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Yes, you have a cougar: that's the way to pick up the ladies.

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  • #1

    Yes, you have a cougar: that's the way to pick up the ladies.

    Among all of the suckiness of this past weekend, there was this funny little gem:

    CG - Cougar guy
    Hick Friends
    Me - Embarassed server

    Me: Can I bring you all anything else this morning?
    CG: I have a cougar.
    Me: What?
    CG: I have a cougar.
    Hick Friend #1: *snickers*
    Hick Friend #2: Yeah, it's true. He really does. And deer too.
    Me: ...Wow, that's...cool.
    CG: Yeah, I raise deer and then I feed 'em to my cougar!
    Me: You must live out of the city limits then....(I'm kind of grasping for straws at this point...I mean, what do you say to a guy who has a freaking cougar and won't shut up about it?)
    CG: Yeah! I live out in *hick name of town nearby* with my cougar! And my deer! And sometimes I can shoot skunks!
    Me:.....
    *tries to lessen the awkwardness by picking up their plates*
    CG: *stares straight at me* Gee...you sure are beautiful.
    Me: Um....
    CG: It's true
    Hick friends #1 and #2: *SNICKER*
    Me: Well, um....
    *silence*
    Me: That's awkward.
    *I promptly run away, the sounds of the three little hicks' outright laughing*


    And yes, if you happened to be wondering...they all were missing various teeth and talked with the weird drawl that people who were born and raised in this county develop. All three of them were dressed in camo too...pity it wasn't pink.

    check out my new blog!!!!

    http://pitofdespairblog.blogspot.com/

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  • #2
    Christ almighty.

    I'm hoping against all hope and logic that they at least tipped properly?

    And I know I'm showing my age here, but it almost sounds like "Larry, Darryl and Darryl" went out to breakfast.

    Cookies for reference.
    "So, if you wanna put places like that outta business, just stop being so rock-chewingly stupid." ~ Raudf, 9/19/13

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    • #3
      Quoth Peppergirl View Post
      Christ almighty.

      I'm hoping against all hope and logic that they at least tipped properly?

      And I know I'm showing my age here, but it almost sounds like "Larry, Darryl and Darryl" went out to breakfast.

      Cookies for reference.
      Part of me didnt want to reply, for fear of dating myself, but...Bob Newhart would think badly of me.

      Can I has cookie now, plz?

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      • #4
        Quoth UncleImpy View Post
        Part of me didnt want to reply, for fear of dating myself, but...Bob Newhart would think badly of me.

        Can I has cookie now, plz?
        Cookies it is, my friend.

        The only thing is, I don't think the Darryl's spoke. Or was it one of the Darryl's that was mute?
        "So, if you wanna put places like that outta business, just stop being so rock-chewingly stupid." ~ Raudf, 9/19/13

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        • #5
          Neither one spoke till the last episode.

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          • #6
            Aww, come on. Put on yer pink camo and go grab yourself a man!
            "Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings"-Dr. Perry Cox

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            • #7
              Is it just me, or could anyone else hear "Dueling Banjos" in the background while reading the OP? At least they didn't tell you that you had a "purdy mouth."
              Certifiable Interior Designer
              (Passed the NCIDQ Exam - Summer 2008)

              It's hard to shoot zombies with a cat on your lap!

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              • #8
                You know, the cougar part would kind of intrigue me. But the part where he talks about all the animals he is going to shoot? Total turn-off.

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                • #9
                  Sounds to me like they were playing a game of "how quickly can we freak out the waitress?"
                  Don't wanna; not gonna.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth cloudiko View Post
                    All three of them were dressed in camo too...pity it wasn't pink.
                    If they were hunting, then it's perfectly reasonable for them to be dressed in camo.
                    "Even arms dealers need groceries." ~ Ziva David, NCIS

                    Tony: "Everyone's counting on you, just do what you do best."
                    Abby: "Dance?" ~ NCIS

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                    • #11
                      Quoth AdminAssistant View Post
                      If they were hunting, then it's perfectly reasonable for them to be dressed in camo.
                      Hunting this time of the year?

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                      • #12
                        I thougth this would be about a diff. type of cougar. The older lady that goes for younger (not jailbait) men. So oddly enought this story wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
                        Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                        Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                        I wish porn had subtitles.

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                        • #13
                          Funny, I was thinking about the car. Then the older woman thing.
                          I feel crazy. Like I'm drunk and trapped in a water globe and someone won't stop shaking it.
                          -The Amazing E
                          Zonies social group now open!

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                          • #14
                            Quoth jerkface11 View Post
                            Hunting this time of the year?
                            The OP didn't specify a location.
                            "Even arms dealers need groceries." ~ Ziva David, NCIS

                            Tony: "Everyone's counting on you, just do what you do best."
                            Abby: "Dance?" ~ NCIS

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                            • #15
                              they might have been lying, but well my mother actually raised a cougar cub when she was a kid. So the idea of having one isn't that far fetched to me, oh and I have a few eye witnesses, mainly my uncles and aunt, on that

                              sorry for the slight ot ramble but it just reminded me of that
                              http://dragcave.net/user/LadyMage

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