Black Friday Blues (sorta long)

[LambChop]

Dun dun duuuun! Yes, Black Friday. We all know it, we all hate it, but it's an inevitable part of the retail world. This little gem comes from a while back and just sorta popped into my head randomly so I thought I'd share it. But first, a little backstory.

I work for a major electronics dealer in their corporate call center. I work in sales. All of our orders are placed through almost an exact replica of our online website, which is helpful because I'm looking at the exact same information the customer sees. Now this past Black Friday, we had a huge special on a 42" television. It was discounted from $1399 all the way to $799. Quite a deal, eh? We also have an online only (here's the important part) special with most of our televisions where if you purchase a mount and HDMI cable with it, you get both for $149, which is a savings of about $60. Also a good deal, no?

Anyways, we obviously sold out pretty quick and at about 3 hours into my 12 hour shift, the TV went to in-store only, which meant no purchases could be made online or through us. If they wanted the TV they absolutely had to purchase it in the physical store. No 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts' about it. Now that I've told you that, we fast forward 3 months.

Enter the grand-daddy of all SCs, here after referred to as "asshat" or "AH." My thoughts added in italics.

Me: Thanks for calling, this is LambChop, how may I help you?
AH: *already sounds peeved* Hello LambChop, you're the 5th person I've talked to today and I'm starting to get a little pissed off.
Me: Bad start to any call but I'm an understanding guy. Well maybe I can help, sir. What seems to be the problem?
AH: Well you know how you guys had a special on that 42" TV a while back?
Me: We have specials all the time, sir, so which TV were you speaking of?
AH: *lists off the model number*
Me: Okay, I see that model here. What's the problem?
AH: Well the problem is that your store won't give me the right f**king special!
Me: Which there's gotta be a reason for, so...And why is that, sir?
AH: Because right here on this printout it says I can get that TV, a mount, and a cable 'in-store only!' And now they aren't giving it to me!
(Quick note, when adding the package together on the website, it bundles them all on the same page and displays current availability.)

Now the hammer drops.

AH: I just don't understand why they won't give me the special! I would've ordered it on Black Friday, but I couldn't get to the store!
Me: *checks date, sees that it's February, not November* WTF? Uh, sir, Black Friday was 3 months ago.
AH: You think I don't know that a**hole!? That's not the point! The point is they won't give me the special!
Me: Okay, now I'm really confused. Sir, they won't give you that price because it's 3 months old.
AH: It's not the price I'm concerned about, dammit, would you listen to me you little s**t! I want my mount and cable and they aren't giving it to me!

So I decide to play along and I pull up the special. I then begin explaining to him that that's an online-only special and can't be gotten in the store, and that the 'in-store only' he's referring to in regards to the TV only, not the mount and cable special. To which he replies...

AH: Bulls**t! I'm looking at it right in my goddamn hands and it says 'in-store only!' How the f**k can it be 'online-only' when it says right here it's 'in-store!?'
Me: This is where I started getting pissed off. Sir, as I explained, the television was in-store only at that time, not the special mount and cable. It's always been that way.
AH: Bulls**t!..he cries. It says it right here!
Me: I understand that sir, but that doesn't change the fact that it was online-only.
AH: Well I wanna know how we're going to change that!
Me: BWAHAHAHAHA! Hahaha...no please...haha...seriously, go on. That's the thing, sir, it's not going to change. It is and always has been online-only and there's nothing I or any store is going to be able to do to change that.

This goes back and forth as I'm sure you guessed it would. He continues to whine, bitch, and berate, and I continue to stonewall him. Even if there was someway to get what he wanted, at this point he certainly wasn't getting it from me. Finally, he comes back with this gem.

AH: Well I don't give a s**t what your system says, you're just lying to me so you don't have to give me anything!

Oh snap! Now he's gone and done it.

Me: Whoa there, sir, hold it right there. I have sat here and took your cursing, your rudeness, and your inability to listen all this time, but I draw the line at being called a liar. I do not appreciate being told I am a liar and if you so choose to continue berating me, I will disconnect this call.
AH: Well I don't appr-
Me: Sir, you will silence yourself and listen to me! Dance, monkey! Dance! As I have told you an infinite number of times now, there is no way I can give you that special in the store, and that's without even taking into account the fact that you're calling about this problem over 3 months later! I understand that you're upset but there is absolutely nothing that I or anyone else in the store or this call center can do for you. And quite frankly, even if I could, I'd be disinclined to help you because of the abuse I've had to indure for the past 20 minutes because of your childish mindset.
AH: But-
Me: I am not done, sir! You unleashed the beast, my friend. Sweet, little LambChop can be a demon-spawn from hell if you get him irratated enough. So in short, you are wasting your breath. If you want the mount and cable, you'll have to buy it with the television online or over the phone just like everybody else. So as of this moment you have two choices: Buy the package now for the current retail price online or suck it up and deal. Which one is it gonna be?
AH: Well I have never been treated this way before!
Me: Me either, sir.
AH: Are you a manager!?
Me: No, sir. Just the peon that has to put up with this crap.

Suddenly, somthing clicks.

AH: Wait...so you aren't a manager.
Me: Did I stutter?
AH: Well sonuvabitch! Why am I even bothering to talk to you, then!? *click*

So after 25 minutes of whining, bitching, EWing, and berating, when he finds I'm not a manager, he hangs up. So here's a note to AH:

F**k you. Seriously. F**k you with a metal, spiked, 2 foot rod. Lube costs extra. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of eldeberries. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

So anyone else have any Black Friday (or Black Friday related) stories they wanna share?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I'm disappointed in you. You forgot to fart in his general direction.



I sincerely hope that guy didn't call again and get a spineless puss of a manager who decided to honor a three-month-old, long-expired special just because he ranted and cursed a lot.

My two stories, not involving customers:

1. We always seem to have corporate suits in our store at various times during Black Friday, always at opening but dropping in at other times as well. One year one of these suits, during a visit in the afternoon, pitched a fit because the shelves weren't straightened. Hello dillweed, we've been slammed with a tidal wave of humanity all morning and been busy merchandising and re-merchandising stuff because people are grabbing anything they can buy, and you're upset because the shelves are a little messy? Welcome to ground zero, Skippy.

2. Two years ago, we hired a manager who turned out to be an absolute over-promoted idiot with a hardcore alcohol problem. I've discussed him and his shenanigans in older threads that have probably since closed.

Long story short: He closed the store on Thanksgiving Day. He left for home shortly after 6 pm, when the store closed.

He didn't lock up the entrance doors before he left.
He also didn't turn on the store alarms.

In preparation for Black Friday, we had merchandise every possible place we could put it, including down the main aisles. Where we just happened to have some expensive electronics items like flat-screen TVs, DVD players, portable DVD players, etc. It all could've been ganked by thieves in minutes and they would've made a clean getaway because the alarms would not have sounded or alerted the police.

Store manager got called later that evening by the alarm company. To say he wasn't happy about this would be the understatement of the year. His exact quote: "If I had a gun, I would've shot him."

Drunkypants came in for his shift at 1 pm Black Friday. He was fired by corporate and escorted from the store by 1:15.

[ravenrose]

He didn't lock up the entrance doors before he left.
He also didn't turn on the store alarms.

I just have to say:

Oh. My. God.

That's all I can think to say to this utter stupidity.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I just have to say:

Oh. My. God.

That's all I can think to say to this utter stupidity.

Amazing what alcohol will do to your judgment.

The man was a menace to sobriety. He would stumble through his shifts in a drunken stupor and hole himself up in the receiving office and drink cough syrup to get his buzz on.

That office was normally locked up with a hasp and padlock. He broke them right off the door.

It's amazing corporate didn't come by on a visit, smell the booze wafting right off him and then haul him someplace for a breathalyzer test.

EDIT: Here's the story about him I posted to Simply Fired. All his shenanigans in one convenient place.

[otakuneko]

Amazing what alcohol will do to your judgment.

The man was a menace to sobriety. He would stumble through his shifts in a drunken stupor and hole himself up in the receiving office and drink cough syrup to get his buzz on.

That office was normally locked up with a hasp and padlock. He broke them right off the door.

It's amazing corporate didn't come by on a visit, smell the booze wafting right off him and then haul him someplace for a breathalyzer test.

EDIT: Here's the story about him I posted to Simply Fired. All his shenanigans in one convenient place.

Wowzers.