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Here is a small collection of some of the lunacy I encountered in my years as a tow truck driver.
I was just driving it! Part one.
I was sent over to the police impound lot to pick up a mid 90’s Pontiac. As I pull into the front lot, the car is in the parking lot, and I see the owner wiping on the windshield with a towel. I park my truck in front of his car, hop out, introduce myself and check the guys membership card, and verify where he wants to take it. After that, I asked what had happened to the car, and he said he was driving along the street and it had died on him, and he coasted into the impound lot. Ooookay…lets see….you have spider webs on the front wheels, there is at least a weeks worth of rust on the brake rotors, the paint is coated with dust, and I can still see where the police marked your vehicle when it was first brought in. You know, the shoe polish that you were just now trying to wipe off? I shrugged and mentally said whatever, and towed the car. I can understand not wanting to tell me why your car was impounded, but don’t treat me like an idiot.
I was just driving it! Part two.
I was sent out to pick up a mid 80’s Chevy Malibu. When I get to the address, this kid directs me to the back lot, where the car is sitting. I ask him what’s going on, and he said that his cousin and him where…..wait for it…….driving along and it died. So lets see…you where driving around with no plates, a spider web over the passenger headlights, a piece of wood sitting in front of the driver side lights….and oh yeah….no frakking ENGINE!!!!!!!!!! Little punk was trying to block my view of the front wheel well where I could clearly see ground where an engine should be. Not to mention that the front end was sitting about a foot higher in the air than normal. To top it all off he had no proof of ownership…no title, no pink slip, no bill of sale, nothing. I left that car right where it was sitting.
The wheels on the bus go round and round……
I was picking up a Pontiac Trans-Am, and after I had the rear end hooked up to my truck and was doing my final walk around, and the owner looked at me and asked if the wheels would move. I thought he was asking if the steering wheel would move back and forth, and I showed him how I had the seatbelt wrapped around the steering wheel in the unlikely event that the steering column lock should give out. Turns out he was asking if the front wheels would roll. For those not mechanical inclined, Trans-Ams’ are rear wheel drive. Always have been. The front wheels roll freely no matter what. This is the kind of question I would expect from a five year old, not a man in his late thirties.
What spare????
Guy wanted me to tow his Chrysler minivan because it had a flat tire.
Member; “It needs to be towed. It hasn’t had a spare since I bought it. I looked for it.”
Me; “Sir…when I was turning around in the cul-de-sac, I saw the spare under your rear bumper.”
I showed him where it was, and asked if he would like me to change the tire. He mumbled a yes and then went back inside the house.
Future Senator of the United States of America
I was sent out to pick up a Jeep Grand Cherokee, which belonged to a former tow truck driver of ours. The directions said that the vehicle was at a “Library” just off the interstate. I was a little familiar with the area, but could not think of any library there. I figured it was either a book store or maybe a bar or café called that. So I head on over, and check out the business in the area. It didn’t take long…there was only a leather tailor, a strip club, and a porn shop. So after confirming none of them were named Library, I call into dispatch and tell them I’m not sure of where the member is. My supervisor comes over the radio on an unsecured channel and says;
“194….he’s at the Adult Emporium.”
Me; “Ah…10-4.”
So I roll on over, and thankfully he was outside waiting for me. I position the truck and ask him if he knew why it would not start. He claims he was driving along, and yep, it died on him. Might have been believable….had the Jeep been parked near the entrance, where there was lots and lots of opened spaces. Miraculously, the Jeep managed to coast about three hundred feet and parked perfectly in a stall right next to the front door. That’s right….a higher power wanted him to have porn.
You bwoke my twuck!
Middle of winter, it’s snowing, I’m cold, and I got this idiot going on for about ten minutes telling me about he knows his brand new Silverado in and out and how he is sure it’s a problem with the starter…..all the while he’s pointing at the alternator. I try to calmly explain that he was mistaken about which part he was talking about, but I think I might have had better luck explaining advanced warp field dynamics to a gerbil. I give him the usual “We’ll see what the dealership says” line just to shut him up, and proceed to hook up to the rear of the truck. Now with newer trucks, when I tow them from the rear, I fold in the mirrors to prevent damage. They are pretty big, made of only plastic, and were never designed to do sixty mph backwards. I fold in the mirrors, and start to secure the steering wheel. The member comes running towards me and yelling that I just broke his power mirrors. Now this was shortly after the Cadillac Escalade was made available with power folding mirrors. I was pretty sure that it was an option only for the Caddy, but I figured it might have been an option for the Silverado since it was the basically the same truck as the Escalade with different sheet metal. I look for the button to check to see if they still worked, but there was none. I then inspect the mirrors themselves…..normal manual units. After I showed him that, jerk did not even apologize. I really wanted to beat him with a crow bar.
I can’t drive……at all
It was the morning after a really bad ice storm on a Saturday when a call came in to winch out a vehicle on the interstate. Luckily traffic was really really light, as most people understood that if they did not need to be out, they needed to stay the frakk home!!!! Except for this special person. He was at a bend in the road, and it had a slight incline. Something that a lot of people do not relies is that tow truck get hardly any traction when not loaded. If you try to apply any power on ice, you are going to basically sit and spin. So as I’m trying to get to him, I’m driving sideways. For a couple of miles. And I have a cop behind me. Also driving sideways. I wish I had a video of it. Looked like Cops on ice. I finally get my truck into position and take a look to see how bad this guy was stuck. He wasn’t. Guy proceeds to tell me he needs a tow because…..his tires where too bald to be driving. He came out after an ice storm knowing his car had substandard tires…..and then concluded that it was a bad idea. I was really tempted to tell him that having bald tires was not an “emergency” situation and was not covered under his policy, but I figured it would be safer for the community to get this guy off the road. So I hook up to him and take the car to where he directed….which was a gas station. I drop the car, he said thanks, and then drove away. What a waste of fuel and time.
I was just driving it! Part one.
I was sent over to the police impound lot to pick up a mid 90’s Pontiac. As I pull into the front lot, the car is in the parking lot, and I see the owner wiping on the windshield with a towel. I park my truck in front of his car, hop out, introduce myself and check the guys membership card, and verify where he wants to take it. After that, I asked what had happened to the car, and he said he was driving along the street and it had died on him, and he coasted into the impound lot. Ooookay…lets see….you have spider webs on the front wheels, there is at least a weeks worth of rust on the brake rotors, the paint is coated with dust, and I can still see where the police marked your vehicle when it was first brought in. You know, the shoe polish that you were just now trying to wipe off? I shrugged and mentally said whatever, and towed the car. I can understand not wanting to tell me why your car was impounded, but don’t treat me like an idiot.
I was just driving it! Part two.
I was sent out to pick up a mid 80’s Chevy Malibu. When I get to the address, this kid directs me to the back lot, where the car is sitting. I ask him what’s going on, and he said that his cousin and him where…..wait for it…….driving along and it died. So lets see…you where driving around with no plates, a spider web over the passenger headlights, a piece of wood sitting in front of the driver side lights….and oh yeah….no frakking ENGINE!!!!!!!!!! Little punk was trying to block my view of the front wheel well where I could clearly see ground where an engine should be. Not to mention that the front end was sitting about a foot higher in the air than normal. To top it all off he had no proof of ownership…no title, no pink slip, no bill of sale, nothing. I left that car right where it was sitting.
The wheels on the bus go round and round……
I was picking up a Pontiac Trans-Am, and after I had the rear end hooked up to my truck and was doing my final walk around, and the owner looked at me and asked if the wheels would move. I thought he was asking if the steering wheel would move back and forth, and I showed him how I had the seatbelt wrapped around the steering wheel in the unlikely event that the steering column lock should give out. Turns out he was asking if the front wheels would roll. For those not mechanical inclined, Trans-Ams’ are rear wheel drive. Always have been. The front wheels roll freely no matter what. This is the kind of question I would expect from a five year old, not a man in his late thirties.
What spare????
Guy wanted me to tow his Chrysler minivan because it had a flat tire.
Member; “It needs to be towed. It hasn’t had a spare since I bought it. I looked for it.”
Me; “Sir…when I was turning around in the cul-de-sac, I saw the spare under your rear bumper.”
I showed him where it was, and asked if he would like me to change the tire. He mumbled a yes and then went back inside the house.
Future Senator of the United States of America
I was sent out to pick up a Jeep Grand Cherokee, which belonged to a former tow truck driver of ours. The directions said that the vehicle was at a “Library” just off the interstate. I was a little familiar with the area, but could not think of any library there. I figured it was either a book store or maybe a bar or café called that. So I head on over, and check out the business in the area. It didn’t take long…there was only a leather tailor, a strip club, and a porn shop. So after confirming none of them were named Library, I call into dispatch and tell them I’m not sure of where the member is. My supervisor comes over the radio on an unsecured channel and says;
“194….he’s at the Adult Emporium.”
Me; “Ah…10-4.”
So I roll on over, and thankfully he was outside waiting for me. I position the truck and ask him if he knew why it would not start. He claims he was driving along, and yep, it died on him. Might have been believable….had the Jeep been parked near the entrance, where there was lots and lots of opened spaces. Miraculously, the Jeep managed to coast about three hundred feet and parked perfectly in a stall right next to the front door. That’s right….a higher power wanted him to have porn.
You bwoke my twuck!
Middle of winter, it’s snowing, I’m cold, and I got this idiot going on for about ten minutes telling me about he knows his brand new Silverado in and out and how he is sure it’s a problem with the starter…..all the while he’s pointing at the alternator. I try to calmly explain that he was mistaken about which part he was talking about, but I think I might have had better luck explaining advanced warp field dynamics to a gerbil. I give him the usual “We’ll see what the dealership says” line just to shut him up, and proceed to hook up to the rear of the truck. Now with newer trucks, when I tow them from the rear, I fold in the mirrors to prevent damage. They are pretty big, made of only plastic, and were never designed to do sixty mph backwards. I fold in the mirrors, and start to secure the steering wheel. The member comes running towards me and yelling that I just broke his power mirrors. Now this was shortly after the Cadillac Escalade was made available with power folding mirrors. I was pretty sure that it was an option only for the Caddy, but I figured it might have been an option for the Silverado since it was the basically the same truck as the Escalade with different sheet metal. I look for the button to check to see if they still worked, but there was none. I then inspect the mirrors themselves…..normal manual units. After I showed him that, jerk did not even apologize. I really wanted to beat him with a crow bar.
I can’t drive……at all
It was the morning after a really bad ice storm on a Saturday when a call came in to winch out a vehicle on the interstate. Luckily traffic was really really light, as most people understood that if they did not need to be out, they needed to stay the frakk home!!!! Except for this special person. He was at a bend in the road, and it had a slight incline. Something that a lot of people do not relies is that tow truck get hardly any traction when not loaded. If you try to apply any power on ice, you are going to basically sit and spin. So as I’m trying to get to him, I’m driving sideways. For a couple of miles. And I have a cop behind me. Also driving sideways. I wish I had a video of it. Looked like Cops on ice. I finally get my truck into position and take a look to see how bad this guy was stuck. He wasn’t. Guy proceeds to tell me he needs a tow because…..his tires where too bald to be driving. He came out after an ice storm knowing his car had substandard tires…..and then concluded that it was a bad idea. I was really tempted to tell him that having bald tires was not an “emergency” situation and was not covered under his policy, but I figured it would be safer for the community to get this guy off the road. So I hook up to him and take the car to where he directed….which was a gas station. I drop the car, he said thanks, and then drove away. What a waste of fuel and time.
How come the quotation marks are coming out looking like single long lines? 
Eric the Grey
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