"Then why can you take it out?"

[EclipseDragon986]

First post, probably should say hi first, but I can't sit on this story any longer. Little back story, I sell computers at Best Buy.

M: Me, trying to keep optimistic in the face of overwhelming stupidity

C: Customer doing his best to keep the streak of idiocy alive.
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Going about my business, I notice the customer stomp into my department and head straight up to me. Seeing his body language, I already feel depressed about how this is going to turn out.

C: Do you sell DOS?

M: DOS? How old is your computer?

C: About a year old.

M: Your computer is XP, it doesn't run on DOS

C: Yes it does. I took the DOS out and my computer doesn't work. I bent the pins when I pulled it out."

At this point I have a very very sick feeling how this will turn out. DOS (for those who don't know) is a software operating system prior to Windows, and while some Windows still use DOS, it's an emulator and can't be taken out.

M: *trying to hold onto my optimistic streak* Well maybe it's RAM you're talking about. Let me show you.

C: No, I don't need RAM.

M: Well you said you need DOS-

C: *interrupting* I never said DOS

M: Yes you did.

C: *looks at me like he's trying the Jedi Mind Trick* No I didn't.

M: *Mind Trick fails because I'm not as stupid as he is" YES, you did.

C: No, you don't know what I'm talking about.

M: *irritated by this point* You're right. I don't have a clue what you're talking about. *thinking* And obviously neither do you.

Visibly frustrated, he walks to a computer and starts to describe it. My worst fears are about to come true, although now I think he deserves it for being a dick.

C: It's an inch on each side, and it's square. It has a bunch of pins on the bottom and I bent three of them trying to put it back.

M: You took your processor out.

C: *looks relieved* Yes! I need a new processor.

M: We don't sell processors. Why did you take your processor out?

C: What do you mean you don't sell processors?

M: Only one store in this state sells processors. Its an hour and a half drive both ways.

C: Do you have their number?

M: I don't have it because I don't need to call them. Why did you take it out? It's a part that costs five to seven hundred dollars to replace and that's if they even make it any more.

C: *looks at me like I'm stupid* Then how come you can take it out?

I decided to go beat my head against the wall for awhile after that.

[Sonoma]

OK, maybe it's just me, but if you don't even know the name of the part, DON'T TAKE IT OUT OF THE COMPUTER.

Please tell me he decided not to drive to any other stores to buy a new 'DOS'. Some people just shouldn't have computers.

I feel better now.

[EclipseDragon986]

I felt like slapping him. To take the processor out, you have to unbolt the cpu fan AND take off the heat sink. Something that's that much of a pain in the ass should have made him think that it was important. He didn't just f up half-assed, he went all out and used his whole ass.

The only reason I know he wasn't talking about his BIOS was that actually needs a tool to remove.

[Sliceanddice]

head pain... *burns sage to ward off the evil spirts of customers* need protection

[Knightmare]

Great first post! Welcome to the club.

[Clintmax]

Oh. My. Gods. What an IDIOT! I know that some people are computer illiterate, but I've never heard of anyone taking out their processor! I wonder how in the hells he got it out in the first place?! Don't you need a little gizmo to do that? No wonder the fool bent the pins trying to put it back.

[Aldous]

If you need to borrow one of the Great Old Ones, I'll gladly lend you Azathoth or Cthulhu to do your bidding. Welcome, and great story. I hope he continue to tinker with his computer until he finds himself eligible for a Darwin Award.

[symposes]

Im more interested in how he found it under the heatsink

[IT Grunt]

Im more interested in how he found it under the heatsink

When the stupid get on a streak, nothing as trivial as a heat sink will slow their rush. How much do you want to bet he scratched the heck out of the motherboard in the process of getting it off?

"But.. but.. I bought this new DOS from you, and it didn't fix it! It's a bad DOS. I want another one."

[BookstoreEscapee]

OK, if I didn't put it in, I don't take it out. And the only things I've ever put in a computer are floppy discs and CDs...

I'm not a computer geek by any stretch of the word, but even I know that DOS isn't a part of the hardware...

Oh, and Hey!

[Polenicus]

Well, you see, it's all perfectly logical.

You see, his web browsing was slow. A cousin of an uncle of a friend of his said they heard from a TV show somewhere that that can be caused by a slow processor.

So, the obvious thing to do would be to open up the case and take a look. Computer techs are all crooks anyway. At first he took all those loose wires and unconnected bits and hooked them up wherever he could... that didn't work too well, there was a bang and some smoke... the burning smell probably meant the moving parts needed some lubrication. So he squirted some WD-40 into the CD drive and Hard drive.

That didn't work. An acquaintance of a buddy of a parole officer of his once told him that one solution to most computer problems was to reboot the computer. He wasn't sure how to do that, but with his cell phone removing the battery and putting it back in worked when nothing else did (At least that silly lady at the store said so... he didn't believe her at the time of course). The computer didn't have a battery, but... oh, what's this big rectangular grey thing? Maybe if we pry it off with a screwdriver...

[air914]

Ha ha. I'm teaching computer applications now and in one of the classes, I have to talk about the "insides" of the computer.... I don't know them that well b/c I DON'T mess with them. So after showing some parts to the class and stuff I said "DO NOT mess with any of this stuff unless you REALLY know what you're doing. And if you go to a computer store or call tech support - put on your best redneck accent and play stupid - b/c either you're going to use all the little acronyms and you're going to use them wrong and tech support will laugh at you - OR, if you use them correctly, tech support will assume you know a lot more than you do. So listen to tech support and don't touch anything inside of your computer"

[siead_lietrathua]

sad thing is, polenicus has it right....

[draggar]

Im more interested in how he found it under the heatsink

Never mind that, HOW THE HELL DID HE GET THE CASE OPEN??? It must have included a crowbar, a set of bolt cutters, and some plastique (or some HCL or H2SO4)

Ah, my memories of DOS (MS-DOS, Dr. DOS etc..) you could mess with someone's computer so badly without causing any long-term hard, oh those were the glory days.

Not even taking a screenshot of someone's desktop, hiding all the icons, then making the screenshot their wallpaper beats that..

[IT Grunt]

Ah, my memories of DOS (MS-DOS, Dr. DOS etc..) you could mess with someone's computer so badly without causing any long-term hard, oh those were the glory days.

Ah, yes, including all kinds of practical joke programs. One of my favorites was a little program you could load with their autoexec.bat called Drip. After several minutes, the letters on the screen would begin to 'drip' to the bottom, until they were falling from the screen at a rain shower pace faster than they can be put on the screen.