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This'll probably be one of the last weekly/biweekly posts about the pool store for a while. I return to college next Tuesday and will go back to making sandwiches in the college caf.
Anyway, to the stories:
Plan on Sharing?
Me: <spiel?
SC: I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza with extra meat and a Coke.
Me: Ooh, can I have some? I've worked five hours straight and I'm starving. (I'm teasing the guy, hoping he gets the point that he's dialed a wrong number. Not the case.)
SC: Just steal some from the back room.
Me: I can't.
SC: Why not? I do it all the time.
Me: There's no food here.
SC: What kinda pizza place has no food?
Me: This isn't a pizza place, sir. I'd be happy to make a chemical stew, seeing as this is Namco, but pizza's pushing it.
SC: <long pause>.......So can I have a pizza?
Me: <faceregister>
You Should Have Been Fired!
So if some of you remember my story about the guy who called about his fencing and was a complete asshat, I had the displeasure of meeting him today. He comes to my lane with some chems, and he looks at my lanyard. My tag's flipped around, showing nothing but my PLU notes and a razor. He smiles and says "Flip it around so I can thank you, will ya?" I do. Big mistake.
"YOU! YOU'RE THAT BITCH WHO DIDN'T GET ME A MANAGER! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED!"
K comes to my rescue, and before he gets there his palm's over his face. He starts to ask the problem and gets overrun with "FIRE HER! I'LL HAVE HER JOB!"
"You want my job?" I ask.
"I DON'T WANT YOUR JOB! I'LL HAVE YOUR JOB!" (cue Tim Allen "ahrugg?" from me)
K shoos me away to help R stock some winter chems and get out of the crossfire. Then next thing I know K explodes in this guy's face and tells him he's got 15 seconds to get off of the property or he'll call the cops. I found out later that Fence-Freak had said something along the lines of "defending his little mistress" and other scathing remarks suggesting that I keep my manager...satisfied.
....Yeah, um, Freak? K's old enough to be my DAD. Enjoy your permanent ban now.
Just...Eh.
We were moving some patio furtniture and bright bulb K forgets to take the wine glasses off and KER-CRASH. While he shouts "Wounded Soldier!" I run to get a broom and dustpan to sweep up the glass with. I take care of the problem and leave the broom there in case R or K needs it.
Later I'm ringing out an order when two women come to my lane with the broom and ask me to price check it for them. I tell them it's not for sale, that's our own supply. They insist if it's on the floor, it must be for sale. So I leave my register and stand where the broom once was.
"Am I on the floor?"
"Well, yeah."
"Then I must be for sale."
"No you're not. You work here."
<pointing at broom> "So does that."
They left it behind.
Do You Has...?
Top 10 things I get asked if we carry:
1. Beach supplies
2. Gas grills
3. Motor boat supplies
4. Fishing tackle/rods/schtuff
5. Coolers
6. Waterproof condoms (ya. ew.)
7. Swimwear (other than life jackets)
8. Wooden gazebos
9. Christmas stuff
10. Shampoo
Well, Duh.
Me: <spiel>
SC: Yeah, I was wondering if someone could help me with my pool?
Me: I could give it a whirl.
SC: Wonderful. My pool's filthy and I don't know what to do.
Me: Ok, when's the last time you vaccuumed it?
SC: ...............
Me: .......
SC: My Dirt Devil won't work in there.....
Me: (Oh boy, here we go....) You don't use that kind of vaccuum, ma'am. There's a special kind of vaccuum for that.
SC: Ooh, a waterproof Dirt Devil?
Me: Uh, yeah....if ya wanna call it that....
EDITED: 'Cause I have MOAR. These are from last Thursday up to my last day of work, Saturday.
You Walked Into That One, K
I was closing cashier Thursday, and for whatever reason that day's truck had nothing but random patio chairs, all sent from our other branches. So me, R, and manager K are unwrapping them, and cutting these small blue balloons off of them. K's kneeling on the floor, and R and I notice 2 of said balloons are...well, precariously placed, so to speak. We're staring. K goes, "What the heck are you staring at?" We point, K looks down, and goes "Hey hey, I've got blue balls."
I Stole vacation_rentals_suck's Customer
I was in an awful mood Thursday, because I learned cashier C, who had asked me to swap shifts that day was NCNS that morning, so I was asked if I could come in Friday morning as well because K had a sneaking suspicion she'd do it again, since she's done so twice this week. Adding to my mood was this phone call:
Me: <spiel>
SC: Yeah, I was wondering if you had any more replacement umbrellas?
Me: We have one taupe one, and it's a floor model. It's our last one.
SC: So you have nothing boxed up?
Me: Nope, all the umbrellas we just got were floor models, and all were sold except for the one I'm telling you about.
SC: Are you sure?
Me: Yes ma'am, I'm absolutely sure. I can hold-
SC: Could you check in back?
Me: We don't have any in back, we just have the one-
SC: Check in back.
Me: I just said we don't-
SC: Check. In. Back.
Me: (rawrrrrrrrrr) One moment please.
I put her on hold, and rung through a few orders, anything to make it feel like I'm actually checking in back. After five minutes I get back on the phone.
Me: (fake wheezing) I'm sorry ma'am, I just checked in back and there are no more umbrellas save for that one floor model.
SC: So that's it then?!
Me: That's the last one. After it goes, we won't be getting anymore. I can hold this last one for you.
SC: I don't want that one! I want a new one!
Me: It is a new one, it's just been on display.
SC: But I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaant a new oneeeeeeeeee!
Me: I'm sorry, that is our last one. You can try looking elsewhere for a different one-
SC: NO! Get me a new umbrella!
Me: ........................(I'm rubbing my temples in frustration at this point)
SC: Hello!
Me: I'm still here...
SC: Are you getting me my umbrella?
Me: For the last time, that is our last umbrella. Take it or leave it.
SC: F*** you. I am the customer. You're supposed to be satisfying me.
Me: I'm sorry you're not truly satisfied, but I'm trying to make do with what I've got.
SC: You're not very helpful. You know what, you've just lost a customer.
Me: Bye now.
SC: F*** you. <click>
Honest to God, if that what VSR deals with on a regular basis, I'd like to buy the guy his own bar. He deserves it.
Well Now.
This wasn't sucky, but something you had to hear to believe. Phone rings, and the guy on the other end simply says "manager." I put him on hold, and crack up. Because when he said manager, he sounded exactly like those Budweiser frogs from those commercials. Man.A.Ger.
Just a Forewarning...
Never do errands after your shift while in uniform. It never fails; even though my store's logo is on my lanyard and shirt, I'll walk through the supermarket and nab stuff for dinner and get asked where such-and-such is, do you work here, or my favorite: I'll have you fired for not doing your job.
Double points if the staff ask you for favors/chores to be done.
Triple points if their uniform looks nothing like yours.
OK, I'm done now. Next time I post something sucky it'll be about the college's dining hall.
Anyway, to the stories:
Plan on Sharing?
Me: <spiel?
SC: I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza with extra meat and a Coke.
Me: Ooh, can I have some? I've worked five hours straight and I'm starving. (I'm teasing the guy, hoping he gets the point that he's dialed a wrong number. Not the case.)
SC: Just steal some from the back room.
Me: I can't.
SC: Why not? I do it all the time.
Me: There's no food here.
SC: What kinda pizza place has no food?
Me: This isn't a pizza place, sir. I'd be happy to make a chemical stew, seeing as this is Namco, but pizza's pushing it.
SC: <long pause>.......So can I have a pizza?
Me: <faceregister>
You Should Have Been Fired!
So if some of you remember my story about the guy who called about his fencing and was a complete asshat, I had the displeasure of meeting him today. He comes to my lane with some chems, and he looks at my lanyard. My tag's flipped around, showing nothing but my PLU notes and a razor. He smiles and says "Flip it around so I can thank you, will ya?" I do. Big mistake.
"YOU! YOU'RE THAT BITCH WHO DIDN'T GET ME A MANAGER! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED!"
K comes to my rescue, and before he gets there his palm's over his face. He starts to ask the problem and gets overrun with "FIRE HER! I'LL HAVE HER JOB!"
"You want my job?" I ask.
"I DON'T WANT YOUR JOB! I'LL HAVE YOUR JOB!" (cue Tim Allen "ahrugg?" from me)
K shoos me away to help R stock some winter chems and get out of the crossfire. Then next thing I know K explodes in this guy's face and tells him he's got 15 seconds to get off of the property or he'll call the cops. I found out later that Fence-Freak had said something along the lines of "defending his little mistress" and other scathing remarks suggesting that I keep my manager...satisfied.
....Yeah, um, Freak? K's old enough to be my DAD. Enjoy your permanent ban now.
Just...Eh.
We were moving some patio furtniture and bright bulb K forgets to take the wine glasses off and KER-CRASH. While he shouts "Wounded Soldier!" I run to get a broom and dustpan to sweep up the glass with. I take care of the problem and leave the broom there in case R or K needs it.
Later I'm ringing out an order when two women come to my lane with the broom and ask me to price check it for them. I tell them it's not for sale, that's our own supply. They insist if it's on the floor, it must be for sale. So I leave my register and stand where the broom once was.
"Am I on the floor?"
"Well, yeah."
"Then I must be for sale."
"No you're not. You work here."
<pointing at broom> "So does that."
They left it behind.
Do You Has...?
Top 10 things I get asked if we carry:
1. Beach supplies
2. Gas grills
3. Motor boat supplies
4. Fishing tackle/rods/schtuff
5. Coolers
6. Waterproof condoms (ya. ew.)
7. Swimwear (other than life jackets)
8. Wooden gazebos
9. Christmas stuff
10. Shampoo
Well, Duh.
Me: <spiel>
SC: Yeah, I was wondering if someone could help me with my pool?
Me: I could give it a whirl.
SC: Wonderful. My pool's filthy and I don't know what to do.
Me: Ok, when's the last time you vaccuumed it?
SC: ...............
Me: .......
SC: My Dirt Devil won't work in there.....
Me: (Oh boy, here we go....) You don't use that kind of vaccuum, ma'am. There's a special kind of vaccuum for that.
SC: Ooh, a waterproof Dirt Devil?
Me: Uh, yeah....if ya wanna call it that....
EDITED: 'Cause I have MOAR. These are from last Thursday up to my last day of work, Saturday.
You Walked Into That One, K
I was closing cashier Thursday, and for whatever reason that day's truck had nothing but random patio chairs, all sent from our other branches. So me, R, and manager K are unwrapping them, and cutting these small blue balloons off of them. K's kneeling on the floor, and R and I notice 2 of said balloons are...well, precariously placed, so to speak. We're staring. K goes, "What the heck are you staring at?" We point, K looks down, and goes "Hey hey, I've got blue balls."
I Stole vacation_rentals_suck's Customer
I was in an awful mood Thursday, because I learned cashier C, who had asked me to swap shifts that day was NCNS that morning, so I was asked if I could come in Friday morning as well because K had a sneaking suspicion she'd do it again, since she's done so twice this week. Adding to my mood was this phone call:
Me: <spiel>
SC: Yeah, I was wondering if you had any more replacement umbrellas?
Me: We have one taupe one, and it's a floor model. It's our last one.
SC: So you have nothing boxed up?
Me: Nope, all the umbrellas we just got were floor models, and all were sold except for the one I'm telling you about.
SC: Are you sure?
Me: Yes ma'am, I'm absolutely sure. I can hold-
SC: Could you check in back?
Me: We don't have any in back, we just have the one-
SC: Check in back.
Me: I just said we don't-
SC: Check. In. Back.
Me: (rawrrrrrrrrr) One moment please.
I put her on hold, and rung through a few orders, anything to make it feel like I'm actually checking in back. After five minutes I get back on the phone.
Me: (fake wheezing) I'm sorry ma'am, I just checked in back and there are no more umbrellas save for that one floor model.
SC: So that's it then?!
Me: That's the last one. After it goes, we won't be getting anymore. I can hold this last one for you.
SC: I don't want that one! I want a new one!
Me: It is a new one, it's just been on display.
SC: But I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaant a new oneeeeeeeeee!
Me: I'm sorry, that is our last one. You can try looking elsewhere for a different one-
SC: NO! Get me a new umbrella!
Me: ........................(I'm rubbing my temples in frustration at this point)
SC: Hello!
Me: I'm still here...
SC: Are you getting me my umbrella?
Me: For the last time, that is our last umbrella. Take it or leave it.
SC: F*** you. I am the customer. You're supposed to be satisfying me.
Me: I'm sorry you're not truly satisfied, but I'm trying to make do with what I've got.
SC: You're not very helpful. You know what, you've just lost a customer.
Me: Bye now.
SC: F*** you. <click>
Honest to God, if that what VSR deals with on a regular basis, I'd like to buy the guy his own bar. He deserves it.
Well Now.
This wasn't sucky, but something you had to hear to believe. Phone rings, and the guy on the other end simply says "manager." I put him on hold, and crack up. Because when he said manager, he sounded exactly like those Budweiser frogs from those commercials. Man.A.Ger.
Just a Forewarning...
Never do errands after your shift while in uniform. It never fails; even though my store's logo is on my lanyard and shirt, I'll walk through the supermarket and nab stuff for dinner and get asked where such-and-such is, do you work here, or my favorite: I'll have you fired for not doing your job.
Double points if the staff ask you for favors/chores to be done.
Triple points if their uniform looks nothing like yours.
OK, I'm done now. Next time I post something sucky it'll be about the college's dining hall.
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