I've been keeping a running tally of home much money I'm making for other people in orders, reservations, etc. Then converting it to an hourly rate and taking it to my shift reports to prod management. ;p
I'm currently at $185.77 / Hour.
Still!
The wasp is *still* in the doughnut case at 7/11. I swear if its still there tomorrow night I'm just going to ask for whatever doughnut its currently sitting on. If it moves, I'll suddenly change my mind to whichever delicious pastry its currently docking with. I'll just do that for a minute or two until they either clue in or someone goes into anaphylactic shock.
Bowchika bow bow
Caller: "This is Deputy Love"
Well, er, Deputy Love.....I make no claims to being an expert in the sordid world of sticky things wrapped in nondescript brown paper packages....but this sounds like the sort of scenario that begins with phone call and ends with one of us handcuffed in the back seat of badly painted 57 Chevy Impala "squad car" while the other removes an article of clothing with their teeth for every Miranda right.
Either that or I'm about to be charged $4.99 per minute.
Close
SC: "What was the name of it again?"
Me: "The Clarendon Hotel"
SC: "The Claritin?"
Er, no. You're welcome to attempt to swallow some or all of the building in an attempt to clear your sinuses. But you may have a bit of trouble swallowing the entirety of the structure. However, I'm sure there are a few items in your suite that should at least fit in your mouth. Complimentary soaps, mini-shampoos, tiny bottles of Kahlua, the bellboy ( I hear thats free in Vegas ), the remote ( You may have to unscrew it from the nightstand ) maybe half the phone receiver. You could try for the whole thing but I'm guessing the endeavor will come to an abrupt end before you manage it all. Still I strongly encourage you to try.
Wha?
Me: "Good evening, <company>"
SC: "Oh, sorry, I was trying to call the post office."
What post office do you know of that’s open at 3:30am? I'm lucky if the one near me is open at 3:30AM. Where is this mystical mail depot of yours that’s open at 3:30am and what enchanted wardrobe must I walk through to enter the Narnia in which it resides?
Hey! Listen!
Me: "Good morning, <company>, Gravekeeper speaking, how may I help you?"
SC: "What company is this?"
Me: "<company>"
SC: "and what's your name?"
Me: "....Gravekeeper."
Why do I even try? Seriously?
Screw you AND your Geo Metro.
SC: "My car is locked in the parka-"
Stop. Just stop. Enough. I object. Your problem is due to your own stupidity. It is not within the realm of my responsibility. It is entirely within the lands of your own personal responsibility. It doesn't even merit standing at the border, gazing longingly across the fence at my responsibility. In fact if it even attempts to climb the fence into my responsibility it will be shot on sight and the remains will be stuffed full of mini Snickers bars, paper mache'd, colorfully painted and mailed back to its surviving family members in a series of Snack Pack Flesh Pinatas over the course of the Christmas holidays.
.......
Me: "Ok, I can put you at the <hotel> for $79"
SC: "Ok.....nyaauugh.....does it have a shuttle? <flush>"
.....<shudder>. Jesus Christ in the back seat of a 57 Chevy Impala being read his Miranda rights, at least WIPE yourself before you make phone calls.
Bothersome
SC: "Oh hi, this is the manager at <store>. Our machine here is out of order."
Me: "Ok, what's the problem with it exactly?"
SC: "Its been down for about a week now and I got tired of customers complaining to me so I figured I'd just call it in myself."
Its been down all week. It belongs to the store YOU manage and the only reason you bothered to call for service now was because you were tired of dealing with customer complaints? What exactly were you hoping for before you yourself were forced off to heave your panting whale like carcass off your hemorrhoid donut to *gasp* do your actual fscking job?
Were you hoping Skynet would achieve self awareness and call for service itself before orchestrating the destruction of humanity?
At this point I'd be right there behind it, cheering it on.
Day Two....
I'm currently at $185.77 / Hour.
Still!
The wasp is *still* in the doughnut case at 7/11. I swear if its still there tomorrow night I'm just going to ask for whatever doughnut its currently sitting on. If it moves, I'll suddenly change my mind to whichever delicious pastry its currently docking with. I'll just do that for a minute or two until they either clue in or someone goes into anaphylactic shock.
Bowchika bow bow
Caller: "This is Deputy Love"
Well, er, Deputy Love.....I make no claims to being an expert in the sordid world of sticky things wrapped in nondescript brown paper packages....but this sounds like the sort of scenario that begins with phone call and ends with one of us handcuffed in the back seat of badly painted 57 Chevy Impala "squad car" while the other removes an article of clothing with their teeth for every Miranda right.
Either that or I'm about to be charged $4.99 per minute.
Close
SC: "What was the name of it again?"
Me: "The Clarendon Hotel"
SC: "The Claritin?"
Er, no. You're welcome to attempt to swallow some or all of the building in an attempt to clear your sinuses. But you may have a bit of trouble swallowing the entirety of the structure. However, I'm sure there are a few items in your suite that should at least fit in your mouth. Complimentary soaps, mini-shampoos, tiny bottles of Kahlua, the bellboy ( I hear thats free in Vegas ), the remote ( You may have to unscrew it from the nightstand ) maybe half the phone receiver. You could try for the whole thing but I'm guessing the endeavor will come to an abrupt end before you manage it all. Still I strongly encourage you to try.
Wha?
Me: "Good evening, <company>"
SC: "Oh, sorry, I was trying to call the post office."
What post office do you know of that’s open at 3:30am? I'm lucky if the one near me is open at 3:30AM. Where is this mystical mail depot of yours that’s open at 3:30am and what enchanted wardrobe must I walk through to enter the Narnia in which it resides?
Hey! Listen!
Me: "Good morning, <company>, Gravekeeper speaking, how may I help you?"
SC: "What company is this?"
Me: "<company>"
SC: "and what's your name?"
Me: "....Gravekeeper."
Why do I even try? Seriously?
Screw you AND your Geo Metro.
SC: "My car is locked in the parka-"
Stop. Just stop. Enough. I object. Your problem is due to your own stupidity. It is not within the realm of my responsibility. It is entirely within the lands of your own personal responsibility. It doesn't even merit standing at the border, gazing longingly across the fence at my responsibility. In fact if it even attempts to climb the fence into my responsibility it will be shot on sight and the remains will be stuffed full of mini Snickers bars, paper mache'd, colorfully painted and mailed back to its surviving family members in a series of Snack Pack Flesh Pinatas over the course of the Christmas holidays.
.......
Me: "Ok, I can put you at the <hotel> for $79"
SC: "Ok.....nyaauugh.....does it have a shuttle? <flush>"
.....<shudder>. Jesus Christ in the back seat of a 57 Chevy Impala being read his Miranda rights, at least WIPE yourself before you make phone calls.
Bothersome
SC: "Oh hi, this is the manager at <store>. Our machine here is out of order."
Me: "Ok, what's the problem with it exactly?"
SC: "Its been down for about a week now and I got tired of customers complaining to me so I figured I'd just call it in myself."
Its been down all week. It belongs to the store YOU manage and the only reason you bothered to call for service now was because you were tired of dealing with customer complaints? What exactly were you hoping for before you yourself were forced off to heave your panting whale like carcass off your hemorrhoid donut to *gasp* do your actual fscking job?
Were you hoping Skynet would achieve self awareness and call for service itself before orchestrating the destruction of humanity?
At this point I'd be right there behind it, cheering it on.
Day Two....
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