Announcement

**Samaliel** · 07-08-2008, 03:31 PM

"I'm a good customer ! I deserve some special treatment." = "It's the first time I'm doing business with you" OR "I've had a negative balance with your company since the second month I started doing business with you"

**South Texan** · 07-08-2008, 03:47 PM

"I make more money then you do!"
"I am an important person"
"I am a (some job title usually held in esteem)"
"I pay your salary"

translate to:

"I have a very low self-esteem, no one at my office respects me, I have no authority in my job and little control of my life; so to feed my ego, I resort to screaming and yelling and demanding respect from whomever is trapped by their job into appearing polite to me."

For males, it also means: "I have a small penis."

**Samaliel** · 07-08-2008, 03:55 PM

I wouldn't take bets on that last part.

**Becks** · 07-08-2008, 04:05 PM

Quoth Sarlon View Post

"I'm NEVER shopping here again!" = "I'll be back sometime in the next week"

Or tomorrow. Or if it's early enough in the day, in a couple of hours.

**Apathy** · 07-08-2008, 04:15 PM

"I've been waiting for X minutes!" = I've been waiting for X/4 (or X/5) minutes!"

"The sign said..." = I want...

"I couldn't find it." = I haven't looked.

"I'm in a hurry!" = I can't manage my time.

"I bought this here and want to return it." = The place I actually bought it at won't take it back.

**friendofjimmyk** · 07-08-2008, 04:31 PM

"I don't have the receipt" or "I couldn't find the receipt" - I threw it away in the trash can outside the doors of your store right after I bought the item.

"This is ridiculous" - I'm not getting my way, so I'll say the magic word - "ridiculous" - and that will get me my way.

"The person I talked to before said I could" or "You used to let me do it" - actually I'm not quite sure if I even have ever shopped at this location before, but this line sounds good and has gotten me my way before.

"the customer is always right!" - I'm an entitled whore and thanks to some advertising firm way back when, I have a smart ass line to use to get my way!

**MTNLaurelPoacher** · 07-08-2008, 04:33 PM

Let me add a few more.

*Flashes back to his days working at a Putt-Putt place*

"Pleeeeeeese!" - I want it now, and I'm a brat.

"I want it now!" - I wanted it yesterday, and I have the attention span of a hamster on speed.

"Please please pleeeeeeeeeeze!"- I'm going to annoy you till I get what I want.

"Momeeee!!!"

- Now do what I want slave woman!

"Are you open?"- The lights are on, waterfall is running, people are on the course, the music is on, the window is open, the open sign is ON, the doors are unlocked, the flags are flying, the highway sign is lit, there are 5 cars in the lot, but I am not sure that you are open.

"Thats not what I asked for." - I forgot what I asked for.

"Thats not what I wanted."- Read my mind and find out what I really want.

"Awe come on just this time."- And the next time... and next time and next time.

"There is no rule against it."- Yet.... Also, sorry logic normally rules out what you just did. (i.e. driving the golf balls onto the highway then asking for another, wading in the blue water, replaying 7 holes, keeping the golf ball as a souvenir.)

"Can I have change for a ______?" - Because I'm too dumb to put it in the change machine that accepts up to a $20.00 bill.

"Can I use my own clubs?"- I want to get Astroturf on my $200 putter and have to show off at all times.

"We are just going to walk the course"- We wanna play for free. (Like hell you are. You cross that line you owe me $8.00. )

I could probably think up more, but now I have to get back to my lovely job where I don't have to deal with the customers directly, and when I do I have a machete on my hip.

**HawaiianShirts** · 07-08-2008, 04:39 PM

I love threads like these even though they bring up old pet peeves.

"I don't know how it happened. It just broke!" = "I got mad and kicked it, but admitting that would mean taking responsibility."

Heaven forbid anyone should take responsibility for their own actions. (grumblegrumble)

**crazylegs** · 07-08-2008, 04:46 PM

I've only parked there for a second = I've been here for 25 minutes after putting on the steering lock, the sun shade and the wheel clamp

Why aren't you out there catching proper criminals? = You should turn a blind eye to me because I'm pweshious

**depechemodefan** · 07-08-2008, 05:11 PM

"I want your name"- I'm trying to intimidate you by making you think I'm going to your manager and to stop me from doing that you will give me what I want"
or
-I'm shallow, so the only way I can feel better is complaining about you.

"Where you get those earrings?/that shirt?/etc" - I want someone to talk to because I'm lonely and no one likes me.
or
-I like your earrings/shirt (ie, nothing sinister)

"Wer'nt you open at an earlier time last week/2 years ago/etc"- I can't remember when you opened, so I came down and you werne't open and you made me wait for you.
or
-I didn't bother to call to see if you were open. Why couldn't you have been open at a time that was conveinent for me?

**draftermatt** · 07-08-2008, 06:20 PM

"You know we have a lot more work coming up later" - I'm blackmailing you into getting what I want.

"Did you send me a sketch?" - I know I forgot to do it, but because you missed 1 small step I get to blame you.

This one is something that I say to my customers:

"We just want to double check...?" - You're an idiot and I don't trust you OR You screwed me over before, not this time OR my idiot boss is standing next to me and making me call you for the 5th time in the last hour

**Golden Phoenix** · 07-08-2008, 07:39 PM

"it's not my fault" - "I didn't read the contract"

"But that's not possible" - "I didn't read the contract."

"That's illegal" - "I didn't read the contract and i'm trying to intimidate you"

"This is all your fault!" - "I didn't read the contract"

"Well how was i supposed to know i have to give a meter reading" (despite it saying in large print on the bills) - "I'm just trying to annoy you"

"this keeps happening" - "Because i didn't read the contract."

"You're all useless, can anyone there help me?" - "I didn't read the contract and i need a lobotomy."

"Can i speak to some who speaks English." (Bonus points if said by a non-English native speaker) - "I don't like your answer so i'm going to bother one of your colleagues instead."

"You're wrong." - "I'm wrong but i'll be damned if i'll admit it to you."

"You're not making any sense" - "I didn't listen."

"It's too complicated" - "I didn't listen."

"I don't like those options" - "if i whine enough you might give me another choice"

**Evil Queen** · 07-08-2008, 07:47 PM

"But the other guy said...!" = I never spoke to the other guy/There is no other guy/The other "guy" was me and I still didn't say that.

**sixums** · 07-08-2008, 09:55 PM

This one has got to be my personal favorite...

"I spend $XXX here every month!!!!!!!" = "I've bought one thing in the past 3 months, and the total was under $10."

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