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ring ring
me: Good morning, xxx speaking, how can I help you?
SC: Hello there, I'd like to book a place at an event coming up
me: ah yes, ok I'll need some contact details as we tend to send out further information through the post
SC: What? That makes no sense
Me: I don't understand ma'am, what do you mean?
SC: Why do you need to be able to reach me to give me the information? Can't you give it to me now?
me: I'm afraid not ma'am, I don't have any part in the arrangements or the organisation of events like this, and some of the details haven't yet been worked out, if they had, and the only reason I know that is because if they had, then I'd have already been asked to send out the information to those that have already booked, so even if I knew all the details about the event, I couldn't tell you now anyway since we haven't worked everything out
Sc: No, I won't give you any contact information! You'll pass it on to other people!
me: Miss, thanks to the data protection act, we can't legally do that
Sc: then you'll pass it on to your telemarketer department and they'll use it
me: Miss, we're primarily a food store, even though we also sell travel, insurance, funerals and electronics, the one thing we don't have is a telemarketing department
Sc: Stop lying to me! I know these tricks of yours, you'll take down my number and then copy it and send it off somewhere to be used
me: Well miss, I'm afraid you won't be allowed entrance to the event unless you've booked a place
Sc: (very loudly): why the hell not?
me: Well ma'am, we have to cater for the people who come to all-day events like this, if we get our numbers wrong then the caterers get their numbers wrong, if they get their numbers wrong then not all our guests will be able to eat, thus making us, and the caterers, look bad.
SC: I'll bring my own lunch then, you can't stop me from getting in sonny!
at this point, I felt a stabbing pain in my frontal lobe. If Maddox's book is anything to go on, then I could feel myself getting dumber by talking to this person.
me: Ok, so go to the event
SC:...where is it?
Me: I'm sorry ma'am but I'm not at liberty to divulge that information unless you've booked a place
SC: Wh...what? How can you not tell me?
me: you haven't booked a place
Sc: nevermind, it says where it is on the leaflet you sent
me: no it doesn't
SC: Yes, see, "the event will be held in Brighton"
me: Can you tell me where in Brighton?
Sc:...um...
me: ma'am, I can assure you, we do not indulge in any telemarketing, if we did, we wouldn't make it so obvious as to actually physically ask you for your details over the phone, and even if we did have a telemarketing decision, I could just tap the numbers 1,4,7 and 1 again and our phone provider will tell me your phone number, rendering the whole point of you not telling me your name and address, which is all I really want, pointless because its cheaper to ring someone than it is to send a letter. So if we did have a telemarketing department and if we were hellbent on making your life miserable by occasionally contacting you through a device that you bought for the sole purpose of communicating with people, then we'd already have access to your information and can theoretically do as we please, however since we don't have a telemarketing position and we don't do that kind of shit, we really can't do anything with the details you sent us and thanks to the data protection act, we can't be seen to be passing them on, so you can either give me your details and I can book you down for a place, or I can put the phone down, it is your choice
Normally I wouldn't go off on one like this, but I did so in a calm voice, and the people nearby were already giggling by the time I was finished, they know that its not like me either, so I must have a complete moron on the other end of the phone
Sc:hmph, I'll sue you for everything you have if I get any calls or post from your company
me: Kinda negates the point of us sending out more information about this event doesn't it?
Sc: no...no you have it wrong, but I swear if you try to sell me anything then I'll take your arses to court
me: be my guest
SC: Ok, my name is XXX and I live at XXXX, my phone number in case you need it is XXX, there, did you get all that?
me: yes ma'am
SC: Can you tell me where the event is now?
Me: no ma'am, we haven't booked a venue yet, details will be sent through the post, goodbye
Sc: Wait a minute!
me: click.
Since I was given the truly joyous pleasure of marking down who actually showed up at the event, I can tell you that she never even bothered to show her face.
me: Good morning, xxx speaking, how can I help you?
SC: Hello there, I'd like to book a place at an event coming up
me: ah yes, ok I'll need some contact details as we tend to send out further information through the post
SC: What? That makes no sense
Me: I don't understand ma'am, what do you mean?
SC: Why do you need to be able to reach me to give me the information? Can't you give it to me now?
me: I'm afraid not ma'am, I don't have any part in the arrangements or the organisation of events like this, and some of the details haven't yet been worked out, if they had, and the only reason I know that is because if they had, then I'd have already been asked to send out the information to those that have already booked, so even if I knew all the details about the event, I couldn't tell you now anyway since we haven't worked everything out
Sc: No, I won't give you any contact information! You'll pass it on to other people!
me: Miss, thanks to the data protection act, we can't legally do that
Sc: then you'll pass it on to your telemarketer department and they'll use it
me: Miss, we're primarily a food store, even though we also sell travel, insurance, funerals and electronics, the one thing we don't have is a telemarketing department
Sc: Stop lying to me! I know these tricks of yours, you'll take down my number and then copy it and send it off somewhere to be used
me: Well miss, I'm afraid you won't be allowed entrance to the event unless you've booked a place
Sc: (very loudly): why the hell not?
me: Well ma'am, we have to cater for the people who come to all-day events like this, if we get our numbers wrong then the caterers get their numbers wrong, if they get their numbers wrong then not all our guests will be able to eat, thus making us, and the caterers, look bad.
SC: I'll bring my own lunch then, you can't stop me from getting in sonny!
at this point, I felt a stabbing pain in my frontal lobe. If Maddox's book is anything to go on, then I could feel myself getting dumber by talking to this person.
me: Ok, so go to the event
SC:...where is it?
Me: I'm sorry ma'am but I'm not at liberty to divulge that information unless you've booked a place
SC: Wh...what? How can you not tell me?
me: you haven't booked a place
Sc: nevermind, it says where it is on the leaflet you sent
me: no it doesn't
SC: Yes, see, "the event will be held in Brighton"
me: Can you tell me where in Brighton?
Sc:...um...
me: ma'am, I can assure you, we do not indulge in any telemarketing, if we did, we wouldn't make it so obvious as to actually physically ask you for your details over the phone, and even if we did have a telemarketing decision, I could just tap the numbers 1,4,7 and 1 again and our phone provider will tell me your phone number, rendering the whole point of you not telling me your name and address, which is all I really want, pointless because its cheaper to ring someone than it is to send a letter. So if we did have a telemarketing department and if we were hellbent on making your life miserable by occasionally contacting you through a device that you bought for the sole purpose of communicating with people, then we'd already have access to your information and can theoretically do as we please, however since we don't have a telemarketing position and we don't do that kind of shit, we really can't do anything with the details you sent us and thanks to the data protection act, we can't be seen to be passing them on, so you can either give me your details and I can book you down for a place, or I can put the phone down, it is your choice
Normally I wouldn't go off on one like this, but I did so in a calm voice, and the people nearby were already giggling by the time I was finished, they know that its not like me either, so I must have a complete moron on the other end of the phone
Sc:hmph, I'll sue you for everything you have if I get any calls or post from your company
me: Kinda negates the point of us sending out more information about this event doesn't it?
Sc: no...no you have it wrong, but I swear if you try to sell me anything then I'll take your arses to court
me: be my guest
SC: Ok, my name is XXX and I live at XXXX, my phone number in case you need it is XXX, there, did you get all that?
me: yes ma'am
SC: Can you tell me where the event is now?
Me: no ma'am, we haven't booked a venue yet, details will be sent through the post, goodbye
Sc: Wait a minute!
me: click.
Since I was given the truly joyous pleasure of marking down who actually showed up at the event, I can tell you that she never even bothered to show her face.
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