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I am back on the phones *whimper* because they fired my replacement so I am now doing my job + covering customer service for my Ex Bosses Lunch break and from 3.30 to 5.30 every afternoon I'm meant to finish at 5
Me: Waves
TW: Talkative Woman aka DEMON
SM: Sucky Man
Thoughts: Things I didn't actually Say but dearly wanted to and actions.
Please Stop Talking AKA Stapler Death!
Me: Welcome to <Company> Customer Service. This is Lexi. How can I help you? I have said this so many times I accidentally answer my home phone like this..
TW: Oh Hello! This is TW. I am calling to get a phone number for your office on Main street in Sydney. Because we only have one the entire city... WRONG
Me: Ok what suburb would that be in?
TW: Oh... I'm not sure. Its nearly my ex daughter in laws sisters place... Helpful....
Me: *silence*
TW: Ummmm She used to live in <suburb> but then she moved back in '02 and *Continues along the same vein listing every place Her EX Daughter in laws sister has lived in the past 6 frickin' years...*
Me: *Silently wishing this woman's mouth would somehow miraculously provide the info that I need... *
TW: and I cannot for the life of me remember where she lives now... haven't talked to her since that Hussy of a sister of hers dumped my boy... poor thing thinks he is a *long pause and then a conspiratorial whisper* homosexual now...
Me: Unfortunately without a suburb I cannot look up the office number... Take the number lady.. I am begging you!
TW: Oh that's alright! I wouldn't wanna live in that area anyways.. How about giving me my local office number?
Me: *has gained the skill to talk perfectly clearly through clenched teeth* And where would that be ma'am?
TW: <suburb> I have lived here for 29 years this July! Imagine that! *starts telling me about her neighbours and her cat...who got hit by a car back in 1998... *
Me: *interupts* Ok I can give you the number. Its 1234 5678.
TW: Well thank you for your time. Its not often I get to talk to such a nice young lady *talks some more*
Me: *Considers Suicide by Stapler!*
This call took 15 minutes in the end! Most of the calls I take are under 2 minutes! Dear Lord. If a Link Pops up 'Check it out" about an Australian CSR who killed herself with a stapler at work... that was me and she called back!
Missy Don't Work here!
Me: Welcome to <Company> Customer service this is Lexi how *gets cuts off*
SM: No listen here Missy. I want to talk to someone in charge there RIGHT NOW!Missy... OK you just guaranteed I am not going to be at all helpful:
Me: Just to clarify. Do you need to speak to someone regarding one of our franchises or do you need to speak to some in one of our franchises? Sickly sweet tone = Check
SM: I WANT A MANAGER! You got that sweet cheeks.. Ex-squeeze me!....
Me:I'm afraid my manager has left for the day.... I am the Highest Ranking CSR in the Building... In another words you're SOL buddy boy!
The rest of the call was him bitching about his hot water system. I went back to browsing CS with the occasional "Uh huh" and "I understand" also "That must be frustrating for you" and then gave him the number of someone who had to at least pretend to care more than I did!
Not My Problem Featuring the 'C" Word
At 5.27pm last night I was staring at the clock willing it to tick over so I could leave... As if the force of my will could alter the time space continuum... Sadly a transfer came through to my direct line meaning it wasn't an outside call but someone who had asked for me directly... *hides under desk* It was from one of our Offices Technicians.
Me: Sydney Operations Lexi Speaking. *Prays Please be a short call PLEASE*
Tech: *starts to bitch whinge moan complain etc*Not a short call... crap and I dont handle complaints of this sort either!
Me: Excuse I think you have been transferred to the incorrect person... Who were you trying to reach?Cause it sure as hell is not me! Thank you for small mercies!
Tech: Technology Manager!No need to yell or be snippy!
Me: I see, I am the Technology Assistant. The Assistant to the Manager B and the Manager Himself W are not here currently but I can take a message...So you can go AWAY!!
Tech: Well your the Assistant why can't you fix this? Also known as I want it now!
Me: Because its not my area... What is your name?What I do is none of your business... I could sing I'm a little teapot for a career and its still none of your business OK Monkey man!
Tech:*growls* Asshat McDouchebag
Me: K. And a number to reach you on?Not that I ever want the pleasure
Tech: *Impatiently* 5555 5555
Me: And what time will you be in the office in the morning? Should you actually have the brain cells to find the exit in the first place!
Tech: 5am and I want a call first thing!
Me: Ill make sure I note that down...Actual Note reads: Tech from <blah> called. Wants a call back ASAP. In not a happy chappy... Number is 5555 5555
Tech: Stupid C**T *Slams down phone*
Me:
Adds to Note: Please note tech called me a C**T and hung up
I NEVER EVER use the "C" work... Not ever! Being called one makes me take a lawn mower to the person who uttered the word...Not sure what my boss did about it though...
Me: Waves
TW: Talkative Woman aka DEMON
SM: Sucky Man
Thoughts: Things I didn't actually Say but dearly wanted to and actions.
Please Stop Talking AKA Stapler Death!
Me: Welcome to <Company> Customer Service. This is Lexi. How can I help you? I have said this so many times I accidentally answer my home phone like this..
TW: Oh Hello! This is TW. I am calling to get a phone number for your office on Main street in Sydney. Because we only have one the entire city... WRONG
Me: Ok what suburb would that be in?
TW: Oh... I'm not sure. Its nearly my ex daughter in laws sisters place... Helpful....
Me: *silence*
TW: Ummmm She used to live in <suburb> but then she moved back in '02 and *Continues along the same vein listing every place Her EX Daughter in laws sister has lived in the past 6 frickin' years...*
Me: *Silently wishing this woman's mouth would somehow miraculously provide the info that I need... *
TW: and I cannot for the life of me remember where she lives now... haven't talked to her since that Hussy of a sister of hers dumped my boy... poor thing thinks he is a *long pause and then a conspiratorial whisper* homosexual now...
Me: Unfortunately without a suburb I cannot look up the office number... Take the number lady.. I am begging you!
TW: Oh that's alright! I wouldn't wanna live in that area anyways.. How about giving me my local office number?
Me: *has gained the skill to talk perfectly clearly through clenched teeth* And where would that be ma'am?
TW: <suburb> I have lived here for 29 years this July! Imagine that! *starts telling me about her neighbours and her cat...who got hit by a car back in 1998... *
Me: *interupts* Ok I can give you the number. Its 1234 5678.
TW: Well thank you for your time. Its not often I get to talk to such a nice young lady *talks some more*
Me: *Considers Suicide by Stapler!*
This call took 15 minutes in the end! Most of the calls I take are under 2 minutes! Dear Lord. If a Link Pops up 'Check it out" about an Australian CSR who killed herself with a stapler at work... that was me and she called back!
Missy Don't Work here!
Me: Welcome to <Company> Customer service this is Lexi how *gets cuts off*
SM: No listen here Missy. I want to talk to someone in charge there RIGHT NOW!Missy... OK you just guaranteed I am not going to be at all helpful:
Me: Just to clarify. Do you need to speak to someone regarding one of our franchises or do you need to speak to some in one of our franchises? Sickly sweet tone = Check
SM: I WANT A MANAGER! You got that sweet cheeks.. Ex-squeeze me!....
Me:I'm afraid my manager has left for the day.... I am the Highest Ranking CSR in the Building... In another words you're SOL buddy boy!
The rest of the call was him bitching about his hot water system. I went back to browsing CS with the occasional "Uh huh" and "I understand" also "That must be frustrating for you" and then gave him the number of someone who had to at least pretend to care more than I did!
Not My Problem Featuring the 'C" Word
At 5.27pm last night I was staring at the clock willing it to tick over so I could leave... As if the force of my will could alter the time space continuum... Sadly a transfer came through to my direct line meaning it wasn't an outside call but someone who had asked for me directly... *hides under desk* It was from one of our Offices Technicians.
Me: Sydney Operations Lexi Speaking. *Prays Please be a short call PLEASE*
Tech: *starts to bitch whinge moan complain etc*Not a short call... crap and I dont handle complaints of this sort either!
Me: Excuse I think you have been transferred to the incorrect person... Who were you trying to reach?Cause it sure as hell is not me! Thank you for small mercies!
Tech: Technology Manager!No need to yell or be snippy!
Me: I see, I am the Technology Assistant. The Assistant to the Manager B and the Manager Himself W are not here currently but I can take a message...So you can go AWAY!!
Tech: Well your the Assistant why can't you fix this? Also known as I want it now!
Me: Because its not my area... What is your name?What I do is none of your business... I could sing I'm a little teapot for a career and its still none of your business OK Monkey man!
Tech:*growls* Asshat McDouchebag
Me: K. And a number to reach you on?Not that I ever want the pleasure
Tech: *Impatiently* 5555 5555
Me: And what time will you be in the office in the morning? Should you actually have the brain cells to find the exit in the first place!
Tech: 5am and I want a call first thing!
Me: Ill make sure I note that down...Actual Note reads: Tech from <blah> called. Wants a call back ASAP. In not a happy chappy... Number is 5555 5555
Tech: Stupid C**T *Slams down phone*
Me:
Adds to Note: Please note tech called me a C**T and hung up I NEVER EVER use the "C" work... Not ever! Being called one makes me take a lawn mower to the person who uttered the word...Not sure what my boss did about it though...
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