Meth Weasel

[Pagan]

Well, never fear, despite the futility of your inquiry I do in fact have you covered. I'm not positive, of course, but I'm pretty sure its in Nevada.

Meh, they could have meant Las Vegas, New Mexico. But, except for New Mexico Highlands University and the state mental hospital, I don't know why you'd want to go there.

I'd offer you a place, rent free, with air conditioning, but I think the commute would be a bit much.

There you go again, making GK blush!

[reformedwaitress]

I think the True Southerners (the ones that still think they should be their own country) think that suggesting that they live even an iota north of where they do is tantamount to crime.

As a True Southerner, I take offense at that statement. The ones who think the South should still be the Confederate States of America are the crazies, the ones we try to lock in the basement or the attics but they get out sometimes because they are cunning little creatures. TRUE Southerners are not much different than you, except we have our drawls and love our football. Don't lump me in the same catagory as the Klan Krazies or the Confederate Diehards, thankyouverymuch.

[Jadedcarguy]

With Apologies to my America Brethren

Me: "Alright, are you in Canada or the US?"
SC: "No! I'm in the US! <astonished laughter that I would even ask>"

Ah, yes, thank you for laughing at the prospect of living in my country. FYI, we're bigger and we're on top. If this were prison your name would be Lucy.


( Before you kill me, allow me to elaborate on this client. They serve only two provinces, but numerous southern states. I'm required to ask the question even if I know where they're calling from by their accent or area code. It never fails that at least one life long confederate per shift will snap at me for daring to ask if they aren't American. )

( I also know thats not how the line originally went. But I doubt management would like it if I fully explained the prison bitch concept in a shift report.... <cough> )

Trust me, no offense taken. I used to work for a car parts mail order company that dealt with go-fast parts for rednecks. Most of my most loathesome calls that I still remember came from the south. I mean no offense to those here who live in the south, but damn, there is an elitist attitude down there.

[MadRocketScientist]

It was 34 degrees in my bedroom yesterday. 34 degrees.

Oh Quityourbitchin, it was just as hot down here in Seattle Land. Trust me, I used to live in Wisconsin, imagine 34C with 80% humidity, or the three months I spent off the coast of Somalia, where it is 40C with 90% humidity.

Wuss ;-)

How do you successfully dig a weasel on meth out of a Jacuzzi full of margarine while wearing dishwashing gloves?

The possibilities are only limited by your imagination (Cheetos come to mind, no one on meth can resist cheetos).

[Sofar]

Me: "and how is your last name spelled?"
SC: "Its blahblah zee"
Me: "Alright, so xxx zed?"
SC: "Blahblah zee."
Me: "Yes, Blahblah zed."
SC: "Zee! As in Zebra!"
Me: "Yes, Zed, as in Zebra"

I remember when I was young explaining to my sister why Z in Men in Black was called Zed.

Zed sounds much cooler. And I don't really pronounce Zs, so when I say Zee it sounds like C, and that's confusing.

[Soulstealer]

Pee pee dance.
Damn it Gravekeeper I'm supposed to be working.

[Becks]

It was 34 degrees in my bedroom yesterday. 34 degrees. If that’s what the rest of the summer is like I may have to ask one of you to either swiftly and mercifully take my life or let me live in the supply closet in the server room till October.

I'd offer you a place, rent free, with air conditioning, but I think the commute would be a bit much.

[Shabo]

I'll overhear people doing that on the train platform, in coffeeshops, in other stores, etc... I carry a notepad and pen, and have at times been tempted to whip it out and look as if I'm furiously scribbling something down, but that may get the cops called on me (if they notice)...

Write something down that's completely unrelated to what they were saying. That way when the cops get there, you are not in trouble. And you can prove a point to them how stupid they are to do that, and how easy it would be to commit fraud at that point.

[Dreamstalker]

"Ok, the card number is-"

You know I can hear where you are in the background and I would like to pointedly question the wisdom of reading your name and Visa number out loud on the Skytrain. But far be it for me to erect the freshly painted sign of common sense on the winding crossroad of failure you're gleefully skipping down. By all means, continue.

I'll overhear people doing that on the train platform, in coffeeshops, in other stores, etc... I carry a notepad and pen, and have at times been tempted to whip it out and look as if I'm furiously scribbling something down, but that may get the cops called on me (if they notice)...

[Shabo]

Wait... are you talking F or C for the temp?

Cuz if that's 34F, that's freakin cold. How are your pipes not freezing over?

And if that's 34C, that's freakin hot! How can you sleep?

Either way, that's not a comfy number to have for a temperature.

I think the True Southerners (the ones that still think they should be their own country) think that suggesting that they live even an iota north of where they do is tantamount to crime.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Ah, yes, thank you for laughing at the prospect of living in my country. FYI, we're bigger and we're on top. If this were prison your name would be Lucy.

OW!! O--WWWw! Must blow nose! Must wipe off shirt! Must clean coffee off of computer screen! Ow! Coffee hot!

[Polenicus]

Seems like some Canadians are getting a taste of an good 'ol American summer.

Wanna know an excellent beverage to take the edge off of those high temperatures????

Try 2% milk loaded down with ice cubes.

Mi-lk? That's an odd sounding name for a beer.

And whoever heard of beer with ice cubes?

[ditchdj]

Seems like some Canadians are getting a taste of an good 'ol American summer.

Wanna know an excellent beverage to take the edge off of those high temperatures????

Try 2% milk loaded down with ice cubes.

[Polenicus]

The end of my shift this morning was so busy I neglected to email my stuff home. So tis late today.....

According to management, suffering in the heat makes me "wittier". I'm not sure wittier is the word for it.



A Plea to Management

It was 34 degrees in my bedroom yesterday. 34 degrees. If that’s what the rest of the summer is like I may have to ask one of you to either swiftly and mercifully take my life or let me live in the supply closet in the server room till October.

I already tried that. Unfortunately it seems starting a massive database search, then using the resultant heat off the servers to roast marshmellows is frowned upon. Hmpf, how else am I supposed to make s'mores?

Cultural Divide

Me: "and how is your last name spelled?"
SC: "Its blahblah zee"
Me: "Alright, so xxx zed?"
SC: "Blahblah zee."
Me: "Yes, Blahblah zed."
SC: "Zee! As in Zebra!"
Me: "Yes, Zed, as in Zebra"

My name is Joe, and I am Canadian.

( You may have to be Canadian to get that. )

Don't worry, we'll train them properly yet. We just have to perfect the formulation of the mind-controlling beer.

A Pattern

SCL "Yeah, I'm just at the casino here and I won $100 so I'd thought I'd reinvest it in lottery tickets."

I make no claims to being an expert put I'm pretty sure that’s a sign you, sir, have a problem.

What, just because he wants to take the $100 he spent $300 winning and sink it into overpriced pieces of paper with numbers on it? There's nothing wrong with that!

A Simple Request

Me: "Ok, do you have a pen there?"
SC: "Jus a sec, lemme ask someone. HEY DOES ANYONE HAVE A PEN?! F**KING PRICKS!"

I believe you're misunderstanding me. I asked if you had a pen there. Not if you could convince a complete stranger nearby to stab you in the throat with a pen. I can understand how you could get the two mixed up though. They do sound rather alike, don't they?

Nonono GK, woah. This is obviously a process in the great circle of life here, and you shouldn't interfere. Nature has obviously selected this individual for removal from the gene pool, and since we've thoughtlessly removed so many of the avenues that used to exist to aid these creatures, he's brilliantly adapated and is in the process of creating a whole new ecosystem of failure.

We should simply sit back and allow the dance of the wild to unfold, and marvel at the majesty and beauty of nature as he collapses, spurting blood and ink from his jugular.

I Am A Bastard

Round #1:

SC: "Yeah I'm down in the lobby and my keycard doesn't work on my suite anymore."
Me: "Alright, no problem. Let me send the duty manager down there to assist you."

Round #2: ( Approximately 5 minutes later. )

SC: "Yeah its me again! My keycard doesn't work! I'm tired and I have to go to the bathroom!"

The thought that each passing moment you wait is causing you to suffer warms my heart far more then you will ever know. My only regret is I do not have a live feed to the lobby's security camera so I can not bare first hand witness to whatever elaborate pee pee dance you're surely engaged in.

Heck, I see a golden betting opportunity here! Put him up on a big screen, and start a pool. Will he last until the manager arrives, or will the siren's call of that potted plant finally win him over? Bonus money if he succumbs to the charms of the plant just as the manager arrives!

[JustADude]

How do you successfully dig a weasel on meth out of a Jacuzzi full of margarine while wearing dishwashing gloves? Answer my question and I'll answer yours. Deal?

Simple. Rub your hands in beef-drippings and let the ultra-hyper, furry, spring-loaded ball of teeth bite your hand. The gloves will actually be a GOOD thing, assuming they're thick enough to do any good.

Now for my question.



Gotten any more orders for pink camo lately?