The brain has to be working first...

[gunsage]

...before they can be classified as brain dead, right? As a foreword of sorts, I don't have a very good memory. There are certain things I remember that honestly SCARE me that I can remember them, but often my short term memory isn't all that great. Concepts, procedures, etc. I can remember provided I'm using them regularly, but places, jargon, etc. I get a little caught up on. This ends my personal rant against my own memory.

Anyway, I've noticed that a LOT of customers contradict themselves via terrible memory, incompetence, and much more. I'll try to list as many possible occurrences. Here's one that's still fresh in my head...

Me: "Okay, so...you're connected with ethernet, correct?"
SC: "Yes."
Me: "Not USB."
SC: "Right."
Me: "Very well...could you make sure the ends of the ethernet cable are nice and tight?"
SC: "What's that?"
Me: "Um, the ethernet cable..."
SC: "Well, but what is that?"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You SOMEHOW know you're connected with an ethernet cable...you've CERTIFIED that you are connected with that and not USB...BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. Come on.

[smileyeagle1021]

That reminds me of guests I get...

sc- what discouts do you have that night
me- we are still accepting AAA, AARP, Entertainment Card, and any locally negotiated rate your company may have with the hotel.
sc- ok, so what's the entertainment rate?
me- ok the entertainment rate is at $xx
sc- ok, I'll book that.
get's guest information and start the verification
me- ok, I have you arriving on (date) staying (number of nights) in a (room type) at the entertainment rate of $xx which does require you show your entertainment card at check in. Was that all correct?
sc- yes, but what's an entertainment card?
me-
me- it's a discount card, similar to AAA.
sc- oh, how do I get one.
me- you can go to entertainment.com and after you pay the enrollment fee they will send you a card.
sc- you never told me that I would actually have to enroll in something for that rate
(yeah, because you said you already had it you moron)

[princess4life]

...

Me: "Okay, so...you're connected with ethernet, correct?"
SC: "Yes."
Me: "Not USB."
SC: "Right."
Me: "Very well...could you make sure the ends of the ethernet cable are nice and tight?"
SC: "What's that?"
Me: "Um, the ethernet cable..."
SC: "Well, but what is that?"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You SOMEHOW know you're connected with an ethernet cable...you've CERTIFIED that you are connected with that and not USB...BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. Come on.

I think you where talking to my mom. When she called me with internet connections issues the conversation went like this:

Me: how are you connected to the modem
Mom: the phone line but the light on the modem isn't flashing
Me: Is the modem on?
Mom: Yes the eee . . ethhherrrnnett light doesn't turn on though and neither does the internet light.
Me: Mom do you connect to your modem by Ethernet or USB?
Mom: I don't know how can I check that?
Me: What kind of cable goes from the modem to your computer?
Mom: A grey one
Me: Does the part that plugs into your computer look like a phone plug but fatter or is it flat and medal.
Mom: the medal one


I apologize I never explained which one was which, so if she ever talks to Tech support she will be in trouble. lol

[draftermatt]

...before they can be classified as brain dead, right? As a foreword of sorts, I don't have a very good memory. There are certain things I remember that honestly SCARE me that I can remember them, but often my short term memory isn't all that great. Concepts, procedures, etc. I can remember provided I'm using them regularly, but places, jargon, etc. I get a little caught up on. This ends my personal rant against my own memory.

I didn't know I had any relatives in Ohio. Wow, you described me to a T.

I can remember what my wife was wearing on our first date, what I wore my first day at this job, phone numbers people haven't had in years, etc. But I cannot remember to pick up milk to save my life.

[gunsage]

With me, I can remember standard procedures with just about any job I work. Further, the longer it takes me to memorize something, the more assured I have it locked in nice and tight. But until something becomes routine, I'm a mess. By the way, don't worry about the whole ethernet problem. I often relay to the customer that it looks like a fat phone cord and they're good. My only problem is when I specifically ask what they're using, they tell me, then suddenly they have no idea what I'm talking about.

I mean, that's like...

Me: "So what's that baby got in it, anyway?"
SC: "It's got a hemi!"
Me: "Wow, awesome! Uh, I don't know much about cars...how much horsepower does it have?"
SC: "Ain't ya payin' attention, boy? It's a truck, not a horse! Dumbass!"

[gunsage]

Here's yet another braindead one I just dealt with. Now, I'm not in sales, nor have I ever been. One would have to assume that you know how to talk to people in order to be effective in sales. Yes, I'm ASSUMING. I know.

Me: "X Company, level 3, this is Sage speaking."
Inbound Sales Rep: *Fast, angry-sounding, and almost growling* "Yeah, I've got a customer for you."

It should be noted that on my deskphone, I can see what kind of call it should be. If someone calls our line directly, not as a transfer, it will show up a certain way. In order to call that way, you need to insert your phone number and it must be valid. Yes...it was one of those. Moving on.

Me: "...Alright. What's the problem?"
ISR: "Well, this customer's apparently called up twice today and the issue hasn't been resolved."
Me: (You didn't answer my question, you spicy ****) "Uh, well, what's the phone number?"
ISR: "I don't have it."
Me: "...What's the issue?"
ISR: "I don't know."
Me: "Have they been to our level 2 department yet?"
ISR: (There was a pause, then she sounded like she was going to make a point) "...Well, if she called in multiple times, wouldn't she already have dealt with them?"
Me: "Uh, not necessarily. Look, I don't even know if these guys have talked to our level 1 department, let alone level 2 if I can't reference their information."
ISR: "Well, what department is this?"
Me: "...Level 3."

So wait...not only did you NOT listen when I got on, but you've acted like a bitch throughout the call, have gathered NO information on the customer...so clearly I'm magically supposed to be able to fix the problem...which we don't even know what it is or if it exists. Moving forward...

ISR: "..."
Me: "Look, like I said, I'm going to need at least a phone number-"
ISR: "Okay, hold please."

I'm put on hold for two minutes, the hold music ends, and the call is dropped on her end. I mean, really...you really want to make sure the customer gets to where they need to go and (I forgot this, but yes, it was verbatim) "wanted to make sure their issue got resolved," but you don't follow protocol, give them the number for the correct department, and attempt to force your way to level 3 with NO information about the customer in question? ZOMG.

[Primer]

I had one today in class. This won't mean much to a lot of folks, but anyway...I was teaching factoring trinomials. I was explaining my "rule of signs" where if the last term is a positive, you need to find a sum and the signs will be the same as each other. After about 4 examples, repeating the same words and pointing to the plus sign each time, a student piped up with, "How do we know we're looking for a sum? And why are the signs the same as each other?"

I, again, pointed to the plus sign, and explained again the "why" behind the rule. I really wanted to

[South Texan]

Me: how are you connected to the modem
Mom: the phone line but the light on the modem isn't flashing
Me: Is the modem on?
Mom: Yes the eee . . ethhherrrnnett light doesn't turn on though and neither does the internet light.
Me: Mom do you connect to your modem by Ethernet or USB?
Mom: I don't know how can I check that?
Me: What kind of cable goes from the modem to your computer?
Mom: A grey one
Me: Does the part that plugs into your computer look like a phone plug but fatter or is it flat and medal.
Mom: the medal one.

Your mom and I have a lot in common, I'm afraid. I feel I am doing well if I manage to figure out how to plug in the power, monitor, keyboard, and mouse cords. When that internet thing starts flashing, I know it probably means it is working, but I am never too sure. And for a long time I thought I simply was connected to the internet through a modem. A tech who barely could keep her composure (I could tell she wanted to crack up) managed to inform me that this is something called Ethernet that I now use.

Hey, I also know how to drive a car, but don't ask me to adjust the timing chain or change the oil.

[gunsage]

See, my thing is I often can empathize with most customers because computers can be overwhelming. One fact I often pass on to people about me is I actually learned how to program before I learned how to type! How is that possible? When I was 10, I got my first computer...an old ass 286 computer that had 5.25 floppies to boot it up. Hard to believe, yes, I know. In any case, I learned that if you didn't put in the DOS disk, the system would boot up to something called BASIC.

I started checking out books at my local library to learn more about it. Eventually I started making small text adventure games, made a few graphic things here and there with lines and such, and overall did a lot of fun little things with it. Ironically, I didn't actually learn how to type until I got into high school. Even more humorous...I didn't get into tech support until 2002, whereas I had started going to college for programming back in 2000, yet I was still QUITE lost when I jumped into it.

As a result, I'm often more compassionate with customers than a lot of other people in my department. Yes, I'll still put the mute on going "HAY GUYZ, U NEVAR BELEEV DIS!" However, the point is I understand the easily overwhelmed. What cracks me up (and often annoys me) is when a customer tells me something, I confirm it, I ask them something about it, and suddenly that piece of information that THEY TOLD ME is nonexistent in their mind and how dare I suggest they know what the hell I'm talking about.

Here's another example...

SC: "Well, right now all I have in my network list is Linksys, something called 'AmandaPC,' and Netgear."
Me: "And none of those are your network. Hmm...well, let's go here."

One or two minutes later.

Me: "Alright, now that we've done that, let's go view available wireless networks again."
SC: "How do I do that?"

WHAT. You were just there! You were there YOURSELF when I got on the call! The main reason this annoys me is I could understand if I directed the customer somewhere, then said something along those lines and they responded with "Um...how do I do that again?" But no...this lady was ALREADY THERE. She knew WHERE TO GO and HOW TO GET THERE...but magically "forgot" when I asked her to do it again.

Silly me thinking I could just tell her to do a previous task that she did herself rather than hold her hand back to it. Ugh.

[gunsage]

Yes sir, I'm absolutely lying to you. No, really. I get distinct, succulent pleasure from you banging your head against the computer not being able to find what I'm telling you DESPITE IT BEING IN PLAIN SIGHT. Example...

SC: "It's saying limited or no connectivity."
Me: "Hmm...it shouldn't, but then again, I did have to reset it. Go ahead and disconnect from that."
SC: "You mean restart? Shut down? Disable connection?"
Me: "...Uh, no...I mean, select the connection and say to disconnect."
SC: "Okay, so to do that, I go here, then here, then...okay, now it says ethernet card properties, so-"
Me: "Sir...sir, no. We need to go back to view available wireless networks."
SC: "How do I do that?"
Me: "Get back to the desktop, right click on the little-"
SC: "Okay, I'm there. It still says limited or no connectivity."
Me: (At this point, I'm cracking my fingers repeatedly) "...Right. Now, select the connection."
SC: "Okay, I did that. So now-"
Me: "AFTER...selecting the connection, select to disconnect."
SC: "...OH! Oh, I see."
Me: "...Okay. So, did it disconnect?"
SC: "...Okay, now it says it's disconnected, so-"
Me: "Right. Now, refresh the network list."
SC: "How do I do that?"
Me: "There should be some sort of refresh network list button."
SC: "Well, there isn't."
Me: "..."
SC: "...OH! There it is!"

YOU'RE DAMN SKIPPY, THERE IT IS. It was all downhill from there, but yeah, this guy was a couple straws short of a stack.

[princess4life]

My mom will always call me before she even tries to call tech support because I can break things down into "stupid" talk such as.

"Ok Mom you need to click on the green button in the bottom left hand corner of the screen that says Start, now on the right hand side of the menu that came up towards the top should be a folder that says 'My Pictures' click on that folder now you should be in your picture folder"

And so on until she finds what she is looking for. Then I have to type out the instructions just like I gave them to her and email them to her so she can print them out for future reference., until she deletes the email labled "DO NOT DELETE" and loses the printer version.

She will do the same thing as what you where talking about the "You want me to do what again? How do I do that?" Hence the typed up instructions.

[Dreamstalker]

I can remember what my wife was wearing on our first date, what I wore my first day at this job, phone numbers people haven't had in years, etc. But I cannot remember to pick up milk to save my life.

I can remember our first car (color, make, license plate) and $coolrobot I left in it when it was sold (still trying to find a replacement one), but can I remember to pick up cat food when I'm at the store? No (can get everything else though).

[Pagan]

but can I remember to pick up cat food when I'm at the store? No (can get everything else though).

I can have something on the damn grocery list and it will not make into the cart and home!

[gunsage]

Yup, I know that feeling. Often, I'll have an entire grocery list SORTED (I know exactly where everything is in the local store)...and somehow I'll end up missing something. The worst part is the store is JUST far enough away to make it a nuisance if you've forgotten something.