is it there?"
Me: "5am."
See? DOUBT NOT MY POWER. Insignificant as it is. Still, DOUBT NOT.
( The morning floor sup suggested I add timeleaping or timeshifting to my otherwise lengthy messiah title. )
Indecision
SC: "You guys have a seminar going on the 26th and the 28th in Ottawa?"
Me: "Yes we do, would you like to register?"
SC: "What about the 27th?"
Me: "There's a seminar in Kanata on the 27th."
SC: "Oh. Where's the 26th one?"
Me: "That one's at the such and such hotel in Ottawa on the 26th."
SC: "and the one on the 28th?"
Me: "That’s in Ottawa at the such and such hotel."
SC: "Where was the 26th again?"
Me: "Such and such in Ottawa."
SC: "hmm…...and the 27th?"
Me: "Such and such at Kanata"
SC: "What time is that one?"
Me: "All of the seminars run at 1pm then again at 7pm at every location."
SC: "Oh…what about the 28th? What time is that one at?"
Me: "1pm and 7pm."
SC: "Oh, ok, what about-"
MAKE. A. DECISION. Before I try to stab you in the face with my computer speaker. I know its not sharp and it won't pierce skin on the first try but I'm willing to put in the time and effort required to make it do so. So either pick a seminar or clear your schedule because you have an appointment with the Mli 699 Hi-Fi Sound Monitor with Magnetic Shielding. The two of you are going to become very intimate with each other but it may take an hour or two of work on my part before you warm up to each other. Bring roses.
Prizes
Me: "Good evening, <company name> Roofing and Drainage"
SC: "Drainage? What was this?"
Me "<company> Roofing and Drainage"
SC: "This isn't a cab?"
Ding ding ding! We have a winner! What's your prize, you ask? My scorn and ire. Both come with a lifetime guarantee. Enjoy.
Geography
SC: "Yeah I had some questions about your resort-"
Me: "Alright, well our travel agents do not arrive until 8am pacific. But they should be able to answer your questi-"
SC: "What currency do you use there?"
Me: "….our travel agents can assist you with that after 8am."
SC: "What currency do you use there in the Bahamas? Euros?"
Me: "……..this is <company name>, not the Bahamas."
….Euros? You think they use EUROS in the Bahamas? Did England annex Cuba last night? Are they using it as a staging platform to invade? No? Then no, they don't use Euros. Its not even that hard. I mean they're called EUROS. Euros. Europe. Get it? Got it? Good. Now go away. I still have one speaker left and its lonely.
( Yes I'm aware two of the islands around that area belong to Britain. But they aren't the Bahamas and they don't use Euros either so NAH. )
Industrial Power
( This company deals with industrial quantities of bulk gases such as O2 or CO2 tanks. )
Me: "Good morning, <company name thats quite obvious what they sell>."
SC: "Excuse me?"
Me: "This is <company name thats quite obvious what they sell>."
SC: "Do you deal with accessories?"
Me: "Accessories for what?"
SC: "Cell phones."
Not unless your cell phone irrationally requires industrial size air tanks to operate, no. Not even close really. That'd be a hell of a cell phone though.
Off Target
Me: "Good morning, <company name> roofing."
SC: "I'm calling about a sign I saw for government jobs?"
Me: "You have the wrong number."
SC: "Oh, ok, bye."
You're even more off then the cell phone air tank woman. But much less persistent. I like that. Have a cookie.
Day one: Complete.
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