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Yesterday I rented an apartment to 2 lovely college girls, one of which was wearing a t-shirt that said "w00t!" on it (which made me giggle a little). Today I sit down to run credit on them. Girl 1 has no employment history and no rental history, so she knew she'd need a co-signer. No biggie. W00t girl said she has student loans and medical (and a few collection accounts she forgot to mention) on her credit report, but her income wasn't enough so she figured she would also need a co-signer. So far, so good.
Then I send off w00t's resident verification form to her old place, and the manager called me personally to tell me the story because "there isn't enough room on the form". W00t was evicted and locked out as of 7/3, and because she had just signed a new lease on her place, and because there's a clause in that lease that says she's responsible for all rent for the ENTIRETY of the lease if evicted, she's holding the bag for nearly SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS of debt. Now I have a problem, one qualifies, one doesn't. I'm not quite sure what to do so I call another manager who tells me if they applied as a group then deny them as a group or else the one is going to sneak in and live there anyway. So I call them both and let them know the bad news, Girl 1 gets w00t to call me back.
W- w00t
Me- my brain is burning
J- w00t's ex-manager
W- so there's a problem with my application?
Me- you have been evicted
W- yes I have! (like I just asked her if she's been vaccinated)
Me- you stated on your application that you have never been evicted
W- well I didn't think it would show u......I mean, I must have been careless and missed that box on the form (sure you did, nice save I don't think)
Me- on the application it states very clearly that a prior eviction will disqualify you as will falsifying any information on the application
W- but I have a payment plan with (old apt)
Me- since when?
W- since Saturday
Me- well, according to J as of this morning no such payment plan has been settled on
W- But J came into the office specially on Saturday to work this out! I'm sure if I went back there I could get the plan in writing (yeah, your own writing)
Me- regardless, the eviction in itself disqualifies you, as does the false information you gave
W- even with a co-signer?????
Me- I'm afraid so
W- well what about Girl 1????
Me- if she wants to find someone else to apply here and move in with her that's fine as long as they qualify, but there is really nothing else I can do for you, I'm sorry
W- Oh well, thanks for letting me know so quickly
Me- you have a good day
Later on Girl 1 calls me back to ask this golden turd of a question:
G1- so if I have a co-signer I'm okay, right?
Me- technically yes, if you want to try and find another roommate I will certainly keep your application handy so you don't have to pay again
G1- so what if I have w00t move in and pay me directly, and then I pay you?
Me- (Are you fucking serious?!?) That won't work, I'm afraid
G1- But why not?
Me- w00t has been denied, if she is found to be living with you as an unauthorized occupant you can be brought up for 24 hour eviction, which will then make you alone liable for a whole bunch of fees and because your mom signed the payment guarantee, SHE would be left holding the bag for the money. What you're asking is also known as subletting which is expressively forbidden in the lease without management's written consent. This will also get you evicted. Now, think about it and figure out if you want to try and find another roommate or if you want to get your deposit back, but remember that as of 3:16pm tomorrow even that is forfeit.
G1- Oh. Thanks.
I mean COME ON! You're willing to stick your neck out for a girl who has already proven herself unreliable to the point of racking up $6,000 on ONE ROOM in a student complex? Does this sound like a safe bet to you? If she is willing to let this happen to herself, what makes you so sure she won't do it again and drag you down with her, you moron! Move on, and STOP TELLING ME YOU ARE PLANNING ON SCAMMING ME, it kind of takes the spice out of my dreary life.
Damn!
Then I send off w00t's resident verification form to her old place, and the manager called me personally to tell me the story because "there isn't enough room on the form". W00t was evicted and locked out as of 7/3, and because she had just signed a new lease on her place, and because there's a clause in that lease that says she's responsible for all rent for the ENTIRETY of the lease if evicted, she's holding the bag for nearly SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS of debt. Now I have a problem, one qualifies, one doesn't. I'm not quite sure what to do so I call another manager who tells me if they applied as a group then deny them as a group or else the one is going to sneak in and live there anyway. So I call them both and let them know the bad news, Girl 1 gets w00t to call me back.
W- w00t
Me- my brain is burning
J- w00t's ex-manager
W- so there's a problem with my application?
Me- you have been evicted
W- yes I have! (like I just asked her if she's been vaccinated)
Me- you stated on your application that you have never been evicted
W- well I didn't think it would show u......I mean, I must have been careless and missed that box on the form (sure you did, nice save I don't think)
Me- on the application it states very clearly that a prior eviction will disqualify you as will falsifying any information on the application
W- but I have a payment plan with (old apt)
Me- since when?
W- since Saturday
Me- well, according to J as of this morning no such payment plan has been settled on
W- But J came into the office specially on Saturday to work this out! I'm sure if I went back there I could get the plan in writing (yeah, your own writing)
Me- regardless, the eviction in itself disqualifies you, as does the false information you gave
W- even with a co-signer?????
Me- I'm afraid so
W- well what about Girl 1????
Me- if she wants to find someone else to apply here and move in with her that's fine as long as they qualify, but there is really nothing else I can do for you, I'm sorry
W- Oh well, thanks for letting me know so quickly
Me- you have a good day
Later on Girl 1 calls me back to ask this golden turd of a question:
G1- so if I have a co-signer I'm okay, right?
Me- technically yes, if you want to try and find another roommate I will certainly keep your application handy so you don't have to pay again
G1- so what if I have w00t move in and pay me directly, and then I pay you?
Me- (Are you fucking serious?!?) That won't work, I'm afraid
G1- But why not?
Me- w00t has been denied, if she is found to be living with you as an unauthorized occupant you can be brought up for 24 hour eviction, which will then make you alone liable for a whole bunch of fees and because your mom signed the payment guarantee, SHE would be left holding the bag for the money. What you're asking is also known as subletting which is expressively forbidden in the lease without management's written consent. This will also get you evicted. Now, think about it and figure out if you want to try and find another roommate or if you want to get your deposit back, but remember that as of 3:16pm tomorrow even that is forfeit.
G1- Oh. Thanks.
I mean COME ON! You're willing to stick your neck out for a girl who has already proven herself unreliable to the point of racking up $6,000 on ONE ROOM in a student complex? Does this sound like a safe bet to you? If she is willing to let this happen to herself, what makes you so sure she won't do it again and drag you down with her, you moron! Move on, and STOP TELLING ME YOU ARE PLANNING ON SCAMMING ME, it kind of takes the spice out of my dreary life.
Damn!
and an infinite number of 
s
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