Aaand, cue the gerbils...
Old Woman (OW): I want the salmon dinner with a salad, please.
Me: Would you like that with a baked potato, mashed potatoes, or french fries?
OW: *perplexed face* What?!
Me: Would you like a baked potato, french fries, or mashed potatoes? It comes with your dinner.
OW: *still confused* A what or what? French fries? What?
Me: What kind of potato do you want to eat with your salmon? You can have mashed potatoes, a baked potato, or just fries. It's up to you.
OW: *stunned silence*
Me:...
OW: *silence*
She's staring at me - searching deep in my eyes for the answer to my question. I want to tell her, "Sorry ma'am, it's not a trick question. I just want to know what kind of potato product you'd like to consume with your poorly cooked and highly overpriced salmon. I know I'm asking you a life changing question, but if you still can't figure it out you could always resort to eenie meanie miny moe."
Me:...
OW: *continued stunned silence, so much so that I start counting the seconds in my head)
*TEN FULL SECONDS LATER*
OW: Oh! *looks abruptly stunned out of her potato-choosing coma* Um, I want mashed potatoes. I already told you that.
Me:...Um, you just spend some time figuring it out. You didn't say anything to me yet.
OW: Well, I told you! Mashed potatoes! *looks annoyed*
Okay, so apparently you transmitted your deeply thought-provoking choice of mashed potatoes psychically to me. In that case, I didn't get the message.
Sorry that you have to, you know, use your vocal cords to transmit information the way normal human beings who need something do. How dare I not be able to recieve your ever-important psychic yearnings for food items!
No Soup for You, Jackass
A bit of background: my manager took this couple's inital order because I was swamped with tables. The couple had ordered ham and eggs and hash browns, then a bowl of soup. Unfortunately for this crabby old asshat, we were out of soup. When I told him the news, he flipped out on me and demanded to know why we didn't have the soup he wanted at 11 at night, that I didn't know what I was doing, that my manager was incompitent, blah blah blah...
Anyway, and then he had this conversation with me when I handed him the bill:
Old Crab (OC): What is this! What is this! Waitress, I am NOT paying $xx.xx for ham and eggs! How dare you!
Me: Um...what?
OC: It says I have to pay $xx.xx (for the breakfast, which comes with eggs, toast, and hash browns) and $x.xx (for the ham - because we have to charge for the meat)!!!
Me: Well, you have to pay for the meat your purchased. Plus, my manager already comped $x.xx off because you added it to another breakfast. And, I comped your coffee and tea off because of the soup problem. So you're actually saving $x.xx.
OC: WELL, IT DOESN'T SAY I GOT COMPED ANYTHING!
Me: Actually, down at the bottom it says "service comp - $x.xx". This isn't the whole amount though, seeing as when I split off your soup part of the comp came off. (note: it's a computer error that the company is trying to fix, but as of yet hasn't done so) I will let my -
OC: YOU BETTER LET YOUR MANAGER KNOW! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! $x.xx for ham and eggs!! How dare you!
Me: It's actually going to be minus $x.xx, and my manager can fix this for you. It's an easy fix, I'll let him know.
OC: Yes, you better do it! I am NOT paying that amount! I didn't even get what I wanted!
Me: ...Then why did you eat all of it? You aren't paying for the soup, my manager already comped a huge amount off of your meal, and you didn't have to pay for your coffee. Really, you're going to save somewhere around $x.xx.
OC: I don't see that on here!
Me: I am just going to give your ticket to my manager. He can deal with you.
OC: He is going to fix it!!
Me: *walks away while he's mid-sentence*
Crabby old man, there is only so much of people like you I can take.
I can't believe that you wern't satisfied with anything. You got exactly what you wanted, you paid half price for both meals, and you didn't have to pay for your beverages. I fail to see where you had the right to be unhappy.
Additionally, he ripped into my manager for a good ten minutes and told my boss that he was essentially incompitent. Lucky for you, asshat, I found out about this after it happened (because I was sent on break as this man was leaving). If I would have seen you talking like that to the one decient manager we have in the Pit, I would have ripped into your crabby, mean old ass.
I hope you promised never to return to the Pit - and that you keep such a promise.
Annd, I am going to go squeeze a stress ball now.
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