Punishment or Penalties?

[pyxee]

This used to piss customers off to no end.

If the previous customer had paid in all change or I had to staple a lotto ticket and redemption slip together, whatever may take a few seconds, and the next customer came up and started barking "MARBOREDSBOX!!!!" I'd ignore them until I was done with the task at hand, then look up and sweetly say "What can I get ya?"

Or we had a few customers who just couldn't wait 10 farking seconds. I mean, it was mid-day rush, everyone's off work at 3:00, and all the pumps are taken. Everyone comes in to pay at once. Someone has $10 or $20 even. They are too good to wait in line, so they WALTZ up and budge next to my current customer and try to shove a $10 or $20 in my face. Or a customer would come in to just get a paper and would try to shove $1 or 50 cents in my face. I would totally ignore them and ignore the money in my face. That actually ended up backfiring more often than not, they'd get so pissed they'd just slam the money down on the counter and walk off.

Usually when someone tries to throw money at me like that I just kindly inform them that until I ring up the gas/whatever that if they leave the product is stolen, and that if someone takes their money from the counter and pockets it, it is not my problem and they will have the police report filed with their license plate # and car make and model.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

If it's a driver who's old enough (30s, 40s, 50s) to know better I'll blast metal or techno.

You young whippersnappers don't know anything....why, people my age and older are the ones playing the really awesome metal. And headbanging rings around you kids.

Mummblegrummble.....kids these days......

Not only would I honk the horn in such a situation (Especially if it has been clear for you to turn for the past minute), I will likely get out of the car at some point to explain the situation to you, and I might not be very nice about it.

Good way to get maced, run over or shot. It's happened. Men might not think this way, but as a woman, if you approached my car in a hostile way, I'd assume you meant me harm and react accordingly.

I trapped a guy's arm in my car window and dragged his ass about 10-15 feet one night after stabbing him in the forearm with an ink pen. He approached my car in a parking lot and behaved threateningly. Not a very safe thing to do.

[ArenaBoy]

You young whippersnappers don't know anything....why, people my age and older are the ones playing the really awesome metal. And headbanging rings around you kids.

Mummblegrummble.....kids these days......

Heh, the area I live in is full of rich types in that group who hate metal or techno. That said, my parents can out music me big time.

[powerboy]

This goes beyond work with me. When I'm driving, I usually drive the speed limit or five miles over. There's a whole breed of assholes that like to tailgate with their brights on as a way of telling me to speed up. It has an opposite effect on me. Whenever put in that situation, my speedometer drops. Like a rock.

I do the same thing. In my state, we can turn right on a red light. When I come to a full stop and check before I turn right, don't honk at me. I will wait until the light is green. Also, if you are ahead of me and the light turns green. You can go. Do not sit there and try to get the woman walking on the sidewalk, phone number. It happened to me once on my way to work. I will honk until you do move.

[Peppergirl]

Hmmm...I can honestly say I've only done this a couple of times in my 15+ year career, but here goes:

Never piss off your travel agent. It's much too easy to get your butt planted in a center seat by the lavatory on a 5+ hour flight. Act like a jackass and you take a serious risk of ending up exactly there.

It's virtually impossible to get caught too. The seating inventory fluctuates minute-to-minute, so if the customer catches on and reports you, the old 'that's the only seat that was available' excuse comes in VERY handy.

I pride myself on being a professional and 'rising above', but every once in awhile some idiot is just begging for it. I suppose having done this less than 5 times in 15+ years speaks for my professionalism.

[Aggravated Associate]

My "punishments" are extremely passive-aggressive as I know I'll lose my job if I ever do something outright ballsy. Nonetheless, I have a couple:

Rule #1: Treat others as you want to be treated.
If you: throw/slam your money on the counter rather than into my awaiting hand, expect for it to be handed back in the same manner.

If you: can't be bothered to hang up your cell phone while I'm ringing you up, don't expect for me to utter a single word to you throughout the entire transaction. Not one. As a bonus, I'll be overly friendly and helpful to the person directly behind you in line who ISN'T gabbing away to someone "more important" than I am... especially if you're still within earshot.
===
Rule #2: Learn from your mistakes.
If you: leave your cart COMPLETELY blocking the register lane on your way out, especially if you only have one bag, considering the fact that you walk THROUGH the cart vestibule on the way to your car, I will stop whatever I'm doing as soon as I'm done ringing you through. As in, that exact second. I will grab the cart you left and push it through to the vestibule as quickly as I can, hoping to force you to notice that the second you leave is when I have to go out of my way to clean up after you.

If you: shove your credit card at me OVER/PAST the self-scanner for me to scan, I'll more often than not ignore you and say "Swipe right here" and point to it. You're young and able, credit card readers are everywhere. Learn to use one.

Subpoint: I've read somewhere (here?) that some really smart cashiers will just take the card and scan it through the self-scanners themselves, but I'm not that brazen yet. I yearn for the day I will be, though... nothing would give me a more smug sense of self-satisfaction... my very own SC trait.

Lastly, if you ask me a question I am certain I know the answer to, as in, "Is this in stock?" or "No, I KNOW this was on sale, the sign said so" (Not a question, but SCs somehow pose it as such), I will turn the volume up on my walkie full-blast and turn it towards them so that they can hear the answer, "No, not on sale." or "Uh, AA, we sold out of those on Black Friday [remember?]" I them smile at them sweetly and say, "Sorry."

I am so envious of those that post on this board who manage to be snarky without getting fired... even better, being SUPPORTED by their managers. I wish I could do this.

[chops]

Subpoint: I've read somewhere (here?) that some really smart cashiers will just take the card and scan it through the self-scanners themselves, but I'm not that brazen yet.

Actually, many supermarket PIN pads these days are designed to they can pivot 360° just for that purpose.

You want brazen, though...you know those survey questions they put on the PIN pads at Wal-Mart these days? One cashier decided to whip the PIN pad around and hit YES to the survey question before I even had the chance to see it.

[Reyneth]

My personal favorite driving move is when you're in the left turn lane as the light is about to turn red, and as the oncoming traffic stops, in that INSTANT between that light turning red and the other traffic getting a green light, everyone behind you expects you to dash through the intersection and hope that nobody is having just a bad enough day to T-bone you anyway knowing that since you are making a left turn the police will rule it is your fault for failure to yield the right of way.

1) Police do not determine liability, they only determine if an illegal action took place.

2) Your insurance company will likely argue you to only be 50% or less at fault depending on where you started your turn from. Because in some/most/all (not sure of the specifics) states, if there is a solid green circle "left turn yields" light, you are permitted to advance into the intersection. If the light turns red before you are able to turn, you then *have* to turn to clear the intersection and the other driver is majority at fault for running the red light (if they had one depending on signal sequence) and failure to maintain a proper lookout - ie, they should have seen you, you have an obligation to get out of the middle of the intersection so you have the default right of way.

Running the red light when you had been stopped clear back of the intersection before the light turned is different though.

[gunsage]

For me, it depends on a variety of things. For one, what does my end of the conversation sound to my coworkers? I'm a relatively self-conscious person and chances are, especially if certain people are around, they'll interject if I say something questionable. However, typically it goes like this...

How to get your way

Me: "Okay, after looking at my diagnostics here, it looks as though you have a Linksys connected to this. Now, would that be your router?"
Cust: "Yes. All I really care about right now is getting my service working."
Me: "If at all possible, I'd like you to directly connect."
Cust: "Well, alright, but ultimately I want to connect multiple computers."
Me: "Okay, but let's do this first and verify it isn't the modem."
Cust: "Alrighty."

The customer is being miraculously cooperative. This is not uncommon and 90% of the time, this is how you get me to step outside of my support boundaries. No, I'm not going to show you how to modify your registry or anything like that, but as long as I can get a computer connected in a timely manner and you keep a positive, cooperative attitude, you can put money on me trying to get your router up and running. HOWEVER...

How to be an asshole

Me: "Okay, after looking at my diagnostics here, it looks as though you have a Linksys connected to this. Now-"
Cust: "No, there isn't!"
Me: "Uh, well...anyway, do you have a Linksys card, then?"
Cust: "I said NO!"
Me: "Alright...well, hey, here's what I need you to do...turn off your computer and disconnect the power cord from your modem."
Cust: "Ugh! I've already DONE this!"
Me: "That may be, but for some reason, it's capturing a Linksys as the device connected to the modem. If you definitely don't have a router and you don't have a Linksys card, I can't help but think this data is incorrect and we need to do a powercycle."
Cust: *Grumble grumble grumble*

What's happened here is a customer that DID lie (whoops, not supposed to say that) and whether he lied or not is irrelevant, he's being an ass. I'm looking to get him off my call as quickly as possible. I'll be asking questions that may have nothing to do with the service strictly so I can BS something and get his ass off my line. Never dick with someone who legitimately wants to help you. Would you curse out an EMT? No? Then shut the hell up.

[Sharsarannon]

I thought that I was the only one who did that!

I don't like tailgaters - I've driven in cars that have been hit in the back twice, I don't want another. I go 5 over, if someone tailgates me, it's speed limit and below until they get the hint.

I do that! And then if they still don't get off my tail, I MAKE space- by putting pedal to floor. Now, I drive a car that has Very Fast acceleration and can do quite the speeds when pushed, without even trying hard. Usually eating dust gives them a clear signal as to what I want them to do.

In areas where it's not safe to slow down or speed suddenly up, there's always the old standby, that handy windshield ( UK, read=windscreen) wiper system. Just a quick pull of that and my windshield is suddenly a lot cleaner...That fluid has to go somewhere.

By the laws of physics and aerodynamics, it whips off the glass and splatters onto anything that's within five feet of my back bumper. Oops. So sorry.

[hotelnpa]

If a guest gives me a hard time at check-in, I may assign them a room closest to the elevator or ice machine. If they wanted a first floor room, (we have elevators), that cherished first floor room may not be available if you're an asswipe. If you want to check in before check in time and are being a jerk about it, even if a room is open, I may tell them that one is not ready at the moment and to come back later. If you call and demand that a fax of yours be sent, it may get done in a couple of hours. If you are hurrying me up at check-out, the printer may all the sudden stop working until I fix it.

Since driving was brought up, nothing irks me more than getting tailgated. I am not a slow driver, but apparently going 15 over the speed limit is too slow for some people. On I-79, I drive about 80 mph in the 65 zone but still someone will ride my bumper as I am passing the slower vehicles in the left lane. Although aggravating, I just move over as soon as I can and let them pass. Intentionally slowing down or brake tapping may cause even more aggravation for both parties.

Also, a STOP LIGHT means STOP. A STOP SIGN means STOP. Oh, that switch located to the left on your steering wheel...it's called a turn signal. Try using it sometimes............

[marty]

you are supposed to pull out in the middle and wait for a break in the traffic, assuming it's where you have a green to go straight and the traffic parallel to you does too and you're turning left. then when the light turns red, if no one blows the light you have time to get through while it's red, and if you have to wait for someone blowing it and someone has their head up their ass far enough to hit you it's not your fault, and they won't hit you hard enough to hurt.... much

I do the same. It's called claiming the intersection, and is especially effective if there is no arrow at the light giving the left turn right-of-way. I really can't stand it if someone at a light like this doesn't claim the intersection, because then they'll sit through three or four lights just twiddling their thumbs and going nowhere until that one in a million chance break during rush hour traffic occurs. If there is an arrow, then you don't really have to do that, but if there isn't...ugh!

If someone complains that I'm going too slow on the register then I go slower. People who actually are in a hurry don't usually say anything.

[MMATM]

Regarding driving:

I drive 5-10mph over the speed limit (except on highways/freeways, where I drive at the speed of traffic), unless I'm being tailgated. Then, I'll slow waaayyyy down, to (gasp) the speed limit, or even (double gasp) less than the limit. I also punish tailgaters and other asshat drivers thusly:

- Stopping at yellow lights (it's illegal to run a yellow light in MA anyway, if you are physically able to stop safely, so I'm technically obeying the law to the letter).

- Tapping the brakes at random intervals, and sometimes slowing down significantly to deter tailgating. I have yet to be rear-ended, thanks partially to my keeping a close eye on the rear-view mirror.

- Fiddling with my radio. I don't actually look at the radio much, but adjusting settings on the dash always slows down my driving since I have to be partially diverted from my primary task. Tailgaters hate it when they can see people doing stuff inside the car that's making them slow down.