The Dark Arts

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

He has women HERE who would gladly MURDER this woman for him, and they've never actually heard his voice, just read his posts.

I like to dub this "The Gravekeeper Effect". Gravekeeper's desireability is inversely proportional to his actual attainability. So therefore, if he's just a voice on the phone, or a few paragraphs of text in a forum, far far away where you will never see him, women desire him madly. And if someone happens to be in the same vicinity as him, but is the wrong gender/species, they will likewise find him irresistable.

But, if they're cute, female, reasonably intelligent and in the room next to him, he might as well be the potted plant he's standing next to.

In the interests of science I would like to test that theory.

[Jester]

I always have a back pack with me, but in some ridiculous remnant of actual courtesy I always put it down by my legs.

And here I took you for a bright individual. Come on, dude, by now you KNOW what the dregs of humanity can be like, and you especially know how many of them ride public transit. Backpack goes on the seat next to you to ward off the more vile of them. Fuck courtesy when it comes to these foul creatures!

I assure you it sounds very normal....to me anyway.

I have actually heard GK's voice. It does, in fact, sound quite normal. I was almost disappointed, actually, expecting more of a DJ's melodic tone, but it's not (nothing personal, GK). As a former broadcasting major I can tell you it is a well-toned voice, certainly, great for telephone work, but not so much a DJ's voice. Frankly, I am rather baffled by the mental tractor beam his voice seems to be to so many. (Again, nothing personal.)

"Okay... hey, look, it's 4 o'clock! You want pretend beer for a buck?"

Now that is brilliant, and I am rather annoyed with myself that I never thought of it!

"Okay, I'll pretend it's four. And you pretend that you are getting your second beer for free."

Knowing my luck, they would pretend to tip.

[Alpha Strike]

Gravekeeper:

So I'm glad to hear that your boss is stepping in and taking care of the stalker situation.

However, if I remember your last posting, you had seemingly figured out a way to deal with her: just dropping her on hold right away. So what happened?

[Geek King]

The gelatinous cube, other with known as a jelly, a slime.... yessir. you'll never see it coming, what with it being transparent and encasing rusting armor, maybe a treasure chest...

There was, in fact, a Jello Monster that could only be defeated by snarfing it. It was given stats in one of the April issues of Dragon. I have it printed out in a monster compendium, somewhere. 2nd Ed. stats, I beilieve. I used it when I ran a Castle Greyhawk campaign.

[RebeccaOTool]

Good luck with the police matter. And, by the by, 'Skylar' is, or was, one of the bad guys from the tv show HEROS. I have no idea if he's still on it (I lost track of the show mid season 1), but I'm betting that's why the subway guy was screaming about. For some reason.

[Broomjockey]

And, by the by, 'Skylar' is, or was, one of the bad guys from the tv show HEROS.

We covered that already. It's Sylar, not Skylar. Thanks for playing, though.

[Gravekeeper]

Jester keeps my ego in check. ;p

[JoitheArtist]

There was, in fact, a Jello Monster that could only be defeated by snarfing it. It was given stats in one of the April issues of Dragon. I have it printed out in a monster compendium, somewhere. 2nd Ed. stats, I beilieve. I used it when I ran a Castle Greyhawk campaign.

Heh. Reminds me of that episode of Flying Circus, in which giant blancmanges turn all Englishmen into Scotsmen so that the blancmanges can win Wimbledon, but they are defeated by a couple from Mars who eat them. I love Monty Python...

[Jester]

Jester keeps my ego in check. ;p

Considering the rabidity of your fangirls, someone needs to.

[Ghel]

There was, in fact, a Jello Monster that could only be defeated by snarfing it. It was given stats in one of the April issues of Dragon. I have it printed out in a monster compendium, somewhere. 2nd Ed. stats, I believe. I used it when I ran a Castle Greyhawk campaign.

That reminds me of an episode of The Tick. "I didn't want to have to do this. I mean, I really didn't want to have to do this."

[VComps]

But, if they're cute, female, reasonably intelligent and in the room next to him, he might as well be the potted plant he's standing next to.

Ooh, a potted plant? Where?

[IHateStupidCustomers]

Me: “Ok, and what size?”
SC: “Well, I’m not very big. What size do you think I should get?”

Ok, again. I have utterly no idea. I do not know you. I have never met you. I cannot judge your dimensions nor range of temperature tolerance. These things, much like zipping up your pants, are things you will one day have to learn to do on your own without the assistance of others.

Someday you will have to leave the nest and hold your willy steady by yourself.

I HATE THAT!!!! I eventually quit trying to explain how it was possible that I couldn't tell them what size then needed while speaking to them OVER THE PHONE, so I just started answering "medium." If you're dumb enough to ask ME what size YOU need without giving me ANY other information to go on, and if you're dumb enough to believe I'm correct if I answer you, then you deserve whatever ill-fitting garment you get in the mail!