Rude,annoying ignorant SC jokes, Please list them.

[Racket_Man]

a few from my days at the gas station

BIGGEST JOKE that I could have gotten some one in SERIOUS trouble for---> SC hands me a $50 or $100 and I do a few checks to see if it is legit. they say "Oh its REAL I just printed off this morning" Thinking "Oh really I have your license plate and now I am going to call the Secrete Service or the FBI"

2. Darn scanner is giving me trouble like everyone has said above NO IT IS NOT FREE JERK WOOD

3. any "funny statement" made by 20% of mu customers like I have NEVER NOT heard that one before and yes I did tell them that in a very stern voice

[Anoki]

Note: I have very short hair for a girl. Sometimes I'm mistaken for a boy. I like that, it makes me HAPPY (my mother, a little less so).

If I have my back turned (or not), a customer calls for my attention: "Excuse me, young man?"

I usually just smile, turn around and ask what I can help them with. From here, there are two main responses.

1) Oh! You're a girl! Haha, girls don't work at hardware stores!
You're right. I'm not really here. Neither are YOU. How fantastic!

2) Oh dear, I'm so sorry! Umm...could you (sounds of restrained laughter) call a young man to help me load something/cut something/find something? (cute grin)
I know this sounds weird, but just because I have BREASTS doesn't mean I can't do any of those things.

[MoonChild2007]

Not really a joke, but I hate it when people tell me to smile - especially random people who are just walking by and I'm not even helping them. There are days when I really don't want to smile - I'm upset about something, I don't feel well, whatever...I can still be polite and pleasant, I don't need to be grinning like an idiot to give good service. And then sometimes I am feeling just fine but there's no one around and I'm just going about my day, sorting paperwork or whatever (I usually got this one when I was at cashwrap for some reason), not frowning, just neutral, and some asshat happens by..."Smile!" So I just go ! Happy? Now go away!

I have been known to say "You look bored" but only when they really do look bored. I also have never said "let me put you to work!"

I hate that, too! My favorite is "hey, its not that bad". Okay, I am working with coworkers who talk down to me, customers who like to treat me like crap and you think its not that bad? Granted I shouldn't let my personal feelings show in my face.

[Lehk]

I hate asshats that come into my line and when I'm ringing them up, point to my abnormally large stomach, and say in that annoying sing-song voice, "Looks like someone needs to go on a diet."

i would get fired for my response to that.

possibly arrested too.

[myswtghst]

See, I'm pretty ok with most of the jokes my customers make--even the stupid ones who respond to "is there anything else I can do for you today?" with "the winning lotto numbers?" or "five pound box of fifties, please!" At least they're in a good mood.

We've had a few instances since I've been here of people crossing way beyond the line with tasteless religious jokes or rascist jokes though, and my poor, sweet coworker literally just went speechless and couldn't even think to get a sup on the line when she got stuck with a jerk doing just that. Grr.

[LadyAndreca]

I don't mind most of the jokes. "Guess it's free!" usually gets a "Nice try!" out of me, and the "You look bored, let me give you something to do" is usually a GOOD thing because the managers HATE seeing people standing around and WILL chew you out for it.

I really don't like the "Give me a million dollars", "Give me the winning lottery numbers", or the close relative "pay my bill for me". Though I had a customer today say the first one, then laugh before I could say anything and say, "I know, I know, if you had it, you wouldn't be here helping me." I couldn't help smiling at that one.

[Mighty Girl]

I was behind an idiot that made this joke, and my big mouth got the better of me...

It was some redneck and he was calling all the girls "honey", you know the type. His item didn't scan, and he said that "it must be free".

Then it happened- word vomit.

Me: Absolutely it's free. And don't you mind those pesky security guards when they tackle your sorry ass on the way out.

He nervously laughed and kept looking forward (oh darn, was so looking forward to another penpal).

[Mighty Girl]

Oh.. my.. god. I cannot believe someone would be so RUDE as to actually say that to you! I would NEVER in a million years even think about saying something like that to someone!! In that case, you definately have a right to be rude right back to them.. that is just uncalled for. WTF is wrong with people..?

Excellent question, but I have no answer for you. When I was pregnant, people would try to touch my stomach. Now- I have personal space requirements EVEN WITH FAMILY MEMBERS. I sure as hell don't want some stranger feeling me up. Plus, when you're pregnant smells you never noticed before make you want to hurl quite often. So some old woman who drenched herself in perfume may look like a harmless little old lady to most people, but when she approached my swollen belly with her hand, it got smacked. It's called boundaries, people.

And don't even get me started on the people who assume you're pregnant AFTER you've already given birth.

[Imogene]

"Smile!"
gets met with me pulling my mouth open as far as I can go, no reflection of the joy in my eyes, and most of my smile is fangs. Scares the hell out of customers. Of course, it also tends to go lopsided to my left, thanks to the stroke.

"Anything else I can get you today?"/"Money!"
Gets a ," Hmm, I just know I robbed a bank this morning, now where'd I put the loot?"

"It must be free!"
"Nope, I've got these handy things, they're called... fingers! I can type the barcode into the system, and it will find a price for me. OR: I will call another store to find out their price on it."

[Mark Healey]

I think this is something we should be more understanding about.

Think about the relative frequencies of the situation for the joke to be told between the cashier and the customer. I buy, maybe, 30 things a week. A cashier in a supermarked sells probably a couple of thousand in an hour. If only 1 in 10,000 items doesn't scan the cashier sees it eight times a week. I'll see it once in every six plus years. It's an unusualy situation for me a little joke might be appropriate.

Sometimes jokes aren't told for the laugh. Sometimes they are just to acknowledge an uncomfortable situation with out seeming like a sob sister.

[Mark Healey]

I hate asshats that come into my line and when I'm ringing them up, point to my abnormally large stomach, and say in that annoying sing-song voice, "Looks like someone needs to go on a diet." or "And that's what happens when you eat too much junk food."

Once when I was enjoyint my ultimate cheeseburger at work some old hippie says to me "you are what you eat.".

Before I could say anything my boss gave me the "don't say anything" gesture.

What I wanted to say is "And what should I infer about you being such a DICK".

[mischugenah]

(2) (This one takes a bit of explanation)
Nosy customer wanted to know why my laptop was on the counter. I told him I was finishing some homework. He asked, grinning, if I was studying to get my GED.

I could barely stop my fist from crossing the counter to greet his chin. I take my college career seriously, and an assault record really wouldn't help to further my education.

Meh, I'd file this one under 'he couldn't have known'. Yes, it would have been far politer and more intelligent to say something like "Really? What are you studying?" But this is the American public we're talking about. My answer would probably have been "No, I'm studying for my PhD."

Note: I have very short hair for a girl. Sometimes I'm mistaken for a boy. I like that, it makes me HAPPY (my mother, a little less so).
[/I]

*grins* Maybe we need to start a club. Although my mom doesn't really mind, my grandmother used to have FITS.

[batmoody]

I hate the "You look bored" or "Need something to do?" bit as well but the one that bugs me the most is "You look lonely."

I always respond with "Gee, thanks, so do you!"

That wipes their clever smile off their face.

Also, now when they make the comment "Oh it must be free!" I respond with, "No. That means it's priceless. You still want it?"

After 18 years in retail, I learned that comeback here on this site, and its the best one ever! The looks I get after that one really are priceless.

[Pedersen]

My own 2 cents on the people who tell cashiers to smile:

I do it, sometimes, but in a specific manner, with a specific reason. There are some people out there who have such beautiful smiles that they really do make the place seem better when they smile.

If I see a person that I think has that sort of smile, but doesn't show it, I'll say something like "I'll bet your smile lights up the room." And if they do choose to share it, I'll make to say thank you and smile back. They really do make the day better for me, at least.

And, I hope I make their day better by telling them that they have at least one good thing about them that even a random stranger can see.

I hope so, anyway.

[Catwoman2965]

My pet peeve is those who say to you anything along the lines of "oh, now you've got some work to do" or "Here's something to keep you busy - I could have been running my ass off for an hour, and just simply stopped to take a breather, yet they assume if you are standing there, you've been doing nothing all day.

Some of our managers think that way as well...esp. if they come out of the back, and see you standing, seemingly doing nothing. You didn't see me as you were in the office, yapping to your significant other for the last 1/2 hour, so STFU and let me get on with my work!