the evils of gas stations, hair salons, and homosexual fast food workers o_O

[booger]

Me (ME): working in *insert big retailer here* standing at the self-checkouts watching the goings on, not causing trouble, and minding my own business

Creepy old man (COM): must be a conspiracy theorist, and psychopath or something, because everyone is evil and out to get him...

Here we go:
COM comes up to my stand to buy a gift card to get gas outside. As I am ringing him up, he starts in with the evils of the big gas stations and continues to get weird from there.

COM: I don't like the big gas stations, they are all horrible and don't want your business.
ME: Oh?
COM: Yeah, didn't you ever notice that Chevron means "shove you on"? They are always trying to get rid of you. And Mobil means "Get out of here." Can you see it? They are horrible.
ME: o_O
COM: That's why I always go to mom and pop shops to get gas. Except sometimes I come here because at least this place gives jobs to 119 people.
ME: Actually, we have about 600 employees here.
COM: No, you must be mistaken. There may have been 600 when you opened, but then you weeded out all of the scammers, liars, and bad people, so now you're left with a skeleton crew. That's all you really need.
ME: Ok, if you say so.
COM: But at least you aren't as bad as McDonald's! All of their crew is homosexuals! And all of the hair salons too! Always homosexuals!
ME: *getting offended because I worked for McD's for a long time and didn't go there because I was gay or turn gay because of it* Actually sir, I worked at McDonald's for 8 years, and it isn't like that.
COM: Yes it is, especially the one down on A street. That one is the worst!
ME: Sir, I worked at that one for a long time, I can assure you that it's not like that. Also, it's actually on B street.
COM: No, I am positive it's on A street.
ME: Well I worked there and I saw the mail coming in addressed to B street.
COM: That's dumb, it's on the corner, it should be AB street.
ME: Sure, ok, have a nice day now. *putters off to help a customer who needed help before the guy could say anything else*

Seriously, I swear this is a new breed of bigot and dumb all rolled into one! He didn't believe anything I said. Also, he probably thinks I am a lesbian now, because I worked in fast food. I know I'm not, but I'm never right, and COM must always be right. I probably don't know what street I work on either, even though I live right down the road between my current job and the McDonald's I used to work at. I should warn all 599...errrr 118 coworkers about him. The ones I told were shocked that anyone would say this sort of stuff out of the blue to me.

WHY DO I ATTRACT WEIRDOS AT WORK? *sigh*

[Becks]

You attract them, because Phone Jockey must be sharing the SC magnet with you. I tried saying it was non-transferable, but I guess a loophole was found.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

You should try and avoid arguing with crazy people. Onlookers might not be able to tell which of you is crazy,.

[batmoody]

COM: Yeah, didn't you ever notice that Chevron means "shove you on"? They are always trying to get rid of you. And Mobil means "Get out of here." Can you see it? They are horrible.

No sir, they are just trying to get rid of you.

[ArenaBoy]

You attract them, because Phone Jockey must be sharing the SC magnet with you. I tried saying it was non-transferable, but I guess a loophole was found.

I think I got one of PJ's SCs at work. I had to collect a suite pass, guy glares at me, I tell him he's all set, he says "You better give me that pass back when I walk by boy." I instantly thought of PJ's SCs when he said that. I had a hard time not laughing.

[Spiffy McMoron]

COM: Yeah, didn't you ever notice that Chevron means "shove you on"? They are always trying to get rid of you. And Mobil means "Get out of here." Can you see it? They are horrible.

FUN FACT TIME!!

Most, if not all, mom and pop stores buy their gasoline from the major oil companies, like Chevron and Mobil. So he's still buying from the evil oil companies.

And on a different note, I wonder want he thinks of Esso. That means "asshole"! They're talking to him!

[booger]

FUN FACT TIME!!

Most, if not all, mom and pop stores buy their gasoline from the major oil companies, like Chevron and Mobil. So he's still buying from the evil oil companies.

Hmmm...I didn't know that. That makes things even funnier. Although if I had told him that, he would have argued with me.

[Jester]

I think I got one of PJ's SCs at work. I had to collect a suite pass, guy glares at me, I tell him he's all set, he says "You better give me that pass back when I walk by boy." I instantly thought of PJ's SCs when he said that. I had a hard time not laughing.

Boy? Boy? He called you boy?

I feel this would be an appropriate time for the premier of Jester Dinner Theatre. Today we feature the short "Boy." The part of Jester will be played by none other than the drunken thespian himself, Jester, and the part of the condescending rude asshole SC will be played by ihatethenba's condescending rude asshole SC. Without further ado....."Boy":

JESTER: "You're all set, sir."
SC: "You better give me that pass back when I walk by boy."
JESTER: "Boy? Boy? I'm sorry, sir, but the only person who has ever called me boy was my father. Now, unless you are him and are pulling the greatest comeback since Lazarus, I suggest you take your condescending attitude and your now-cancelled pass and get the HELL off my lot."

[curtain falls]

[thunderous applause]

[moekosowl]

Jester Dinner Theatre.

[thunderous applause]

*Throws money and roses at the drunken thespian* That was great!

[Becks]

JESTER: "Boy? Boy? I'm sorry, sir, but the only person who has ever called me boy was my father. Now, unless you are him and are pulling the greatest comeback since Lazarus

That's funny!!!!!!

[MystyGlyttyr]

Okay. I have an admission to make.

SOMETIMES. I have thoughts like this. I wonder if the company names mean something. I wonder if the McDonalds people might have my name on file and are doing something to me. I look up at the sky and think about the satellite up there, grinning down at me and broadcasting pictures to Vince McMahon who is still pissed at me about the "Are you going senile?" campaign and is just waiting to find something to blackmail me with.

...but then I figure even if they are, there's nothing I can do about it anyway, and I pay for my gas, flip off the sky, and enjoy the mind-control serum/secret sauce on my cheeseburger.

And I at LEAST have enough self-control to NOT give voice to these thoughts to some random person in a store somewhere!

[Spiffy McMoron]

[curtain falls]

[thunderous applause]

Encore! Encore!

[Bella_Vixen]

All (at the very least, most) gas stations get their gas from a single source, which is then transfered the each particular brand's terminal, where all the special ingredients are mixed in to make it a particular "brand".

Just in case anyone cares.

[ArenaBoy]

Jester that made me break Rule #1 again, and I can't throw him off my lot sadly, I can however call the police.

[BusBus]

FUN FACT TIME!!

Most, if not all, mom and pop stores buy their gasoline from the major oil companies, like Chevron and Mobil. So he's still buying from the evil oil companies.

I wonder where the COM thought they got it? In an oil well in their backyard?