So tomorrow is my last day of working

[Zell]

Give me great ideas on how to be an utter douchebag to customers that are directly rude to me.

Good customers I'll continue being nice to

[BookstoreEscapee]

Well, on your last day...I'm drawing a blank on things to say to customers...

there's always my little tagline: "Thank you and go to hell." See if anyone notices.

[Chained to the counter]

Yeah, last day of work! Good luck on whatever it is your doing when you leave.

Try not to be tooo rude, it could come back to bite you in the arse one day.(A bit rude is ok though)

[MrSunshineState]

Don't be rude to anybody, it will have the opposite effect you are looking for. All the SC would have to do then is call corporate and say an employee of "X Store" was rude to them and they will get a nice gift card or something.

[JustaCashier]

You've already stated that you won't be rude to good customers, which is cool.

But, I agree with Chained. The SC you are really rude to, may end up being a person of authority on your next job. I know, a little far-fetched, but I'm a big believer in Murphy's Law.

So, don't go calling somebody an asshole, or get into a shouting match with them, or anything like that, but if, for instance, an SC comes through the express line with too many items, and you call them on it, and they turn nasty, just simply say, in a non-sarcastic, non-condescending way, something like: "So, do you think you are better than these other customers? They're following the rules."

Mike

[Hon'ya-chan]

You just have to be extremely subtle in your ways of annoying the idiots.

They don't hand you their card into your hand? Put it onto the counter and make them pick it up. Same with coins and money. They can't be bothered to hand you money, or just outright throw it to you? Put the change onto the counter. Bonus points if they have their hands outstretched when you give their change.

They can't describe an item, and are being assholes about it? Play "20 Questions" and draw it out as long as possible. "Is the item pink in color, with a little goldenrod??"

There are more ways; you just gotta think about it.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

You could always be a "helpful smartass."

[lordlundar]

You could always be a "helpful smartass."

This ones my favorite. Either they're too stupid to realize your insulting their intelligence, or They realize you didn't do anything wrong.

Heck, I do this to people all the time anyway.

[freaktard]

On my last day at my old job, I was just hoping someone would be an SC so I could retaliate with impunity.

Unfortunately, I got nothing but nice customers that day. It was actually a little disappointing.

[Crazeyal]

Simple. TELL THE TRUTH. Respond to rude people with even ruder comments. "Can't you move faster?!?!" gets a response of "I'm sorry Ma'am but most people don't buy so much Junk food. Perhaps that's why you have the belly of a third trimester pregnant woman."

"What are you..SUPID?!?" gets a response of "Perhaps I am... But at least *MY* teeth are without tobacco stains!" (comon.. it just *HAS* to be true...)

"I want to speak to a MANAGER!!" gets "Normally I'd call one over, but we have a "15 inbred idiot a day" rule that the union put into effect...Sadly you are number 16..."

[sms001]

Give me great ideas on how to be an utter douchebag to customers that are directly rude to me.

I was so psyched to do this on my last "last day" - and then found it completely unnecessary. The woman who would shriek at me if "her" kind of coffee wasn't just finishing brewing as she walked in the door? Never have to see her AGAIN! The lotto loonies with four hundred pick threes? Never. Again. etc. etc. Just the thought of never having to shrug off these people's idiocy ever again made me so damn chipper I was extra nice to every single one of them. damn it.

As an unlooked for side effect, I got tons of accolades from boss, fellow emps, good customers for "being a bigger man" concerning that last day too.