Legal Hijinx

[tropicsgoddess]

Today I had some SC's on the phone...TWICE in a row!

Suck It!!!

Me: Yours truly
SG= Sucky Guy


Me: Good Afternoon, law office of ________, Tropicsgoddess speaking how can I help you?

SG: Can I speak to the attorney?

Me: He's not in right now, can I take a message?

SG: He's never in! Y'ALL CAN SUCK MY DICK! FUCK Y'ALL CRACKAS!!!

*SG Hangs up*


That's Not The Way it Goes!

Me : yep, you guessed it

IW: Idiot Woman


Me: Good Afternoon, Law Office of ____________, Tropicsgoddess speaking, how can I help you?

IW: Hi, this is ____________, can I speak to the attorney?

Me: He's not available, can I take a message?

IW (gets annoyed): I've been trying to reach him for weeks! Why isn't he available?

Me: He's busy at the moment,ma'am.

IW: What is it, he's busy at his desk?

Me: No, he's in court ma'am.

IW: Do you know when he'll be back?

Me: No, unfortunately I don't.

IW: What time will he be back? When can I call him back?

Me: Again ma'am I don't know when because he's in court.

IW: He's never available! That's not how an attorney is supposed to operate!

*IW hangs up*


Seriously, how the fuck am I supposed to know WHEN he'll be back from court?? Number one, it's always a long winded affair in court and like doctors, attorneys are very busy people too!!! Number two, I'm not a psychic. Freaking moron.

[Becks]

It's all your fault.

You should keep your attorneys tethered to your desk.

Or something.

[calulu]

Perhaps you should put tracking collars on all your loose attorneys so you can find them at all times....*snerk* or tell the clients he's at the VD clinic or a whorehouse

[wagegoth]

"Ma'am, Mr. Attorney will be back in the office at approximately 1:30. At that time, he'll be happy to return your call. Please, remember, when he calls you, his billing rate is $300 an hour, which works out to $5.00 a minute. I would suggest that you have all your questions prepared in advance so that he may answer them as quickly and efficiently as possible. If you prefer, you may fax or email them in advance. Is there anything else with which I might help you today? No? Well, then, you have a good day."

All that must be said while wearing a beauty pageant smile.

[Skoobeedu]

Ugh. I know exactly what you're talking about.

Them: "When will he be back?"

Me: Well, I expect him to be back around 3:30, but I can't guarantee it, Court usually takes longer than expected. Especially criminal court day. Would you like to leave a message and I can have him call you?

Them: "No, I'm too busy. I won't be here."

Me: "When will you be back so that he can return your call"

Them: "I don't know. How should I know?"

Exactly.

The best ones are the ones like the guy who called yesterday at 10:00 a.m. Told him that the attorney had an appointment out of town and wouldn't be back until probably 4:00 or so. Guy left a message and then proceeded to start calling at 2:00 p.m., every half hour, wanting to know if he was back yet.

[SuperB]

IW: He's never available! That's not how an attorney is supposed to operate!

Lol, it's how my attorney operates. Leaving messages is usually the only way to get hold of her.

[Emrld]

I like the suggestion of preparing and faxing over/ e-mailing questions.
Don't know that I agree with pointing out the billing rate by whomever is the unfortunate person to answer the call unless it is the attorney themselves.

And we all know how much SC's like it if we point out that we have their message from 10:15 am, 11:40 am, 1:27 pm and now this call at 2:25pm let alone we are aware that we passed on the 10 messages from the prior day.

[wagegoth]

I've never actually mentioned a billing rate, however, when I worked for a solo I have told the client that when the attorney does call them back that the client will be billed for the time of the call. SHOCK and HORROR often followed this disclosure!

Also, the solo would charge extra for calls on holidays and after a certain time at night. This information would be clearly disclosed in the retainer letter. But, as we all know, SCs do not read, so, again, SHOCK and HORROR often occurred when they received their bill and were surprised by the rates charged for the call about the custody exchange on Christmas Day when the soon-to-be-ex was 10 minutes late and was a mean old butthead and wah wah wah.

[myswtghst]

I actually quite like my lawyer - I never call, I just email if I have a question, and he usually gets back to me within a few hours. Plus, I have the response in an email, saved in my inbox, in case I need to look at it again later.