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Save me from them. ><
My weekend was spend being tormented almost exclusively by them.
But! But!
Me: “Good evening, <labour union>.”
SC: “Is this MacDonalds?”
Me: “….no.”
SC: “But I’m so hungry!”
What precisely is it you want me to do about it? I’m afraid you’re going to have to make one more attempt at pulling yourself away from the crack pipe long enough to place a phone call and call Domino's or something.
867
Me: "Ok, that comes to $78"
SC: "....uh....."
Me: "......?"
SC: "But it only says $38"
Me: "Yes, COD shipping to your location is $40."
...whats this? Can it be!? Someone from Nunavut that actually caught on to the fact their shipping costs more then their item?! my God! What madness is this? Were you a gifted child? Did the huskies yelp and Hockey Night In Canada start at the exact moment you were born? You must be some sort of polar monkey messiah! This could usher in a whole new age for your people. Guided by the beacon of hope that is your wisdom why they may even be able to get through placing a phone call with embarrassing the human race!
SC: "...uh...."
Me: "Do you still want it?"
SC: "....yeah."
False prophet! FALSE PROPHET!
Math...
Me: “He won’t be in till 8am pacific time. So in 3 hours.”
SC: “Oh, but it’s 8am now!”
Me: “8am pacific time. It’s only 5am here right now.”
SC: “Then when should I call!?”
Me: “….in 3 hours.”
I’m having this brick wall of a conversation at least once a shift now. What is this, Groundhog Day? I don’t remember how the movie ends, what do I have to do to break this terrible cycle of idiocy?
867
Me: “and the item number please?”
SC: “It’s….uh…..36……..36……”
Me: “……”
SC: “I don’t know how to read this number”
..…<sigh>. We must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel now. I mean you’re trying to order from a catalogue you can’t even read. Numbers aren’t’ really even that hard. I don’t know how many channels you get up there ( You must at least get hockey night in Canada ) but ONE of them must have Sesame Street on it. So please, put the beer down, turn on the TV, sit down and bow to the rudimentary wisdom of Big Bird. Once you’ve managed to count to at least 9, give me a call back and we can give this another go.
867
I have a question for you. Yes, you. Nunavut. Put the Cheetos down for a minute and listen. Now, it seems like every night I get orders from the shivering, possibly intoxicated fools that dot your frigid arctic tundra. But inevitably there’s always 2-5 that call from the same place over the course of the night. So my question is thus: Is this some sort of village event? Do you only have one catalogue ( and possibly only one phone? ) that’s just passed around the village on special holidays? Like some sort of festival celebrating the spirit of pants or welfare or something? It’s like some bizarre whisky tanked version of Santa Claus. Someone gets the catalogue, places an order, then they run out in the dead of night and take the 30-60 minutes required to hike/paddle/dog sled to their closest neighbor and give them the catalogue. They order, then undertake the incredible journey to the next neighbor and so on till everyone within a 50km radius can bask in the glory of the promise of COD pants.
They're SPREADING
( 867 on call display…I know where that’s from…. )
Me: “Good evening, <company> Helicopters.”
SC: “Hi, Jamie, are you coming to pick me up?”
Me: “Pardon? I think you have the wrong number.”
SC: “You coming! or what?”
Me: “This is <company> Helicopters. I think you have the wrong number.”
SC: “You coming?!”
Me: “You have the wrong number.”
SC: “Wha?”
Me: “You have the wrong number.”
SC: “Uh….so you comi-”
Me: "You have the wrong number."
SC: “uh....….<click>.”
Curse you, Nunavut! Why won’t you leave me alone?! Haven’t I suffered enough at your hands on <client that usually gets them>? Why must you branch out into other accounts? It’s cruel and uncalled for. Please try and contain your tragic failure to a single account.
867
SC: “How long will it take?”
Me: “COD shipping takes about two weeks.”
SC: “Uh…so how long do they hold it for?”
Me: “....you mean at the post office?”
SC: “Yeah.”
I’m not 100% sure, but I do have a very novel suggestion. Try not ordering it till you can afford it. Radical idea, isn’t it? I mean wow, who’d have thought! God help us all if you ever get credit cards up there. I’m actually surprised you don’t. Visa and Mastercard only send me an “OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO SIGN UP NOW HOLY )@&*(%@ LOOKITLOOKIT” letter at least once a week. They must have spread up there by now.
867
You know, I was beginning to grow curious about you Nunavutians ( Nunavutans? Nunavutics? Nunavuticons? ) and why large groups of you seem to call me from the same place every night. Thus I took the liberty of trying to find you on Google Maps satellite imaging to see if Nunavut was everything I’d ever dreamed….and yes, yes it is. A barren, desolate little village in the middle of absolutely no where reachable only by plane with a population of roughly 1000. You’re closer to Greenland then Canada. Hell, a little further north and you’d be Russian.
867
Me: “and what size would you like?”
SC: “Uh........Hazel.”
Would you like it in the colour medium as well? Oh, and what kind of shipping would you like? Navy/White or 2XL? Hey, this is kind of fun! It’s like I’m one of you! What was your name again? Burnt Umber? Pink Camo? You can call me 34’ Trafalgar. See? Now we’re bonding! Give us a hug!
<sob> in 3 days I have to go back and they'll be waiting.
My weekend was spend being tormented almost exclusively by them.
But! But!
Me: “Good evening, <labour union>.”
SC: “Is this MacDonalds?”
Me: “….no.”
SC: “But I’m so hungry!”
What precisely is it you want me to do about it? I’m afraid you’re going to have to make one more attempt at pulling yourself away from the crack pipe long enough to place a phone call and call Domino's or something.
867
Me: "Ok, that comes to $78"
SC: "....uh....."
Me: "......?"
SC: "But it only says $38"
Me: "Yes, COD shipping to your location is $40."
...whats this? Can it be!? Someone from Nunavut that actually caught on to the fact their shipping costs more then their item?! my God! What madness is this? Were you a gifted child? Did the huskies yelp and Hockey Night In Canada start at the exact moment you were born? You must be some sort of polar monkey messiah! This could usher in a whole new age for your people. Guided by the beacon of hope that is your wisdom why they may even be able to get through placing a phone call with embarrassing the human race!
SC: "...uh...."
Me: "Do you still want it?"
SC: "....yeah."
False prophet! FALSE PROPHET!
Math...
Me: “He won’t be in till 8am pacific time. So in 3 hours.”
SC: “Oh, but it’s 8am now!”
Me: “8am pacific time. It’s only 5am here right now.”
SC: “Then when should I call!?”
Me: “….in 3 hours.”
I’m having this brick wall of a conversation at least once a shift now. What is this, Groundhog Day? I don’t remember how the movie ends, what do I have to do to break this terrible cycle of idiocy?
867
Me: “and the item number please?”
SC: “It’s….uh…..36……..36……”
Me: “……”
SC: “I don’t know how to read this number”
..…<sigh>. We must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel now. I mean you’re trying to order from a catalogue you can’t even read. Numbers aren’t’ really even that hard. I don’t know how many channels you get up there ( You must at least get hockey night in Canada ) but ONE of them must have Sesame Street on it. So please, put the beer down, turn on the TV, sit down and bow to the rudimentary wisdom of Big Bird. Once you’ve managed to count to at least 9, give me a call back and we can give this another go.
867
I have a question for you. Yes, you. Nunavut. Put the Cheetos down for a minute and listen. Now, it seems like every night I get orders from the shivering, possibly intoxicated fools that dot your frigid arctic tundra. But inevitably there’s always 2-5 that call from the same place over the course of the night. So my question is thus: Is this some sort of village event? Do you only have one catalogue ( and possibly only one phone? ) that’s just passed around the village on special holidays? Like some sort of festival celebrating the spirit of pants or welfare or something? It’s like some bizarre whisky tanked version of Santa Claus. Someone gets the catalogue, places an order, then they run out in the dead of night and take the 30-60 minutes required to hike/paddle/dog sled to their closest neighbor and give them the catalogue. They order, then undertake the incredible journey to the next neighbor and so on till everyone within a 50km radius can bask in the glory of the promise of COD pants.
They're SPREADING
( 867 on call display…I know where that’s from…. )
Me: “Good evening, <company> Helicopters.”
SC: “Hi, Jamie, are you coming to pick me up?”
Me: “Pardon? I think you have the wrong number.”
SC: “You coming! or what?”
Me: “This is <company> Helicopters. I think you have the wrong number.”
SC: “You coming?!”
Me: “You have the wrong number.”
SC: “Wha?”
Me: “You have the wrong number.”
SC: “Uh….so you comi-”
Me: "You have the wrong number."
SC: “uh....….<click>.”
Curse you, Nunavut! Why won’t you leave me alone?! Haven’t I suffered enough at your hands on <client that usually gets them>? Why must you branch out into other accounts? It’s cruel and uncalled for. Please try and contain your tragic failure to a single account.
867
SC: “How long will it take?”
Me: “COD shipping takes about two weeks.”
SC: “Uh…so how long do they hold it for?”
Me: “....you mean at the post office?”
SC: “Yeah.”
I’m not 100% sure, but I do have a very novel suggestion. Try not ordering it till you can afford it. Radical idea, isn’t it? I mean wow, who’d have thought! God help us all if you ever get credit cards up there. I’m actually surprised you don’t. Visa and Mastercard only send me an “OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO SIGN UP NOW HOLY )@&*(%@ LOOKITLOOKIT” letter at least once a week. They must have spread up there by now.
867
You know, I was beginning to grow curious about you Nunavutians ( Nunavutans? Nunavutics? Nunavuticons? ) and why large groups of you seem to call me from the same place every night. Thus I took the liberty of trying to find you on Google Maps satellite imaging to see if Nunavut was everything I’d ever dreamed….and yes, yes it is. A barren, desolate little village in the middle of absolutely no where reachable only by plane with a population of roughly 1000. You’re closer to Greenland then Canada. Hell, a little further north and you’d be Russian.
867
Me: “and what size would you like?”
SC: “Uh........Hazel.”
Would you like it in the colour medium as well? Oh, and what kind of shipping would you like? Navy/White or 2XL? Hey, this is kind of fun! It’s like I’m one of you! What was your name again? Burnt Umber? Pink Camo? You can call me 34’ Trafalgar. See? Now we’re bonding! Give us a hug!
<sob> in 3 days I have to go back and they'll be waiting.
), so they are going to keep calling you... Muahahahahaha... 
... 
... 
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