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Okay, so today I pick up the phone as usual and get this guy. I've blocked parts of the call from my memory in self defense, but here's the best reconstruction I can produce.
JAD:
SFM: Stupid Fucking Moron
{}s indicate my thoughts.
JAD: <usual greeting, ending with offering the Family Special, which is meant for like 3-4 people>
SFM: No! don't want it! I'm just one guy and I don't need a damned FAMILY special.
JAD: {Oooookay then. Someone's having a bad day!} Let me get your phone number, then?
SFM: I've had to call three other Pizza Joints before this. You'd BETTER not tell me I need to call somewhere else. *gives number*
JAD: {Well, that explains it. Sucks to be you, but good news! There's only 4 Pizza Joints in town, so you're us or we don't deliver to you at all.} Sorry to hear that, sir. You're not in our system, so let me get your last name and address?
SFM: *Barks info*
JAD: {He's stressed from getting the runaround, cut him some slack. It'll be over soon.} Okay, was that *Name* at *address*?
SFM: Yeah. I want a small thin crust pepperoni.
JAD: {Ooooor not...} I'm sorry, sir, but the smallest size the Pizza Joint franchises in this area carry are the 12" mediums, and our thin-crust is only available in the 14" large.
SFM: You're fucking kidding me!
JAD: {Gah! Time to go into Idiot Mode.} No, sir. The dough's come pre-portioned, and because of the lack of demand for 10" pizzas, the franchise owner has decided not to keep them in stock. There's even less overall demand for thin-crust, so he only has us keep the most popular size, which is the large. Did you want to get a medium, or a large thin-crust?
SFM: Fine then! Give me a medium!
JAD: {Finally! I'm almost rid of this fucking asshole!} Alright, then. Sorry about the inconvenience there. So that was a 12" original pizza with pepperoni?
SFM: Are you TRYING to make me go somewhere else? I said I wanted a medium [I]thin/I] pizza.
JAD: {Oh. No. He. Didn't.
} No, sir, but it's not physically possible to provide what you're asking for. The large is only $2 more, though.
SFM: Yes it is! You just asked if I wanted a medium or large thin-crust pizza!
JAD: {*twitch* Fuck This!} *audibly annoyed* No, I did not. I told you that we only carry 14" thin-crusts, then I asked if you wanted a medium pizza or a large, thin-crust pizza. Those are the only options available.
SFM: I don't want chewy pizza, and I don't want to order a large!
JAD: {Suck it up and deal, you whiny little bitch! Everyone else does.} *still pissed* Unfortunately you're going to have to pick one or the other if you want to order pizza from us.
SFM: Then I'm calling PIZZA HUT! *SLAM*
JAD: {Gods have mercy! Let him drop dead before he can inflict himself on anyone else!}
What in the name of all that is holy was his problem? I mean, besides the whole uber-aggro entitlement whore thing. If $2 is such a problem, he doesn't need to be ordering pizza for delivery anyway.
JAD:
SFM: Stupid Fucking Moron
{}s indicate my thoughts.
JAD: <usual greeting, ending with offering the Family Special, which is meant for like 3-4 people>
SFM: No! don't want it! I'm just one guy and I don't need a damned FAMILY special.
JAD: {Oooookay then. Someone's having a bad day!} Let me get your phone number, then?
SFM: I've had to call three other Pizza Joints before this. You'd BETTER not tell me I need to call somewhere else. *gives number*
JAD: {Well, that explains it. Sucks to be you, but good news! There's only 4 Pizza Joints in town, so you're us or we don't deliver to you at all.} Sorry to hear that, sir. You're not in our system, so let me get your last name and address?
SFM: *Barks info*
JAD: {He's stressed from getting the runaround, cut him some slack. It'll be over soon.} Okay, was that *Name* at *address*?
SFM: Yeah. I want a small thin crust pepperoni.
JAD: {Ooooor not...} I'm sorry, sir, but the smallest size the Pizza Joint franchises in this area carry are the 12" mediums, and our thin-crust is only available in the 14" large.
SFM: You're fucking kidding me!
JAD: {Gah! Time to go into Idiot Mode.} No, sir. The dough's come pre-portioned, and because of the lack of demand for 10" pizzas, the franchise owner has decided not to keep them in stock. There's even less overall demand for thin-crust, so he only has us keep the most popular size, which is the large. Did you want to get a medium, or a large thin-crust?
SFM: Fine then! Give me a medium!
JAD: {Finally! I'm almost rid of this fucking asshole!} Alright, then. Sorry about the inconvenience there. So that was a 12" original pizza with pepperoni?
SFM: Are you TRYING to make me go somewhere else? I said I wanted a medium [I]thin/I] pizza.
JAD: {Oh. No. He. Didn't.
} No, sir, but it's not physically possible to provide what you're asking for. The large is only $2 more, though.SFM: Yes it is! You just asked if I wanted a medium or large thin-crust pizza!
JAD: {*twitch* Fuck This!} *audibly annoyed* No, I did not. I told you that we only carry 14" thin-crusts, then I asked if you wanted a medium pizza or a large, thin-crust pizza. Those are the only options available.
SFM: I don't want chewy pizza, and I don't want to order a large!
JAD: {Suck it up and deal, you whiny little bitch! Everyone else does.} *still pissed* Unfortunately you're going to have to pick one or the other if you want to order pizza from us.
SFM: Then I'm calling PIZZA HUT! *SLAM*
JAD: {Gods have mercy! Let him drop dead before he can inflict himself on anyone else!}
What in the name of all that is holy was his problem? I mean, besides the whole uber-aggro entitlement whore thing. If $2 is such a problem, he doesn't need to be ordering pizza for delivery anyway.
I just wanted to share that little piece of ass-hattery with you all, since that's one of the finest examples of selective listening I've EVER had the misfortune to hear about, let alone experience.
). Plus, since I'm paying delivery fee and tip, I get the largest pie I can and then save the rest for (duh) leftovers. JustADude's "SFM" is really a PPP - pizza party pooper.
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