Wherein I Fend Off Northern Lusts

[Bagga]

5 times the average salary, no sun, and sod all to do.

Pink camo, meths, or a noose seem the only ways out, tbh.

[Gravekeeper]

Gravekeeper, there are times when I hate you.

it is my fate to be both loved and reviled.

GK, I honestly wonder how this hasn't placed you in a room with padded walls yet.

Sometimes I wonder myself. Not in that I wonder why I'm not insane. I don't hate my job, despite the idjits. But rather I wonder when I describe my job to others I get the reaction "How are you not fscking insane or in prison yet?"

-.-

I mean, no one would wear something like that in attempt to look good, right? Right?

It's actually gotten kind of said. 3 years ago our catalogue was mainly good, rugged outdoor gear and clothing. We still have that but more and more of the catalogue space is being devoted to these horrific hiphop brands that only complete idiots could possibly think looks good. I mean we never use to carry handbags for example. Now we have two bags of them and they are ALL hideous without exception and all cost $100-150 just because of the brand name.

We actually have 2-3 versions of the seasonal catalogues now. One with real, good clothing and gear and one with Slim Shady on the front full of shit that only morons purchase and don. Guess which one gets requested up north more. ;p

But GK! I is scared of the spiders! Especially the big scary vicious ones. I've been known to run screaming and crying from rooms where large spiders have been.

I fear nothing that's smaller then my cat's mouth.

I don't suppose there's a way for you to update us about the girl on the blind date from hell is there? I'm curious as to what kind of ending that could possibly have. That poor woman.

No, unfortunately. I wasn't able to get a hold of a lawyer for her because of the time so I dropped a system note to try a lawyer for her first thing for the morning staff. Which we don't normally do ( Its outside of the client's instructions ) but it was a pretty shitty scenario for her and despite my bitter vitriol, I do like to help people. Those that deserve it anyway.

I can see if there was any update when I get back to work this week, but once the lawyer takes over its in his hands.

I really wouldnt advise googling "Phranz-Pharenheit" its rather painful and involves rhinos and rhinstones.

Yes, they're rather hideous. Expensive too.

Chavtastic

I've actually started using "chav' at work. I believe I yelled "Feral munt" halfway through one call as well this week. Anything that increases my vocabulary. Though usually its sudden my sudden random word fusions such as "cunt javelin" that I may cry towards the Heavens mid call, making my coworker choke on his Coke.

Hey GK...

...is May there?

Hisssss~

I would have raked in approximately 5 times what I currently make in a year.

Honestly, about 1 out of every 5 orders I take from the barren reaches gets canceled/returned because their eyes were bigger then their wallet. Sometimes within 15 minutes of placing the order after they actually sit down and work their way through the basic math.

There's this weird attitude of since its COD I can order it but I don't have to worry about paying for it. It baffles me but its really prevalent with a lot of callers. Then the order ends up canceled or sent back because when it arrives it comes as a surprise and they didn't have the money ready.

We really only take COD orders on the phone, because everyone else orders through the website ( Which offers free shipping, clearence items, etc ). Its a running joke in the office that if you get a phone order, and they say actually say by credit card, then its a sign of the apocalypse. ;p

I quite literally only get a credit card order maybe once or twice a year tops.

[marty]

Hisssss~

...I win.

[Acolyte]

Somehow, I just don't see Nanuvut as "urban hip hop".

...

And - GOD GOOD!!!!! How the hell do they afford clothing items that cost over $100 - is there some sort of vast amounts of wealth in the far reaches of the north. Can they convert snow and ice into currency? Are they sitting on large reserves of oil!?!?! I don't get it!

But they try so, so hard. I should get some pictures of the wanna-be gangstas back home. Mukluks, baggy pants and bling are a scary, scary combination.

And a lot of people in Nunavut are there simply because the Canadian government pays them large amounts of money to live there. It's part of trying to maintain Canadian sovereignty in the Arctic. There is some big-dollar industry-mainly mining-up there, where people go out about 4 hours north of buttf**k nowhere and make obscene amounts of money*, but that's not a majority.

*And then spend half of it on acid.

[Gilgamesh]

--- 3 years ago our catalogue was mainly good, rugged outdoor gear and clothing. ---

Ok, now that I'm really sleep deprived I can really see what is happening here. Humans have all kinds of odd mating rituals, and Nunavut is special in many ways... 1) those clothes are easily seen, so even the drunkest drunk can see his potential mate, who, thanks to those clothes 2) has repelled polar bears and is therefore alive, and 3) said potential mate can actually buy a $100 handbag. I suppose his next move would be showing off his brand-new hat - or three.

Let me elaborate the polar bear issue.

Imagine yourself on a late-night snack run. It's dark - few broken streetlights, dimly lit buildings, perhaps a bit of fog. Your stomach is growling and the shop is still a block away. Suddenly you smell... freshly baked chocolate cookies! It's coming closer and closer. Common sense doesn't really apply now that you're famished. You step forward... HOLY SHIT!

It's a being that is able to fill its 3XL pink camo outfit, carrying a zebra-pattern handbag. It has a hat matching the outfit and the most horrifying shoes in fuchsia.

Do you go for the cookies or run and hope it'll never find you?

Now replace yourself with a polar bear and the cookies with... human smell.



Yes, I'm sick - and proud of it.

[friendofjimmyk]

*And then spend half of it on acid.

So, GK's callers are trippin? That would explain a lot. It may also explain why they want to order so much gaudy stuff....it's trippy and creates great color trails.

Hmm...pink camo color trails.

But wait, how the hell do they get acid in the Great White North? Surely, its not shipped there or smuggled there! And - ACID? I suppose that's better than having the population strung out on Meth.

[Gravekeeper]

But wait, how the hell do they get acid in the Great White North? Surely, its not shipped there or smuggled there! And - ACID? I suppose that's better than having the population strung out on Meth.

Its not acid. Meth and gas. Acid you need to import. The other two you can make at home.

[wagegoth]

I read your post yesterday, and have been contemplating the use of rolls of bubble wrap with some people I know. Truly clever and nefarious, GK.

[bloodrose]

GK - Great job on fending off lust-boy. Eww. I love when they get the name wrong. When living with my ex who hadn't married me, people would ask for Mr. X, then when I said he wasn't home, they'd ask for Mrs. X and I got to say "There is no Mrs. X" with finality.

I'm going to have to disagree with everyone on the pink camo. I love pink camo mini skirts and tank tops (anything more is too much pink camo). Of course, that is because I look awesome in pink and black so it is pretty much for awesome-making for me.

As to creep date guy - I'd f-ing sue. Especially if she is in a locale where it is legal to ask if one has ever been arrested on job applications (where I am, they only ask if you've ever been convicted). If the arrest is something that will hinder her chances to make money in the future, she has grounds for asking for damages. Even moreso if a recent job hunt gets turned down on that basis (but that is seriously hard to get employers to admit to). Best of luck to her, the poor dear.

[RebeccaOTool]

O_o As a future English teacher, this makes me weep.

[Acolyte]

Its not acid. Meth and gas. Acid you need to import. The other two you can make at home.

It's true, only the miners can get acid out that far. Listerine is popular too.

We had a bunch of bottles of isopropyl go missing from the shop after somebody forgot them outside. I suspect they went towards cleaning the gene pool.

[Hemily]

Maybe they should ship them all to Svalbard in order to tackle the polar bear problems without bloodshed.

why are you trying to push them onto Norway? *glare*

[Gilgamesh]

Would Barentsburg be OK?

[Jay 2K Winger]

*sees new GK post!*

*go-reads*

..............WHYYYYYYYYYYY

My brain... you have killed it...

[GingerBiscuit]

...

can I have a link to the catalogue? I need to see these abominations with my own eyes.

And also, will you shoot me if I say that at 12 years old, I shopped in tammy girl and bought a long, hot pink dress which had a net overlay... in pink camo?

edit.
Oh.
Oh god.

Help me.

http://www.shopecko.com/searchHandle...hranz&y=18&x=8