"Good Boy"

[ReadyToRetire]

if he personally is greatly offended by this then why is it a lesser offense than "racial epithets"?

Because racial epithets carry hate behind them.
In this case of being called "boy", it may be offending and demeaning, but there was no hateful intent behind it.

[powerboy]

To me, it doesn't bother me, if I am called boy. Hell I am not a girl. You seriously need to get a grip, if that bothers you too much. Most likely, she didn't even mean to offend you

[Gravekeeper]

I have to agree, its not even remotely close to a racial slur. Not even in the same ballpark. Nor do I think "boy" is some sort of universal offensive term to anyone over the age of 18 as I don't find it remotely offensive personally and I'm kind of surprised you took it that harshly.

Yeah, its kind of sucky depending on how its used but its definitely not some huge blow to your manhood or smear against your entire race. It doesn't even sound like she was trying to be intentionally offensive.

Relax, dude.

Hell my grandmother talks like that and she's the absolutely last person on earth that would be out trying to offend anyone. Its just that you ARE a boy/girl compared to her unless you have a service record from World War 2. ;p

[marasbaras]

if he personally is greatly offended by this then why is it a lesser offense than "racial epithets"?

Because racial epithets are actually offensive.

This is minor. Be a grown up, brush it off.

[Ree]

You need to lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously if having someone say, "Good boy" ruined your whole day so badly.

She was an older woman, by your description, at least, and saw you as a young man. She probably says that to a grandchild about your age. Who knows?

What she said is not even remotely close to a racial epithet, no matter how offended you were by it.

There are worse things she could have done or said, and worse names she could have called you. From your description, she actually sounded pleasant to deal with.

Wishing harm on that woman just because of an unfortunate choice of words is really immature, in my opinion, considering the fact that you ranted on about being a "grown man". I think your reaction speaks volumes about her assumption.

[Fawn]

I use the word 'boy' alot. Since I still call woman 'girls' its only habit to use the opposite 'boys.' I don't place an age limit on it though and don't care if your older then me, it will still probably come out boy.

My bf gets offended by it because he says he is a man and not a kid. I could care less, I use it as a male (of any age) term. meh. But, again, its my bf, so I try to use other terms (man, guy, etc).

Unless this person was intentionally trying to talk to you like a dog/cat, I don't think the person meant any harm. Its not like those other hate words though.

[Chazzie]

Well, thanks to Government class at school and my obsession with Phoenix Wright, I'll say this: I remember a class at school where my teacher was teaching us about how insults in court are handled. It went a little like this:

"It's not the intent that matters, it's how the other person took it that matters."

In other words- if you took being called 'boy' to be just as offensive as the n-word or c-word, then that's just how you took it. It's nothing to be reprimanded about. I wouldn't have taken it that way myself, but you did, and that's the only part that matters. c: Even if you don't live in the US, though, I like looking at it in the same way. If you're offended, you're offended! No ifs, ands, or buts about it!

It's like when me and my neighbor play volleyball at school. I tell her I don't like it because it hurts, and she responds, "No it doesn't!" ... Uh... Yes. It does. XD

I'm sorry she ruined your afternoon. D:

[Ljt09863]

honestly, i pretty much agree with everybody to an extent.

to the OP- i agree she shouldn't have said good boy. i feel it is something you say to a young child who did something tyou asked, or to a dog who fetched his toy. i feel that she could have expressed her pleasure with your service in a better way, such as,"well, you are doing a good job, YOUNG MAN."


with everybody else-- i agree that is is nowhere near a racial slur. but i do feel that if he felt it was insulting, well, then he was insulted. but i do believe there are worse things that could have been said.

also, i feel that she may be the type to call everybody boy or girl. i have a regular customer who owns the jewelry store across from where i work. wonderful,friendly man. he always calls me 'Kid". i always thought it was because im 21, and young...until he called a much older coworker kid as well....i mean, they are friends. i know it, because my coworker talks about it. and he still calls her Kid. it is just who he is. he doesn't mean it as an insult, but it doesn't make him a SC.

[Record Store Tough Guy]

Actually, "boy" is considered a racial epithet. It is a diminutive that was applied as a form of address during the Jim Crow era, and is pretty much on the same level as any other epithet. Obviously, it depends on context and who is being addressed, but it can potentially carry the same disdain as other, more well known words when used to target certain minority groups.

Apart from that bit of history, it is commonly used in the American South to describe or address members of your peer group, as in "Attaboy!" or "Damn, that is one big ol' boy." So, apart from any condescension on the part of the woman using the phrase, I don't think it is, in and of itself, that terrible a word to be addressed by myself.

[RetailWorkhorse]

All in all, it could have been worse. I had a customer once call me "Pavlov's Dog" because I actually responded to the bell ringing (I was the only cashier in the store at the time and I was also pushing freight, so I had a bell and a sign stating Ring Loud For Cashier). He was sure there was something wrong with me. In the end he took to calling me Mutt and he'd pat my head before he left.

So I barked in return.

Little Old Lady probably grew up in a place where it was common to call the younger generation "boy" or "girl" depending on gender.

No sucky per say, just aggravating a bit if you're not used to that sort of thing.

[Boozy]

My feeling about this is that intent is everything.

In the context of the story, this lady was being friendly and playful towards the OP. She had no idea that her words would be considered offensive. She presumably left the store grateful for the OP's help and wishing him no harm.

I used to have a customer call me "sweetie." But I was able to read the context of our interactions well enough to know that he meant no offense by it, and held no disrespect for me. So my appropriate emotional reaction was mild annoyance.

I certainly didn't wish for him to be in a car accident.

Regardless of whether or not you believe the OP's emotional reaction was reasonable, I would think we could all agree that saying "Good boy" to a grown man is not in any way comparable to using the n-word. That word carries with it the shame of an entire nation and hundreds of years of oppression and persecution against an entire race of people.

[Posture Moll]

You NEVER call a grown man "boy". That is the very same thing (and to be clear, no difference AT ALL) as calling an African-American the "n-word" or an Asian-American the "c-word".

Gee, overreact much?

Even though I'm a grown woman, I don't get into a snit when folks refer to me as a 'girl'. Which happens rather frequently, I might add.

[marasbaras]

"boy" is ONLY a racial epithet when used in reference to a black person.

In the case of a sweet old granny, it's usually a term of endearment.

These days, people are just far, far, FAR too easily offended.

[HowMayIHelpMe?]

You need to lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously if having someone say, "Good boy" ruined your whole day so badly.

She was an older woman, by your description, at least, and saw you as a young man. She probably says that to a grandchild about your age. Who knows?

Interesting. So, it's logical to call a 39-yea-old man "Good Boy"? On what planet?

Say what you want to say about my anger and feelings about this.

Doesn't change the fact that "Good Boy", or "Boy", is a thoughtless and insulting thing to call a grown man.

"It's not the intent that matters, it's how the other person took it that matters."

Thank you, Chazzie.

Good to see that somebody understands.

[Ree]

Interesting. So, it's logical to call a 39-yea-old man "Good Boy"? On what planet?

If it's an older person, then, yes, it's perfectly logical that they might say, "Good boy" without even thinking about it to someone who appears younger than they are. (I only have your description to go on, but I don't think she was a young woman. Also, I don't know what you look like. Perhaps you have a younger looking face?)

Also, if it's just a habitual phrase that she uses for everyone, then, yes, it's logical she would say it without even thinking about it, with no harm or maligning intended.

I have been called "girl" many times, and I'm 47 years old. I don't get bent out of shape about it and spend the rest of the day in a funk and wishing harm on the person who said it. In fact, I'm flattered.

I guess, though, society is such that women tend to be flattered to be thought of as younger than they really are, while guys tend to want to be thought of as much older.

You were insulted.
That's on you.

I still stand by what I said about your wishing horrible harm on the woman, though. That is a complete overreaction that is completely uncalled for, and unacceptable on this board.