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I had this guy last week, but I had a hell of a weekend, and am only getting around to posting now. It's long, sorry.
I had to deal with this guy TWICE, because he wanted me to call him back (which got sucky as well), but we'll get to that.
SC: Mr. Conspiracy Theory
Me: well... me.
SC: I was talking to one of your agents a few minutes ago, and he HUNG UP ON ME.
Me: I'm very sorry about that sir, is there something I can help you with?
SC: He just HUNG UP. Can you believe the nerve of that guy?
Me: Again, I'm sorry sir, was there something I could do for you?
SC: I just can't believe he hung up on me ... (ad nauseum)
FINALLY, he begins to get to the point...
SC: Well I asked for my deposit refund to be sent to me as a cheque. Did you know that you guys don't mail them out as cheques unless the customer asks for it?
Me: Yes, I did know that. If you look at your service contract, you'll see that it says that deposit refunds are credited to your account, but you have to phone customer service in order to receive a cheque.
SC: That's useful, isn't it. You guys get to keep the interest, and I never see my money again.
Me: Actually, sir, we pay out the interest as well as the original deposit amount.
SC: That's not true! I never got my interest, and I didn't even get my whole deposit back. I got TWO CHEQUES.
Me: (looking up account information) You're right sir, I see that you got two cheques, and that they total $468.38.
SC: Yeah, my deposit was SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. Where's the other $131.62??? And I notice there was no INTEREST paid back!!!
Me: (researching...) Well, sir, it looks like the remaining $131.62 was transferred to another account you have with us.
This is when it got interesting...
SC: WHAT??? I don't have two accounts! I've never had two accounts!!! WHat the hell are you people trying to pull?? I want my money!!!! (this went on for a while).
Me: So you don't have a business called Muffin Man's on Drury Lane?
SC: ..... yes, I do.
Me: That's your second account, sir. Every location has its own account number in our system.
SC: Oh. Okay, but WHY was my MONEY transfered there?
Me: Well, it looks like you were past due on that account, so the remainder of your deposit was transfered there to pay it off.
SC: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!! THAT'S THEFT! THAT DEPOSIT WAS MINE!!! YOU CAN'T JUST TRANSFER IT WILLY-NILLY LIKE THAT!!!!
Me: Actually, sir, I'll refer you again to your service contract. You'll see that it says that if your accounts are past due, we are entitled to use any credits in any other accounts you may have to pay them off, and our policies also state that we will not issue refund cheques if you have past due amounts on other accounts.
SC: But the last guy I talked to said he'd send me a cheque for the full amount! He said the transfer was a mistake! He said I only had one account! He said it was a mistake by a NEW person, and that he'd never make a mistake like that because he'd been there longer.
At this point, I knew EXACTLY who the guy had spoken to, and why there were no contact notes on the account
I sat with this guy during my coaching days when I first started here, and the guy's a moron. Thinks he's god's gift to customer service, and in the entire two days I sat with him, he didn't manage to solve ONE customer's problem. But I digress....
ME: Well, sir, maybe he didn't realize you had a second account. It's not immediately obvious when your details come up on the screen, but you do definitely have two accounts with us, and that's where your money went. I can see it in the other account's balance sheet.
SC: So where's the interest?
Me: Well, it shows here that you were paid $9.62 in interest back in February 2006... (continues looking)
SC: yeah, 2006... so where's 2007's interest?????
I couldn't find it, so I promised to look into it and phone him back. Turns out his deposit was refunded to him in February 2006, and he didn't NOTICE it on his account until October 2007, when he started trying to have us issue him a cheque. The second call was a lot more fun.
Me: Sir, It appears that your deposit was refunded in February 2006, and that's why no further interest was paid to you.
SC: but You guys kept my MONEEEEEYYYYY!!!! I should get interest for the entire time you had my money!!!!
Me: Actually sir, you were informed in writing that the deposit had been returned to your account, and you could have requested a cheque at any time after that. It's not our fault you waited one and a half years to request it.
SC: THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY!!!! I was NEVER informed in writing, and I think you're FULL OF IT!
Me: Well, sir, I'm looking at your bill for February 2006, and I see right at the top there that your deposit was refunded. It even says that the amount would be applied to your account, and that if you wanted a cheque issued, to call customer service.
SC: I never saw that! I don't read my bills! (AHA!!!!) You can't expect people to see something like that!
Me: Nevertheless sir, it was there, and you could have had a cheque issued to you at any time. Is there anything else I can help you with?
That kind of took the wind out of his sails a bit... Turns out the second account, he'd NEVER made a payment of any kind on it. He wasn't actually consuming any electricity there, but he had to pay the base fee. So when we paid it off using the credit, let's just say his service was never turned off... the second account had been opened in November 2006, with not a single payment made in a YEAR Of course, then he launched into a diatribe about basic fees and how we were thieves... but the best line of the entire call?
SC: So how does it feel to be directly profiting from your company's theft tactics?
What I *wanted* to say: Well, sir, to be honest, I'd rather directly profit from ONE PERCENT of the late fees we charge every month than my regular paycheque
They don't pay me enough to put up with this shit...
Instead, I spouted some platitude about how I was terribly sorry he felt that way, etc. So far, he's been my most ... verbose and marginally abusive client yet. I've had more abusive ones, but never someone more bipolar in their complaints and their praise. He was special
I had to deal with this guy TWICE, because he wanted me to call him back (which got sucky as well), but we'll get to that.
SC: Mr. Conspiracy Theory
Me: well... me.
SC: I was talking to one of your agents a few minutes ago, and he HUNG UP ON ME.
Me: I'm very sorry about that sir, is there something I can help you with?
SC: He just HUNG UP. Can you believe the nerve of that guy?
Me: Again, I'm sorry sir, was there something I could do for you?
SC: I just can't believe he hung up on me ... (ad nauseum)
FINALLY, he begins to get to the point...
SC: Well I asked for my deposit refund to be sent to me as a cheque. Did you know that you guys don't mail them out as cheques unless the customer asks for it?
Me: Yes, I did know that. If you look at your service contract, you'll see that it says that deposit refunds are credited to your account, but you have to phone customer service in order to receive a cheque.
SC: That's useful, isn't it. You guys get to keep the interest, and I never see my money again.
Me: Actually, sir, we pay out the interest as well as the original deposit amount.
SC: That's not true! I never got my interest, and I didn't even get my whole deposit back. I got TWO CHEQUES.
Me: (looking up account information) You're right sir, I see that you got two cheques, and that they total $468.38.
SC: Yeah, my deposit was SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. Where's the other $131.62??? And I notice there was no INTEREST paid back!!!
Me: (researching...) Well, sir, it looks like the remaining $131.62 was transferred to another account you have with us.
This is when it got interesting...
SC: WHAT??? I don't have two accounts! I've never had two accounts!!! WHat the hell are you people trying to pull?? I want my money!!!! (this went on for a while).
Me: So you don't have a business called Muffin Man's on Drury Lane?
SC: ..... yes, I do.
Me: That's your second account, sir. Every location has its own account number in our system.
SC: Oh. Okay, but WHY was my MONEY transfered there?
Me: Well, it looks like you were past due on that account, so the remainder of your deposit was transfered there to pay it off.
SC: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!! THAT'S THEFT! THAT DEPOSIT WAS MINE!!! YOU CAN'T JUST TRANSFER IT WILLY-NILLY LIKE THAT!!!!
Me: Actually, sir, I'll refer you again to your service contract. You'll see that it says that if your accounts are past due, we are entitled to use any credits in any other accounts you may have to pay them off, and our policies also state that we will not issue refund cheques if you have past due amounts on other accounts.
SC: But the last guy I talked to said he'd send me a cheque for the full amount! He said the transfer was a mistake! He said I only had one account! He said it was a mistake by a NEW person, and that he'd never make a mistake like that because he'd been there longer.
At this point, I knew EXACTLY who the guy had spoken to, and why there were no contact notes on the account
I sat with this guy during my coaching days when I first started here, and the guy's a moron. Thinks he's god's gift to customer service, and in the entire two days I sat with him, he didn't manage to solve ONE customer's problem. But I digress....ME: Well, sir, maybe he didn't realize you had a second account. It's not immediately obvious when your details come up on the screen, but you do definitely have two accounts with us, and that's where your money went. I can see it in the other account's balance sheet.
SC: So where's the interest?
Me: Well, it shows here that you were paid $9.62 in interest back in February 2006... (continues looking)
SC: yeah, 2006... so where's 2007's interest?????
I couldn't find it, so I promised to look into it and phone him back. Turns out his deposit was refunded to him in February 2006, and he didn't NOTICE it on his account until October 2007, when he started trying to have us issue him a cheque. The second call was a lot more fun.
Me: Sir, It appears that your deposit was refunded in February 2006, and that's why no further interest was paid to you.
SC: but You guys kept my MONEEEEEYYYYY!!!! I should get interest for the entire time you had my money!!!!
Me: Actually sir, you were informed in writing that the deposit had been returned to your account, and you could have requested a cheque at any time after that. It's not our fault you waited one and a half years to request it.
SC: THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY!!!! I was NEVER informed in writing, and I think you're FULL OF IT!
Me: Well, sir, I'm looking at your bill for February 2006, and I see right at the top there that your deposit was refunded. It even says that the amount would be applied to your account, and that if you wanted a cheque issued, to call customer service.
SC: I never saw that! I don't read my bills! (AHA!!!!) You can't expect people to see something like that!
Me: Nevertheless sir, it was there, and you could have had a cheque issued to you at any time. Is there anything else I can help you with?
That kind of took the wind out of his sails a bit... Turns out the second account, he'd NEVER made a payment of any kind on it. He wasn't actually consuming any electricity there, but he had to pay the base fee. So when we paid it off using the credit, let's just say his service was never turned off... the second account had been opened in November 2006, with not a single payment made in a YEAR
Of course, then he launched into a diatribe about basic fees and how we were thieves... but the best line of the entire call?SC: So how does it feel to be directly profiting from your company's theft tactics?
What I *wanted* to say: Well, sir, to be honest, I'd rather directly profit from ONE PERCENT of the late fees we charge every month than my regular paycheque
They don't pay me enough to put up with this shit...Instead, I spouted some platitude about how I was terribly sorry he felt that way, etc. So far, he's been my most ... verbose and marginally abusive client yet. I've had more abusive ones, but never someone more bipolar in their complaints and their praise. He was special
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