Highlights from Voice Mail

[Dips]

Actual voice mails:

"I'm NOT going to leave another message." [Seems like you just did.]

"I don't WANT you to call me back. I WANT you to pick up the phone." [Since you didn't leave a number, we'll have no trouble granting that first request.]

[Myra]

Oh my God I feel your pain on this one. Recently, the store I'd been running had been closed down. I phoned all the customers that I cared about, or had big accounts with us, and let them know if they needed anything, to call the same number, as we'd had the office number ported to a cellular phone. And if they needed something, one of our outside guys would come see them. I now work at the Kansas City store.

Well one day, I get to work and power up the phone and there's a voicemail. On it is a lady who blurts out a name I cannot understand, and a phone number. She sounds angry. She informs me that I should have called her to tell her my store was closed for good. Yay. I call her back, and she wants to know where we've moved to. I tell her what happened, and ask what she's looking for.

"WHAT? You ARE closed? Why can't you people call your customers before that happened? My phone is broken and I need it fixed! What am I supposed TO DO?"

1. I don't know you, lady. If I don't know you, I cannot call you. Makes sense, right?

2. You do the same as you did before, since I wasn't a repair store.

I gave her some addresses of independent repair shops and she continued to gripe about how could I not call my customers and tell them I was closing? Okay, ma'am, I'm really not going to call every. single. Yellow Box Company customer in the greater St. Joseph area to tell them my store is closing. Give me a break.

But yes. People are stupid.

[braindead]

Oh I so feel your pain on this one. We frequently get

This is John in Idaho call me.

why cant I ever get ahold of you. You call me right now. click

When will they learn its voicemail not the amazing physic line.

[Sonoma]

Oh I so feel your pain on this one. We frequently get

This is John in Idaho call me.

why cant I ever get ahold of you. You call me right now. click

When will they learn its voicemail not the amazing physic line.

I would always get those when I worked in Customer Assistance (now, I get to use my psychic abilities w/ dealerships, which CAN be just as bad sometimes.).

On a Friday afternoon, my voice mail would have messages saying;
"This is Jim calling about the truck. Call me back tomorrow"

OK, first of all, do you know how many Jims drive trucks in this country. And, "tomorrow" is Saturday. We're closed on Saturday. I am NOT coming in on my day off to just call your voice mail, because that's all I ever get. Not to mention, Security won't let you in the door on a Saturday, unless you signed up in advance for the limited OT available. And I will not call you from my home number. Do you think I really want my customers having my home number?

Anytime I left a message, I would give them a file number, my work phone #, along with the hours I would be in the office. I swear, they never heard any of it. And, if I asked them to leave certain information in their return message, it would never be there. Endless rounds of voice mail to answer one simple question.

[Acolyte]

Here was the complete contents of my voice mail this morning:

'Yeah, just nuke and pave it.' (Um...which one?)
'My e-mail address is ImASuckyCustomer@TheISPIWorkFor.Net' (...that's nice, dear.)
'F**k you guys.' (There's a line for that.)
'Hi, my name is-oh, sonofabitch. *Click*' (You must have some cruel parents, Mr. Bitch.)
'Yeah, I just bought a new Dimension 5150 from you guys, and you forgot to throw in the free TV with it. I'll be down later.' (Well, if you're looking for a TV, Wal-Mart isn't a bad start. Second, free anything?)
'Your service sucks! I'm going to the other ISP, what are you going to do about it?' (First, we're just reselling the other ADSL provider's internet. There is exactly no difference in the service quality. Second, nothing. Have a nice day!)
'Why aren't you guys there?! You're supposed to be there 24/7! I have a really serious problem! You're going to hear about this!' (You know, this is more funny then intimidating.)
And, the one useful voicemail,
'Hey, this is for Acolyte, just to remind that your A+ test is today.' (Which I passed, w00t!)

[Tanasi]

I feel your pain, that is an everyday occurance at my office.

SC: Yes this is hotel-moron at the Holiday Inn, Hilton, Hampton, HomeWood,DoubleTree etc and our *whatever* isn't working, please call me back.

Ok, for your information there is more than one HI, Hilton, Hampton, Doubletree and HomeWood in the world, heck we have more than 100 of each as customers and I know for a fact there's more than one hotel-moron it seems like every hotel is full of them. I at least need to know the city and street or number otherwise I'm not wasting my time to track you down. Oh and before you say you left that information I've saved the message as CYA.

On a side note those Double Tree cookies are great.

[gundam40]

Ouches... my brain just died a little..

Sadly, people on answer machines seem to lose a part of their brain when they leave messages. I frequently get messages where the person speaks super fast, or blurs the name/phone #/whatever so much, I can't even hear what they're saying.

Or worse, they'll say "Hi I'm so-and-so, I'm calling about whatever, and my phone # is", and then suddenly use a whisper to say the phone #. WTF? Everything else was loud and clear before!

We once had our window installer leave a message saying our windows were ready, but the message was so indecipherable, we thought it was a prank call :P

[Imogene]

'Yeah, I just bought a new Dimension 5150 from you guys, and you forgot to throw in the free TV with it. I'll be down later.' (Well, if you're looking for a TV, Wal-Mart isn't a bad start. Second, free anything?)

Monitor, perhaps? It's not a television, you moron! *to the person who left the message, not Acolyte*
And I can prove it. If you buy a video card that allows you to run your tower into a television, you'll notice this... odd thing... the resolution of your computer on the television is extremely lower than a monitor.

[toolbert]

'Hey, this is for Acolyte, just to remind that your A+ test is
today.' (Which I passed, w00t!)

Woohoo! Congrats on passing that God awful test!

[Acolyte]

Monitor, perhaps? It's not a television, you moron! *to the person who left the message, not Acolyte*
And I can prove it. If you buy a video card that allows you to run your tower into a television, you'll notice this... odd thing... the resolution of your computer on the television is extremely lower than a monitor.

On that subject, you'd be amazed how many people we get in looking to buy a TV tuner card so they can just get a cheap TV, then come back a week later to complain about how crappy the picture is.
Look, we explain it before you buy! A TV is so much lower-res then a monitor! Listen to the geeks, for we Know Stuff!

[Phone Jockey]

"WHAT? You ARE closed? Why can't you people call your customers before that happened? My phone is broken and I need it fixed! What am I supposed TO DO?"

Duh Myra...you were supposed to KNOW using your ESP that she would need her phone fixed. I mean, seriously. Did you leave your ESP hat at home that day?

[Tria]

Duh Myra...you were supposed to KNOW using your ESP that she would need her phone fixed. I mean, seriously. Did you leave your ESP hat at home that day?

I thought we agreed everything was YOUR fault Phone Jockey! :P *Ducks*

[Mr.Bill]

OT: What's the A+ test? Something to do with programming, etc?

[Acolyte]

Wiki does A+

It's a certification saying that I know the workings of your average Windows-based PC. It's the standard certification for a desktop support tech, and pulls as much weight as a computer science degree, at least for desktop support techs. I've only done the Hardware part (OS is Monday).

[Dreamstalker]

I would get a number of those calls on my cell phone. If it was mom, dad, or someone who knew I had their number, no problem.

A few times my cell (a 617 number) was being called by some businessman in AZ trying to get ahold of his buddy who as far as I could tell lived in MI He called a couple times (each call increasingly frantic), never leaving a number. I kinda felt sorry for the dude and wanted to call him back saying that my # wasn't the one he wanted, but he never left a number.

Acolyte, I'm thinking of taking the A+ sometime this year. I hear they're updating it (finally), any idea when that is?