"I don't speak english!" aka treating the poor bus driver like an idiot

[HawaiianShirts]

Ah, the bus. It saves me gas money, gives me extra reading time, and it is one of the best places to collect Sightings stories. Kagato I almost (almost) envy your job. I could never do it, though. I have a hard enough time driving my father-in-law's 15-passenger van through nearly empty suburban streets; forget a gigantic bus in any kind of traffic!

I can add a story to the language barrier mix, though. This was a few months ago.

Hispanic Customer: (in lightly accented English; if this guy wasn't American-born, he must have immigrated young or had some good language instruction) Excuse me, I would like to buy this computer package.
Me: We've got two packages on that one this week. You want the one with the 17-inch monitor or the 19?
HC: The 19.
Me: Can do. Before I put it together, though, let me just give you some information about it. Just stuff you need to know.
HC: Okay.
Me: <Explains included warranty and options for extended warranties.>
HC: Uh... (now heavily accented) I no speak English much.
Me: ... Right. So no extra warranty for you?
HC:
Me: Okay. <Explains included software and optional extra software such as MS Office or a better anti-virus.>
HC: No English. Sorry.
Me: So what comes with the computer is enough for you?
HC:
Me: Right. <Explains included cables versus not-included cables, lack of recovery disks, and the need for a surge protector.>
HC: I no English.
Me: Sir, if you don't want to buy anything else, you don't have to. I just want to make sure you understand what does and does not come with the computer so that if you get home and you don't have what you need, it's not going to be my fault.
HC: ... (back to original accent) Oh. No, I just want the computer package. That's all.
Me: Fair enough. I'll be right back.

Not a big deal on that one. I think he just thought I was going to be a pushy salesman and get him to buy extra stuff he didn't want, and that was the best way he knew to avoid that kind of battle-of-wills. At least he wasn't trying to cheat me out of something like the passenger in the OP.

(Once again, my stories go long. Sorry.)

[von Adler]

Reminds me of when I was riding the bus home when working at the Internet support in my old home town, a small place up north in my country.

This town has a yearly festival that livens up the town - the number of visitors are about the same amount as the total population of the town, so there's quite a few people visiting that week.

The bus stops and two very young kids get on, the kind I usually brand as fashion-whores, slaves to any trend and fashion, in expensive clothes, well-fixed hairdos (I would have bet they wore some kind of makeup too, but it could just be me) etc. They look like they are 16, maybe 17. One carries a box of beer, 20x33cl 5,5% bottles, the other carries a "platter", 20x50cl 7,2% cans, both have a 75cl bottle of vodka rolling on top of their respective load.

The kids say "Half fare, please." FYI, age limit going to a bar or pub is 18, buying alcohol at the alcohol monopoly stores is 20. Half fare is up to your 18th birthday.

The busdriver takes a long look at them, then smiles a bit and say: "Not when you are carrying that."

The half of the bus that hears it bursts out laughing, the kids quickly pay full fare and skitters away deep into the bus, their face colour now being dark red.

I loved that bus driver.

[Boozy]

I'm heading this one off at the pass: Please do not respond with any sweeping generalizations about non-English speakers.

The OP is fine because it involves a specific instance. Comment on this tale, or add your own related stories, but keep it about the sucky customers please.

[Kagato]

Ok, this is a VERY lengthy post cut pretty much verbatim from my blog, but here goes. Hope you have the patience to read it.

Ok, first thing's first, I like asian people as much as the next person, heck, I want to travel to Japan sometime in the not too distant future, preferably within the next year or so, but there is SOME people here in NZ that just simply GRATE at my nerves, ESPECIALLY on the job.

Example 1: Using the "I no speak english" remark as an ALL-PURPOSE LYING MECHANISM.
(All of the conversation from the girl I was dealing with was in semi-broken english)
Asian Girl #1: 1 stage (Kaga-note: basically 1 bus zone) please *puts down incorrect fare, she is 30c short*
Me: I'm sorry, you are 30 cents short, the prices went up a few weeks back
AG#1: I no understand, I no speak english
Me: *attempts to find someone that can explain to her in her own language, then attempts once again to tell her myself*
AG#1: *still seems not to understand*
Bus Passenger: *comes to the front and coughs up the girls shortage so we can get on our way*
*AG#1 and Asian Girl #2 sit a few rows back from me (incidentally within earshot), and start to hold a PERFECTLY understandable conversation in...wait for it... PERFECT ENGLISH!*
Me: *thinks* You little liar... I'm going to remember you...

*next day*

*same 2 girls hop on, only difference is I have a FULL bus today, much to my personal advantage >_>*
AG#1: *puts down same fare as yesterday* 1 stage please
Me: I told you yesterday, you are 30 cents short.
AG#1: I no understand, I no speak english
Me: *gives dagger-like glare and goes for the grand effect, raising my voice slightly* Listen. You sat within earshot of me yesterday, I HEARD you and your friend talking in PERFECT english, so do NOT try to give me that excuse. Pay up, or off my bus.
AG#1: *goes bright red as she KNOWS she has been caught out, virtually throws down the money and stomps off to an empty seat*
*a few random passengers clap for my upholding the rules and catching her out*

I am as tolerant as the next person, yes, but I will NOT tolerate abuse of the language barrier to twist situations to your own advantage. (Here in NZ bus drivers have a VERY strict cash-float, ANY shortages come out of our own pocket, so if a passenger gives us a foreign coin in place of a $1 coin, and this is a VERY common occurance, WE have to cough up the difference.)

Example #2 (not really a language barrier issue this time, just treating me like I'm an idiot :P)

*Male boards my bus, looks to be 19-20ish*
AM: 1 stage student please
Me: Could I please see your student ID?
AM: *pulls out a TWO YEAR OLD student ID, which shows for that year he was 17 years old, making him 19 at the time of him being on the bus*
Me: I'm sorry, that card is not valid, it is from 2 years ago, and it shows you as being 19 years old, I have to see this years ID or I will have to charge you adult fare
(At this point let me add that NZ has fairly strict fare rules, to qualify unconditionally for a child fare, you must be under 15 years of age, or be between 15-18 years of age AND IN SCHOOL UNIFORM, or carrying a valid School Identification card. If you are 15-18 and do not meet one of those 2 criteria you are charged adult fare. 19 Years or older is generally adult fare regardless unless they are doing Form 8/Year 14)
AM: *makes like he is rummaging through his wallet, at one point I see an ID card for the local university, and I know straight away he is trying to trick me*
Me: *points to the ID card* please pull that card out sir.
AM: *semi-sheepishly pulls out said card*
Me: That is an ID card for the local university. Full Fare please.
AM: *goes slightly red and pays up*

Moral of the above example: Do not try to fool a bus driver. 9 times out of 10 we will find you out. :P