Grand Theft Barbie

[Kogarashi]

Career Options

Alright, seriously, give me a hint here. What the heck is it you need to grasp the concept? A pamphlet? An hour of self study? A flow chart? Do you want me to act it out for you with Barbies? Because I will. Don't test me, damn you. I will. You can be Ken, since he has little more then a trademark stamp and Made in China where his boyjoy monkey should be. I'll b….wait, I guess that makes me Barbie. God dammit. Oh well, at least I'll have far more lucrative career options then you, like "pet doctor" or "magical fairy princess". You'll be sitting at home, lamenting the loss of your man serpent while I'll be having fantastical pony adventures in a sequined blue prom dress.

Yes, I realize Barbie doesn't really have anything going on downstairs either. But I don't need a vagina. I have a pony.

::giggling so hard I nearly fell off my chair:: Dang, I think I need to join the Gravekeeper fandom just for this.

[Gravekeeper]

I saw someone at Granville & Georgia this morning about 6:30 AM and went, "That guy looks just like the guy in Gravekeeper's photo. I wonder if...nah, couldn't be..."

Did I just miss the change for an autograph??

Nope, I get off at 7am. Then I make my way towards Granville station. I'm still trapped in my office at 6:30. ><

Look for the most unattractive man with glasses you can find and see if he has a look on his face like someone just drowned his puppy. That should be me right after work.

[Imogene]

I'm still waiting for the day someone goes "Hey wait, that was me! Yoy $@$@^!" after one of my posts. =p

Hey wait, that was me! Yoy $@$@^!

Just fulfilling your dream/nightmare/whatever. I'm good/evil/undecided like that.

[Mango]

I take it there were fireworks last night? Just judging from the elaborate steel rat maze I had to navigate just to get out of Granville station.

I saw someone at Granville & Georgia this morning about 6:30 AM and went, "That guy looks just like the guy in Gravekeeper's photo. I wonder if...nah, couldn't be..."

Did I just miss the change for an autograph??

[Andara Bledin]

Thus my work week begins....

Yay! ... oh, wait... I'm not supposed to cheer about that, am I?

A Third Front
( Always the same bloody line too! )

Me: "and what's the problem?"
SC: "Newfoundland"

Where will it end, I ask!

Actually, what I really want to know, is what the heck line this is that they have so much trouble with whole regions that they feel the need to call you about it.

... I don't know what it is about Newfoundland, but it's been coming up in my recreational reading a lot, lately... Two different books, and now here.

Career OptionsYou'll be sitting at home, lamenting the loss of your man serpent while I'll be having fantastical pony adventures in a sequined blue prom dress.

Yes, I realize Barbie doesn't really have anything going on downstairs either. But I don't need a vagina. I have a pony.

First off... "lamenting the loss of your man serpent" ... bwahahaha! You crack me up.

Second, Barbie's also got a Ferrari and a Jeep, and a Dream House, a wardrobe the envy of every clothes horse, ever, and no need to actually work, even though she can have any job she wants.

Thus you are stupid and I have concluded ( In my vast, unrivaled wisdom ) that you should be smacked with a lightly buttered blueberry Eggo waffle.

*nods* For your wisdom is vast and unrivaled.

And that should be a non-toasted, possibly even sill frozen Eggo waffle.

Not that I'm trying to rival your wisdom, or anything....

After listening to the audio on a previous post, I know that I have spoken with you.

*is jealous*

I'm still waiting for the day someone goes "Hey wait, that was me! Yoy $@$@^!" after one of my posts. =p

But that would be a lurker, not a regular poster, I'm sure.

Not that that would necessarily stop them from piping up, but I suspect they would be rather less contrite and rather more irate.

^-.-^

[Gravekeeper]

After listening to the audio on a previous post, I know that I have spoken with you. I pray I never end up in one of your posts, or on your "annoying customers I'd like to drop off the top level of the Skytrain" list.

Oh? What were you calling? Its quite possible. In fact I'd be surprised if no one on this had never unknowingly spoken with my company before....

I'm still waiting for the day someone goes "Hey wait, that was me! Yoy $@$@^!" after one of my posts. =p

[Jadedcarguy]

...................a special anti-SC terrorist unit specializing in locating SCs by their phone numbers, and sending them small, explosive packages designed to render them, at the least, unable to reproduce, at the best, unable to use a phone, computer, car or public transit?

There is an easier way. A buddy of mine that worked with me at the To-Be-Unnamed-Discount-Outlet-for-Go-Fast-Parts had an SC that was abusive, nasty and condescending on the phone and bought nothing after wasting 20 minutes. Note to all SC's: DO NOT DO THIS WHEN YOU CALL AN 800 NUMBER. We have call ID that gets your number even if you try to block us. My friend wrote down SC's phone number and then drove around from payphone to payphone at 3am with a bag of quarters calling this guy over and over. He told the SC that he would stop calling if he would simply say "I thought I was clever and smart but I'm really just an asshole." It took over an hour of this before SC relented and admitted what we already knew. Childish? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely!

[wagegoth]

Gravekeeper,

After listening to the audio on a previous post, I know that I have spoken with you. I pray I never end up in one of your posts, or on your "annoying customers I'd like to drop off the top level of the Skytrain" list.

And how do you keep your sanity? Obviously, part of it is letting your imagination run free and posting for our enjoyment. But, how do you manage to not join a special anti-SC terrorist unit specializing in locating SCs by their phone numbers, and sending them small, explosive packages designed to render them, at the least, unable to reproduce, at the best, unable to use a phone, computer, car or public transit?

[katie kaboom]

I'm one of those people who couldn't find their ass without a map, a compass, an Alpaca, and Edmund Hillary.

I'm pretty much the same. One night, working at Food Kitty, i accidentally gave someone wrong directions to a gas station. The guy actually called the cops over this.

[Aldous]

I can't stand getting asked directions. I'm one of those people who couldn't find their ass without a map, a compass, an Alpaca, and Edmund Hillary. Asking me directions is not a good idea, since I don't know where I am half the time.

[Soulstealer]

A Third Front
Sigh, look, much as I agree with you on this one I already have my hands full bringing poverty, famine and decay to the prairies. I don't have time to be branching out into the Maritimes. You people on the east coast are going to have to patiently wait your turn for gradual social erosion just like everyone else. Wait, heck, this is Newfoundland. You already have a head start on us anyway. If anything I'm playing catch up with the prairies here.

I think it'll be easier to just lay waste to all of Canada at once. Put Quebec on the list, stupid snotty french speaking frog lickers. (The part about the frogs may not necessaseraly be true.)

Where Time and Space have no Meaning
…yes, that's right. We're on the east coast. Which is 3 hours behind the east coast. Makes perfect sense. If we were living inside some sort of dimensional rift that was bending the flow of space time. Otherwise, no, that doesn't make a shred of sense. Thus you are stupid and I have concluded ( In my vast, unrivaled wisdom ) that you should be smacked with a lightly buttered blueberry Eggo waffle.

Why did you move Vancouver again? You should've gone with Quebec, about 5000km upwards should be good. Nah they don't need air, I'm sure whatever plants that have been transposed along with the rest of them have some. Probably. Maybe. Alright that's a lie but let's send them anyway.

On a completly different note horses are so much cooler than ponies, especially those descended from war horses who still like to live out the glory days of trampling the small squishy things. Camels are also a good choice, all of them hate everyone and have learnt the complicated maths of trajectory to better aim their spit.

[Becks]

If you're going to run me through that kind of extensive rodent labyrinth, there should at least be a Skytrain guard with a platter of little cheddar wedges waiting at the end.

Sharp, medium, extra sharp or...?

If you want, you can leave your name and address with me and I'll make sure to have them mail you back that little green pine tree air freshener from your rear view mirror.

But mine was lilac, which is VERY hard to find.

Me: "and what's the problem?"
SC: "Newfoundland"

Sigh, look, much as I agree with you on this one I already have my hands full bringing poverty, famine and decay to the prairies. I don't have time to be branching out into the Maritimes. You people on the east coast are going to have to patiently wait your turn for gradual social erosion just like everyone else. Wait, heck, this is Newfoundland. You already have a head start on us anyway. If anything I'm playing catch up with the prairies here.

Need an assistant?

You'll be sitting at home, lamenting the loss of your man serpent while I'll be having fantastical pony adventures in a sequined blue prom dress.

Even better was the sparkly glow-in-the-dark dress from about 15 or so years ago.

[Calud]

Well, since I'm not wearing mine they stopped bugging me...

[DragonRose]

Clark Kent

I had to take my glasses off half way to the office just to stop fireworks tourists from asking me directions. Glasses are the difference between "Hey! I bet that guy knows!" and "Nah, he looks like his parents were siblings. Lets ask someone else."

Why do people automatically assume that glasses = directions??? Is there a neon sign that says information on them? This happens to me all the time!

BTW - You have a very funny way of presenting things!!!

[iradney]

Yes, I realize Barbie doesn't really have anything going on downstairs either. But I don't need a vagina. I have a pony.

That line right there - THAT is part of what makes your fangirls go



well, it does me anyways