The (Very Un-Funny) Nutty Professor

[Librarybabe]

Mummy/coffin

Mummy. The silly twit didn't specify HUMAN mummy, did he? I'd bet my pension that naturally occuring animal mummies have been around since, well, animals.

I love semantics.

[phoenix_rising]

So far, most of my teachers have been pretty understanding. I'm lucky.
However, there was a friend of mine who, in the 8th grade, was unfortunately stuck with the bad english teacher of our grade. This teacher was psycho-weird. Anyway, one day in class she happened to say the word 'lackadaisical' only she said it like 'laxadaisical'. My friend raised her hand and said the teacher was pronouncing it incorrectly. My friend isn't a snob or trying to be smart, it genuinely bothered her that the teacher mispronounced this word. So, the teacher had her look it up in the dictionary, thinking she would soon prove my friend wrong. But, my friend was very right, and the teacher sent her to internal for the day. After giving her this red-faced, bug-eyed stare, might I add.

[Imogene]

Let's see here... In my year and a half at Community College... I had a handful of absolutely crap professors.
Intro to College: Yes, seriously, THAT was the name of the class. This professor told us on day one she would require us to stand up and talk about something (anything, just so long as we were standing up talking) in front of the class, for no less than ten minutes. We were randomly assigned dates to do our presentations. I did mine based off my written stories, glossing over huge parts of it that were extremely complex (For instance, one of my main characters went through a period of the story where she was constantly changing form. I glossed over that by saying "During her metamorphosis...") I got my grade sheet back the next class period. She had docked me... 4 points for using: "Big Words!" Fuck you! This is college! If you don't understand metamorphosis, I weep for you.
Calculus: Having taken the beginning of AP Calc in high school, and then taken a year off to work at my dad's job, I needed a refresher. First day of class, I was late (stupid rain, and stupid not knowing how the fuck that building's laid out!) Prof lets us know he'll require lab work every week. Lab? For calc? WTH? In Mathematica (I think that was the name of the program...) He'd give us a single equation, have us plug it into the program, and interpret what the computer gave us back... Uh... okay... And then we'd have to explain how we knew this was this, and that was that, and he'd expect a full page, typed. He also required that we pass an algebra exam before he'd let us 'pass' the class. And, for some reason, my math brain hadn't caught up to me after the stroke... so, I failed that exam four, five times, before he looked at it and said, "You know what? That's close enough." And if I had continued through all five of the calculus courses, I'd have had him every. Single. Year! Illicit relations with that noise, said I. I took entirely different classes the next semester.
Psychology: Yeah, I tried to take this... after dropping some exercise classes, after breaking my foot in one of them. I needed the credit hours. I showed up the second day of class, after having attempted to talk to the teacher about joining the class. Apparently, she had left a message on my machine that morning, saying the class was already ready for their first test, and I'd missed a lot of material already... This teacher I hated, particularly when we got to the chapter on Jung. All she said was, "All you need to know about Jung is that he suggested the 'collective unconscious'. That is all that will be on the test." However, she spent weeks (and I do mean weeks) on Freud. She absolutely loved the fake. She had us do an exercise where we were to 'draw a person'. And then she interpreted it. She said my guy's newspaper looked phallic. Uh... okay... that's YOUR interpretation of my drawing. That's all psychology was to her, apparently; Her interpretation of our work. Hate hate hate.

Now for game design classes:
Flash1 & game programming: This teacher showed up for our Flash design class, it's his first course ever taught. How do I know this? He told us the moment he stepped in the door, "I've never taught a class before, usually, I'm teaching one on one for major companies." He was a piece of work. He yelled at one of the higher-level students for sitting at his computer (no one else used that computer, because that particular student was always there, working) He never, and I mean, NEVER, answered students questions to his (or any) ability. No, that fell to me. Because I was usually two to three steps ahead of the teacher (and the rest of the class), I'd get up from my computer and lean over my co-student's shoulders, to see what they were doing wrong. (You have no idea how many classmates told me, by the end of the semester: "I learned more from you, Juwl, than from our teacher") And he kept looking to the class to figure out why his programs didn't work. And I usually answered them. This teacher assigned us a paper to go out and find job listings in the industry, and write about why we wanted to have that job (Infantile?) And then, when more than half the class did just that, by copy pasting the job descriptions into our paper, he tried to call us all out for plagiarism! (How do you plagiarize a free job listing? Dumb ass. Secondly, if the majority of the class did it, that means your 'requirements' for our paper were poorly worded. And one of the students he tried to ding with plagiarism had a works cited page. The asshole just didn't print it out when he printed the paper.) Toward the end of the semester, he started us on a project to recreate Space Invaders... Oh... kay... We weren't even half done, come semester's end.
Lucky us, we got him again the following semester, for Game programming, which was supposed to take place solely in Torque! Most of the semester we spent finishing off his Space Invaders rehash. In Flash! He kept commenting, "Well, we'll probably recreate it in Torque, in 3-D!" Yeah, sure, except, I know for a fact that my classmates wouldn't be able to even begin to create the 3D assets for such a momentous game. By halfway through the semester, we'd been moved into the dinkiest little room on campus. And he got tired of waiting for everyone to copy his Actionscript into our programs. So, he just started posting chunks of AS to the school's network, and we could go grab it and paste it into our programs. Except, his stuff was counter productive to a lot of our programs. He had no sense of proper structure for anything, and, more often than not, I'd sit there, pouring through his code to find out why it didn't work on mine, to find out his variables weren't capitalized, as mine were. By the time we finally finished with his god damn cheap ass remake of a classic, we had three weeks left in class. One day, he pipes up, "Okay, everyone take out your bipeds!" Everyone stops talking, and looks at each other. "What's a biped?" He gets confused, and points at me, "I know Juwl has a biped..." Yes, dumbass, I have a biped because I like to challenge myself. My biped is me just messing around in 3Ds, while my classmates flounder on inanimate objects. It has nothing to do with class. It is me playing in my free time. He deflates, immensely. And we get to have an hour long bitch session with the head of the gaming department, pizza included, about what a terrible teacher this guy is. Head agrees, and fires him. We never see him again. However, the next semester, for us, we have to start putting together our capstone game. With no knowledge of how to program for Torque.

Now then, so it's not all a bitch fest, my favorite teacher ever: Mr. Loven:
He was the first teacher I had in my game design run. He taught Investment in Success, a blow off class if ever I heard of one, but he was always extremely energetic about it. He told us the first day that he would require a paper from us about our time in his class, and told us a story about one of his previous students, and how he began his paper, "You know? On the first day of class, this guy told me I'd be required to write a paper about..." And I knew, right then and there, how I wanted to start my paper. "On the first day of class, this guy told me about a student who began his paper, 'You know...?' If I'm not mistaken, I am now writing in fifth person for the intro paragraph." We found out a few days in that we were his first class since he'd gotten out of the hospital. He had cancer, and had been out for a while. A few semesters later, I heard Mr Loven was in the hospital again, apparently his cancer had returned. And then, for months, we heard nothing about him. And then, one day, a discrete posting on a door to the smoking area, said Mr Loven had passed.
I just know that's not how he would've wanted to be remembered. He was always so up and energetic and enthused about us, on Monday mornings. We should've been louder about his passing.

[Dips]

Oh, man. I hate the professors who send their students out to pester people doing pointless assignments.

Every single year a certain professor teaching a certain class at a certain university sends his students out to "build a contact library" by telling them to gather business cards and brochures from companies in our industry.

What do the students do? Use google to find our web site, email us and ask us to mail them our literature. The literature costs us money and doesn't contain nearly as much information as the web site they used to contact us. It's stupid and it wastes everyone's time and our money.

This year I'm ready for them. If a student contacts me by email, I'll email back a very politely worded form letter containing a link to our web site and suggest they use it to start building a library of favorites/bookmarks in their web browser. That's a lot more useful to the student than brochures which will go out of date by the time the student graduates. Not to mention that brochures get lost and/or or thown away.

Then I'll let them know they are free to print out a copy of my email reply to hand in to the professor as proof they contacted us per their assignment. Just like a business card, all my contact information will be there.

Of course, any student who sends us a snail mail letter WILL get a snail mail brochure and business card in response. We completely understand that not everyone has access to computers or the web.

I fully expect the professor to freak out at us and I look forward to hearing from her.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I had a Sociology professor who had as the only text for the class a book he wrote, basically consisting of all his political rants.

You passed the class by regurgitating his rants verbatim on the tests. As opposed to learning about things like societal trends and research I guess.

[Andara Bledin]

In the vast majority of any non-science class, you pass by listening to what the teacher tells you and then regurgitating it during tests.

I didn't have a problem with any of my teachers while in college. In fact, I rather liked most of them.

Now, I did have an absolutely sucktastic 9th grade English literature teacher. She couldn't spell the word "soccer" and her grammar was atrocious. Even my brother (who was a complete slacker) thought she was awful. He actually made a point of correcting her in class until she cried when he had her. I just ignored her as being too ignorant to listen to and failed the class.

I also had a truly sucktastic algebra teacher in 9th grade. He was a dumpy little guy who had a thing for feet. No joke. If you were stupid and wanted to pass, all you had to do was paint your toenails, wear sandals, and sit up front. He'd spend a good portion of every class talking with these little prostitots. Not only that, but he wasn't very good at math. I established that I was better at it than he was within the first month. Not very bright, but he was a sexist pig and he hated that I was smarter than he was. I got an A in his class, of course. I adore math and it's pretty much impossible to fail someone in a class that is dealing purely with objectives.

^-.-^

[FenigDurak]

The moral of the story...never take a class under a professor who writes said book for the class.

I had a Colorado History prof who wrote the material for the class, and at the very beginning he said something to the effect of "My lecture is directly from the reading. I know your lives are very full, so come to class for the tests and take home quizzes and do the reading and you'll be fine."

I got an A and got to sleep in just about every day.

[AdminAssistant]

Oh, the professors I've had...

During undergrad:
For biology - A really cool guy, but we seriously spent half the semester on sex & reproduction.

For algebra - Mullet Man! Still rocking the tight, black Levi's, black Reebok hightops, and Harley-Davidson t-shirts. He was awesome though. He asked who was going to have to take a more advanced math class later on. To the rest of us he said, "Show up everyday, pay attention, try your best, and I'll help you survive."

For psychology: The psych department had just had a major rehaul, resulting in half the psych faculty being fired. So, my class was taught by the head of the counseling center. He didn't want to be teaching, and showed it. All of his notes were Powerpoints and available online. He also never took attendance. The only class I've ever skipped.

For American Government - One of the most awesome professors out there. He was pushing 80 - typical little old man. But he was SO awesome about encouraging debate and assigning challenging but meaningful assignments. He made us read Newsweek.

Grad School:

My advisor is seriously the most awesome professor ever. She loves what she teaches so much, that she will seriously start jumping up and down in class - just cause she's so excited about our discussion of Pushkin. Just awesome.

I'm also taking a text analysis course from a lecturer - he's a local professional and just teaches the class for extra $ I guess. Dirty jokes abound. It's wonderful.

As a professor:

My GA last year was a teaching assistantship. I co-taught a section of Foundations of Theatre - your basic fine arts class requirement. Our class had 12 students (the huge sections were covered by 'real' faculty).

Most of my students were so awesome, but I had a few...mostly just the ones who didn't want to come to class and would come up with the lamest excuses. Really, if you don't want to be bothered to actually show up to class, don't waste my time. Just drop it.

For example, the girl who missed 3 weeks of class, then sent me an e-mail with a lame excuse for each absence (My dog was sick, my dad was sick, I was tired). If something is really wrong, then let me know ahead of time or immediately after.

Sheesh. Sorry so long folks!

[chrisfabo]

You know, I was working on my introduction thread, then I saw this while browsing. So, lurker, but hiya.

I had a professor in my very last semester of undergraduate work, who I think is certifiably insane. I'm not exaggerating.

The class was a simple Lit class, focused on the work of a specific British modern author. I don't even remember the author, as I gladly burned my notes. The reason why will become quite clear.

The professor was British himself, an tenured. The Tenured part should have worried me, when he walked in wearing a leather jacket, jeans, and a t-shirt, and both ears pierced....but the most dour expression I'd ever seen on a human being.

He....to be blunt, was more monotone than Ben Stein, and more politically charged than.....someone politically charged. He would spend entire classes ranting about the devil-like evil of Prime Minister Thatcher, and how we were all going to be secretly under her thumb.....This is in the U.S., by the way.

So, that's pretty random, but not exactly ubersuck...but wait, there's more!

He had ONE requirement for the class. A double-submission of a paper about the author, on any subject in his writing. You submitted once, it got torn apart by ze red pen of doom (c), then you fixed it and submitted it again.

I was flying blind, this writer was so obtuse that I crossed my fingers, and wrote a 10 page ramble about the Motorways of London or something, then Turned it in.

Naturally, it got torn to shreds, to a degree. C+ for a grade, at the halfway point.

And no, this is still not the suck. In fact, you may think this becomes awesome in a moment.

He called me in for a meeting, and said that there was NO way he was going to let a C grade ruin my chances in Graduate School. (I had a 3.46 grade point, which counts as a 3.5 for most programs) So, he offered to let me keep attending the class....and ignore the paper completely. He was offering an A grade, to keep me going.

I waltzed out of there absolutely thrilled....and called my dad. My dad, having dealt with my rather sneaky butt a few times in the past, was naturally skeptical. But wait, I had my professor's office number, for contacting him with questions! One call would placate my father, and I'd be fine! So, dad calls him up.

My god. Not five minutes later, my dad calls me back, as I also get an e-mail from the professor. I was kicked out of the class for not 'having trust in a professor, and showing utter disregard for his kind gesture.'

I still got the A, but I got a notice from the registar that I was granted early completion of the class by the professor the next day.

He Threw me out of the class....for confirming his astounding generosity. Dubya...Teee....Eff?!?

Thus, the notes being burned.

Final insult to injury, he told the bookstore not to bother buying back the books, all 350 dollars of them, for the class. I still use them as doorstops. >.<

anyhoo, epic introductory story? ^^;

[Parrothead]

My psychology teacher wasn't bad, I just couldn't hear her after a while. I tried to pay attention, I did!, but after five minutes, all I could hear was the "WahwahWAHwah" from the Peanuts teachers.

Except for parts of it. I can remember the fuzzy green elf in the corner, something about a unicorn, and the phrase "mental masturbation".

[RedRoseSpiral]

I just met my adviser today. She's interesting to say the least. She's a bit pushy about what classes I should be taking. Especially since she has it in her head that I should try for a local college I have no interest in. She also I had no clue about a program my community college offers in partner with the college I am interested in. It's a program that lets you get your bachelor's degree by taking night classes at a local high school. I thought that was a bit hinky. I'll get more of an opinion about her next week when I register.

[Record Store Tough Guy]

My sample answers, which I would have turned in, then promptly dropped the class.

1) Where does the Occident begin and end? Using your atlas, give exact co-ordinates. [Say whaaah?]

Second star to the right, then straight on til morning.

2) Which came first -- the mummy or the coffin? [See my comment above]

Yes. Or rather, the mummy. People were dying long before we though of shoving them in boxes. Also, it was a sarcophagus, which is different from a coffin, but how different, I'm not going to tell you.

3) Describe Sacral Kingship. What does it entail? [Our Library has about 5 feet of books devoted to sacral kingship aroound the world. How can a first-year College student distill this into 3 paragraphs?]

It means the office of the King is Sacred. Or that the king is essentially a god-king. Why you would actually need to BS this into three paragraphs, or how it teaches you to think, I have no idea. A more fitting question would be "What was the influence of Sacral Kingship on the societies where it was common, and what is it's legacy today?"

4) Name nine civilizations that co-existed with Ancient Egypt in the Nile Valley. [You got us there, Prof. None of our Curators know about them.]

The Cimmerians, the Shemites, the Kozaks, the Stygians, The Aesir, the Vanir, the Aquilonians, the Brythunians, and the Picts

5) On the first floor of the X Museum there is an exhibit of paintings. From what time period do these paintings come? [This question appeared on the assignment for 5 years. The show was a nice little jewel box of early Italian painting. It ran for 6 months.]

I went. There's no painting. Update your assignment.

6) Yoruba religion -- What is its tenets and practices? Do not put forward the vile rumors. I want only the facts! [ Oooh, vile rumors about the Yoruba. That certainly would be much more interesting than the latest celebrity gossip , wouldn't it?]

I DEY LAND HERE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I GO CHOP YOUR DOLLA ,U UNA MUGU OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

lulz.

[SpyOne]

I once had a professor who wrote the book to be used for the class. One thing she always and I mean ALWAYS asked on every test was..

What was your thought concering {instert chapert here}?

And of course not one person would get any points for that or the other questions that delt with how we saw something because hey SHE wrote the book so we should obviously understand how SHE thought over the subject.



The moral of the story...never take a class under a professor who writes said book for the class.

They need me in that professor's class.
I'm just a big enough dick to complain to the teacher that what was asked for was "my thoughts", and I had provided those, so unless the professor was claiming both that s/he had psychic powers AND that I was lying, I could not get points taken off for my answer.
And then I'd ask for proof of psychic powers.
And I would appeal to the administration.

[SpyOne]

OK, The Occident and mummy/coffin questions I can see there'd be definite, and hopefully findable answers to, but the rest...

Well, the mummy one prbably.

The "Occident" is "west". West of where? Well, west of wherever the person using the term thought of as "here" and/or "nearby", so ... Europe, probably.
Turkey is generally considered part of the "Occident". Greece maybe.
so, where it begins depends on which atlas you're using, and if you are using an atlas archaic enough to still use that term it probably pre-dates modern mapping systems, so there's going to be problems coming up with "precise coordiantes".
Hell, there's still disagreement over where the border between Asia and Europe is (most agree it's the Urals and the Caucasus, but "most" is not "all").

At a guess, "mummy" predates "coffin", because folks were throwing their dead into peat bogs LONG before anybody would have made a wooden box.

[FuzzyKitten99]

yeeesh. Yeah, once Professors get tenure it's almost impossible to fire them so they're allowed to be as batshit crazy as they like.

which is why teachers should be held accountable in their profession, such as the rest of the real working world. That way, good teachers/professors, ones who actually got into the profession for the love of teaching, are more willing to do a good job and really educate the kids. Throwing money at the problem never solves it.