Tales from the collection desk.

[BuggedMei]

....I was fired this morning ^^ I think I'm the happiest person in the world...but... I've been writing down the strangest calls I've been getting because.. collection calls are just BEGGING for sucky customers!

I assumed when I started this job call-outs would be bad..

'ello Govnea!
Me - Sir, has this bill been paid in the last few days?
SC - No! I'm going to call the governor and then you'll see!
Me - .....wha?
SC - Thats right! I'll call the governor and get this bill canceled!
Me - Sir... you can't call the governor.. about... a bill you owe....
SC - I can! and I will! You don't know who you messed with!
*click*


If your gonna lie, make it a good one...
Me - Hello, may I speak to so-and-so?
Now, its obvious I'm talking to her. She stammers for a while before answering.
SC - Shes... um.... at work! Yeah! I'm.. shes! A stripper. Yeah.
Me - Ohhhkkkaaayyyy..... I'll call her in the afternoon.
SC - NO! SHE WORKS LIKE ALL DAY! STRIPPING! DON'T CALL! *click*


Call backs are even worse.

Me - Hello, BuggedMei.. How may I direct your call?
SC - WHAT COMPANY IS THIS!!!
Me - This is a call center containing many companies, It would take the better part of 15 minutes to list them. Did someone leave you a name and an extension?
SC - BY LAW YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHO YOU WORK FOR.
Me - Sir, did someone leave you a name or extension? If not I can look up your account by your name... I can't tell you anything if you don't.
SC - I AM AN ATTORNEY. I WILL HAVE YOUR UNLESS YOU TELL ME WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU CALL FROM. I GET THESE MESSAGES ALL THE TIME.
Me - Sir, my name is BuggedMei. Please hold..
I grab his number off the caller ID and pull up his account. He owes less then $100 and every time someone calls him, he makes up a whole new story.
Me - Allright Mr Attorney.. or.. construction worker.. or single unemployed father of 8... Sir, every time someone has contacted you.. you make up an elaborate story to get out of this bill.
SC - YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD MY LIFE IS. I'M CALLING FROM A PAYPHONE BECAUSE I CAN'T FEED MYSELF.

[Rapscallion]

SC - YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A DOUCHE I AM. I'M CALLING FROM A PAYPHONE BECAUSE I CAN'T FEED MYSELF.

Edited for my amusement

Rapscallion

[BaristaTrav]

Soooo.. if you don't mind me asking, what were you fired for?

[Shangri-laschild]

Edited for my amusement

Rapscallion

And for probable truth

[Geek King]

....I was fired this morning ^^ I think I'm the happiest person in the world....

I smell a good story. Do you care to spill it, or do I need to search police blotters for mention of a call center manager being beaten with a reciever?

[AdminAssistant]

Because of a supreme lack of communication and information between a rental company and my insurance company, I had a debt land in collections and I had NO idea that I owed anyone anything. So when I started getting odd messages telling me to call a 800 number different from the number on the caller ID, I smelled scam and ignored them.

I FINALLY was called by a real person, I spent some time on the phone and between my adjustor and the rental company got the whole mess sorted out. The collection agent seemed so...surprised that I wasn't yelling and screaming at her the entire time and that I was actually wanting to get the debt cleared. Nice lady, but I feel for anyone who has to do that.

[sms001]

Because of a supreme lack of communication and information between a rental company and my insurance company,

Mine was a dentist bill that I had underpaid by THIRTEEN DOLLARS. (Just misread, fired off a check, moved soon after.) Years later I applied for my first credit card and was denied. I ordered a TRW(?) and contacted the company that had this debt against me. You would have thought that I had been avoiding daily phone calls and countless letters about a debt with about three more zeroes

I finally had to escalate to someone who understood that it was pretty unlikely that I had been running from my thirteen dollar shame for five years and suddenly had a change of conscience. He had me send the check for thirteen dollars (no penalties or interest) which I thought was pretty nice.

I don't know how anyone can do that job. It would take the patience and forbearance of a saint.

[AdminAssistant]

I finally had to escalate to someone who understood that it was pretty unlikely that I had been running from my thirteen dollar shame for five years and suddenly had a change of conscience. He had me send the check for thirteen dollars (no penalties or interest) which I thought was pretty nice.

Yeah, the collections lady was wonderful (took my payment over the phone so it would be processed before the end of the month, and therefore never be on my credit report). However, the people at the rental company were SO catty.

"We tried to contact you X number of times. We sent you 3 letters and made mulitple phone calls and YOU never made an effort to send payment."

Erm, I received no letters, the address you have for me is WRONG, and I didn't get any phone calls. SHEESH. A mistake was made, lady, and I don't think my delayed payment on this thing is going to make or break your company.

[MadonnaC]

..... I don't think my delayed payment on this thing is going to make or break your company.

Auuugghhh

I hate that phrase!

I used to get it every day - "but you can do this - it's only me...."

Yes, but we have Millions of customers (NOT an exaggeration) and if even 1% of them did that, we'd be in debt too

[tropicsgoddess]

I could never do collections considering I'd blow a fuse much quicker with people cussing me out and yelling at me WAY worse than when I cold call them for a service satisfaction survey and also my really craptacular math skills. I don't mean to pry, BuggedMei, but what did you get fired for?