some people shouldn't drive

[Slave to the Phone]

I used to drive a 20 year-old Triumph Spitfire. Or should I say I used to push a Spitfire?

Bad joke: Why do British bikers drink warm beer? Because Lucas (the guy who designed Triumph electrical systems) made refridgerators, too.

When that car was running well, it was the bestest car in the world. When it wasn't running well, it was the worlds biggest pain. I became an expert at push/jump starting cars thanks to Murphy (car's name). Never lost my engine, tho!

Funniest story I've got didn't involve me except as a spectator, which was nice. Hub and I were out for a ride and stopped at Black Canyon City for breakfast. There is a very steep mountain leading to BCC from Phoenix and cars overheat on the mountain on a regular basis. This usually happens due to driver ignorance about the effect of 110 + degrees, slow traffic and heavy AC use, but I digress.

While we were waiting to be seated, I noticed a smoking car coast slowly down the road into the parking lot. A guy who looked to be 30 something got out, went to the passenger door and reached out his hand to "help" a 30 something lady out. I'm the CS geezer, so noticed his old-fashioned manners.

During breakfast, the gentleman asked for and received 2 gallon bottles that used to hold milk but were now filled with water. I watched him politely excuse himself and carry the bottles out and put them in his radiator. I was amazed that he didn't get steamed when he opened the radiator the first time, but quickly realized that it takes fluid to make steam.

The guy went back out several times during the course of their meal, always looking the old-fashioned gentleman as he excused himself and refilled the bottles.

Hub was doing something to his clutch so I had time to watch the gentleman and his lady walk out, him open the door for and "help" her in, then get in his side and try to start the car. Of course, nothing happened. He'd overheated the engine so badly that it was a block of metal.

I watched him calmly and chivorously get out of his car, carefully "help" ("help" is in quotes because she didn't need help, it was just part of his old-fashioned manners) his lady out and lead her to the shade about 10 feet away from the car.

He then calmly opened his trunk, pulled out the jack handle and went to the front of the car and beat the heck of the hood and windshield.

I surely do wish I knew the end of that story, but by that time, hub had the clutch adjusted and the bike was started.

[protege]

Bad joke: Why do British bikers drink warm beer? Because Lucas (the guy who designed Triumph electrical systems) made refridgerators, too.

I hear Lucas also makes vacuum cleaners....their only product which *doesn't* suck

Around here though, you don't see cars overheat too often. City buses though, are another story. Nearly every summer evening, I see at least 2 pulled over with the rear hatch open, and a large puddle underneath.

Some drivers' lack of auto maintenance is appalling though. On the way home from work one night, I saw a true example of maintenance stupidity. This guy, in an old land yacht was coming down the hill towards me, but his car was shooting sparks from the front fender. As he got closer, I saw that the left front wheel had come off and the disc brake was grinding along the ground

One thing I do before getting into the car, is I try to see if I have any low tires, or any puddles under the car. I'd rather find that out before driving away...

[Blinky]

This morning, someone else in our department asked if Fred Flintstone had placed the call...

that was me

[Seanette]

Once it stalls, you would be able to start the car with a jumpstart, yes, but since the car is not producing it's own runing current, it will stall again minutes, seconds, or instantly after you remove the jumpstart cables, thus making the jumpstart useless.

I do know that much about cars . I still don't think the electrical system is even relevant if the car doesn't have a motor.

[Slave to the Phone]

I hear Lucas also makes vacuum cleaners....their only product which *doesn't* suck

ROTFLOL!!! Good one! I just told it to hub in the hope that one of us will remember it when next we talk to a Triumph owner.

[QUOTE]As he got closer, I saw that the left front wheel had come off and the disc brake was grinding along the ground [QUOTE]

Eek, indeed! How did he possibly pass his driver's test?

I'm a big fan of preventative maintenance myself. When I'm going somewhere, I like to actually get there.

I used to drive a 65 Chevy pickup with saddle tanks and a head gasket leak. Whenever I filled up, I would check the tires, oil, tranny fluid and fill where needed. I'd also check my lights and turn signals and wash all the glass. (it takes a while to pump 80 gallons)

One day I noticed an elderly gentleman watching me with a wistful look on his face. When I walked past him to pay for my gas, he said "I'd pay you good money to teach my wife to do that."

[protege]

ROTFLOL!!! Good one! I just told it to hub in the hope that one of us will remember it when next we talk to a Triumph owner.

Hehehe I can't claim credit for it. I found it on one of the Lucas jokes pages.

BTW, have you been to Scions of Lucas humor section? Then there's this page I put together.

Getting back on topic, I'm still surprised that the idiot driving on the rim didn't notice the sparks, or the people coming the other way flipping their lights and laughing. PA has some real idiots on the road at times.

When I first started working, I saw a real winner. This guy, couldn't make up his mind on Second Avenue. (For those who don't know, just outside of downtown, the road splits--if you go left, you duck under the railroad tracks and stay on 2nd. If you go right, you go up a steep hill, and eventually meet the parkway.) Anyway, some idiot in a pickup couldn't make up his mind...and went straight. Right into a concrete wall

[friendofjimmyk]

Should we turn this into a car thread? I'm sure IPF and Dispatch might enjoy it.

For example, a friend of my dad he rode along with once. He noticed she started from semaphores in second gear, when he told her she must start in first, she admonished him:
- "No, first gear is only for when you're leaving your home garage."...... she was VERY lucky she drove a 70's monster that could pull itself from 0 in second gear.

I know a girl who owned a car with a manual transmission who hardly ever used her clutch to shift. Yeah, the car didn't last long. She didn't see the point in using it.

[friendofjimmyk]

that was me

LOOK! It's Blinky!!!!!

[Gawdzillers]

If it had no engine, how did it get anywhere in the first place?
Ninja magicks? Fairy dust?
Did Eddie God Damned Van Halen come over and play it foward?

[dispatch]

zillers, if I could understand the mode of thinking for allot of these people, my job would be 10 times easier

a friend of mine was trying to show me how to go through the shift pattern without using the clutch, 18 wheelers don't use it for the first 5 gears or something, so he was practicing in his personal car

another scary drivers story just came to mind, I was sitting shotgun in my brothers car, going down I-80 one day, and this guy in a jeep cherokee next to us, doing 70, playing a recorder. No, not like a watergate recorder, I mean the little flute you played in elementary school recorder.....while he was driving.

[repsac]

He then calmly opened his trunk, pulled out the jack handle and went to the front of the car and beat the heck of the hood and windshield.

I surely do wish I knew the end of that story, but by that time, hub had the clutch adjusted and the bike was started.

I don't know why, but I suddenly pictured Fraiser's brother Niles saying "Oh bother. Excuse me dear while I attempt to fix the automobile."