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Here's a run down of the crazy crap airport folks deal with around the clock, as a Do/Don't list.
Firstly, get your airlines right. Know which airline you travel on, that way you can work out where you need to go. If the man at the airline desk tells you don't have a booking with his airline because there's no flight to where you're going (today/ever/no airport) jut trust him on it, don't get all insistant. If your employer books you somehere, find out where. And if you don't know where or which airline, for criminies sake, have the dignity to be royally ashamed of yourself. This has happened several times to me. One guy told me I was very unhelpful?!? I actually like the people who come to check-in for other airlines at my desk. They give me a nice little chuckle which is fun. We have a metre high sign which I can casually turn to point to and everything is in the colours of the airline, it's kind of like someone walking into a Dominos and asking for a sushi. The answer is very no dude. It's even more satisfying when they pull out their itinerary that clearly shows the other airline "Here I'll read it for you" Adult illiteracy is a serious issue! Even better are the guys who are travelling with one of the tiny charter companies running out of a shed on the other side of the entire airport. "It'll be one of the places that start over there and run all the way around that side for about 3km, Are you sure you don't know which one? If you're walking you might make it in an hour!" Dipsticks. Even funnier at night and raining.
Departure time is the time of departure! How about that! You need to be on the plane while it departs, not in the terminal trying to check-in. And not in a cafe waiting for a personal invitation. Don't wait until departure time before approaching the check-in counter. One guy waited for 3 hours before coming up at 2 minutes after dep time.
And work out what midnight is. If a flight leaves after midnight, it's on the date of the next day. If you go to the airport on late Sunday nightfor a flight that leaves at 25 past midnight on Sunday, don't expect to fly anywhere. I love it when they start to argue about when the day changes, and I have to explain to them the whole concept of midnight brings a new day. "think about New Years Eve sir, why does eveyone count down to midnight and cheer?" Classic
Showing ID. Now I've seen some posts on this forum about showing ID at retail shops, but there are people who will kick up at the airport over this. Others act all surprised and say, It's not international though. Well done genius, now show me your drivers license. The big kicker is with children travelling on their own. An airline will want to know all the details of the sender and receiver before the date of travel, seeing as they're taking temporary responsibility of some strangers kid and all. After they've checked in, we say "Don't leave the terminal till the flight has left" to the parent. How hard is that? Too hard for some like the lady who left even before the boarding call. No parent at boarding, kid doesn't fly. Parent gets a call from us and comes back shamefaced, or so they should. Occasionally one of them will have a big old bitch about it, to which we reply "We told you not to leave" and show them were they signed that they would not leave.
A boarding call meens it's time to get on board the plane, not wander off, not have a last cigarette or go to the toilet. Get off the phone. You would not beleive how many times a person has been on a mobile call standing NEXT TO the boarding gate and ignored several boarding calls including personal pages. I've looked a guy in the eye while he was on a mobile call, asked him with his name if he was on the flight and got a mumble as a reply. He stayed on the phone till after the flight had departed even while I shouted his name all around the boarding lounge. The flight departed then strolled up to board like we were going to make a couple of hundred people wait for him. The flight's departed sir, did you not hear me calling you?" He went balistic. Too bad, you snooze, you loose. This happens to varying degrees about monthly.
Everyones heard of S11, September 11, WTC twin towers and all that, Or so you'd think! The world is different now, you can't take sharp things into a airliner cabin. Or at least the rules say you shouldn't. We ask every single person at check-in if they have any sharps on themselves. One lady said "No, only a box-cutter" the very item used to hijack planes on Sept 11 2001, how about that. Some jerks just laugh. We ask again. Some jerks say "I'm not a terrorist". We say "Not the question Sir" and ask again. Besides we don't think anyones a terrorist, just a psycho waiting for the right moment to have an episode. Some jerks say that they took their precious pocket knife on another flight. I told one person once that they have comitted an offence punishable by jail time and asked for the details of where/when they were allowed to fly with a knife. All of a sudden it might have been in the checked bag. As in, down in the cargo hold where noone can stick it in anyone else's neck. We also ask if they have anything dangerous or flammable in their checked baggage. The guy who said no must've forgot he had a litre of petrol in his bag. Basically death for everyone if it got into the hold. Some jerks say they have a bomb in their bag. We take them around to security and get them to explain to them that they have comitted an offence punishable by time inside, then we tell them to go home cause they're not flying this time. The cleverest guy did it 2 days in a row I kid you not.
Showing ID. Now I've seen some posts on this forum about showing ID at retail shops, but there are people who will kick up at the airport over this. Others act all surprised and say, It's not international though. Well done genius, now show me your drivers license. The big kicker is with children travelling on their own. An airline will want to know all the details of the sender and receiver before the date of travel, seeing as they're taking temporary responsibility of some strangers kid and all. After they've checked in, we say "Don't leave the terminal till the flight has left" to the parent. How hard is that? Too hard for some like the lady who left even before the boarding call. No parent at boarding, kid doesn't fly. Parent gets a call from us and comes back shamefaced, or so they should. Occasionally one of them will have a big old bitch about it, to which we reply "We told you not to leave" and show them were they signed that they would not leave.
Getting drunk and abusive, a bloody fantastic way to waste the entire cost of an airfare and wasting everyone's time.
Fragile items. An airline won't take liability for damage to something fragile or overweight. How about a guitar with no case? "Sir, this item is likely to sustain damage, I want you to sign this saying blah blah my own stupid fault" If the airline man has a look like "holy crap, this thing is DOOMED" pick up on that. Good advice
Fragile items. An airline won't take liability for damage to something fragile or overweight. How about a guitar with no case? "Sir, this item is unlikely to journey well" read:- you item is DOOMED you idiot
"Where are you traveling to, sir?" No response - Ask again - No response (fumbles with paper)- Ask again - more fumbling - pause - "hang on a minute I've got this piece of paper" - "I probably won't need that, Sir, what is the destination of your flight?" - more fumbling "Here it is". Take a 1 second glance to determine destination and give it back, finding booking almost instantaneously. "So I didn't really need it then?" Serious, serious mental retardation. Too stupid to be true? I fear not, practically an hourly event.
Photo ID does not mean a photo of yourself. Old ladies are nice and all, but that's just not thinking. Also keep your finger off your name when you show ID. This stuff just shouldn't need to be said out loud. Don't act all surprised when asked either. I don't know you from a stack of shizzle. Personal friends and close family show me photo ID. The CEO of the airline shows me ID you jerkass. No I don't trust you when you say who you are. And yes a driver's license is photo ID you moron. "OMG I'ts so lucky I had it on me, I didn't know you needed to show ID" And no I'm not on the lookout for fugitives and terrorists with a database of thousands of suspects on file. I'm still waiting for someone to say "Do you know who I am?" so I can get on the mike and fulfil the urban myth. I will too.
And if you're not even going to leave the state, why the hell would I care about all your medications. "I'm on Ritalin and I have a letter from xyz". Good for you freak, life's tough when you're a hypochondriac.
Excess baggage. Most airlines here in Australia have a limit of 20kg checked baggage. And I'm just itching to charge people who piss me off. If you were let off before, congrats, you got away with it. DON'T complain that "it's inconsistant to be charged now and not before" I have offered to charge for the previous flight also if they wanted. The lady who asked me how she was supposed to budget for it when it "changed all the time". I told that the weight she had should have cost her $180 even though I was charging her only $120, and for the 3 flights she was talking about it should have cost her $540. Anything less than that was a bonus. She was very humbled by that.
Don't be surprised if you can't take 100kg on your own without charge. 11 items at 100kg this guy thought he'd take. Firstly I DON'T CARE why you're taking it. "I'm moving, I need it for xyz, it's not mine, they asked me to take it there" Once again IDC. "You shouldn't charge me, it's not mine" that's so precious, and stupid. Hello? seriously? I wasn't asking for a life story, just money. Don't get all smart about "fat people weigh more, why don't you charge them?" Plenty of reasons, but the best is that passengers are "self-loading cargo" and bags need to be carried by a paid employee. Same reason why garlic bread costs more than 20c at a restaurant, some sucker's gotta DO it for you.
There's a certain type of aged man, in his 50's. Others like him were successful earlier in life and now they run the world's nation and corporations. These other guys failed miserably to grasp the changing world and now feel the need to pay for shit in sweaty cash. Get on the phone, get on the internet, go to a travel agent. Don't believe in (can't get a) credit card? Get a debit card you feeble minded git. Don't drive all the way to the airport and park in the most expensive parking in the STATE to buy yourself a ticket. There was the genius who came to the counter at precisely the most hectic time of the entire 24 hour day (about 11pm for those at home) to buy a ticket for the day after. We told him to wait for us to check in for the flight about to leave. Unavoidable but highly satisfying. We eventually got to him, went through the whole thing right to the point of handing over the folding, when BINGO he pulls out pounds crapping sterling. As in the currency of the UK of GB & NI. British money. Now for those skim reading, this is in Australia and it's a domestic airport. We've had our own currency since 1848 and it's been dollars since 1966. This guy was scottish but had lived in Aus for 24 years. He went away to find a currency exchange and came back about 10 minutes after we were supposed to be closed and got his ticket. Needless to say he was unpleasant to say the least at every turn.
Flights get delayed shock horror it happens, just face it. Whinging and whining is not going to help. Sometimes there is bad weather and you're flight can't go boohoo. These things happen, we don't control the weather, that's GOD. I'm sorry on behalf of The Almighty.
That pretty much covers what I can think of for now. Mostly it comes down to "I didn't realise, noone told me" or "they told me different" to which the simple response is "Well now I'm telling you" and "So who is they?"
Firstly, get your airlines right. Know which airline you travel on, that way you can work out where you need to go. If the man at the airline desk tells you don't have a booking with his airline because there's no flight to where you're going (today/ever/no airport) jut trust him on it, don't get all insistant. If your employer books you somehere, find out where. And if you don't know where or which airline, for criminies sake, have the dignity to be royally ashamed of yourself. This has happened several times to me. One guy told me I was very unhelpful?!? I actually like the people who come to check-in for other airlines at my desk. They give me a nice little chuckle which is fun. We have a metre high sign which I can casually turn to point to and everything is in the colours of the airline, it's kind of like someone walking into a Dominos and asking for a sushi. The answer is very no dude. It's even more satisfying when they pull out their itinerary that clearly shows the other airline "Here I'll read it for you" Adult illiteracy is a serious issue! Even better are the guys who are travelling with one of the tiny charter companies running out of a shed on the other side of the entire airport. "It'll be one of the places that start over there and run all the way around that side for about 3km, Are you sure you don't know which one? If you're walking you might make it in an hour!" Dipsticks. Even funnier at night and raining.
Departure time is the time of departure! How about that! You need to be on the plane while it departs, not in the terminal trying to check-in. And not in a cafe waiting for a personal invitation. Don't wait until departure time before approaching the check-in counter. One guy waited for 3 hours before coming up at 2 minutes after dep time.
And work out what midnight is. If a flight leaves after midnight, it's on the date of the next day. If you go to the airport on late Sunday nightfor a flight that leaves at 25 past midnight on Sunday, don't expect to fly anywhere. I love it when they start to argue about when the day changes, and I have to explain to them the whole concept of midnight brings a new day. "think about New Years Eve sir, why does eveyone count down to midnight and cheer?" Classic
Showing ID. Now I've seen some posts on this forum about showing ID at retail shops, but there are people who will kick up at the airport over this. Others act all surprised and say, It's not international though. Well done genius, now show me your drivers license. The big kicker is with children travelling on their own. An airline will want to know all the details of the sender and receiver before the date of travel, seeing as they're taking temporary responsibility of some strangers kid and all. After they've checked in, we say "Don't leave the terminal till the flight has left" to the parent. How hard is that? Too hard for some like the lady who left even before the boarding call. No parent at boarding, kid doesn't fly. Parent gets a call from us and comes back shamefaced, or so they should. Occasionally one of them will have a big old bitch about it, to which we reply "We told you not to leave" and show them were they signed that they would not leave.
A boarding call meens it's time to get on board the plane, not wander off, not have a last cigarette or go to the toilet. Get off the phone. You would not beleive how many times a person has been on a mobile call standing NEXT TO the boarding gate and ignored several boarding calls including personal pages. I've looked a guy in the eye while he was on a mobile call, asked him with his name if he was on the flight and got a mumble as a reply. He stayed on the phone till after the flight had departed even while I shouted his name all around the boarding lounge. The flight departed then strolled up to board like we were going to make a couple of hundred people wait for him. The flight's departed sir, did you not hear me calling you?" He went balistic. Too bad, you snooze, you loose. This happens to varying degrees about monthly.
Everyones heard of S11, September 11, WTC twin towers and all that, Or so you'd think! The world is different now, you can't take sharp things into a airliner cabin. Or at least the rules say you shouldn't. We ask every single person at check-in if they have any sharps on themselves. One lady said "No, only a box-cutter" the very item used to hijack planes on Sept 11 2001, how about that. Some jerks just laugh. We ask again. Some jerks say "I'm not a terrorist". We say "Not the question Sir" and ask again. Besides we don't think anyones a terrorist, just a psycho waiting for the right moment to have an episode. Some jerks say that they took their precious pocket knife on another flight. I told one person once that they have comitted an offence punishable by jail time and asked for the details of where/when they were allowed to fly with a knife. All of a sudden it might have been in the checked bag. As in, down in the cargo hold where noone can stick it in anyone else's neck. We also ask if they have anything dangerous or flammable in their checked baggage. The guy who said no must've forgot he had a litre of petrol in his bag. Basically death for everyone if it got into the hold. Some jerks say they have a bomb in their bag. We take them around to security and get them to explain to them that they have comitted an offence punishable by time inside, then we tell them to go home cause they're not flying this time. The cleverest guy did it 2 days in a row I kid you not.
Showing ID. Now I've seen some posts on this forum about showing ID at retail shops, but there are people who will kick up at the airport over this. Others act all surprised and say, It's not international though. Well done genius, now show me your drivers license. The big kicker is with children travelling on their own. An airline will want to know all the details of the sender and receiver before the date of travel, seeing as they're taking temporary responsibility of some strangers kid and all. After they've checked in, we say "Don't leave the terminal till the flight has left" to the parent. How hard is that? Too hard for some like the lady who left even before the boarding call. No parent at boarding, kid doesn't fly. Parent gets a call from us and comes back shamefaced, or so they should. Occasionally one of them will have a big old bitch about it, to which we reply "We told you not to leave" and show them were they signed that they would not leave.
Getting drunk and abusive, a bloody fantastic way to waste the entire cost of an airfare and wasting everyone's time.
Fragile items. An airline won't take liability for damage to something fragile or overweight. How about a guitar with no case? "Sir, this item is likely to sustain damage, I want you to sign this saying blah blah my own stupid fault" If the airline man has a look like "holy crap, this thing is DOOMED" pick up on that. Good advice
Fragile items. An airline won't take liability for damage to something fragile or overweight. How about a guitar with no case? "Sir, this item is unlikely to journey well" read:- you item is DOOMED you idiot
"Where are you traveling to, sir?" No response - Ask again - No response (fumbles with paper)- Ask again - more fumbling - pause - "hang on a minute I've got this piece of paper" - "I probably won't need that, Sir, what is the destination of your flight?" - more fumbling "Here it is". Take a 1 second glance to determine destination and give it back, finding booking almost instantaneously. "So I didn't really need it then?" Serious, serious mental retardation. Too stupid to be true? I fear not, practically an hourly event.
Photo ID does not mean a photo of yourself. Old ladies are nice and all, but that's just not thinking. Also keep your finger off your name when you show ID. This stuff just shouldn't need to be said out loud. Don't act all surprised when asked either. I don't know you from a stack of shizzle. Personal friends and close family show me photo ID. The CEO of the airline shows me ID you jerkass. No I don't trust you when you say who you are. And yes a driver's license is photo ID you moron. "OMG I'ts so lucky I had it on me, I didn't know you needed to show ID" And no I'm not on the lookout for fugitives and terrorists with a database of thousands of suspects on file. I'm still waiting for someone to say "Do you know who I am?" so I can get on the mike and fulfil the urban myth. I will too.
And if you're not even going to leave the state, why the hell would I care about all your medications. "I'm on Ritalin and I have a letter from xyz". Good for you freak, life's tough when you're a hypochondriac.
Excess baggage. Most airlines here in Australia have a limit of 20kg checked baggage. And I'm just itching to charge people who piss me off. If you were let off before, congrats, you got away with it. DON'T complain that "it's inconsistant to be charged now and not before" I have offered to charge for the previous flight also if they wanted. The lady who asked me how she was supposed to budget for it when it "changed all the time". I told that the weight she had should have cost her $180 even though I was charging her only $120, and for the 3 flights she was talking about it should have cost her $540. Anything less than that was a bonus. She was very humbled by that.
Don't be surprised if you can't take 100kg on your own without charge. 11 items at 100kg this guy thought he'd take. Firstly I DON'T CARE why you're taking it. "I'm moving, I need it for xyz, it's not mine, they asked me to take it there" Once again IDC. "You shouldn't charge me, it's not mine" that's so precious, and stupid. Hello? seriously? I wasn't asking for a life story, just money. Don't get all smart about "fat people weigh more, why don't you charge them?" Plenty of reasons, but the best is that passengers are "self-loading cargo" and bags need to be carried by a paid employee. Same reason why garlic bread costs more than 20c at a restaurant, some sucker's gotta DO it for you.
There's a certain type of aged man, in his 50's. Others like him were successful earlier in life and now they run the world's nation and corporations. These other guys failed miserably to grasp the changing world and now feel the need to pay for shit in sweaty cash. Get on the phone, get on the internet, go to a travel agent. Don't believe in (can't get a) credit card? Get a debit card you feeble minded git. Don't drive all the way to the airport and park in the most expensive parking in the STATE to buy yourself a ticket. There was the genius who came to the counter at precisely the most hectic time of the entire 24 hour day (about 11pm for those at home) to buy a ticket for the day after. We told him to wait for us to check in for the flight about to leave. Unavoidable but highly satisfying. We eventually got to him, went through the whole thing right to the point of handing over the folding, when BINGO he pulls out pounds crapping sterling. As in the currency of the UK of GB & NI. British money. Now for those skim reading, this is in Australia and it's a domestic airport. We've had our own currency since 1848 and it's been dollars since 1966. This guy was scottish but had lived in Aus for 24 years. He went away to find a currency exchange and came back about 10 minutes after we were supposed to be closed and got his ticket. Needless to say he was unpleasant to say the least at every turn.
Flights get delayed shock horror it happens, just face it. Whinging and whining is not going to help. Sometimes there is bad weather and you're flight can't go boohoo. These things happen, we don't control the weather, that's GOD. I'm sorry on behalf of The Almighty.
That pretty much covers what I can think of for now. Mostly it comes down to "I didn't realise, noone told me" or "they told me different" to which the simple response is "Well now I'm telling you" and "So who is they?"
)
(they did manage to get on the flight). Our chaperones were pissed.
. And a knapsack for carryon that goes under the seat.
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