Not my fault you can't figure out what you want.

[Dreamstalker]

This one's a twofer.

Yesterday I fielded a call from a "lady" who chewed my ear off for five minutes about frozen kale. You could practically feel the attitude ten feet away from the phone. She had ordered a bag, at the time I shopped the order we had no kale of any kind. The closest thing I could sub was chopped collards, which I did. Apparently I was supposed to know that she was going to use the kale for smoothies, and was treated to a fairly offensive, dumbed-down lecture about how kale and collard are different (you can indeed use collards in a smoothie, says my mom). I explain that she can select No Substitution for individual items if she does not want anything else. Cue "You don't need to know my dietary habits!" (newsflash; if you have a loyalty card, the company has a pretty good idea).

She demanded that I get her a bag of kale and hold it for her (I'm comin in today!")...fast forward to today and it's still in my freezer. M knew about this and told me nobody showed up yelling about kale.

The first order this morning came in from a regular who is a certified pain in everyone's ass. The order included two whole spaghetti squashes. So I shop the order, wait until he decides to show up and get a strip torn off me about our lack of a particular flavored fitness water. Nothing I can do about that, that's a vendor item. (if you want it so bad, set up a recurring delivery from AMZ and see what you get from them).

About an hour later (as I'm running my tail off shopping the orders that I started late because of this tool), he calls. Says "You gave me the wrong item! I got home and you gave me two whole spaghetti squashes! I wanted prepacked spaghetti squash!" That's not a thing, spaghetti squash falls apart in shreds when cut into. We have the butternut squash noodles...no, he wants spaghetti squash noodles. I check with the produce guy just so I can say I did...nope, he doesn't even think anyone makes fresh spaghetti squash noodles. It can't be done.

By the time I can get back to the phone, he's hung up. OK, whatevs. I don't have time to debate squash with you anyway. M tells me that we do have spaghetti squash noodles...but they're sold frozen. The order clearly said "Spaghetti Squash, 1 ea" and the item was located in Produce. A search for "spaghetti squash" on the site/app only shows two items; the frozen stuff which comes in an obvious bag, and the whole squashes. Both have pictures, and the descriptions are markedly different. I'm still trying to figure out what he thought he had ordered...

[Kristev]

No doubt he doesn't know what he wanted.

[Dreamstalker]

I have a "Stupid Customer Tricks" book hidden in my desk; this one's definitely going in there. Now I'm curious if any manufacturer, anywhere has discovered how to make fresh spaghetti squash noodles actually work (and if it is in fact spaghetti squash and not spaghetti-style)

[Kittish]

No doubt about the sucky customer, but... you're incorrect about how spaghetti squash acts. It does NOT "fall apart into shreds when it's cut into". At all. Like, ever. You have to cook it first, THEN you can take a fork to it and pull it apart into shreds. But it will never, ever, ever just fall apart of its own accord. And yes, at least where I live, spaghetti squash can be purchased raw and cut into chunks that you just bake and shred. I haven't seen it frozen, however.

[EricKei]

I have used kale for smoothies, and I can't taste it at all with all of the other stuff going on in there (the fruit taste tends to overwhelm everything else for me), so yeah, collards would probably be fine.

[Dreamstalker]

Exactly; it's a leafy green used as a "base" for the other stuff. Myself, I love collards in any form.

I misspoke about how squash works (that I never thought I'd say). I'm not sure how you would form cut spaghetti squash into noodle shapes...the only thing that comes to mind is an extruder, A spiralizer like you would use for green/yellow/butternut squash would likely not work.

The guy apparently came back to the store yesterday (it had to have been after I left) and returned the squashes as well as a few other items that had nothing wrong with them. M spent a few more minutes explaining what I already had ("Sir, I'm looking at your order right here and you did order two whole squashes")...and there's a big honking sticker on the thing with preparation instructions. TBH, if he wants to inflict himself on a different store after this we'd all be better off for it.

[Ironclad Alibi]

TBH, if he wants to inflict himself on a different store after this we'd all be better off for it.

And yet they never do that.

[Dreamstalker]

Because the other stores close by to him would really not take his shit, they've seen every scammer and complainer known to man and have no mercy. The front end manager at the store closer to him than us would not only have refused the return on the grounds that he's a dumbass but probably thrown the squashes at him.

[Dreamstalker]

Kale Lady placed an order today (luckily it went live after I left). She called the store right after she placed the order--and three full hours before we could even look at it--demanding to know if all her items were going to be in stock....if you're that picky, get it DELIVERED so it's picked from stock that isn't getting simultaneously plundered by the starving crazed weasels that come out whenever snow is forecast. I think there's one store in the metro area that actually closed down as a physical store and went to pickup only.

[Kristev]

If she gets it delivered, no one is her prisoner. So she won't.

[Kittish]

I'm not sure how you would form cut spaghetti squash into noodle shapes...the only thing that comes to mind is an extruder, A spiralizer like you would use for green/yellow/butternut squash would likely not work.

Bake the chunks, then shred them just like you would if you'd started with an intact spaghetti squash. It will come apart into strings just like a big one would, except they'll be shorter. That's WHY it's called spaghetti squash, after all.

[Dreamstalker]

I'm still not sure what he thought he was ordering...I do seem to remember seeing 'prepared' (chunked) raw spaghetti squash, but it was a long time ago and in a different grocery store in a different region. We might have carried it at one time, but it was probably dropped because it didn't sell (most customers who buy precut squash want it to stay in defined chunks after cooking).

[Kittish]

I would lay long odds that he thought he was ordering some other kind of squash entirely, like butternut or acorn. And probably STILL doesn't know what he actually wants, just that it isn't this heavy, yellow football-looking thing that he actually wound up with and probably has ZERO clue how to deal with. Don'tcha just love people? /s

[Ghel]

How does saying "no substitutions" give you more information about her dietary habits than just ordering a bag of kale?

[Dreamstalker]

It doesn't My custys are wack, yo.

Her order was "Standard Substitution" which means that if something is out of stock, the shopper can sub with whatever is closest. Apparently they now do allow customers to select sub/no sub for individual items (the pick list tells us which items can and cannot be subbed), but so many people don't understand that they can in fact do that. I wish there was a way for us to tell when an order comes in "Customer will accept subs for A, B and C; no subs for X, Y and Z" I just keep a book with customers and their--oftentimes illogical--sub preferences.