The SC Smile Police

[Andara Bledin]

Fun fact: some study found that people with high IQs tend to look unhappy or menacing as a default facial expression and it becomes more pronounced when they concentrate.

I get that whole "cheer up" and "smile" thing all the time. It drives me batty. I know people's intentions are usually decent, but it's intrusive and presumptive.

If you want to cheer someone up, give them a smile, or tell a joke, or just commisserate with them. For me, those would work a whole hell of a lot better than just issuing a command that I change how I feel or look.

Relating back to my fun fact: When I was in high school, I would spend every extra second reading. My brother tells me that there were girls who would have considered beating me up, but they were afraid of me. I just looked that fierce when out reading my books... *snicker*

^-.-^

[aurelemsrealm]

I don't get that too often, but once in a while someone will make a comment. The problem is that I've inherited a stern facial expression from a long line of stern facial expressions among the men in my dad's family. You compare pictures of me to pictures of my dad, his brothers, my grandfather, great-grandfather, and so forth, you see that one common trait among all the men in the family -- the stern scowl. I generally look all sober and serious unless I'm genuinely laughing about something. It takes a great deal of effort for me to muster up a convincing smile for family pictures or other such occasions. It really does look fake if I'm not trying. As my default facial expression is serious, I often look like I'm frowning even when I'm just concentrating on the task at hand.

On a side note, my wife says that she finds my facial expressions to be hilarious, especially when I'm trying to be polite to someone that I think is an idiot or jerk. Think of places like family gatherings, church, or other places where I will run into people whose opinions do matter to me. She said she can almost hear the comment that's on the tip of my tongue when that particular expression crosses my face.

I usually don't bother with reacting to people who feel free to comment on my facial expressions. At most, I just give them the questioning stare with raised eyebrows or shrug them off as irrelevant, depending on my level of concentration, and go back to doing what I was doing before that. I'm usually good at blocking out the things I need to ignore.

[BookstoreEscapee]

When I worked in the store, and I made eye contact with a customer while walking through the store, I would give them a little smile, so they would feel free to ask for help if they needed to. But if I was busy shelving or doing a display or whatever, or just standing at the register with no customers (in which case I probably had some small task keeping me busy), and some random guy** just walked by and told me to smile and clearly wasn't looking for help, they would generally get a small, fake smile and I would go back to my business. I don't smile when I'm sorting my register paperwork or counting the change drawer...why the hell should I? It doesn't mean I'm frowning...I'm just being, well, neutral... Some people's mouths naturally curve up at the corners, and maybe look like they are smiling slightly all the time...I am not one of those people. I don't believe my neutral expression is particularly frowny, though, either...but I'm not going to make a conscious effort to "look happy" just for the customers...that gets tiring.

**And in my experience, it is always a guy. I always wonder if I was a guy, would they be telling me to smile? I sincerely doubt it. Sometimes it just comes across as patronizing.

[WHShit]

WHShit methinks thou art being oversensitive.

<snip>
You don't like that? Fine.. don't smile. But to have such a nasty attitude about a small attempt to break what seems to be a bad day??? Rather harsh.

Allow me to elaborate on my original thread reply....

I friggin' smile!
I think that I look like any normal person, not a sour faced goth or something of that nature. I do not walk around all day frowning, but sometimes as I said, if I am serving at a till with tons of customers nagging and the two ASSHOLES that I work for looming over me, walking down a street alone or standing on sidewalk having a smoke, I do not smile. I see no reason to smile while doing any of this. If I saw someone walking down the street alone with a smile on their face or standing, by themselves, with a grin, I have to admit, I would think that they might be a bit nuts.

If I am with someone, I am always smiling, unless I am angry.

I was just stating how I feel about people telling me to smile. I do not like it, but if it happens, it happens. There is no right or wrong about how someone feels about something. That is why it is a personal feeling. I personally feel that I do not want people telling me to smile. Why is that a bad thing? It does't cheer me up, it annoys me, but that is ME.

Other people have said that they don't like it either, so why do I get told that I have a "nasty attitude" and no one else has anything said about them?

I really do not appreciate that, as I never type things like that to people who I have never even met, nor do I say things like that to people who I have met. No one knows me enough to insult my attitude. I happen to be a very nice person, and usually get walked all over because of it. I am NEVER nasty to people, ever. When someone tells me to smile, I just give them a fake grin and walk on. I do not say a word to them....how is that nasty?

I would love to have someone name me one person who smiles ALL THE TIME. I bet no one can!

I still have no idea why my post inspired someone to get a bit angry with me.

I know this is trivial, but I felt that a reply was in order as I really didn't deserve to be told how I have a nasty attitude from someone who doesn't even know me.

[aurelemsrealm]

When I worked for another c-store chain, we did have a manager nicknamed "Smiley" who did supervise one of our sister stores in a neighboring town. He filled in for a brief time at our store when our manager was out sick, which is when I really got to know him. He did smile about all of the time. Apparently, it made the owner of the company nervous. At one of the manager's meetings, he was told by the owner, "Quit smiling so damned much! It makes me think you're plotting something!"

The owners were a couple of temperamental hot heads. You never knew what kind of mood they were going to be in from one day to the next. If they were in a bad mood, everyone at work knew it before the day was over. Anyone and everyone who made the slightest mistake was subject to a cussing.

Anyway, Smiley only stayed with the company a couple of years before he finally got fed up and went to work managing the Murphy USA station at the Wal-Mart in his town.

[Posture Moll]

I seem to get just the opposite. It's not uncommon for me to hear "Wow, you sure smile a lot" or "What are you laughing/smirking at"?

Well, gee, folks, please excuse me for not exhibiting the proper downtrodden and despairing disposition of a slave. Unlike you, I enjoy living life.

[Andara Bledin]

I sometimes like to smile when I'm not doing anything else, just to make people nervous.

^-.-^

[mattm04]

We got a complaint about a cashier not smiling. I guess SC's feel better about them selves if the cashier reads the corp. script to them.

[iradney]

Tellin someone to smile is like telling an angry person to calm down. It has the opposite effect.
I find just smiling at someone gets me a return smile, and that's fine for me.

[Seshat]

Count me in the group of people who don't like being told to smile. For medical reasons, my body gives me ample reason to be unhappy most of the time.

I try to counter that. It's an effort to be emotionally neutral, and I make that effort most of the time. Actively trying to be happy would make me stressed enough from the effort that the stress would counter the happiness! Also, I resent the implication that my efforts to appear 'normal' aren't good enough.

Personally, I tend to go around smiling at people when I make eye contact, and if someone's looking particularly nice, or doing something particularly kind, I acknowledge it.

I think it's a lot more meaningful to compliment someone's scarf, or the way they handled a difficult customer, or the way they did their hair, than to randomly say 'smile, it can't be that bad'. As several people have pointed out - it can be that bad.

[GayleShy]

Honestly, it all depends on how it's said. If it's a really friendly person who's not trying to talk down to me, then yes, I'll smile at them, and gladly. But if it's said in a creepy of nasty way, then it ticks me off.

I had one customer tell me "you know, I bet you'd be really pretty if you smiled," in such a nice way that I couldn't help but smile back at him. Then he just smiled back and said that he was right. That made my day.

[Amethyst Hunter]

when I'm in a bad mood, it shows. I'm not going to take it out on anyone, but let me have my little funk and I'll be fine once it passes. Sometimes, I just need to sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not in a bad mood because it makes someone else uncomfortable. Just leave me the hell alone.

AMEN!! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Smile Police. Just because I'm not smiling doesn't necessarily mean that I'm in a foul mood, but I guarantee you I WILL be in one if I hear that crap!

[Killer Bees]

A good response for those morons is:

"Well, my grandfather just died, so thanks for being an insensitive dipshit."

Their faces usually drop and they stammer out apologies, but you freeze them with your ignoring ray and once they're gone, you actually end up smiling.

[Gravekeeper]

I don't think you're happy enough. I'll teach you to be happy. I'll teach your grandmother to SUCK EGGS.

Er, sorry. First thing that leaped to mind...

I do not wander around with a smile/pleasant look on my face either. I fall into the "serious thinker" category. Thinking is my default expression. I also resent anyone that tells me how to think/feel so telling me to smile would have the complete opposite effect.

In fact I'd be willing to bet it has the opposite effect 90% of the time. You don't know why someone has the expression they have so why tell them to change it? For all you know their puppy just fell into the wood chipper this morning. So all you've done is identified yourself as the biggest asshole they've met all week. Way to go. Even if they DO smile I'd bet money on it being a fake one just to get you to leave them be.

In closing: Mind your own business. If you want someone to smile, try and GIVE them a reason to smile. Don't tell them to smile. Especially if its a retail worker. Jesus Christ. Telling a retail worker ( or any CSR type ) to smile is quite possibly the most insensitive thing you can say to them. =p

[Dorath]

I used to get told not to smile. My coworkers thought I was planning something evil and it made them nervous.