a fool proof way to make me NEVER serve you

[reformedwaitress]

Ever want to offend a waitress to the point where she never wants to look at your table again? Try this foolproof plan invented by one of my tables the other night!

It had been a rather long night, decently busy if a little slower than usual. It started raining at one point and, being that I was upstairs (read: open air bar on the roof) all the tables hurried to get under the canopy around the bar. So there were a number of people all cramped in this space, trying to stay dry and decide whether to stay, go downstairs or what not.

So I notice a new table has sat at one of the high tops during this confusion so I go over with menus and the following exchange happens.

SC: jerk that literally almost made me cry (I was stressed out as it was though)
Me: tah-dah!

ME: Hey y'all, what can I get y'all started with to drink?
SC: (very specifically to me, NOT his companions) What do we want?
ME: Well, is there something in particular you're looking for?
SC: What kind of rum we want?
ME: Well, we have 120 different ones. Is there a specific kind you like? Light, dark...
SC: What kind of rum we want?
ME: Well, I don't drink it much but if you can tell me what you usually like, I can suggest a very good one.
SC: You no drink?
ME: Not much.
SC: If you no drink why you work here?
ME: Because I like working here.
SC: You no drink you no good to work anywhere but Dennys. You no good to work anywhere but Dennys.
ME: (stare at him for a few seconds) Let me go get Jeff. He'll be taking care of you tonight.

And I walked away and refused to serve them again. I told my coworker he would have to take the table and then went and told my manager.

Now this is nothing against anyone who works at Dennys. That's a smucking HARD job and I know it. But the way the guy said it, it was obvious that was an insult. And I'm sorry. Just because I don't drink much doesn't mean I shouldn't work at a bar. And just because I work at a bar doesn't mean I can read your mind and tell you what you want to drink! He's lucky I didn't just say "Okay, you want this" and give him our rum that's $35 a shot. (Not that I would do that, but you know what I mean). But really. Telling someone they're no good to work anywhere but Denny's? That's a good way to make a waitress hate you.

I may not be the best server in the world, but I am d*mn good at what I do. I don't appreciate guys that apparently have something to prove talking down to me like that and almost making me cry.

[Becks]

Wow. What an asshat.

You know, he WAS asking for you to give him the most expensive rum in the place. Maybe he would've learned a lesson.

Doubtful, though.

:comforting pats: there, there™®

[Jester]

I was working downstairs during that whole exchange, and talked to both RW and Jeff after the fact. And now here, in the words of Paul Harvey, is "the rest of the story":

Jeff told me that after RW gave him the table, he went up to them to take care of them. (Sadly, I don't mean "take care of them" in The Sopranos sense.) To Jeff as well they said "What do we want to drink?" Then they changed it to "What do pirates drink?" (Our bar is pirate-themed, with a lot of pirate history, etc.) Jeff explains "grog" to them, and tells them that, basically, what actual pirates drank was pretty nasty stuff, for a number of reasons. So they start asking what the nastiest rum we have is. Jeff isn't certain, but he can check. They say they want the NASTIEST rum we have. At this point I would have served them 10 Cane Rum, as I found that stuff unredeemably foul, but that's a personal opinion. Jeff went and talked to the bartender, got his suggestion, and brought these asshats three shots of some nasty, cheapass rum. After they drank it, they asked Jeff "Do you have anything nastier than this?" Jeff's response: "Well, I suppose I could ring out a bar rag into three shot glasses for you if you'd like......" That shut them up, at least for a little while. And, to the surprise of pretty much no one, these wonderful happy campers left Jeff a $3 tip on a $51 tab. For those of you not overly versed in math, that's about a 6% tip.

Now, myself, if *I* had had a rude nasty table that demanded that *I* tell them what they were drinking, after the second demand, I WOULD have served them the $35/shot rum. Probably the best rum they would ever have, not that they would realize it. Would they bitch about it? I am sure. Would they have a leg to stand on? No. Because the management at our bar ROCKS, and would have pointed out that these idiots had demanded I make the selection for them. You do that, you open yourself up for all kinds of grief. Would I have gotten a good tip from them? No. But then, no one else would either, and I would have derived IMMENSE satisfaction out of using their own idiocy against them and their wallets.

On a side note, I HAVE worked at Denny's. Did it for eight months of my life in my early 20's. Frankly, these guys had no using it as an insult, as it is a damn hard job, and one almost definitely beyond THEIR capabilities. RW is a fine server, and would have rocked at Denny's, and anywhere else she worked, fine dining included. Frankly, she generally makes more money per table than I do. Yes, she is cute, but cute only goes so far....she is also highly competent and knowledgable, and although she can't stand rum generally, still could have guided these fuckwads to a good selection had they given her anything to work with.

[trunks2k]

Now, myself, if *I* had had a rude nasty table that demanded that *I* tell them what they were drinking, after the second demand, I WOULD have served them the $35/shot rum.

That was my thought as well. I'd have gone and found the most expensive rum available. Then when they say "do you have anything fouler than this?" I would have served them the second most expensive rum, and so on.

[Pezzle]

After they drank it, they asked Jeff "Do you have anything nastier than this?" Jeff's response: "Well, I suppose I could ring out a bar rag into three shot glasses for you if you'd like......" That shut them up, at least for a little while.

In this part of town, that drink is called a New Jersey Turnpike. It's usually done after drinking a lot as a dare from friends or, if you're friendly with them, waitstaff and bartenders. Never play "Bar Truth-Or-Dare" it's dangerous on the stomach!

[Jester]

I just recently heard that shot referred to as a New Jersey Turnpike for the first time, and it cracked me up. I had always heard them called Matt Shots. As in, you take the bar matt from the little well in the bar where you pour drinks, and you pour all the liquid in it into a shot glass (or several). Basically, you are getting all the dregs and spillings of the night's drinks in a shot glass. One word describes it quite well: Ick.

And yes, my friends, I HAVE done matt shots. At a bar I used to frequent in Arizona, they had a Wheel O Booze, where for a small price you spun it and received whatever it landed on, ranging from a free lunch or six pack or liquor bottle at the high end to matt shots at the bottom end. (Most common was a kamikaze shot, which they had bottles of ready to go.) When I spun the wheel and landed on a matt shot, I drank it. A coward I am not. (Nor a genius, it would seem.) Hey, you take the good with the bad when you spin the ole Wheel O Booze!

[Banrion]

Has anyone played King Cup? It's a drinking card game, which I don't remember all the rules to anymore, but when someone draws a certain card, they pour a little of their drink into the King Cup. Then when someone draws a King ( the last king maybe), that person has to drink the entire contents of the King Cup. Hopefully that makes some sense.

Anywho, the time I played, we had people drinking everything from beer, wine, and hot mulled cider, to white russians, jello shots, and lemon drops. Not a single person that night could drink the King Cup without ralphing.

[Gabrielle Proctor]

I would have suggested the $35 rum without even a glimpse of remorse. I do stuff like that all the time at the hobbyshop...I think I'll make a thread about it.

[GingerBiscuit]

I want to come to your bar. ALL THAT RUM! I've drunk most of the rum brands available in my home town, and most are pretty dire.

[Jester]

I would have suggested the $35 rum without even a glimpse of remorse. I do stuff like that all the time at the hobbyshop...I think I'll make a thread about it.

Who said anything about SUGGESTING it?

This the way I envisioned it, had it been my table....

JESTER: "Hey y'all, what can I get y'all started with to drink?"
SUCKASS: (very specifically to me, NOT his companions) "What do we want?"
JESTER: "Well, is there something in particular you're looking for?"
SUCKASS: "What kind of rum we want?"
JESTER: "Well, we have 120 different ones. Is there a specific kind you like? Light, dark..."
SUCKASS: "What kind of rum we want?"
JESTER: "Ya know what? I know just the rum you want. Give me just a few moments, and I'll be back with it." (goes and orders three shots of the $35/shot rum, returns to table) "Here you go guys. Enjoy!"

And then later......

SUCKASS: "How come the bill so high? Why you charge me $35 for a shot of rum?"
JESTER: "Well, sir, I asked you three times what you wanted to drink. You asked ME what YOU wanted to drink, obviously making it clear you wanted me to choose for you. Since you distinguished gentlemen seemed to trust my judgment, and obviously wanted to enjoy your drinks, I got you the finest rum we have in the house. Of course, such fine rum is not cheap."
SUCKASS: (whiney)"But it $35 a shot......"
JESTER: "Yes it is. That is the price of that rum. You weren't complaining about it when you were drinking it, and you DID insist that I choose for you. So I did. Now, if you have any complaints about any of that, feel free to take it up with my manager.
MY ROCKIN MANAGER: "Gentlemen, I assume you won't have any problem paying this bill?"

Ah, 'twere life only such.

[Jester]

I want to come to your bar. ALL THAT RUM! I've drunk most of the rum brands available in my home town, and most are pretty dire.

At a guess, Ginger, I would say I have probably sampled pretty much all the rums at your local bar, assuming they are the usual standards (Bacardi, Mount Gay, Captain Morgan's, Myers's, etc.). I am about half way through the rums at MY bar, though I have not yet had the opportunity to sample the $35/shot rum in question. I hear it is quite tasty.

[DragonRose]

Sooo.....what brand of rum is $35 a shot????

( maybe I missed it )

I wuold've give him that one too....definitely!

[icmedia]

Sooo.....what brand of rum is $35 a shot????

( maybe I missed it )

I wuold've give him that one too....definitely!

Probably something like Pussers Rum, Pyrat Planters Rum Cask 1623, or El Dorado 25 Year Rum. All cost $300-$500 a bottle, wholesale.

[earl colby pottinger]

I don't understand

It was your table, that should mean until the end of the shift you should be the only one one to handle that table. And as they made it clear that they don't think you can serve them properly:

*YOU JUST NOT SERVE THEM*

Problem solve, they sit there and you handle the people who want your service.

PS. Growing up in Jamaica, I did not know there was such a thing as bad rum. Then I moved to Canada and after a few years discovered what New FoundLanders did with the old rum barrels. Screech, Canada's gift to people who want a cheap rum, and I am not talking about that yellow-livered product that you can order in a bottle, I am talking the home-made stuff designed to let you not notice the weather in the middle of winter.

[Bliss]

Say Jester have you tried Venezuelan rum? specially Santa Teresa's Orange Rum or 1796?