Assortment of Customer Angst/Screams

[unholypet]

Granny Pwnage

So, one random night there were some random kids running around yelling and squealing around the game machines. This went on for about half an hour, until their grandmother came in the store...

GP: YOU! *grabs little girl* You should be ashamed of yourself! Screaming like a little hooligan! You are the oldest and you know better, you should try and set an example for your little cousins...

Granny spanks little girl, she runs away. Granny grabs little boy.

GP: You know better, too! She never had a proble being loud until you got her riled up, and I know you did it, I saw you pushing her. *spank* Go over there! Shameful boy.

He did, and she grabbed the little one.

GP: Now... I know you're only four,but you should know better, too. I'm not gonna get into you so much, but you are a bad boy for screaming with them. Be polite, and start acting right. *smaller spank* Git on, now!

I wept in awe and joy.

No.. we're closed.

Signs are down, off, and doors are locked. We are visible mopping and putting up chairs when Mr. Angst comes by. He is a well-dressed prep-clothed young man who seems well bred, somehow. This adventure begins with him reading our store hours, and then banging on the door. Hard.

Me: SIR!! Sir.. is anything wrong?
MA: (cheerful) Are you guys delivering?
Me: I'm sorry, we close business at 9:00.
Ma: Well.. (SUPER CHEERFUL) That means you can still deliver?!?
Me: We closed at 9.
MA: So.. (sullen, angry looking) you can't deliver?
Me: ...we CLOSED AT NNNN-EYE-NNN-UUHHH.
Me: *droops head, sniffles, sighs..* What a drag...

And then he does the typical Shikamaru walk away.

Repeat Offender
Remember the We DO NOT deliver there! Thread? That bumpkin kinda guy?

Me: Thanks for calling (company), this is UnholyPet, how can I help you?
Guy: I wanna derliv'ry.
Me: Sir, I'm afraid you live too far away.
Guy: But.. but I'm jes two miles pas--
Me: Sir, I spoke with you last week. Our delivery route limit has not changed. Would you like this as a pick-up?
Guy: Shucky-dern... I'ma sorry. Imma jes go now.. sigh.
-click-


Phone Sex

I am quietly attending a customer when we all hear a loud...
Woman: WHAT IS THIS!!! DON'T SEND PORNO TO MY CELLPHONE!!



BONUS GROSSNESS!

Highlight below to see what I found outside our door!

A single glove filled with dookie.

[Seraph]

Repeat Offender
Remember the We DO NOT deliver there! Thread? That bumpkin kinda guy?

Me: Thanks for calling (company), this is UnholyPet, how can I help you?
Guy: I wanna derliv'ry.
Me: Sir, I'm afraid you live too far away.
Guy: But.. but I'm jes two miles pas--
Me: Sir, I spoke with you last week. Our delivery route limit has not changed. Would you like this as a pick-up?
Guy: Shucky-dern... I'ma sorry. Imma jes go now.. sigh.
-click-

I just inhaled a potato chip from laughing at that. "Shucky-dern"? And I thought I was weird for saying "gefilte fish" as my disappointment/swear word.

Oh, and major props to that Granny! I'm totally for spanking kids, especially when they are acting like that. My kid's only 2 years old, but she's learning very quickly that if she throws a fit, she gets a pop on the behind. We figure it's better to start early with the discipline, rather than wait and let bad habits get to be her norm.

[crazylegs]

Uh, what is dookie? I'm assuming a bodily fluid of some type...?

[Plaidman]

Granny Pwnage

Yay. Grandma rules.

BONUS GROSSNESS!

Highlight below to see what I found outside our door!

A single glove filled with dookie.

Hmm.. Highlight below to see my own bonus grossness....

Used Tampon in the cookies section, a used condom by a beer cooler. (That was my biggest WTF moment....).

[Plaidman]

Uh, what is dookie? I'm assuming a bodily fluid of some type...?

Poo poo. Usually harden, but sometimes still warm and gooy.

[AdminAssistant]

Grandmas are awesome!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Uh, what is dookie? I'm assuming a bodily fluid of some type...?

To use the technical medical terminology, it is a "Number 2"

Or the name of an album by Green Day.

[unholypet]

Hmm.. Highlight below to see my own bonus grossness....

Used Tampon in the cookies section, a used condom by a beer cooler. (That was my biggest WTF moment....).

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww, indeed.

[ArenaBoy]

*Mr. Mackie*: "Now, I want to know, WHO PUT THE DOOKIE IN THE URINAL?!" /Mr. Mackie.

[friendofjimmyk]

Yay! For grandma's!!!!


For the bonus grossness - OH. MY. GOD. What is it with people and your establishment? You had those posts about the cleanliness or lack thereof in the bathrooms, right? I mean....I just...I....

Now, as messy as your bathrooms have been, I wonder if someone was planning on coming in and using that little item to reek havoc in the restroom again.

[unholypet]

Now, as messy as your bathrooms have been, I wonder if someone was planning on coming in and using that little item to reek havoc in the restroom again.

The (company) building is just a small parking lot beside a residency for people the state provides shelter for. Some are shell-shocked, some spend almost $300 in the first week of every month with us, and then some are just kind of out there =p

[BaristaTrav]

BONUS GROSSNESS!

Highlight below to see what I found outside our door!

Oh.. I got confused and clicked on one of your artwork links. I thought you meant you saw the big purple guy with long, flowing hair outside your door. I was wondering if he wanted a pizza.

[fireheart]

Granny Pwnage

So, one random night there were some random kids running around yelling and squealing around the game machines. This went on for about half an hour, until their grandmother came in the store...

GP: YOU! *grabs little girl* You should be ashamed of yourself! Screaming like a little hooligan! You are the oldest and you know better, you should try and set an example for your little cousins...

Granny spanks little girl, she runs away. Granny grabs little boy.

GP: You know better, too! She never had a proble being loud until you got her riled up, and I know you did it, I saw you pushing her. *spank* Go over there! Shameful boy.

He did, and she grabbed the little one.

GP: Now... I know you're only four,but you should know better, too. I'm not gonna get into you so much, but you are a bad boy for screaming with them. Be polite, and start acting right. *smaller spank* Git on, now!

This is funny. Grandmas rock!

Phone Sex

I am quietly attending a customer when we all hear a loud...
Woman: WHAT IS THIS!!! DON'T SEND PORNO TO MY CELLPHONE!!

All I can say about this is...

[Imogene]

BONUS GROSSNESS!

Not as bad as when I was coming back from lunch, inside a mall, and noticed a pile of dog doo in front of our stack o' TVs... went in, told Third Key to check it out in case I was being deceived... he goes, comes back, "That can't be what I think it is...?"
"Must be..." I shrug.
Third Key goes off to get maintenance, who proceed to sweep the pile across our entryway, leaving a huge, disgusting brown streak on the tile. Luckily, however, it seemed no one was interested in buying movies that night while the maintenance guys mopped the streak away.

[Gabrielle Proctor]

I haven't heard someone use the word "dookie" in a while. Lol. It is basically human excrement.


That grandma is AWESOME! I know some people who might argue that they're just kids being kids, but that's the whole freakin' problem! There's a perfectly good time and place to be a hooligan and it is not in a retail establishment.

And kudos to the grandma for punishing ALL of the kids, not just one of them. I know too many situations when all of the kids are acting up, but the oldest is the only one to get punished. That leads to built-up resentment. Not only that, but the younger child is more likely to act up if they know that they won't be held accountable fpr their actions. Which leads to more resentment, just ask skandrannon.