On the 7th Day of Ramadan, an Inmate Gave to Me...

[Daisy]

And a voice in my evil brain said "They're magically delicious, bitch!"

I'll have you know that this statement got me giggling so bad my boyfriend now thinks I've lost my mind.

Hell, every time I re-read it I get a mental picture of a flaming clover and it starts all over.

[ktopmil]

"They're magically delicious, bitch!"

C'mon People! Thats Brilliant!

Kara, hope you don't mind the change of sig...

[mattm04]

I Sense a New Warning Label Coming....

The following is an actual radio call:

Officer: I have a Signal Medical in (Cellhouse).
Control Operator: *Sounds Alarm Tones*
Captain: Incident Commander to Unit calling the condition, what is the nature of your signal?
Officer: Uh.............C-Can you 21 me for that? (radio code 10-21 = Call by phone).

This occurred in a Segregation cellhouse. The inmate had paged the house Control Room Officer to inform her of his problem. She had the floor officer go check on him, and he confirmed it and called the condition. What happened? He had "lost" a bottle of hot sauce. I'll let you guess where.

That could be, um, painful.

[South Texan]

A common practice among inmates is to change religions whenever it's close to whatever religious holiday is coming up, so they can take advantage of extra food and/or programs.

We have a criminal courts judge here who has stated many times that he is convinced that Jesus lives in the jail, but never leaves it. He says this because almost every prisoner who comes before him hoping for a light sentence claims to have found Jesus and turned his life around while being held in custody, but then will appear before the judge a few months later charged with the same type or much more heinous crime.

[Calud]

No, they're not but not having the posts here would make me a sad panda.

[NateTheChops]

Not to get picky but are inmates technically considered customers?

[cinema guy]

Just imagine if the hot sauce bottle broke while "lost" and some sauce got into a wound.

I clenched in sympathy just reading that!

[Gravekeeper]

What happened? He had "lost" a bottle of hot sauce. I'll let you guess where.

...<shudder>.

IM1: What I'm saying is, just because you f***ing someone that has a penis, that don't make you gay.
IM2: Right, right.

Per the Internet: "Its not gay if the balls don't touch.".

[daleduke17]

I Sense a New Warning Label Coming....

The following is an actual radio call:

Officer: I have a Signal Medical in (Cellhouse).
Control Operator: *Sounds Alarm Tones*
Captain: Incident Commander to Unit calling the condition, what is the nature of your signal?
Officer: Uh.............C-Can you 21 me for that? (radio code 10-21 = Call by phone).

This occurred in a Segregation cellhouse. The inmate had paged the house Control Room Officer to inform her of his problem. She had the floor officer go check on him, and he confirmed it and called the condition. What happened? He had "lost" a bottle of hot sauce. I'll let you guess where.

Just imagine if the hot sauce bottle broke while "lost" and some sauce got into a wound.

[Becks]

I felt like I should have been obligated to be offended by this remark, but I couldn't help but be amused.

I was amused, too. I could just *hear* that conversation.

[Kara]

Isn't bologna usually made from pork?

The state already has that covered. Rather than having to prepare different food for different religions, their food is made with neither beef nor pork. Most of it is turkey. I like to tell the inmates that they get whatever poor creature happened to get tangled in the razor-wire on the fence and/or whatever the perimeter drive ran over last night

But that's why so many guys change religion all the time. Because when there's a special religious dinner, they get real food brought in rather than some unholy meat bi-product.

[KhirasHY]

I'm waiting for homosexuality to give you "street cred". Because you obviously picked it up in jail, yeah, homie?

It already does, just not with the game you used to hang out with

[BookstoreEscapee]

Bologna is not holy.

Isn't bologna usually made from pork?

Aren't Muslims not allowed to eat pork?

(And yes, I agree, bologna is definitely not holy. Ick.)

[Gurndigarn]

IM1: What I'm saying is, just because you f***ing someone that has a penis, that don't make you gay.
IM2: Right, right.

I really have nothing else to add to this. It's perfect just the way it is.

I'm waiting for homosexuality to give you "street cred". Because you obviously picked it up in jail, yeah, homie?

[Rayndel2]

o.o


The people who think that criminals are brilliant haven't met one, apparently.