The Slaughterhouse 5-2 (Long. Part 1) *GROSS. DISTURBING*

[crazylegs]

Hmmm, here's my criminal mastermind thought

I'm going to rob a place where the following criteria are met
1) staffed by lots of very strong people who are
2) used to thesight of death and
3) have lots of sharp and
4) blunt heavy instruments while
5) have completed no recce and
6) attempt it with poor weapons

Yep, that sounds like a fantastic idea, whos with me?

[Becks]

Words cannot express the idiocy of those men.

Wonderful story!!

[Ree]

They used to be two separate threads and they were merged into one, so you probably saw the "Moved" tag on the second thread.

[Crazeyal]

Okay.. apparently I'm missing something.. I thought I saw a "moved topic" tag on this topic?

[XCashier]

Amazing. Those three redefine "Epic Fail". I daresay the cows were smarter than they. Three Darwin Awards just waiting to happen.

Threatening slaughterhouse workers with low-grade weapons? What next, do they plan to steal a police car? Challenge a sumo wrestler to a fight? Bungee-jump off an 80 foot bridge with a 100 foot cord?

[Rahmota]

Actually, just as an aside, is the word abattoir used in the US? I've seen a fair bit of the meat industry here, from birth to death of the animal, and I've never encountered the term "slaughterhouse

Around here (appalachia Ohio) I have never heard the term abbaitor used in regards to this. Its always been the slaughterhouse, the house, the meat place, or the name of the company/family running it.

As in "Who do you have doing your beef this year?"

And yeah in High school the seniors had a career week where we went around to local companies and the slaughterhouse was one of the stops. Very interesting and educational but being farm country most of the students where used to that sort of thing only a few of the townies had an issue. Most of us wound up going through making jokes. A few wound up workign there after graduation for a time....

[TwoScoopsSciath]

That was educational. Knowing that, I actually feel better about being an affirmed carnivore 325 days out of the year (40 days of fasting for Lent).

My fiance and I applaud your courage in the face of pure stupid.

[Rubyred]

Actually...coming from a very strict lifelong vegetarian(I was one of those kids that got the tour. I love cows, just in case you couldn't tell from the avatar, I ran out and the teachers had to call my parents to come and get me because I refused to go back in and was hysterically crying)....I thought that was an awesome story.

How dumb do you have to be to try and rob 40 gigantic guys with knives? That's like breaking into a police station. Some people.

BTW..Thank you for leaving out most of the gory details.

[MonSqueek]

Oh My lord. That is a awesome story! *hats off to ya*

[Doc Rocknocker]

Knock yourself out...

Best thwarted-robbery story I've heard in years! May I have permission to repost elsewhere?

Since I'm the author, I say "sure" (as long as the Mods here have no objection).

Just so long as it is not edited and there's a reference to its origin.

Email me if you want any further info.

[Doc Rocknocker]

Mea culpa.

Please do not EVER make a post like this without a disclaimer making people aware of disturbing and graphic details of animal slaughter.

Many of our members are very sensitive to that type of thing.

My sincere apologies. I will, of course, abide by your requests.

For me, it was just another one of 'those' days at work. I guess I am a bit jaded, but I never considered that the process of creating hamburgers would be disturbing to some.

Thanks for the tip. As I have a few more stories that might stray into that territory, I'll make certain that they are properly documented as such.

However, there was the time I spent a summer, working for a certain well-known museum, collecting marine mammals that had foundered. There were an assortment of odd characters who always wanted to purchase certain 'parts'; but I think decorum would prevent me from running with that tale...

[Sliceanddice]

he said he been working there for awhile so it could be in the 80s

[Ree]

one brandishing a knife last seen in a Rambo movie, obviously recently liberated from the Home Shopping Network

Well, not to nitpick, but not exactly, since, based on part 1, this was 1979, and Rambo did not come out until 1982, and the Home shopping Network did not exist until the mid 80's.

Sorry, I'm just one of those people that gets hung up on trivial facts like that...but while we're on it, you mentioned PETA in part one of your story, but it didn't exist until about 1980, after Ingrid Newkirk met Alex Pacheco and they co-founded the organization.

You write like one of my favorite writers, Joe. R. Lansdale. Ever heard of him?

Actually, you mentioned that before on another of Doc's stories.

You write like Joe Lansdale, one of my favorite writers.

In fact, you even use the term "rumble tumble", a title of one of his so-called "Hap and Leonard" books.

You a Lansdale fan?

in reply to your query; yes, I do enjoy Joe Lansdale's works (particularly Hap & Leonard) and, in fact, know Joe personally (from the time I lived in Houston, but drilled sloppy, messy oil wells in East Texas). Inevitably, some of his vernacular must have rubbed off. No complaints here, mind you.

Carry on with the regularly scheduled thread.

[BlackIronCrown]

Actually, just as an aside, is the word abattoir used in the US? I've seen a fair bit of the meat industry here, from birth to death of the animal, and I've never encountered the term "slaughterhouse".

In colloquial parlance, abbattoir is not used. As a matter of fact, it has some wonky connotations in popularity.
Slaughterhouse is almost exclusively used in common parlance, especially in relation to the Chicago meat industry.

[PepperElf]

so... did the guys ever get their sausage?


off topic: btw nice reference to kurt vonnagut jr. i liked the book.