Attention Ladies: It's Not an Insult.

[Becks]

I've been called "ma'am" since I was at least twelve years old. I've also been calling other women "ma'am" for at least as long a time.

And I'm not from the south at all.

[mattm04]

What are we supposed to say? It is generally accepted in th retail industry to refer to people that way, unless you know the person. At my store the registers flas the customer name (if they scanned a card) at the end of the transaction. We are tained to ingore the name and just say "have a good <time of day> <S or M>."

[Seshat]

I had a guy scold me once, when I was rushing up to open a door. He told me that he was trying to treat me like a lady, to LET him treat me like a lady.

Treating everyone with courtesy (unless they earn otherwise*) is something I fully believe in. This includes graciously accepting courtesies you are given. Noone likes to always take, any more than they like to always give. Even if you're a caring sort of person, give people the gift of your gracious acceptance of their care.

It took me a while to learn that, but I've seen people smile as much at being able to help, as at being helped.


* Do NOT accept help that leaves you feeling skeeved out. Gavin De Becker's book, 'The Gift Of Fear', tells of one rapist who would insist on helping women with their groceries, and the women, against their own instincts, would let him - and thus let him into their apartments.
If you feel something's 'wrong', gracefully refuse the offered help. And if they insist, presume that they're not gentlemen (or ladies) after all, and drop the courtesy. Your safety is more important than being 'nice'.

[crazylegs]

I DO draw the line at being called MADAM. Back in the apartheid years, the Black people had to call their White employers Madam and Boss.

Madam is far more widespread over here than Ma'am, which is generally reserved for the military and royalty. Bizarre I know but hey.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Then my boyfriend liked to open my car door. I would get glares from people, while I sat there and waited for hi, to come around and open my door. It made me uncomfortable, untill the day that an elderly lady YELLED across the parking lot that it was nice to see there where still gentlemen in the world who opened car doors, and to keep it up! That's when I decided that I wasn't going to let the glares bother me.

I've noticed that stupid people resent it when anyone displays intelligence around them, slack people resent it when you show a work ethic around them, and rude, classless people resent it when you exhibit good manners around them.

It's best to not give too much a damn what such people think.

[zzapp the witch]

I'd just tell myself that they're jealous.

[otakuneko]

WTF?

In two years of tech support, calling each and every caller sir or ma'am, I never had anyone complain.

Of course, part of that was due to the fact that 99% of the time, I'd forget their name anyway. Only in the last month or so did I actually start using people's names, and even then, only once. Once I got into troubleshooting mode, the name was a distant memory. I got dinged on "quality" a lot because of it, but it wasn't an important item so it didn't matter much.

On a side note, I don't like being called by my last name. Every time I hear someone say, "Mr Neko.." I think I'm in trouble. I'm not sure where that came from.

[Emrld]

Part of the challange is that society has become much more relaxed than it used to be.
Think about it . . .in the 1940's Men and Women alike wore hats when outstide . . and the ladies wore gloves even in the summer.
Now typical every day dress for the Masses is dockers to jeans and no tie / pantyhose required.
Ergo when showing respect in a formal manner (which ma'am falls under) can be seen as an oddity.
So when at work and they say please call me"first name here" they are going for their comfort level which is relaxed and familiar.

[crazylegs]

WTF?

On a side note, I don't like being called by my last name.

I'm Like that with my first name, its one that can be abbreviated, and thats what I'm known as (like Steve and Stephen only it not) so when I hear my full first name I freak out, I nearly did on my driving test when the examiner called me (full name)

[repsac]

phone goddess is right. It is a requirement down here. There's other things too that people don't always pick up on.

For example, it's not uncommon to pass a person when going into a store and say something to them. Not a curt hello or something like that, but "Hi, how ya doing?" OF course a response is expected, usually a polite "Well. you?" which is followed by "Fine." Works. However, it's also not uncommon for total strangers to strike up conversations.

Another one is being called "hon" or "Sweetie". Don't get me wrong here, I know some see it as being overly sexual, but I kinda get a kick out of it when a waitress or pretty girl says to me. "That'll be X.XX sweetie." Guys often look at women and smile, saying "Hey hon." to them. Nothing meant by it, but it's just commonplace.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I'm Like that with my first name, its one that can be abbreviated, and thats what I'm known as (like Steve and Stephen only it not) so when I hear my full first name I freak out, I nearly did on my driving test when the examiner called me (full name)

You'd hate my boss. He insists on calling people by their full first name, whether they like to be called that or not. He likes to be called by his full name, and he hates it when people abbreviate it. When I see forwarded emails where other people have addressed him by the shortened form of his name, it always makes me laugh, because I'll bet 99% of the time it's on purpose. It bugs me, though, because there are people who really don't want to be called by their full name and I think he should respect that. I don't have that problem, because I don't like to be called by the obvious shortened form of my name. But the best was when he was overheard on speakerphone calling someone "Sandra" and was met with a curt "It's Sandy!"

Another one is being called "hon" or "Sweetie". Don't get me wrong here, I know some see it as being overly sexual, but I kinda get a kick out of it when a waitress or pretty girl says to me. "That'll be X.XX sweetie." Guys often look at women and smile, saying "Hey hon." to them. Nothing meant by it, but it's just commonplace.

Whether this bugs me or not really depends on who's saying it. When it's little old ladies or little old men, I don't mind. Even if it's other women, but when cocky guys who think they're god's gift to women call me honey and sweetheart, then it bugs me.

[Gurndigarn]

I got the opposite thing today. I was at one of my locations, servicing games, and there were a couple of kids in the area, alternately playing games, watching me, or heading off to do whatever, then coming back. And whenever they needed to address me, they called me "Man". Not in a sarcastic way, not in any sort of odd way... just... that was my title. Not "sir", not "mister", not even "excuse me"...

"This game didn't give us the thing [air hockey puck], Man."
"What are you doing, Man?"
"Man, is that cool." (With "Man" as a title, not an exclamation.)

I figured it wasn't worth bugging them about it, but Man was it annoying.

[sms001]

I'm also a "sir" or ma'am" type and have heard the occasional complaint.

Men got one pretty stock answer:

"Thank you sir."

"Don't call me sir, I work for a living!"

"All the more reason to address you nicely....."

Women (Smarmy)

"Don't call me ma'am, it makes me seem [old/like my mother/etc.]"

"Ok. Have a good one miss."

Women (Just odded out by the term.)

"Do I look old enough to be a ma'am?"

"No, but I think it's a contraction for both madam and mademoiselle, and I bet you're ONE of those "

Pretty good results so far, but I certainly agree with RecoveringKinkoid that there are those who don't care to see good manners because they lack them - and they are the ones most likely to tell you not to call them something and then give you no alternatives. (Except the ones in our heads )

[gunsage]

I've actually had two incidents where someone was angry that I called them sir or ma'am. The first incident occurred in security and the second actually occurred at my current job (tech support)...

Security - Bus Terminal

I can't remember exactly why, but a customer was being uncooperative (he was a little older and seemed kinda "lost") and me, another security officer, the customer service supervisor, and an assistant supervisor were all around this guy trying to get him to show us his ticket.

He wasn't listening and was getting a little flustered and I kept trying to get his attention by saying "Sir? Sir!" He got tired of that and went "Don't you SIR me!" This guy'd been getting on my and everyone else's nerves, so I responded with "What, you want me to call you MA'AM?! LISTEN TO ME."

He finally cooperated, but I could never understand why he seemed insulted by my sentiment to ACTUALLY BE NICE to him, considering everyone else was ready to punch him out.

Tech Support - "I hope they SUE you!"

This one KINDA makes sense, but still. A lady called up because nobody had come out to bury her cable. For those unfamiliar with this (and honestly, this was only my fourth week when this occurred), a "bury drop" order is scheduled when a cable is actually strewn across a lawn, sidewalk, or something from the actual cable box to the customer's house.

Naturally, this can be terribly inconvenient, so a "bury drop" order is scheduled in order to dig out some ground, bury the cable, and then pat the ground back over. Of course, most of these can take weeks for a tech to come out because of scheduling, weather, etc.

This lady calls up because it "OMGZ STILL HASN'T BEEN BURIED!!!!111" and she wants, of course, "SOMEONE OUT NOW!!!11" Right. Unfortunately, there was nothing that could be done to expedite someone to come out, at which point the conversation turns sour...

Cust: "Oh really?! Well some kid just TRIPPED over your cable and fell down a flight of steps! I hope the family SUES YOU!"
Me: "Well, I'm terribly sorry about that, but if they need to contact our legal division, that is their prerogative."
Cust: "Yeah, I hope they SUE YOU! Get someone out to get RID OF THIS SAFETY HAZARD!"
Me: "Ma'am-"
Cust: "Get someone OUT HERE!"

There's a lot about the conversation I don't remember because she wasn't listening to me and was constantly talking over me. But if I were to relate what happened from memory, it'd probably be something like this...

Cust: "Back in my day, a tech-"
Me: "Ma'am."
Cust: "-finished the job! They didn't just screw around!"
Me: "Ma'am."
Cust: "On top of that, what's with you saying-"
Me: "Ma'am."
Cust: "-you don't have a supervisor! That's ridiculous!"
Me: "Ma'am."
Cust: "RI-DI-CU-LOUS! Never in my life have I-"
Me: "Ma'am."
Cust: "-dealt with such INSOLENCE! Such TERRIBLE-"
Me: "Ma'am."
Cust: "-customer service! What's wrong with you-"
Me: "Ma'am."

This went on for about a minute with me trying to get her attention by turning down the volume completely and saying "Ma'am" as much as possible until finally...

Me: "Ma'am."
Cust: (In a distinct snotty tone) "Ma'am! Ma'am! Is that all you can say?!"
Me: "...Ma'am, I understand you're frustrated. I can transfer you-"
Cust: "I DON'T WANT TO BE TRANSFERRED!"
Me: "MA'AM, if you would let me talk, I can transfer you to my supervisor's VOICEMAIL, if you would like, but as this point the call has become VERY unproductive and I have nothing left for you. Do you want me to transfer or NOT?"
Cust: "Blah blah blah blah-"
Me: "Ma'am, I am going to INSIST on hanging up if you continue-"

Beat me to the punch. She got fed up with me and finally hung up. On a related note, she called up about 5 minutes later, GOT ME, and immediately demanded a supervisor, which led to this...

Cust: (Obviously angry that she got ME AGAIN) "I WANT A SUPERVISOR!"
Me: "Well, unfortunately, there isn't one available at this time, but-"
Cust: "THAT'S A LOAD OF BULL AND YOU KNOW IT!"
Me: "Ma'am, I am going to have to insist that you calm down..."
Cust: "FINE, I'LL TALK TO HIS $&*#@&$#* VOICEMAIL YOU $&#@*&$#!"



What can I say? I like 'em classy.

[TiNAMARBLEx3]

Honestly, I would hate being called maam. I prefer miss. A customer yesterday called me maam and I did feel old. I'm only 19. My mom who is in her 40s hates being called maam too.