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Been a little bit since my last update...it's a little more bitter this time around, but I just woke up and my humor hasn't fully gotten out of bed yet.
I didn't know that
Exhibit A is the drunk-ass hobo who snuck in while we were busy...he gets a drink from the coffee shop, and manages to drink it before we find him. By the time we wander past, he's sitting still, staring idly into...I don't know, eternity? Something like that, anyway. Said moron then stumbles his way outside, walks next to 3 18-year old girls, and proceeds to lift one of their skirts.
Hi! Perhaps you know my friend AD from one of my other posts...she's a very blunt police officer who will kill you momentarily. I'm going to watch, because this really may be the funniest thing I see for a while.
Sadly, the arrest wasn't as amusing as I'd hoped, although he did take a face full of mace for his trouble. The best part? When told that what he did was illegal, his response was "I didn't know that."
You aren't housekeeping!?
No ma'am, Housekeeping is not a 24-hour department. I, however, am the night manager, which means that your call at 4am to change your sheets because you woke up and the moon hadn't turned you into the Playmate of the Year is kind of a pain in my ass. No, I am not good at making beds...I don't even make my own bed at home. This is why you do not call random people to re-make your bed at 4 in the morning, ass.
But I Confirmed!
I understand...honestly I do. You don't believe me, but I really am sympathetic to your cause, I'm never happy when we have to walk to other hotels. Could we please skip past the 15 minutes of yelling this time and just get to where I give you a bunch of free shit, and then go back to contemplating drinking on the job?
Are you an adult!?
I get called up to the pool about a week ago, and for once I'm working a daytime shift (oh god, the sun, it burns)...which means a whole new brand of idiots than the ones I've adjusted my thinking to. Specifically, when I work, the pool is not open...we clean it at night, so I generally don't deal with the people who cause problems up there. At about 7pm though, we're stuck dealing with DSC (Drunken mental wasteland) who has gone into the pool after being cut off from every bar within a 100 mile radius. Since his arrival in the pool, he has dropped a beer bottle (which he got from his room), shattering it and spreading glass into the pool (where several small children were playing)...and then, he just went too far. Now, I admit that I love alcohol...I don't abuse it, and I'm a very zen and peaceful type of drunk, never the kind who causes trouble. That said, I don't understand how you can become so drunk that you, in front of 2 families, drop trough and drop a Cleveland Steamer in a pool.
Hi fucko! Perhaps you've met the police in your time...but let me list off the charges for you now: Disturbing the peace, public intoxication, public nudity, bodily exposure to a minor, vandalism, and being a rat fucking bastard. By the way, the exposure one? Yeah, that's a sexual crime...enjoy having that on your record from now until the end of time, dickhead.
Oh, and I forgot the lightning round...despite us instantly and publically having the guy arrested, guess who got blamed for the whole thing by the furious parents involved? Why do you people yell at me...I just arrested the guy who was shitting (literally) on your pool excursion. Yes, I understand he is disgusting, WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME!?!?
I swear to god, I'm going to burn this place down.
No Sleep
This isn't really an SC, just a bitchrant from yours truly. This whole past month I've been bouncing from 3 day shifts to 2 grave shifts every week. This month I'm back on graves, but now my sleep schedule is all fucked up. So, to my wonderful co-workers...I'm tired. I love you guys (for the most part) but could you please leave me alone once in a while so I can rest? I haven't had more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep in about 2 weeks now, and there are 2 other managers you can call...I'm begging you, just once, call them instead so I can rest. I can't keep this up forever.
Everybody Was Kung-Fu Being A Fuck
There are just some things that are beyond your basic level of stupidity. One of those things is, undoubtedly, practicing your martial arts with your significant other in the lobby, just outside the bar area. I don't care that it's a display of affection for both of you, I'll repeat exactly what I said: "There's a time and a place, you've chosen wrong on both parts. Stop. Now."
Don't look at me like I've just run up to you and said "My crotch is on fire and I am the lord SATAN!!!" You're acting like fuckwits in public, right outside a bar, and it's pissing me off. Stop. Now. Or I will run towards the nearest living thing (you) and kill it (slowly).
I think that's all I got for this one...it's been a very bitter month for me, and the next month is going to test my patience (which is normally nearly endless, but this one's going to suck). If I die, I want a pinata at my funeral.
I didn't know that
Exhibit A is the drunk-ass hobo who snuck in while we were busy...he gets a drink from the coffee shop, and manages to drink it before we find him. By the time we wander past, he's sitting still, staring idly into...I don't know, eternity? Something like that, anyway. Said moron then stumbles his way outside, walks next to 3 18-year old girls, and proceeds to lift one of their skirts.
Hi! Perhaps you know my friend AD from one of my other posts...she's a very blunt police officer who will kill you momentarily. I'm going to watch, because this really may be the funniest thing I see for a while.
Sadly, the arrest wasn't as amusing as I'd hoped, although he did take a face full of mace for his trouble. The best part? When told that what he did was illegal, his response was "I didn't know that."
You aren't housekeeping!?
No ma'am, Housekeeping is not a 24-hour department. I, however, am the night manager, which means that your call at 4am to change your sheets because you woke up and the moon hadn't turned you into the Playmate of the Year is kind of a pain in my ass. No, I am not good at making beds...I don't even make my own bed at home. This is why you do not call random people to re-make your bed at 4 in the morning, ass.
But I Confirmed!
I understand...honestly I do. You don't believe me, but I really am sympathetic to your cause, I'm never happy when we have to walk to other hotels. Could we please skip past the 15 minutes of yelling this time and just get to where I give you a bunch of free shit, and then go back to contemplating drinking on the job?
Are you an adult!?
I get called up to the pool about a week ago, and for once I'm working a daytime shift (oh god, the sun, it burns)...which means a whole new brand of idiots than the ones I've adjusted my thinking to. Specifically, when I work, the pool is not open...we clean it at night, so I generally don't deal with the people who cause problems up there. At about 7pm though, we're stuck dealing with DSC (Drunken mental wasteland) who has gone into the pool after being cut off from every bar within a 100 mile radius. Since his arrival in the pool, he has dropped a beer bottle (which he got from his room), shattering it and spreading glass into the pool (where several small children were playing)...and then, he just went too far. Now, I admit that I love alcohol...I don't abuse it, and I'm a very zen and peaceful type of drunk, never the kind who causes trouble. That said, I don't understand how you can become so drunk that you, in front of 2 families, drop trough and drop a Cleveland Steamer in a pool.
Hi fucko! Perhaps you've met the police in your time...but let me list off the charges for you now: Disturbing the peace, public intoxication, public nudity, bodily exposure to a minor, vandalism, and being a rat fucking bastard. By the way, the exposure one? Yeah, that's a sexual crime...enjoy having that on your record from now until the end of time, dickhead.
Oh, and I forgot the lightning round...despite us instantly and publically having the guy arrested, guess who got blamed for the whole thing by the furious parents involved? Why do you people yell at me...I just arrested the guy who was shitting (literally) on your pool excursion. Yes, I understand he is disgusting, WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME!?!?
I swear to god, I'm going to burn this place down.
No Sleep
This isn't really an SC, just a bitchrant from yours truly. This whole past month I've been bouncing from 3 day shifts to 2 grave shifts every week. This month I'm back on graves, but now my sleep schedule is all fucked up. So, to my wonderful co-workers...I'm tired. I love you guys (for the most part) but could you please leave me alone once in a while so I can rest? I haven't had more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep in about 2 weeks now, and there are 2 other managers you can call...I'm begging you, just once, call them instead so I can rest. I can't keep this up forever.
Everybody Was Kung-Fu Being A Fuck
There are just some things that are beyond your basic level of stupidity. One of those things is, undoubtedly, practicing your martial arts with your significant other in the lobby, just outside the bar area. I don't care that it's a display of affection for both of you, I'll repeat exactly what I said: "There's a time and a place, you've chosen wrong on both parts. Stop. Now."
Don't look at me like I've just run up to you and said "My crotch is on fire and I am the lord SATAN!!!" You're acting like fuckwits in public, right outside a bar, and it's pissing me off. Stop. Now. Or I will run towards the nearest living thing (you) and kill it (slowly).
I think that's all I got for this one...it's been a very bitter month for me, and the next month is going to test my patience (which is normally nearly endless, but this one's going to suck). If I die, I want a pinata at my funeral.
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